Microsoft Word - Starter Boyfriend.doc

by Lana Jovanovic

  “No,” she shook her head. “You haven’t, but like I said before—I need time. Time to get over you, I guess you can say. I am glad that you’re going to try to work things out with Cara—I wish that I had met you first, but there’s little I can do about it now.”

  “If we could just have lunch or…”

  “I can’t… you can’t expect me to go get coffee with you as if we shared nothing the past few weeks,” she said, her voice shaking. “You can’t ask me to do stuff like that, as if I feel nothing.”

  “That isn’t my intention,” Colton said. “I told Cara that I have feelings for you.” Zoe looked at him sharply.

  “I do have feelings for you, Zoe. I still have feelings for Cara as well—and I just want to be certain, that’s all.”

  “Can you really be certain of anything, Colton?” Zoe asked.

  “Yes, I think so,” he nodded, although he really wasn’t sure. “I came because I thought you deserved to hear from me—not over a voicemail.”

  “Well, thanks,” Zoe turned to her work. “I guess.”

  “Zoe,” Colton took ahold of her arm and grew frustrated when she pulled away from him yet again. “Come on.”

  “You have a girlfriend now,” she whispered and he leaned toward her. “Please don’t make me that woman, okay?”

  He stepped back and began to pace her office floor. He didn’t know what to say, so he decided to keep his mouth shut. Words would never be enough here. When the silence between them stretched out to an almost painful level, Colton returned to her side, touched his fingers to her jaw and turned her head so she was looking at him. His heart broke at the tears that trickled off her thick eyelashes and rolled down her cheeks.

  “Don’t give up on me yet, okay?” he whispered as he pressed his forehead to hers.

  “You can’t ask me to wait around,” she responded. “You can’t ask me to put my life on hold why you live yours.”

  “I’m not,” Colton said. Although, he was certain that was just what he was doing and what he wanted. He didn’t want her to date other men. It wasn’t fair, but it made him feel better knowing that she’d wait for him to figure things out. It was unfair for him to think such things, but he couldn’t help it.

  He sighed heavily and kissed her forehead before drawing back. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” Zoe said. “Thank you, Colton. You helped me get over some fears that I had.

  As silly as Paige’s idea was, I’m grateful that it was you who showed me that dating isn’t at all as scary as I thought it was. I’m not so scared now to give it another go.” Colton frowned at her. “I’m really glad… that it was you.”

  He watched her eyes as they moved over his face, perhaps remembering his features. Her look was so far away, so lost and uncertain. Colton’s stomach began to hurt, this time with a new type of pain and dread.

  “I feel like you’re saying goodbye to me forever.”

  Zoe shrugged her shoulder sadly and wiped away her tears.

  “That’s not acceptable, you know that right?” He smiled as she laughed. “No goodbyes.

  I’m not done with you yet, Zoe. Just let me figure out things with Cara.”

  “Fine,” she nodded. “But I’m not putting my life on hold, Colton, I can’t.”

  “I don’t expect you to,” he kissed her cheek. “See you soon, okay?” Zoe stared at up at him and then picked up her pencil and began working. Colton watched her for a moment and then hesitantly left her office, refusing to believe that he was walking out of her life forever.

  --

  Lesson Fifteen: “First dates, desperation and wine don’t make for a fun evening. They

  just make you dumb.”

  It rained for three days straight after Colton’s visit to Zoe’s office. The rain was a perfect accompaniment to her gloomy, sad disposition so while others complained about it, Zoe found herself mesmerized by the dark clouds, claps of thunder, and bright strikes of lightening. She was so lost to her dreariness and depression she found herself dressing in black and shades of gray to help enhance her sadness. When she wasn’t moping, she watched sad movies and listened to sad songs, which usually had her crying for hours on end. Zoe stopped watching movies when she heard Minnie and Paige whispering about planning an intervention. The last thing she needed was for the two of them to put their heads together and find another man to pick up the slack of Colton’s contract.

  Zoe returned to work after a few personal days, but felt pretty useless when all she could think about was Colton and how much she missed him.

