Microsoft Word - Starter Boyfriend.doc

by Lana Jovanovic

  manly. Like a protector of sorts. Colton looked back at Cara, and realized that she was Zoe’s complete opposite in so many ways.

  “I was so ashamed of what I did, I couldn’t face you,” she said quickly. “I thought that you’d hate me forever—I thought that going away would be the best thing.”

  “You didn’t just go away,” he said, ignoring the awkward shake to his voice. “You cleaned house, took our dog, sold me your half of the business, and disappeared. This didn’t happen over the course of a day, Cara, it happened within a week and not once did you express these fears to me. Had you, I would have said that we didn’t need to be married to be together. We could have postponed the wedding. Something….”

  “I… I know,” she whispered. “I just… I couldn’t, Colton. Everyone in my family told me I was doing the right thing and I allowed myself to believe them. I… I can’t apologize to you enough for that. I can only assure you that I’ve changed—I’m more mature now, I’m not scared of these feelings that I have for you.”

  “Feelings for me?” Colton scoffed. “Come on, Cara….”

  “I love you Colton,” she said firmly. They stopped their conversation because their food had arrived. The waitress served their food, refilled their water glasses, and then left just as quietly as she’d approached. Colton wasn’t hungry, but he ate his beef wellington because he couldn’t just sit there and stare at her anymore. He hoped that having something other than champagne in his stomach would help with the queasy feeling that was plaguing him.

  “You don’t love me anymore, Colton?”

  “I love you,” he said after a minute, “but it’s different. It’s not the same as before—I’m not really sure that I know what you really want Cara.”

  “I want to make things right,” she answered. She still hadn’t touched her food—a bean and spinach salad. “I’ve been horribly selfish, but my love for you hasn’t stopped. I…

  I’ve made mistakes. Don’t we all make mistakes?”

  “Why did you come back?” Colton asked.

  “I missed you horribly,” she answered looking away. He saw tears on her eyelashes and had a hard time ignoring them. She used the napkin in her lap to dab under her eyes for a moment. “I missed you.” She repeated. “I don’t want to lose you any more than I already have. I want to make things better.”

  “I don’t know that you can, Cara,” Colton said honestly. “It’s been eleven months—

  almost a year.”

  “And I know you’ve moved on, but all of our history, all of the things we’ve been through—doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

  “I was starting to move on,” Colton corrected her, “this hasn’t been a picnic for me you know!”

  “I know,” she reached across the table and covered his hand with hers. Her skin was cool.

  She was always cold, never warm, and yet her touch still warmed a part of him that would never close off to her. The fact that his body and heart responded to her in any way was confusing; he wasn’t sure what to make of it. “I feel like such a bitch, but when I heard that you were seeing someone and that it might be serious I realized how foolish I was. I realized how—”

  “You barely realized this?” He asked pulling his hand free of hers. “You’re completely self absorbed, Cara.”

  “I know!” she gasped. “I know it, and I’m working on it. I came back here to work on it—on us. I don’t want to be that girl, Colt. I don’t want to be such a superficial bitch. I want… I wanted the chance to apologize for the past eleven months, and for our wedding. I wanted to see if maybe a small part of you still loved me like I love you. I want to marry you, Colton. I want to be your wife and the mother of your children. I want to have the chance to prove to you that I can be all that you need and more.” Colton wasn’t hungry anymore. He set his fork down and rubbed his face with both hands.

  “What were you doing in Paris?” He finally asked. “What was so important that it took you across an ocean to get away from me?”

  She pouted, “It wasn’t like that! I went because I’ve always loved Paris and it seemed like a good place to think about what I wanted. I needed freedom from my parents and friends so I could really concentrate on my feelings for you. While I was there I met Jean Luc Laurent, the architect—do you remember me telling you about him?” It didn’t escape Colton’s notice that Cara’s face lit up when she spoke the architect’s name. He poured himself more champagne and watched as she became even more animated and excited.

