Tales From a Second Hand Wand Shop- Book 1: They Were the Best of Gnomes. They Were the Worst of Gnomes.

by Robert P. Wills

The Very Last Bit of Chapter Thirty-Six

  - Really-

  Business was brisk in the shop. A good number of people came in to buy wands, and almost half that many came in to sell them. The till was getting pleasantly full. “This till is getting pleasantly full,” said Grimbledung as he peered into it. He had no idea how much money it was, but it was more than he had seen in one place since the several-days-in-one incident.

  “Let’s help this last customer then shut down for the day. We need to celebrate.” Drimblerod nodded at the lone figure that stood dead still in the center of the shop. It wore a cloak that fell to a mere hair’s breadth from the floor- tailored to perfection. The hood, pulled over its head, completely shrouded its features. Its hands were crossed in an imposing manner.

  “Can we help you?” Offered Grimbledung.

  The Figure shook its head solemnly. “No, you cannot. It is I who can help you, Gnome.” It said ‘Gnome’ with a reverence that neither Grimbledung nor Drimblerod had ever heard. In fact, its booming bass voice made everything sound reverent. “I have a wand to sell.” The figure stopped all movement for several seconds. “You,” it finished. The Figure still had not moved closer to the counter.

  “Well let’s see it.” Drimblerod was unsure of how to address The Figure, “Sir,” he guessed. “We’re anxious to see what you have for sale.” He tapped his fingers on the counter- window lickers had jaded him above and beyond the normal level of jadedness that being a business owner. When it came to mysterious hooded figures, his past experiences had taught him they were, for all intents and purposes, mostly nuts.

  With a flourish the man pulled out a gnarled wand, bent and twisted so much it had a complete loop in it.

  “This ... is ... the ... wand. For you.”

  Both Gnomes looked at it in awe. It was a beautifully constructed wand of some ancient root. It was polished to where it caught the light of the lanterns, it seemed to glow. The hilt (what they could see of it) was wrapped in some dark leather. Mounted in the base of the hilt was a red stone. As red as the sun before it set behind the mountains of Orcistan. As red as rubies floating in blood. RED. It glowed a red like the breath of a dragon at five paces. GLOWING RED.

  “That there is a nice-looking wand,” said Grimbledung as he leaned over the counter to get a closer look at it. The Figure was still in the middle of the room.

  Drimblerod was still wary and as such, did not lean forward. “Yeah, nice wand,” he said noncommittally. Even if he did buy the wand, he wanted to make sure it was for the least amount of coins possible- ambivalence helped that happen.

  “That it is.” His words rumbled out of him like the frequent earthquakes on the Nearly Flat Plains. “That it is.” He repeated for emphasis. It was not necessary.

  No one spoke for several moments. Finally, Drimblerod, wariness transforming to annoyance (and a bit of hungriness) broke the silence. “Well what’s it do, stranger?”

  “Do?” Rumbled the figure. “Why, it does whatever you want it to.” He raised the wand slowly, “This wand will do everything and anything.”

  Both Grimbledung and Drimblerod looked at the wand- which still was several paces away. There were rumors and even folk tales of ancient, all powerful wands that were able to produce most any variety of magic. Elderly Wands, they were called. Wands used to control other wands, wielded by all- powerful Wizards or Witches. Wands that could topple entire empires, win wars, vanquish gods even. Powerful stuff.

  Drimblerod still was not impressed. “Great. How about you give us a little demonstration.” Unimpressed did not however mean completely disbelieving- “Maybe something small and non-destructive if at all possible.”

  “What? Here? Inside you mean?” Boomed the figure, “that would not be wise, good Gnome.” The figure lowered the wand to his side and as he did, turned it slightly so that the Gnomes could see the glowing orb in his hilt. The figure’s side was bathed in a deep crimson glow.

  “So how do we know what it is worth if we don’t know what it does?” Asked Grimbledung innocently.

  “That is a good question from my partner,” added Drimblerod as he peered at the Figure. Within him, warning bells were being brought out, ready for use.

  The figure laughed deeply. It sounded like the laughter came from a full-grown Mountain Ogre. “Yes. Yes. That is a good question, kind Gnomes.” The Figure turned his head from Grimbledung to Drimblerod and back. “I shall help you with that problem.” The Figure gave a small bow. As he did, he shifted unnaturally backwards. Drimblerod noticed. Several more warning bells were brought out and placed with the others in his mind. It was a three-part-harmony warning bell choir that Drimblerod kept in his head.

  “How?” Drimblerod asked as he mentally picked up two of the bells. He was preparing to whack them against the others on the counter of his mind.

  “I shall tell you what it is worth,” the Figure said as he once again raised the wand. It twisted it in the light to catch the light. “After all, I know its value.”

  One of the warning bells in Drimblerod’s head began clanging. The rest joined in soon after. “But ...” He began, “what does it do, this wand of yours.”

  The Figure straightened up, “Any and all manner of Magic, as I said before” rumbled out of the figure.

  Grimbledung clapped. “Sounds great! What do you wa .... OUCH!” He was cut off as Drimblerod stomped on his foot.

