Tales From a Second Hand Wand Shop- Book 1: They Were the Best of Gnomes. They Were the Worst of Gnomes.

by Robert P. Wills

(the rest of) Chapter Thirty29

  Wherein Julie, the Gnomes and Rat

  Finish the Tour and Eat Lunch

  Walking across the campus they arrived at the Barn-cum-Cafeteria and Classrooms. The Cafeteria was run by quadruplet gourmet chefs; Klank, Clash, Rush, and Bonk. They were Gnolls from the same litter. The brothers snarled and barked at each other as they cooked. The barking and snarling was not reserved just for themselves; they continued both as they served heaping portions of food to anyone and everyone. Seconds were a mandatory part of the meal. “Eat you! EAT!” They commanded the students, and, much to their pleasure, Grimbledung and Rat as well.

  “Grrrr! Finish that soup so you can have ham!” Klank eyed Grimbledung. “We made ham!” He declared proudly, “With oakapple glaze and yer gonna eat it!” He narrowed his eyes. They developed a dreamy look to them, “Yeah; fresh, juicy ham!”

  As Clash delivered yet another basket of fresh baked, heavily buttered, honey rolls to the table, Grimbledung tried to hug him. “No time for that. I got eight quiche in the oven!” He growled, although he did pause long enough for the back of his ear to be scratched. A moment’s foot thumping, and he was loping back to the kitchen.

  Drimblerod had a difficult time keeping up with the numerous courses that were being served. “Is there anything after this?” He asked for the fourth time. Hoping the answer would be a resounding ‘no’.

  Klank, pot of potato soup in the crook of his arm stopped and appraised the Gnome. “ ‘Course there is!” He growled, “What kinda place you take this for?” He squinted his eyes and growled. “Bonk! Brrrring this Gnome somethin’ to eat! Seems he’s not full yet.” He then loped off, refilling bowls as he went.

  “Drimblerod, if you’re full, just stop eating. Every time you ask one of them if there’s another course, they take it as a challenge,” warned Julie. “I know about Gnomes and their legendary ability to eat, but with the Gnoll Brothers, you have truly found your match.”

  Drimblerod sat back in his chair. “I was trying to be polite. I don’t think I could eat another bite.” He exhaled slowly and placed his hands on his distended belly, “Stuffed. I’m a stuffed Gnome. Just hang me over your fireplace.”

  “Tell that to one of them when they come by. That’s the best compliment you could give them,” Julie suggested.

  “I think I’m full too,” said Grimbledung meekly.

  “That’s something I never thought I’d hear” remarked Drimblerod.

  Klank returned to their table. He was holding a tray that held what looked like an entire side of a rib cage from some large animal. The meat was falling off the bones as he walked. “Who wants rrrribs?” He snarled. “Ya gotta trrry the rrrribs. They was cooking since yesterrrday.” He flattened his ears against his head menacingly, “Anyone? Rrrrribs?”

  Drimblerod held up his hands plaintively. “Good Gnoll, I would love a rib but ...” He didn’t get any farther. Klank’s ears perked up and he brandished a large fork from a sheath on his waist. He heaped several ribs onto Drimblerod’s plate. As the ribs hit, more meat fell off the bones. Quickly he shoveled meat from the platter onto the plate as well. It looked like an entire meal on its own- not the fifth course.

  Watching them interact, Grimbledung tried a different course of action. “No more! I can’t take any more! You have beaten me, you devious Gnoll!” He let out a burp (not on purpose). “Not another bite, I beg you.” He looked at the Gnoll hopefully.

  Klank appraised Grimbledung for a moment. “Fine, fine,” he barked. He then squinted at the Gnome. “What about an aperitif? Ya gots rrrroomn for one of them?”

  “What’s an aperitif?” Asked Grimbledung warily.

  The Gnoll held up his paw with two claws close together. “Just a little drink to help with digestion. Yerrr a big Gnome. I think ya can handle it.” A mischievous smile came across his face. “Prolly.”

  The challenge was made!

  Grimbledung squinted back at the Gnoll. “Bring the drink. I’ll down it.” His eyes grew wide, “It’s a small drink, right?”

  Klank barked a laugh, tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. “Don’t you worry. Klank’ll rrrroll you out if need be.” He called over his shoulder, “Aperitifs, Table Six!”

  Another of the Gnolls, yipped in response.

  “On its way” he said as he loped off, tray in paw, searching for empty plates to refill.

  “Grim” hissed Drimblerod, “eat a rib before he comes back! You too Rat!”

  Rat shook his head. “My stomach’s not much bigger than my head, you silly Gnome. How much do you think I can eat?”