  Zoe hugged herself a little tighter and stared down at the tiny cars passing on the street in front of her building. Despite the rain, people scurried under colorful and bleak umbrellas, which painted a pretty picture overall. Her mind began swimming with ideas for an ad campaign she was working on, but she couldn’t bring herself back to her desk to write anything down. She didn’t want to do much of anything.

  “Word on the cubicle block is that you’re a free agent these days.” Zoe looked over her shoulder and watched Nicholas Marsh enter her office. He smiled at her over the rim of his coffee mug and winked one beautiful British eye at her. Zoe turned to face him; she couldn’t keep the frown off her face. She hated office gossip, especially when it was about her. Nick moved forward and stopped only a few feet before her. She could smell his cologne, which was amazing. She breathed in deeply and tried to commit the scents to memory. It was funny how a simple smell could draw her closer and make her want to touch him.

  “Did you break up with your boyfriend then?” Nick asked. “You look miserable.”

  “We weren’t exclusive,” Zoe said. “He decided that he wanted to try to work things out with his ex,” she shrugged, hoping she looked indifferent. “If you would kindly stop the office gossip I’d appreciate it.”

  “Certainly, luv,” Nick followed her to her work table. “How about I take you to dinner tonight? I’ll take your mind off of what’s-his-name and you’ll have a little fun, what do you say?”

  Zoe was taken aback by his offer and was skeptical of his intentions. She glanced out the door just to see if Claire was lurking around ready to pop in and laugh at Zoe’s naivety.

  Claire wasn’t there and Nick was waiting. He stared at her in a way that made her feel like he wasn’t going to take no easily. She didn’t really want to go out with him, not when their past was riddled with pain and humiliation, but she felt a desperate need to move on. She wanted to stop crying and wearing drab colors that expressed her mood.

  She wanted to feel somewhat in control.

  “Okay, sure,” she nodded.

  Nick beamed with what seemed like genuine happiness. “Brilliant, Zoe, I’m glad you said yes. I’d really like to take you out and show you a good time.” Zoe frowned at him and Nick laughed. “Don’t look so scared—dinner and drinks?”

  “Sure,” she nodded. “Thanks—it’ll be nice to get out.” Nick nodded and rubbed her arm. “Pick you up here at six?” Zoe nodded and watched him walk out of her office. Before he turned the corner he looked over his shoulder and winked at her again. Zoe felt her face heat and felt embarrassed that Nick Marsh still had the ability to make her blush. She worked absentmindedly for the next several hours, thinking intermittently between Colton and Nick and how she was making mistakes with both men. She called Minnie to tell her about her date with Nick in hopes that he friend would show an appropriate amount of outrage that would confirm Zoe’s idea of canceling on Nick. Instead of being upset about it, Minnie was pleased that Zoe had agreed to the date and said that Nick had probably changed.

  Zoe wasn’t so sure, especially when she saw him flirting with two women in the break room. She tried not over think their date—it was just dinner and drinks. Not marriage.

  She shouldn’t think so fatalistically. That had been her problem with Colton. She’d spent most of her time daydreaming about how perfect they would be together, married, with children and maybe a new dog for hi
m. She over thought things and believed she was in love, and what had it got her? Nothing but humiliating heartache as she spilled her feelings to him only to receive nothing in return; just a little pat and a sad smile.

  Foolish, that’s what she was.

  She blamed falling in love with Colton on her inexperience with men—only silly girls loved the first man who was nice to them. Zoe didn’t want to be a silly girl.

  “You skipped lunch; I bet that means you’re starving, huh?” Zoe glanced up, shocked to see Nick in her office doorway again. She looked at her watch and saw that it was just past six thirty. It seemed amazing that so much time would pass without her realizing it—she wasn’t even sure if she’d accomplished anything that day but a few doodles and random emails. The work before her seemed untouched, that was for sure. Slipping out of her chair, she picked up her cardigan and her purse and walked toward him.

