Beneath these Stars (Lucy Mitchell Book 2)
Page 8
“She wasn’t the only one!”
“Well, she could at least try to be tactful about it! Maybe she could pretend she’s come to see how we are, and discreetly ask if we need any help getting things ready for school. Of course I get frustrated when she comes over just to ask if we’ve remembered to iron their uniforms and buy food for their lunches. How incompetent does she think we are?”
“Very, I guess.”
I slapped him lightly on the arm and then snuggled into him. “Did you talk to her about Hailey moving schools yet?”
“No, I haven’t found the right time.”
“Adam!”
He laughed. “It’s going to end in an argument, isn’t it?”
“Yes, probably,” I agreed. “But I really think it’s for the best. Don’t you think it’s strange that Hailey hasn’t made any friends at school?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. She’s been through a lot. And the teachers aren’t concerned.”
“Well, maybe they should be,” I argued.
“I’ll talk to Mum,” he told me seriously. “There’s no rush, though, is there?”
“I guess not.” I hesitated before casually changing the subject. “Angela asked me today if you’d take some more family photos for them…”
“I could do,” he said after a pause. “But I don’t know when I’ll have time.” He moved his arm from around me and stood up. “Do you want a drink?”
I declined. When he came back from the kitchen a few moments later he was holding a beer bottle.
“I just thought it would be nice. Angela’s been so great with Hailey over the holidays – it’d be a nice thank-you. Plus she still raves about how well the last photos came out. I think she’s scared to get someone else to do it in case they’re not as good.”
“I really don’t know when you think I’m going to have time.”
“You could do it at the weekend.”
“I’d rather not, to be honest. The weekends are busy enough as it is.”
“It’d be fun. Remember when you did the last ones?” That had been when we first met. He’d brought me along for the photo session, when I’d been trying to hide from a lot of unwanted media attention. It was the first time I’d met Angela, and of course I’d had no idea then that we’d end up being friends. It seemed like a million years ago. A different lifetime, almost.
I looked at Adam. He frowned as he remembered too. Maybe that was the problem; he didn’t like to remember.
“It’s a lot of work,” he said. “Just tell her I don’t have time.”
“Okay,” I said, sighing irritably. “Sorry I asked.”
“I don’t have a problem with you asking, I have a problem with you trying to guilt-trip me into it when I don’t want to.”
“I wasn’t trying to guilt-trip you. To be honest, I’d just like to see you taking photos again. The only recent photos I have of the girls are ones I’ve taken with my phone.”
He groaned and pushed his head back into the couch. “Fine, I’ll take some photos of the girls if it will make you happy, but can you please shut up about it?”
I suddenly felt close to tears. “Don’t put yourself out,” I said angrily. “I’ll just shut up.” I stood and walked out of the room.
“Lucy!” He followed me into the kitchen. “Lucy! I’m sorry. Why is this such a big issue?”
I sat at the kitchen table and couldn’t stop the tears. “Because photography used to be such a big part of who you were. I miss that. You were always so happy when you were taking photos.”
“I’m happy now,” he said gently, crouching in front of me.
“Are you?” Tears blurred my eyes and I had to blink to focus.
“Of course I am. I’ve got you and the girls…”
“But why did you give up on the photography?”
“I just put it aside for a while, that’s all.” He looked away. “We need a guaranteed income.”
“But you could set up your photography business like you planned. Sell your photos, make your own schedule, do private photo shoots. You’d be home more. It’d be great.”
“I can’t,” he said impatiently, moving away from me. “I have to think about the girls. I can’t afford to take risks any more.”
“You could give it a try. If it doesn’t work, you could go back to your old job. It would work, though – I know it.”
“I don’t want to,” he snapped, his tone taking me by surprise. “Why do you have to keep going on about it?”
“Because I don’t understand. You loved photography and you had plans. How can you just walk away from it?”
“Because it’s not fun any more. And you constantly picking fights isn’t much fun either.”
“I’m not picking a fight!” I yelled, my voice getting louder as Adam stormed out of the kitchen. “I just wanted to talk about it. Like we used to talk about things. I want to understand what’s going on in your head.”
My heart pounded as silence fell around me. A few minutes later the hum of the TV drifted through to me. It annoyed me that he could just go back to watching mindless programmes while my mind raced. How could he just give up on his dreams? All that talent just going to waste. And why can’t we talk any more? We used to talk about everything. We had all these grand plans for our life. Now we were just coasting.
When I eventually dragged myself up to bed, I was adamant I wouldn’t bring up Adam’s photography again. Arguing took too much energy and it was all pointless if he wouldn’t even discuss it with me. If he didn’t want to try, that was up to him.
Chapter 15
The next day, fighting off sleep, I made sandwiches for Hailey and Emily’s packed lunches. We were back into the morning school routine.
“Do you want ham or cheese?” I asked Hailey, when she drifted into the kitchen.
“I don’t want to go to school.”
“You have to go to school,” I told her, making cheese sandwiches for Emily.