  “Jean Luc gave me the opportunity to work for him and I couldn’t pass it up—it was the selfishness,” she added quietly. “I only thought about what his connection would mean for our business. I’ve been working for him in Paris—all over Europe actually. I’ve had the chance to see some amazing things and learn about European floral breeds. I wanted to bring you a hybrid tulip, which is quiet unique, but they seized it at customs.

  “Anyway, we’ve been doing great things Jean Luc and me,” she pushed her hair over her shoulder and sipped her champagne. “Jean Luc has a big project with Donald Trump.

  We’ve actually been working stateside for the last few weeks and will be here for a few months. I’ve told Jean Luc all about you, Colton, he’s really excited to meet you—the best landscaper in all Manhattan. Can you imagine the connections Trump has? It’s going to be amazing for us—to get our name out there.”

  Colton saw that she wanted him to be impressed, but he wasn’t the type of guy who dropped jaw at big names like Trump and Gates. It bothered him a little that she thought he would have changed after so many months. Cara smiled and blushed with obvious embarrassment.

  “Sorry, you don’t want to hear about this.”

  “No, not really,” He said.

  She blinked with surprise and then picked up her fork and stabbed at her food. He watched her take tiny bites of a salad that didn’t look at all appealing. She didn’t seem satisfied by her choice either and occasionally glanced at his half eaten wellington. After a while, she set her fork down and looked at him earnestly.

  “Do you feel anything for me anymore, Colton? Or is this over?” He took a moment to really look at her, the woman he’d fallen in love with so long ago.

  He saw much of the same person sitting before him, and knew that all of the things he’d fallen in love with once were still there. She was just as beautiful as she’d always been and her eyes just as light and welcoming. He felt as if he had a cloud over himself; he didn’t trust her anymore, and he told her that.

  “I don’t expect you to trust me right away,” Cara said softly. “I don’t expect us take up and get married tomorrow as if nothing’s wrong. I know that I hurt you. I’m asking for the chance to make it right. I’m asking for a second chance.” Colton swallowed hard and took another sip of champagne; the lump in his throat grew. He would never tell Minnie that Cara had asked him for a second chance.

  “I’m asking for the chance to see if we are meant to be.” When he didn’t answer right away, Cara’s eyes watered again. She dabbed them with the corner of her napkin and sighed. “I don’t have the right to ask you for a second chance, do I?”

  “Not really,” Colton answered. “You hurt me, Cara, and I really don’t trust you not to do it again.”

  “I made a mistake,” she whispered as tears began streaming down her cheeks. “I… love you so much, Colton. And I know that… it may be bad timing, but… I really want a second chance.”

  “What does that mean—a second chance?” he asked. “Do we start dating again? Do we just go through the motions of a relationship?”

  “Y-yes and maybe counseling?” she asked. “I know you hate that stuff, but it may help us. And if it doesn’t… we can end things.” He sighed heavily and rubbed his face again.

  “Are you hesitant because of that girl you were… with?” Cara blushed and ate a few more bites of her meal. “Jamie says that she’s Minnie’s friend—she’s lost a lot of weight, huh?”

&
nbsp; Colton shrugged.

  “She has,” Cara said insistently. “I can understand that you feel obligated to complete your promise to that… cute… little school girl.”

  “My obligation to Paige?”

  “I know about the starter boyfriend thing…” Cara’s smile was perhaps a bit condescending. “You’re too sweet, you know that? When your mom told me about it, I couldn’t help but gush at how cute it is that you’re helping Minnie’s friend. Although—

  maybe helping is too loose of a term? Unless… what I saw a few nights ago was what you consider helping, Colton.”

  He felt his face redden. “Things got carried away, but I don’t regret any of it. I care about Zoe very much, Cara.”

  She stared at him for a moment and then looked away. “Do you love her?” Colton’s chest tightened and his stomach fluttered. It felt as if his blood was humming.