  “I still can’t get over how sexy you are now,” Nick said. “It’s amazing what hard work can do—you are a role model, Zoe Rayne.” Zoe had never been called sexy before and she was having a hard time believing Nick was at all serious. In fact she didn’t trust him in the slightest and would have turned down his offer for dinner and drinks had she not been feeling desperate and pathetic. She was going to convince herself that she was desirable enough to find a man on her own. She didn’t need some guy to sign a contract in order to go out with her. As they stepped onto the elevator Nick put his hand on the small of Zoe’s back.

  “What’s wrong luv?” his voice was gentle and he seemed caring. She felt the tips of his fingers trailing up and down her back. His touch was uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and yet comforting at the same time—it felt weird to experience both feelings at once. “You’ve been withdrawn all day. I’ve stopped in for a few chats, but your mind is lost.” She must have been in another world of thought because she couldn’t remember a single visit from him all day long.

  “It’s nothing,” Zoe smiled. “Thank you for the concern though. I’m just… I need a vacation. A long vacation, somewhere far away.”

  “How about England?” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders as the elevator doors opened and they walked through the lobby together. Zoe was very aware that being stuck to his side like a Siamese twin didn’t give her an ounce of satisfaction as it would have in the past. A year ago, she would have given anything to be on the arm of Nicholas Marsh.

  Now her mind was clouded with a need for Colton.

  “When do you go back to England?” Zoe asked as he released her to hail a cab. She put some much needed distance between them and rooted through her purse for her phone.

  She tried to not make a habit out of checking it hourly—sometimes half-hourly—for a text or missed call from Colton. Try as she might, she was failing. A small part of her wished for a message from him—a message begging her to meet him somewhere. A message that said he chose her.

  No such message had come from him yet; just one from Paige reminding her about their trip to the Science Museum in a few days.

  “Well, perhaps I’ll stay in your lovely town indefinitely. Would you like that?” Again Nick’s hand was on her back. It moved around to her side as he tugged her back into his arms. “You feel wonderful now, Zoe.”

  She forced a smile and sighed with relief when he released her in order to open the back door of the cab. She slipped inside and moved across the seat. Nick followed and sat so close their hips were pressed together. Zoe suddenly felt overwhelmed and crowded, as if being in such a small space had opened her eyes to the extreme sexual tension she felt radiating from Nick’s athletic body. It might have been presumptuous to assume that he was trying to get her in bed, but every touch took on new meaning the moment she felt his arm brush her breast. It might have been an innocent and accidental graze, but Zoe was starting to doubt that Nick’s motives were at all pure.

  After a twenty minute cab ride they arrived at Montinelli’s a pricy and elegant Italian restaurant that Zoe had always wanted to try. The restaurant had a romantic décor, with soft ambient light and classical music. The waiters were dressed in black and moved along the restaurant floor with grace. She and Nick were placed at a small table for two.

  He automatically ordered an entire bottle of expensive wine. It bothered her that he didn’t ask if she preferred red or white, and it bothered her more when he ordered for her and constantly encouraged her to have more wine. After a few glasses she forgot to be annoyed and didn’t even mind when he talked about himself the entire night. In fact, drinking wine made Nick Marsh somewhat tolerable and sexier.

  “So,” he said as their meal winded down over a shared plate of tiramisu, “tell me about the new and improved Zoe Rayne. What kind of fun things have you been doing? Dating more, obviously… but what else?”

  Zoe frowned at him. “What do you mean?”

  His eyes seemed dark and mysterious. He made an I-want-your-body face; Zoe blushed.

  “I think you know what I mean, luv.” He poured her the last of the wine and smiled before encouraging her to drink up. She did as he asked because his attention and the glint in his eyes made her very thirsty. “I’m sure you’ve had men left and right telling you how sexy you are, haven’t you?”

  “No, not really,” Zoe answered. “It’s late, I should be getting home.”

  “Sure,” Nick nodded. “I’ll take you home.”

  “I can probably take myself,” Zoe pointed out.