“I hate it. You said you’d talk to Adam about me changing schools.”
“I did, but it takes a while. You can move in September if you want.”
“I want to move now.”
“It doesn’t work like that,” I told her. “What do you want in your sandwiches?”
She looked at me, her cold hard stare boring into me. “I don’t need sandwiches. I’m not going to school.”
“What’s wrong?” Adam asked as he came into the kitchen, Emily by his side. We’d been waking later in the holidays, and being woken by the alarm again was a shock for us all.
“I’m ill,” Hailey declared, reaching for the cereal. “I can’t go to school.”
“You look fine,” he said.
“So did you, when we went to the beach, but you still rang in sick.” She glared at him, determined that the morning wouldn’t go smoothly.
“That was different,” he said. “Just eat your breakfast and get dressed, please.”
“Why do I have to go to that stupid school?”
“Because it’s a good school,” Adam replied. “Hurry up. I can’t be late today.”
“Fine,” Hailey snapped, pushing her bowl away and stamping up the stairs.
“I like school,” Emily told us cheerfully, tucking into her cereal.
Adam smiled at her. “Good girl.”
“Do you want something to eat?” I asked Adam.
“I’ll get something at work,” he said without looking at me. “Can you drop Hailey this morning? I could do with getting to work early.”
“Okay,” I said.
“Good. I’ll get going then.”
“Everything okay?” I asked.
“Fine.” He blew Emily a kiss and left.
Hailey didn’t speak to me on the drive to school. She didn’t even say goodbye when she slammed the car door.
I got the silent treatment on the way home as well. At least it wasn’t just me; she stomped up the stairs as soon as we arrived home, ignoring Ruth and slamming her bedroo
m door, sending vibrations around the house.
“What’s wrong with her?” Ruth asked when I walked into the kitchen.
“I don’t think she likes being back at school.”
“She’ll settle back into it.”
“Did Adam tell you she’s been asking about moving to Havendon School?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. She needs to keep up with her French.”
“Couldn’t we find a tutor to teach her French?” I asked.
Ruth moved around the kitchen, tidying things up as she spoke. “I didn’t just pick Cromwell School at random, you know. It’s one of the best schools in the area and they promised to make sure Hailey kept up with her French. It’s the best place for her.”
“Except she doesn’t seem to have made any friends at school,” I argued gently. “She’d like to be with Zac and Imogen. It was nice that she got to know them better over the holidays.”
“She can still see Zac and Imogen after school and at the weekends,” Ruth said, sounding tired of the conversation.
“I suppose so.” Pausing, I searched for a way to fight Hailey’s corner but Ruth had headed for the door before I’d found any words.
“I made soup,” she told me over her shoulder. “And there’s some nice bread. I’ve got to dash – I’ve got a meeting up at the church.”
“See you tomorrow,” I muttered.
Later, after Hailey had ignored my calls to come downstairs, I ventured up with a bowl of soup for her.
She was lying on her bed when I went into her room. She didn’t look at me. I placed the soup on her desk.
“It will get better, you know. Give it a week or two and you’ll settle back into school. It’s just hard when you’ve had time off.”
She rolled over to face the wall.
“You can still see Zac and Imogen,” I said.
“You don’t even care,” she whispered.
“Of course I do,” I said, sitting on the bed.
“The girls are so mean to me.” She sniffed. “And I hate the teachers. I hate everything about the school.” She turned onto her back, tears filling her eyes. “And you won’t help me.”
“I’m trying.” I reached for her hand but she snatched it away.
“Just go away!”
Shakily, I got up and left Hailey’s room, then paused on the landing. I was doing the best I could, but it was never enough. Could I do more for Hailey? I felt utterly lost. How was I supposed to know what was best for the girls? And why was I the one who was always worrying? After all, they weren’t my responsibility. Adam was their guardian, not me.
Hailey didn’t come back downstairs, and Emily was already in her pyjamas when Adam came home.
“Traffic was a nightmare,” he told me as he sank onto the couch. Emily climbed into his lap to show off her nails, which I’d just painted sparkly pink. He gave her a weak smile without really paying attention.
“How was work?” I asked.
“Fine. You?”
“Work was fine. Hailey’s not been much fun.”
“She still on about moving schools?”
“Yes. And you still haven’t spoken to Ruth about it.”
He looked at Emily. “Do you want me to read you a story before bed?”
She nodded and went to find a book. Adam looked up at me as he followed her out of the living room. “I’ll talk to Mum about it.”
“Good. Hopefully you get a better response than I did. She doesn’t like the idea.”
“There’s a surprise.”
“Just tell her it’s happening. Hailey will be better if she knows she can definitely move in September.”
He looked at me impatiently as Emily tugged on his arm. “I said I’d talk to her.”
Anxiously, I waited for Adam to come back down. I wanted to clear the air. I assumed his bad mood wasn’t just about Hailey’s school issues; I guessed it was more to do with our chat the previous evening about his photography. Part of me wished I’d never mentioned it.
