by Jillian Dodd
"Princess, I'm not joking. When did you and Jake break up anyway, and why didn't you tell me?" He looks at me closer and says sweetly, "You look gorgeous, by the way."
I melt slightly because that is exactly the look I was going for, and then I say very seriously, "Phillip, we did so not break up. I am, or was, supposed to meet him here tonight. We spoke about it just a few hours ago. I mean I didn't tell Jake, but I decided tonight is the night."
But in my mind, I wonder. I really don't think Phillip would joke about something like this. Honestly, he would probably tell me about the joke, so I could play along. I look at the ground, the reality of what this could be is sinking in. "You're serious?"
"Come over here." He takes my hand and guides me away from the keg and everyone's ears.
"Let me get this straight. He didn't break up with you? He told you to meet him here and then brought another girl to the party? That's it. I'm going to kill him."
"Phillip, calm down. Are you sure he brought her?"
I'm thinking this can't possibly be true, yet at the same time there's this sinking feeling in my stomach. "Maybe she's just over there trying to pick him up. That happens sometimes. Girls like Jake. I'll just walk over and see what's going on. Surely, there's a logical explanation for this."
I turn to walk toward Jake. Phillip grabs my arm. "There's not a logical explanation for this. They came here together, I saw them. The boys up front were really pissed about it, but they thought you must have come to your senses and broke up with the loser. They figured he brought her to try to make you jealous. Plus, he's been kissing her like crazy." He sighs. "Well at least one good thing will come out of this."
"What's that?"
"You NOT doing it with Jake."
I roll my eyes at that boy. He has always been very much against my doing it with Jake. He told me if I wanted to lose it that bad, I should do it with a friend, a guy that would at least treat me right, but I can't go asking Joey or Dillion to just do me.
How awkward would that be?
So then Phillip made me a pros and cons list, well I should say a cons list, I had to add the pros because he couldn't come up with any pros for Jake.
Maybe he was sort of right after all.
"Where are they, anyway?"
He leans next to me and points, "Over there, on the other side of the bonfire. Can you see him?"
I follow his point with my eyes and say sadly, "Yeah. God, she really does have big boobs."
Phillip looks at me sympathetically. "You know what? He's not worth it. Let's go, get you out of here. We'll go get some ice-cream, or pizza, or something."
Like ice cream could fix this mess. Well, it can fix just about anything, hmm. You know, it might be worth a try.
No. I need to get to the bottom of this first. Plus, that wouldn't be fair to Phillip. Even though he's going to Prom with Carrie Sadler, I know he was hoping to hook up with Megan Masters tonight.
"Phillip, let me be clear about this. I'm not going anywhere until I talk to Jake."
I think.
"Why would you do that?" Phillip asks me, like it's the stupidest thing he's ever heard in his entire life.
"Because I think I deserve to know what the hell's going on. Don't I? Wouldn't you want to know?"
"What do you want? Some big confrontation? You screaming, or crying, or making a fool of yourself, while he sits there with that eat shit grin of his, ogling his big boobed date? Who, I might add, has the reputation of being the biggest slut in the whole fricken county."
I throw my full cup of beer down on the ground in frustration, stomp my foot and say, "No! That is not what I want."
Shit.
I need to think.
"I'm gonna go for a walk, Phillip," I tell him, as he walks over to pick up my cup. He could never litter.
"Good, lets go," he says, following me.
"I thought you wanted to hang out with Megan tonight. And it's not fair for me to mess up your plans just because my boyfriend is a jerk. Well, ex-boyfriend, I guess."
Phillip grabs my hands again and says in that smooth adorable voice of his, "Princess, there's no one I'd rather hang out with more than you. You know that."
I look at him and feel warm inside. He really is the sweetest friend.
And I really don't know how to deal with all of this, so I'm not even sure what I should tell him.
I need to think.
"Um, I'm just gonna walk out to Lisa's car, grab my lip-gloss, and think about this."
Phillip looks at me like he's not sure he believes me.
