Bear Anchor (BBW Shifter Romance) (FisherBears Book 2)

by Becca Fanning

  Samantha sniffled. She sat up on the couch and wiped her eyes. “Okay,” she said unsteadily as she handed over her co-payment. “I’ll do that. Thanks, Dr. Delaney.”

  Her therapist nodded. “And come see me next week, Samantha. We’ll talk again.”

  Chapter Three

  As Samantha left her therapist’s office, her mind was filled with lots and lots of images. Meeting Rust had rekindled some kind of urge in her, and as she drove past a woman walking with her children, she was surprised to find herself smiling. It still hurt – Samantha didn’t think that it would ever stop hurting – but part of her imagined how it would feel to walk down the sidewalk with a tiny, sticky fist in her own hand. She wondered how it would feel to clean off a small cut or scrape on a toddler’s knee, how it would feel to see a smile of love and gratitude on her child’s face.

  By the time she got home, she was feeling more emotional than ever. Samantha walked into her apartment with purpose and set her purse down on the chair. She thought about what Dr. Delaney had said. Self-care. Frowning, she walked over to her computer and opened her search engine. For the next half-hour, Samantha was engrossed in various psychology articles and feel-good blogs. She’d never heard of the concept before but it was basically as Dr. Delaney had said – taking care of herself. Sort of like spoiling a friend or a family member, but for herself.

  “I’m going to have a glass of wine,” Samantha said out loud. She walked over to her wine rack and automatically reached for the cheapest bottle of her favorite white. “No,” she said, pulling her hand back. I should have something expensive. Yeah, something really nice and fancy. That’s good self-care, right?

  Smiling to herself, Sam pulled down an expensive bottle of an aged red that she’d bought the year before. She did as everything online had instructed, really taking time to enjoy the fragrance of the wine before taking the first sip.

  Ten minutes later, she was on the couch with her laptop, browsing pet ads. While she wasn’t exactly ready to think about a baby, Samantha had always hated living alone. Trevor hadn’t liked cats, but Samantha had always thought they were cute. Growing up, her mother was allergic so they didn’t have one but she’d always wanted a pet. She knew that having a pet was almost like having a child – something to take care of, to love, to protect. As she browsed through the cutest ads for kittens, she poured herself another giant glass of wine.

  Samantha hadn’t eaten anything all day – the last thing she’d had was the iced tea, at the café with Rust. She could feel the wine working its magic quickly and as she stepped up from the table, her body swayed from one side to the other. Samantha let out a nervous giggle as she almost fell, managing to stay upright but splashing some of the wine on her lap.

  “Damn,” Samantha muttered under her breath. She stumbled back to the table and grabbed the bottle of wine, pouring a fresh glass and immediately downing half of it. As she walked into her bedroom to change, she checked the pockets of her pants. There was a sweaty slip of paper inside – Rust’s number. Samantha’s body tingled as she stared at it. There was something unique about his handwriting. She could practically discern his personality just from looking at it: both measured and intelligent.

  Her first thought was to call him. She dismissed that quickly, rolling her eyes and setting the paper down on her bed. But even after she’d finished changing, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from it. Finally, the wine rose in her and she felt more courageous than ever before.

  Rust answered on the first ring. “Samantha?” He sounded surprised, cautious.

  Samantha let out a laugh. “It’s me,” she said. “Oops!” She’d dropped the glass of wine on the floor. “I need more wine,” she said loudly into the phone.

  “Have you been drinking?”

  “Some really good wine,” Samantha slurred. Her skin felt hot and scratchy and she wriggled out of the clean pair of pants, curling up on the bed with her phone pressed between her shoulder and her ear. “Wanna come over?”

  “Samantha, what are you talking about?”

  “We should make a baby,” Samantha said. Her tongue felt too thick for her mouth, like it was going to escape. “Come over,” she added, slurring her words so thickly that they bled together.

  Rust didn’t reply. Samantha frowned and hung up, tossing the phone on the floor. She wanted to get up and go get her computer, but her bed hadn’t felt so comfortable in a long time. I’ll just take a little nap, Samantha thought to herself as she closed her eyes. I’ll just sleep for a little while and then everything will be okay.

  The next thing Sam knew, strong hands were pulling her out of bed and propping her up. Her whole body ached and her head was throbbing. There was a dry feeling in her mouth and her eyeballs felt like they were covered in little sticky threads.

  “Samantha?”

  Her eyes flew open and she was astonished to see Rust in front of her. Her vision was blurry and everything seemed to be leaning to the side. She stumbled forward and almost fell, but Rust reached out and wrapped his strong hands around her arms, holding her tightly in place.

  “Samantha, what the hell happened? What’s going on?”