  “I’m not sure,” he answered. “But I care about her and I don’t want to hurt her. It agreed to the arrangement because I was slowly drowning in my own pathetic nature and needed to meet someone new. I didn’t think anything would come of it besides friendship, but it did. I have genuine feelings for Zoe, ones that I’d like to explore.” Cara’s face fell. She tried to look brave, but her chin trembled and her eyes filled with tears. “I understand, Colton.”

  “But,” he began. He hoped that he wouldn’t regret this decision, but he needed to know for certain. He hadn’t received the closure he’d wanted by having dinner with her—it was going to take more than dinner. “I can’t explore things with Zoe until I figure things out with us. So… I’m willing to give us, and you, a second chance.” She gasped with obvious delight. Colton realized that he was happy to make her happy.

  “I do still love you Cara, and I’m willing to see if I can learn to trust you again.” Her face lit up with a brilliant and beautiful smile that still managed to take his breath away. She flew out of her chair and leapt into his arms. Colton couldn’t help but laugh as she squeezed his neck tightly.

  “Oh, Colt,” she drew back only a fraction, her fingers moving through the back of his hair, “I love you so much! Thank you… thank you so much.” Her mouth came against his before he had a chance to respond. Her kiss was familiar and just as spicy and passionate as he remembered. Her lips moved over his and her tongue easily explored his mouth, which he opened to her. He felt awkward at first because he wasn’t sure if he wanted to kiss Cara at all, and he still wasn’t sure even when he found himself automatically returning her kiss. He felt slightly numb to it despite his body’s heated reaction. Cara knew how to kiss and she kissed with flourish, need, and passion. It was very much unlike Zoe’s slightly inexperienced, yet incredibly powerful and intoxicating kiss.

  Cara drew back slowly, but didn’t release her arms from his neck. He closed his eyes as her fingers slowly ran down his nape and back up through his hair. “I’ve missed you, baby,” she murmured.

  “I’ve missed you too,” he replied. “I’ve been waiting for you to come home, Cara.” She kissed him again before nodding. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long. I won’t go anywhere again—I promise.” Again her mouth moved over his, although briefly, before she slipped out of his lap and return to her chair. A soft smile brightened every inch of her beautiful face. Colton smiled back and ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it off his forehead.

  “Your hair is so much longer,” she said softly. “Like it was in college.”

  “Yeah,” Colton smiled. “I haven’t got around to having it cut in a few months.” Cara nodded and picked up her fork. “Are you going to cut it?” She asked curiously. He shrugged his shoulder and cut off a now cold piece of wellington. When he looked back at her he saw her staring at him with assessing eyes. He laughed and sat back.

  “Do you want me to cut it, Cara?”

  Her cheeks turned pink and she shook her head a little too firmly. He was sure that she way lying. She’d always pestered him to cut his hair while they were in school. He always did too.

  Colton entered the lobby of the Bowmont Building and walked toward the receptionist’s desk. It had taken him nearly twenty minutes to gather up the courage to enter the building in the first place. The only reason he’d gone in was because someone had noticed him loitering and had called the building security. He’d quickly explained to two skeptical men why he was there and was granted access to the building, only if he

  “manned up” and faced his fears. He was also warned that he’d be watched closely. And they’d kept their word as they escorted him into the building and to the reception desk.

  The guards stood off to the side as he stepped into line behind a man delivering flowers.

  When it was his turn at the front desk, his stomach began to hurt and his heart began to flutter just as it had on the way over.

  The receptionist was a young woman with chocolate brown hair and hazel eyes. She had a headset on and a Bluetooth clipped to her opposite ear. She smiled up at him. “Can I help you?”

  “Y-yes, what floor is Mallory-Witt Advertising located?”

  “They have offices on the twelfth and fourteenth floor, who are you here to see?” she asked as she typed on her keyboard.

  “Um, Zoe Rayne,” Colton answered. If she’d see him, that was. She didn’t know what he was coming and probably wouldn’t want to hear what he had to say. But she deserved to hear it from him and not over the phone, email, or text messages. She needed to know the truth and he felt too much for her to cheat her out of an explanation.