"Just give me 15 minutes. If I'm not back, you can charge out on your horse and rescue me."
I stop and give Phillip a hug. "I love you, Phillip. You'll always be my best friend. And you must be a very good friend if you are willing to hang out with me, over getting laid. Especially when we know I'm going to do nothing but sob and complain about my stupid, cheating boyfriend. So I just, I, um, I appreciate it, okay?" I back up and punch his shoulder lightly. "I'm just shocked and need to figure out what to do. I promise, I'll be back and hopefully when I come back, I will have some sort of a plan. Just don't go killing anybody yet, okay?"
He nods.
I kind of lower my head and look at the ground, scoffing the dirt with Mom's strappy sandals because I'm not so good at this part. You know, the admitting I might have been wrong part. "Thanks for telling me. I'm glad I didn't go charging over there."
So I start walking to the car.
In my mind are a bazillion questions.
How could I have been so stupid? Has he been cheating on me the whole time? Some of the time?
What am I going to do? To say?
How could Jake do this to me?
What an asshole.
Okay, Jadyn James Reynolds, pull yourself together.
What's your plan?
SHIT, my plan so far is......
Get to Lisa's car.
Have a big, quiet, temper tantrum.
Maybe scream silently and cry my eyes out, somehow without messing up my mascara.
Darn! I knew I should have worn the waterproof kind.
Then I will put on some stupid lip-gloss and go back into the party. I may even confront Jake. I will hold my head up high and stand up straight and tall. Grandpa used to tell me to do that. Walk into the place like you own it, JJ, and people will think that you do. Of course he also said, If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit. Which I have to admit, I am kind of good at. People tend to underestimate blondes. They just naturally think we are dumb and well, on occasion, I may have used that to my advantage.
But back to Jake.
Can I convince him that the slut doesn't bother me?
Can I walk in there like I own the place?
I can't let him know he's upset me, that's for sure!
I'm almost back to the entrance and am about to walk past Gary and Larry, when I see three guys heading our way.
I'd know that strut anywhere.
What to my wondrous eyes should appear?
Danny!
I can't believe it! He's here! As a quarterback, he's known for his perfect timing, and I'm so glad it's boiled over into my life. His timing couldn't be perfecter. Because he's just the guy I need to see tonight. Hanging out with Danny is practically therapeutic. I get so wrapped up having fun, competing or conspiring with him, that I forget about everything else. I think I may need that tonight! And the fact that he brought a couple of hot friends, I mean it's pretty much a given, doesn't go unnoticed by me.
So I try to forget about Jake and Boobs and remind myself that I look damn good tonight.
If Jake can enjoy himself, I think, well maybe I can too.
Two can play that game, right?
Maybe one of Danny's friends will think I'm cute. Maybe I can make Jake jealous.
Do I want to make Jake jealous?
Yes.
Do I want to make him apologize and beg me for forgiveness?
Yes.
Will I take him back if he asks?
Absolutely not.
Hmm.
I'm almost sure of that.
I walk up next to Gary and Larry, who stare at me with concern. I don't say anything to them. I just raise my arms high in the air and yell loud. "So what? You've had enough of hot coeds and wild fraternity parties and just wanted to drink from a keg in a cornfield?"
Danny hears me and starts running toward me at full speed. I'm afraid for a moment that he's going to tackle me, but he stops on a dime in front of me and pulls me into a big bear hug.
Then he pushes me out to arm's length, looks me up and down and says, "Jay. Damn! You look.....hot? "
He says it in a way that is half statement and half question. Like looking hot is unusual for me.
Okay, so it is.
"What are you drunk already? Danny, I know spring practice is over but..."
"Sexy as hell, actually." Danny interrupts me, nodding his head and grinning lasciviously at me, finally deciding that I indeed look good.
Wow. Maybe Lisa is right. Maybe I should dress this way more often.
"This is John and Michael," Danny says, introducing me to his hot, muscular friends. "John, Michael, this is Jay. I don't think you've ever met."