  “Had some wine,” Samantha slurred. “Wanna sit back down,” she added in a loud, whiny tone. “My head hurts! I’m thirsty.” Her words were barely intelligible and Rust cast a worried glance at the empty bottle of wine on her nightstand.

  “Samantha,” Rust said slowly. “Come with me, okay? We’re going to make sure you drink a lot of water.”

  She was aware of a strange, floating sensation. When she realized Rust was carrying her, she tried to reach for the ground. But Rust was stronger and he gently carried Samantha down the hallway and laid her down on the couch.

  “I can keep an eye on you out here,” Rust said softly. “Don’t move. I’m getting you some water.”

  Samantha slipped in and out of consciousness as Rust darted to the kitchen and brought back a tall glass of ice water. When he tilted it back into her mouth, she almost coughed but the water felt like nectar on her swollen, dry tongue and she greedily drank, letting the water spill down her chin and onto her shirt as Rust held the glass.

  --

  Samantha opened her eyes and looked up. She frowned – what was she doing in the living room?

  “Hey, you’re awake.” The voice was familiar and male. Samantha jumped as Rust stepped into her field of vision. “I didn’t think you were ever gonna get up.”

  Samantha frowned again, quickly sitting up and arranging herself. She was on the couch, with a blanket and a big glass of water on the coffee table. There was an empty plastic bucket on the ground. When she realized what had happened, she clapped a hand to her forehead and groaned. Her whole body still hurt and she reached forward for the glass of water, downing the whole thing in a matter of seconds.

  “I passed out, didn’t I?” Her voice was flat as she eyed Rust.

  He nodded. “Yep,” he replied. “Good thing I was here to make sure you didn’t kill yourself.” He raised his eyebrows and a warm flush came over Samantha’s cheeks. “That wasn’t a normal evening for you, was it?”

  Sam shook her head. “No,” she said softly. “I….I don’t know what happened.” She swallowed hard as her heart began to beat rapidly and unevenly in her chest. The familiar feelings of panic and anxiety washed over her and she felt her cheeks burn bright with shame. “Can you leave?”

  “Nope,” Rust said lightly. He sat down next to Sam on the couch and she recoiled, pulling the blanket around herself. “Sam, I know you’re hurting. But come on. Call into work, and let’s go out to breakfast.” He eyed her and Sam felt a slight wave of calm soothe her nerves. “I bet we have a lot to talk about.”

  Twenty minutes later, Sam was buckled into the passenger side of Rust’s Jeep. She liked the way he drove – his Jeep was a stick shift and as she watched his muscular arm move the gearshift into place, she felt a little thrill of something unfamiliar in her body.

  “Are you
sure about this?”

  Rust laughed as he pulled into the parking lot of a local diner. “Very sure,” he said smoothly. “This place makes the best hangover cure breakfast I’ve had. I’m sure you’ll dig it.”

  Samantha blushed. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been alone with a guy for more than just a few minutes. It felt alien, but for once, she didn’t mind. It was a nice change from being alone. Rust was proving to be a good companion – he wasn’t someone who chattered away to fill every silence, and when he did speak, he had something to say.

  “Thank you,” Samantha said softly as Rust opened the door for her. The inside of the diner was neat and a little cramped, but mostly free of people. Waving to someone behind the counter, Rust guided Samantha over to a corner booth.

  “I always sit here and like clockwork, I get hungry,” Rust said. He rubbed his stomach through his shirt – Samantha could see that he was hairy, with the front of his shirt a little puffed up off his chest. “It’s like magic.”

  Samantha nodded. Her stomach growled and she blushed. “I haven’t eaten anything in a long time,” she said softly. “Probably why I got so drunk. I hadn’t had anything to drink in months.”

  Rust opened his eyes widely. “So I won’t have to show up and rescue you from any more nights of self-induced debauchery?”

  Samantha blushed harder. “My therapist called it self-care,” she said softly. “But I have a feeling she didn’t mean getting blackout drunk.”

  After they ordered (jumbo scramble with biscuits and sausage for Rust, fruit salad and a bowl of oatmeal for Samantha), Rust sighed uneasily.

  “I wanted to talk to you,” he said after a moment. “I wanted to remember what you said to me when you called me last night.”

  Samantha stared. “I don’t even want to think about that,” she said in a low voice. “I was drunk. I didn’t mean it.” Her stomach twisted and suddenly, she didn’t feel hungry anymore. She wanted to go home, crawl into bed, and forget that she’d ever met Rust.

  “I know you were drunk,” Rust said gently. He gazed into Samantha’s eyes and she felt a little chill go down her spine. “But it wasn’t a horrible idea, was it?”

  She stared at him. “You’re crazy,” she said flatly. “I didn’t mean it.”