  “Certainly,” the receptionist smiled, “Ms. Rayne is on the fourteenth floor. Her office is 14-56.”

  Colton thanked her and headed toward the elevators. He rode up slowly, trying to think of the right way to approach Zoe and an appropriate explanation. He wasn’t sure if there would be any words adequate enough for her to hear.

  Her office was located on the corner of the fourteenth floor; her door was open and he could see her working at a large drawing table positioned in front of huge industrial windows with a beautiful view of the city skyline. Zoe was hunched over her work and drawing under bright lamps. She was completely oblivious to the noisiness of the offices around her and didn’t even look up at a shout of happiness a few doors down. Colton noticed how pretty she looked, even from behind, wearing a khaki-colored, casual skirt and a blue cardigan set. Her hair was loose around her shoulders, her legs were wrapped around the legs of her chair, and her feet were bare.

  Colton leaned against her office doorway and watched her work. He watched the careful way she chose colored pencils, and the way she scrutinized her work before enhancing or changing parts of it. Finally, when he felt too much like a creepy stalker, Colton knocked on the door.

  Zoe turned her head, “Colton!”

  “Hi,” he smiled. “Working hard?”

  Zoe twisted in her chair and stared at him for a long time. He noticed her toes curling around the metal bars of her chair. He hated that he shocked her so badly, but was also thrilled to be standing only a few feet from her.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I thought I’d… stop by,” he answered as he stepped into her office. He looked away from her searching eyes and stared out at the city stretched out before him. “Amazing view.”

  “I… thank you,” Zoe nodded. “It sometimes takes my breath away.”

  “Yeah,” Colton smiled as he stopped beside her desk. He stared down into her amber eyes and nodded, “I know the feeling.”

  “Why are you here?” Zoe asked as she looked away. “I thought you were going to call.”

  “Yeah,” he said stepping away. He stopped before the window, ignoring the clench of his stomach at the intensity of the drop to the bustling streets below. “I didn’t think calling would be the right thing—it feels like a cheap way of talking sometimes. Some things are best said face-to-face.”

  “Yeah,” Zoe whispered. Colton looked over at her and saw that the shock was warn off and had been replaced
with sadness. She looked away from him after a while and sighed heavily. “And something’s are better said on the phone. Easier… on the phone.” He heard the tremble in her voice and suddenly felt weak and undeserving in her presence.

  He shouldn’t have come.

  “You cut your hair,” she said after a long silence.

  Colton touched his temple and then ran his fingers through his recently cut hair—it no longer hung in his eyes. He hadn’t really planned on cutting it, but found himself in the barbers chair anyway; probably not a good sign of things to come. He glanced over his shoulder at Zoe; she was staring at him intently, her eyes trying to read him.

  Her smile was gentle and encouraging, “It’s okay,” she said softly, “it’ll grow back.” Colton grinned and nodded. He approached her again.

  “What are you working on?”

  “A few projects I had on the table,” she answered. “I have new responsibilities soon as an art director—I wanted to make sure what I still have is taken care of first.” She had picked up a pencil in effort to start working only to set it down again. “It’s been… a few days since you met with Cara. I didn’t think I’d hear from you at all.”

  “Yeah,” he sighed. “I’ve been… meaning to come talk to you.”

  “Maybe you don’t need to say anything, Colton,” she whispered. They stared at one another for a long time before Zoe looked away first. “You should have just called.”

  “Can you get away for a few minutes to talk?” He asked.

  “Are you going to try to work things out with Cara?” Zoe asked, her voice was even and she didn’t look like she was going to start crying.

  “I… am,” Colton nodded, “But…”

  “Then there’s nothing to talk about,” she smiled sadly. “Really, that’s fine—I’m glad that you’ve decided on something Colton. I really am.”

  “I’d like to talk to you about this Zoe,” he approached her chair and placed his hand on her shoulder. He wasn’t surprised that she pulled away from him, but it still hurt. “I don’t want to lose your friendship, but I understand that I might—perhaps I already have?”