Did I mention that John is quite cute?
"THIS is Jay?" John says. "WOW. The way you talked, I thought Jay was a dude."
"Definitely not boys," Danny grins, his eyes running lazily up and down my body, "Definitely not."
Hey, stop that! You're making me nervous.
"Where's Jake, anyway? I'm surprised with you looking like that," and he looks me up and down, again! "that he's not attached to your hip."
Before I can answer, Danny turns to Gary and Larry, gives them high fives and slaps on the back. "How the hell are my two favorite linemen?"
The twins grin proudly.
Crap. Skip the part about picking up one of the friends and trying to make Jake jealous.
I can't do this.
Can there be quicksand in a cornfield?
I didn't think it was ecologically possible, but I'm pretty sure I'm sinking into some right now.
No, JJ, you're just losing your mind. No biggie.
Well that's reassuring.
I've got to get out of here.
So I announce to no one in particular, "Jake and I broke up."
"Sweet. When? Why didn't you call me, Jay?" Danny smiles and turns back toward me.
"Tonight apparently, when he brought some other girl to the party."
Danny's face has questions written all over it.
Questions I'm not prepared to answer quite yet.
And do I really want to tell Danny my humiliating story in front of two hot guys?
Uh, no.
"Um. The Ringling brothers here," I say with a nod toward Gary and Larry, "can give you all the gory details. I gotta go."
And I just walked away. I must be more upset than I realized because I just walked away from two college hotties.
But yeah, I actually did it. Just walked away.
You'd think Lisa's car was my salvation. I just need to keep it together until I get there.
God, this sucks.
First, I was confused about whether to do it with Jake, then I FINALLY make the decision, and he does this.
I officially need to give up on him.
Granted, I probably should have a long time ago, but God, what am I gonna do now?
What am I gonna do every Saturday night? Who will I talk to before I go to bed?
Oh well, yeah, still Phillip, but I mean before that?
All right. Decision time.
What am I going to do?
I need options.
Okay.
Option One.
Go in there, make a scene, punch him in the face, and tell him off. Phillip would like that option, well, except for the fact that he wants to be the one to punch Jake. Either would probably make me feel good, but unfortunately, sometimes when I get mad, I start crying. And if I cry, Jake will think he hurt me, and I can't have that.
Option Two.
Ignore him, like he is of no interest to me. Then wait and see what he does.
Hmmm.
Maybe?
Option Three.
Listen to Phillip, call it a night and go home.
Shit.
All options suck!
Okay.
Here's what I'll do. I'll hang out with my friends and completely ignore Jake. I'll act like I'm having a good time and see if he comes and talks to me.
I'll listen to my friends bash Jake, maybe get good and drunk, then go home and cry on Phillip's shoulder, as usual.
The walk to the car is difficult because it's pretty dark now and hard to see the ground.
I'm trying to walk sexy, but nonchalant, you know, in case there are any college boys looking my way, while thinking about Jake at the same time. But when you walk in a cornfield, you really do have to focus on where you are going, especially in four inch heels, or you will trip on a clod of dirt or an old, dried up cornstalk and fall flat on your face.
Finally, I make it to the car.
Now what?
I am cold. I am MAD and SAD and HURT and EMBARRASSED. I feel stupid, I am mad and...
Is that normal?
Can anyone normal feel this many emotions all at once?
And here's the big question.
Reality Check Point.
Am I upset because I loved Jake or because he dumped me?
Shit. Think, JJ!
Danny's voice calls out to me. I turn around and see him jogging over, noticing he hasn't once looked at the ground.
Figures.
I lean my back up against the car and take a deep cleansing breath. You're gonna have to keep it together a little while longer, I tell myself.
Danny strides up to me. "Hey, don't leave. Jake's a dick, he's always been a dick, and he will always be a dick. You should be glad you're rid of him."
"Gee thanks, I think I know that now."