  “Surely you don’t want to end our evening here,” Nick smiled. “Why don’t you do something uncharacteristic, Zoe, and come back to my hotel. We could have a little more wine and really talk about the future.”

  “The future of what?”

  “Of us,” Nick answered automatically. “Of course you realize that I am drawn to you—I always have been.”

  “Ha!” Zoe laughed. “Good one, Nick. I haven’t forgotten all of those things you—” His eyes fell and he actually looked sad, “I am horribly mortified that I hurt you, Zoe.

  What can I do to make it up to you?” He reached over and took her hand into his. He began to kiss her knuckles, moving his soft mouth slowly over her wrist stopping just where her pulse was racing. She watched his mouth on her skin and felt her entire body swell.

  Nick Marsh wanted to have sex with her!

  Zoe was completely unprepared for her reaction—for the curiosity, wonder, excitement and need.

  “Nick,” she whispered. Her skin rippled with goose bumps as the feel of his hot tongue dart out to taste her skin. He looked up slowly, his eyes heated and intense.

  “I will do anything, Zoe, anything at all.” Again his mouth was on her skin and she found it harder and harder to think of anything decent to say. The longer he kissed her, the faster her blood rushed, and she was beginning to think that the effect of his kiss was pushing the alcohol straight to her head. She was starting to feel less buzzed and borderline drunk; her inhibitions were failing and she felt her mouth forming the words

  “yes.” She must have nodded because Nick slowly rose to his feet and drew her to hers.

  He took her cardigan and her purse and slipped his arm around her waist. Suddenly his proximity took on a completely new meaning for her. Instead of fearing what might happen in his hotel room, she began to anticipate it, crave it. The fact that Nick desired her made all of her worries disappear. He wanted to have sex with her. That didn’t happen often in Zoe’s life.

  Outside, the sun had set a long time ago and the streets were lit up by building lights and street lamps. The glow of Times Square could be seen to her left. As she stared at the glow, Nick’s fingers slid along her jaw and drew her toward him. He bent his head and his mouth claimed hers. His kiss was nothing like Colton’s. Sure there was intensity and fire and heat, and it stirred something deep in her, but it wasn’t as powerful or nearly as romantic. Nick’s mouth crushed and took and demanded, but didn’t caress or ask or give.

  It wasn’t a horrible kiss, it was just different. She felt h
is hands moving against her body, over her bottom, lifting her high and pressing her against his obvious arousal. She trembled in his arms and he felt it and responded by pressing his tongue into her mouth; his hands squeezed her bottom.

  When he set her back from him a smile spread across his face. “I’m going to show you the night of your life, Zoe,” he whispered. She nodded stumbling toward him. She had to grab his strong arms to steady herself and then began laughing. Nick smiled and nodded.

  “Wine will do that to you.”

  He stepped away and lifted his arm to hail a cab. Zoe felt herself sway, her balance completely shot. It was that sudden bobble, which nearly caused her to fall over that brought her first conscious thought. She was drunk. Drunk enough to lose motor control was pretty drunk. Before she had the chance to really step back and evaluate herself—as much as she could with a hazy head—Nick’s arms were back around her and his mouth was moving against her neck. The simple touch of his lips and hands made her forget all of her rational fears. She just wanted to feel something other than pain.

  “You feel so good, Zoe,” Nick murmured just before pressing his mouth to hers.

  “Excuse me, sir?” Nick turned suddenly and Zoe stumbled against him. Nick turned to their waitress who had come out with his credit card. “You left this on the table.”

  “Oh, thank you, I’d be lost without it,” he said as he released Zoe to shake the girl’s hand.

  “You’re a doll.”

  The waitress was obviously smitten with Nick. Had Zoe been more clear-headed, she would have seen the flirtatious looks Nick was giving the girl. But Zoe didn’t notice; she was having a hard time staying upright on her heels. A yellow cab pulled up and one of the valets hurried forward to open the door for Zoe. One step and her body pitched forward awkwardly as her head swam with wine. She stumbled a few steps and grabbed the pole of the awning overhead. The valet looked at her funny and glanced over his shoulder at the second valet.