  Rust didn’t break eye contact and she had the oddest feeling that he was reading her mind.

  “It’s not a bad idea,” he said slowly, in a guarded voice. “Have you been thinking about it?”

  Samantha sighed. Her nerves were jangling, her body felt tired and sore, and she was starting to get a headache from the bright lights of the diner. “It doesn’t matter if it’s a good idea,” she snapped. “I’m sick of thinking about this! I’m sick of talking about it!”

  Rust shook his head slowly. “No one’s asking you to make a decision right now,” he said slowly. “But Sam, I know how badly you’re hurting.”

  She bit her lip and sniffled. The tears were starting to come back. She didn’t even care if everyone else in the restaurant was staring at her. “I’ve always wanted a baby,” she said softly. “I’ve always wanted to be a mother. Always.”

  “Now’s your second chance,” Rust said softly. “I think things happen for a reason. They don’t always make sense, but whatever happened in the past has brought us together here. Now.”

  She sighed. “I can’t,” Samantha replied. There was a knot forming in her throat. “I can’t. I can’t try again. I can’t go through that.” She looked deeply into Rust’s eyes. “I’m so scared it was my fault,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m so afraid that something happened because the universe knew I wouldn’t be a good mother. Everything…everything was normal until I was almost ready to give birth,” she said softly. “And then one day, I had a lot of pain and I collapsed. When I went to the hospital, there wasn’t a heartbeat.”

  Rust slipped his hand under the table and took Samantha’s. His skin was reassuringly warm and dry and calloused. Samantha shivered as his strong, warm fingers stroked her cold hand.

  “We’re united right now because we’re both in the same kind of pain,” Rust said softly. He gazed into Samantha’s eyes and she shivered. “But if we do this, there will be more bringing us together. Love, strength, we’ll have all of that. It’s not gonna be this world of pain, not forever.”

  Samantha bit her lip. She couldn’t bring herself to speak.

  “I never knew I wanted to be a father until I found out about what happened,” Rust went on. “And then as soon as I was told, I knew instantly that I couldn’t go on without trying again. I’m so scared of getting too old with no one to love and no one to look out for. I want a real family, Samantha.”

  Tears splashed over Samantha’s lids and dripped down her face. She knew, suddenly, that maybe her life story wasn’t over. Maybe there could still be good things in the world. Maybe, maybe. Maybe, somehow, everything would be okay.

  “I wanna try,” she said softly, her voice shaking with emotion. Rust reached over and wiped her cheek with his free hand, gently brushing the tears away. He pulled her into his arms as she sobbed, stroking her black hair and soothing away all of the pain, all of the hurt.

  “Me, too,” Rust whispered into Samantha’s ear. “Me, too.”

  Chapter Four

  Six months later

  Samantha fidgeted nervously in her seat. The hem of her dress kept catching on the edge of the plastic and finally she reached down and tugged the hem over her knees, shifting forward.

  Rust reached out and patted her hand. “It’s gonna be okay,” he said in the reassuring voice Samantha had come to trust and love. “I’m here with you, baby. We got this.”

  Samantha closed her eyes and squeezed Rust’s fingers with her own. “I hope so,” she said under her breath, almost more of a prayer than a reply. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” Rust said. He squeezed her hand in return and Samantha felt a warm, encouraging thrill shoot through her body.

  “Samantha Cardiff?”

  Samantha’s head shot up. “Yes?” She practically leapt out of the chair. “That’s me.”

  The ultrasound technician smiled. “You can come on back now,” she said. “Would you like your partner to come?”

  Samantha nodded nervously, squeezing Rust’s hand and practically dragging his large frame across the doctor’s office. As the technician helped her up onto the bed and pulled up her shirt, Samantha winced.

  “That stuff is cold,” she whined.

  “Just relax,” the ultrasound tech replied. Her nametag read ‘Lisa.’ “You’re going to feel just a little bit of pressure here,” she said softly. “How are you feeling?”

  “Nervous,” Samantha admitted. She looked to Rust for encouragement. He was standing next to the raised bed with his hand resting on Samantha’s head. “My first baby….I had a stillbirth.”

  Lisa nodded. “Dr. Ankeny told me all about it,” she said smoothly. Reaching down to flick a switch, she pointed up at the large screen mounted on the wall. “Now, here’s your baby,” she said. “Here’s the head, right here, and here’s the body.” She glanced at the screen. “You’re about four-and-a-half months along, is that right?”

  Samantha and Rust nodded together. “We’re excited,” Rust said. He squeezed her shoulder and Samantha felt a burst of happiness and pride. Tears welled up in her eyes as she watched their baby move on the screen. Inside, she felt a fluttering sensation in her womb.