"Just be done with him for good this time, okay? He doesn't deserve you." He studies my face. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I think so." Then I whine, "Could he not have had the decency to a least break up with me first? And did he have to pick a total slut to rub my face in it? Why would he do this to me?"
But in my mind, I think I already know the answer.
Simple, really.
Because I wouldn't do it with him.
Cuz I mean seriously, what girl in this day and age would make a guy wait that long? What is wrong with me?
Danny looks grimly at me. "The twins told me who he brought to the party. I'm assuming you guys still haven't done it."
EXCUSE ME! I know we are friends and all, but do we really need to discuss this?
This is my virginity here. I should have a little privacy, I think.
But I sigh and say, "No, not yet."
I sigh again and realize that at least I can talk to Danny about this stuff better than I can with Phillip. Danny listens.
Hell, Danny is willing to teach when necessary.
Phillip, on the other hand, got upset with me for even considering doing it with Jake.
"Oh, Danny," I say, taking a big breath and darn it, if everything I've been thinking doesn't just come rushing out of my mouth.
All in one big jumble.
"We haven't YET, but he has been bugging me about it SO much. EVERY TIME we go out, it ends in a FIGHT because I say no, and he gets pissed. So of course, I'm CONSTANTLY thinking about it, and I finally decide, hell, why not do it? Why keep waiting? So guess what Danny? I decided TONIGHT was the night, and I tried to dress hot, and I've got on the greatest underwear, and I'm all mentally prepared, and WHAT??" I say, my hands flying out in front of me. "He shows up with some imported girl, that no one can even tell me what she looks like because they can't seem to get any further than her boobs and her thong, which I'm also wearing by t
he way, but I wouldn't let it hang out like that, and the whole reason I didn't do it with him in the first place is because he never made me FEEL like I wanted to. I mean come on, Danny, aren't guys supposed to do SOMETHING to a girl that makes her want to? I mean, I kind of thought maybe it was just Jake or something, but since he's obviously doing Miss Teen Boobage, he must be fine, and it's probably just me."
I take a big gulp of air, slump up against the car, and look up at the star-filled sky.
SHIT.
I can't believe I just said all that.
Danny moves in a little closer to me. Then he smiles and shakes his head. He's got a bright, contagious smile. Usually when I see it, I can't help but smile back at the boy. But not tonight.
He moves in a little closer.
A lot closer, actually.
I'm about to say something else, but as I open my mouth to speak, he puts a finger up to my lips to shush me and says, "Jay," in the sexiest way.
Then he kisses me.
And OH MY GOD.
The boy can kiss.
He can so kiss.
I had almost forgotten how good he could kiss. I swear, I can feel it all the way down to my toes and in some other very interesting places in between. And I think I get it. God, I could let him kiss me forever, and I'm pretty sure I would let him do just about anything else.
I NEVER EVER felt like this with Jake. Maybe that's why I've been holding back.
Then, damn it, he stops, and thinking out loud, I say, "Well doesn't that just suck?"
"Huh?"
"Oh. Sorry. Not you, you're great, Danny. I just realized I've probably wasted a year of my life on an idiot, who is a really bad kisser!"
And then with a gasp of realization, I throw my hand up over my mouth and say, "Oh God, did it rub off on me? Have I become a terrible kisser too?"
Like I need something else to worry about.
Danny wraps strong arms around me. Did I mention that all of a sudden, he now looks, well, like a MAN?
Wow! When did that happen, and why did I not notice it before?
He's grown up.
A lot.
He pulls me back in close. "Well, I can't be sure," he laughs. "The line judge didn't have a clear view, the side judge over there was watching the cheerleaders, and since there's no instant replay available," he shrugs his shoulders and tilts his head, "I'm just gonna have to call a DO OVER."
Real original, Mr. Smooth, but I like it.
"You're a cheater," I say.
"Better than being a liar," he fires back.
And then he kisses me again, except this time it's even better because there are no thoughts in my mind about Jake.
I mean, Jake who?
Eventually, to my dismay, he stops kissing me. I bite the edge of my lip and say nervously, "So what's the call?"