Staring out of the window, I watched the sky slowly darken and the street lights at the end of the drive flicker on. I didn’t realise I was sitting in the dark until I stood up. Where was Adam?
I went to investigate. Adam was asleep beside Emily. I nudged him awake, encouraging him into our bed, where he fell asleep again immediately. The gentle hum of his breathing filled the room as I waited for sleep to take me too.
Chapter 16
Sarah and I were eating lunch at her desk, as we often did. The bustle of the staffroom didn’t appeal to me. Recently, I had little appetite, and today I’d only managed a few bites of my sandwich.
“I had another argument with Adam,” I said miserably. “I don’t know what’s going on with him.”
She swallowed a mouthful of sandwich. “I thought things were finally getting better?”
“I thought so too. The Easter holidays were great. It seemed like we were getting somewhere, but the last two weeks have been awful. Hailey is back to hating me and Adam’s constantly in a bad mood.”
“Sorry.” She frowned and reached over to squeeze my forearm.
“It’ll be okay.” I sighed. I’d been trying to focus on work and not bother Sarah with all my problems, but I wasn’t sure how much longer I could carry on with things the way they were at home.
“What were you arguing about?” she asked.
“He’s decided we should move to Manchester,” I told her, shaking my head at the absurdity of the idea.
“Wow. Was he serious?”
“Who knows! I have no idea what is going on in his head most of the time.”
My mind wandered to the previous evening. We’d been standing in the kitchen, I’d just put Emily to bed, and Adam was cleaning away the dinner things.
“I feel like I spend half my life sitting in the car,” he said, stopping to lean against the sideboard. “The traffic just gets worse.”
“I know.” I took a seat at the table, wondering if I should suggest he set up his photography business again. I hadn’t mentioned it since I’d asked him about taking the photos for Angela. It seemed like the perfect solution. For a moment I even wondered if he was going to suggest it himself.
“If we lived in Manchester, I’d be home so much more.”
My eyes darted to him, searching his face. Was he serious? He looked back at me, chewing on his lip and waiting for a response.
“We couldn’t actually move, though,” I said, smiling gently, trying to keep things light.
“It might be worth thinking about. Maybe it would make things easier.”
I tried unsuccessfully to read his expression. “Really?” I took a deep breath and tried to calm my nerves. Adam shrugged, as though it wasn’t a big deal. “No way,” I said, shaking my head. “That’s not going to happen. I can’t believe you’d consider it.”
“It might just take some pressure off me, that’s all.”
“Well, it might take pressure off you,” I growled. “But what about the girls? You’re talking about moving them, unsettling them again.”
“Hailey’s not exactly settled now, is she? As you keep telling me.”
“Moving is not the answer. What about your mum? We can’t do that to her. I won’t move, Adam. If you don’t want to commute to work, then set up on your own.”
His gaze had settled on the floor in front of him. I watched his chest rise and fall before he finally looked up. “Forget I said anything,” he said and walked into the living room.
I followed.
“Okay, it’s a stupid idea,” he said, and reached for the TV remote. “I don’t want to spend the evening arguing.”
I kept quiet and pulled his arm around my shoulder, snuggling into his chest and hoping to feel more comfort than I did. We sat in front of the TV for an hour before Adam complained he was tired and went up to bed. I had the feeling he just wanted to get away from me. I told myself not to take it personally; he was just having a hard time that was all.
Tom always understood, and I felt better for having talked everything through. I didn’t feel quite so weighed down when I walked back to our quiet house.
The weight of Sarah’s arms around me brought me back to the present and I realised I was crying.
I hugged her for a moment before straightening up and wiping my eyes. “I’m fine,” I told her. “Just having a moment. I’m sorry. I’m a barrel of laughs, aren’t I?”
“I’m sure Adam wasn’t serious,” Sarah said. “He probably just had a bad day.”
She looked at me with such pity that it made me want to scream. How did I end up such a pathetic mess?
Somehow, I needed to figure out how to fix my life.
Chapter 17
On Saturday, I took Emily swimming. We were mooching around the shops afterwards when I saw a Star Wars puzzle and thought of Hailey. I remembered her saying once that she used to like puzzles. I bought it, optimistically thinking it would be something we could do together.
Adam was on the driveway, washing his car when I pulled up beside him. “Want to do mine too?” I asked.
“Sure. How was swimming?”
“Great!” Emily said. “I can swim on my back now too.”
“Lying down? That sounds very lazy!”
“It’s not,” Emily told him seriously. “You have to kick your legs and do your arms. It’s really hard.”
He smiled and ran a hand over her hair. “You wanna help me?” He passed her a sponge and she got to work on my car. I went inside. Hailey was in the kitchen spreading butter on toast.
“Look what I got for you.” I pulled the puzzle out of the bag to show her. She said nothing. “I thought we could do it together.”
“Puzzles are for kids and old people.” She sat at the table to eat her toast and I joined her, taking the lid off the puzzle to look inside.