  “What my partner meant to say was, is that thing even Magicked?” His patience had run out and his warning bells were now accompanied by angry bells. Lots of them. And they were harmonizing nicely. “What’s that thing do? Let me see it do it and we’ll talk price. Otherwise I’m going to get something to eat.” The Annoyed Bells, seeing an opportunity to add some bass, joined in the cacophony. Even a dinner bell had come out to ensure that Drimblerod’s stomach was represented in the clamoring. Drimblerod stared at the figure over the din. It was still looking towards Grimbledung. Strange.

  The Figure shuddered. Again- unnaturally. “Demands from you? Your highest achievement, Gnome” it began (this time, ‘Gnome’ was not said in a revered way), “was to turn over a log and eat the grubs under it. Mine was to create this wand!” The figure boomed in its deepest bass voice yet. At the end was a slight cough. Very strange.

  “Well me and my belly full of grubs will only offer two copper for it.”

  “WHAT?” Bellowed the Figure. It sounded like a thunderclap. Drimblerod leaned over the counter, “It’s a stick, isn’t it,” he said flatly.

  “This is an all-powerful wand that with the proper imbuing will accomplish all matter of Magic!” The voice wavered this time.

  In a flash Drimblerod had his wand out, “Use it or I’ll use mine.” The wand gave a hearty Ka-Clack sound to show that he meant business. A standard purple globule of energy began to form at the end of the wand.

  The figure raised the wand and pointed it at Grimbledung who promptly ducked. “TWO GOLD COINS!” It bellowed.

  The globule was now the size of Drimblerod’s head and attached to the end of the wand by a thin purple tendril. He raised the wand and swung it over his head in a circle. The globule whipped on the tendril. Spikes of energy pushed out of it, crackling menacingly. It looked like a magical Morning Star. “I’ll count to three!” Drimblerod lowered his wand. The globule disappeared immediately. “Wait, did you say with the proper imbuing?”

  The figure hesitated. Finally, it looked towards Drimblerod. “Yes?” It offered.

  “It’s a blank? Then it’s a stick then. A wand without any imbuing is a stick. It’s a stick.” Drimblerod jabbed his wand at the figure, “Trip!” He commanded.

  The Figure leaned backwards, then forwards as he tried to maintain his balance. Unable to do so, he fell sideways. When he hit the ground, he split in half. Cloak and all.

  “Well I’m dashed, Drimblerod! You didn’t have to cut him in half!” Exclaimed Grimbledung. “That’s gonna get us in trouble. We need a mop and a bucket.” He moved ar
ound the counter to the two still moving halves of the figure. Very, very strange. And a bit disturbing. “That’s a bit disturbing, and I don’t mind repeating, very, very strange.”

  “It wasn’t me,” said Drimblerod as he followed his partner around the counter. He moved to the bottom half of the figure. It sat up and a Gnome head popped out of the cloak.

  “Whadda ya tryin’ tado? Kill me?” The Gnome that was the top half of the figure complained.

  “Now that you mention it, that thought did just cross my mind,” said Drimblerod. He raised his wand, “Get out of our shoppe.”

  The bottom half of the figure stood- another Gnome. “How’s about we stay,” he said. The words were of an offer, but the tone was more of a statement.

  “We insist,” said Top-Half, “We’re your new partners.”

  “No. What you are is another rotten potato to add to the weeks’ stew,” scowled Grimbledung as he too drew his wand.

  “I don’ think you two ‘erd me right” began Top Half tersely -apparently, the boss of the team.

  “Keep your tongue behind your teeth!” Snapped Drimblerod as he poked his wand at Top Half’s nose. “And you and your lackey get out of our shop.” He raised the wand and now poked the Gnomes forehead with it, “And don’t ever come back.”

  Top Half stood. “You’re not seen the last o’ us, I’ll tell you that!” He warned Drimblerod.

  Drimblerod glowered at the Gnome, “Oh, I’m sure I’ll see you later. It’s been that kind of month.” With that he went back behind the counter.

  Grimbledung was torn between confronting the two Gnomes from where he was, or to go stand by his partner. He chose the latter and moved behind the counter as well. He turned so they were both facing the interloping Gnomes. “Time to go,” he said.

  The two Gnomes moved to the door together. Top Half turned to glower at them.

  Drimblerod smiled widely, “Say, I’m sorry, I didn’t get your names.”

  “Weber and Seiko” said Bottom Half (Seiko) as he pointed back and forth.

  As soon as he did so, his eyes got wide.

  Weber’s got even narrower.

  “Great, great,” continued Drimblerod, still smiling as he put his wand on the counter and rolled up his sleeve, “I’ll make sure to pass your regards to the Gremlins” he finished as he showed them his six-toed tattoo. “They’ll have great fun with you when I tell them you were trying to get a piece of their action.” The smile ominously faded away, “Great gobs of fun.”

  Both Weber and Seiko’s eyes got large as they saw the tattoo. They both tried to see which could get out of the shop faster. After a few moments struggle, they piled out onto the street together. Or at least close enough to call it a tie.