Storm in a Cup of Coffee

by Keren Or

  The first star was already twinkling in the sky. In contrast, her heart... had stopped twinkling. Disappointed with herself for thinking that something good could happen, Eli immersed herself under the weight of her pessimism and insecurities, and at that moment the phone rang...

  Knowing that he would not be able to wish her happy birthday, Tomás was calling to invite her to go out with him that night. Eli, thinking that she would come to the end of the day unloading her sorrows on her pillow... immediately accepted the invitation. And what better company than the man... who had never failed her.

  Like in the old days, Tomás took her to dinner at their favorite restaurant, where they talked and remembered happy times. Eli allowed herself to be loved by Tomás, recharging her energies, as she always did with him. And he... allowed himself to lean on the loving wings of his unforgettable Eli. Neither one had illusions or fantasized about getting back together, but in those few hours they did not feel alone, managing to strengthen each other and also to have a good time.

  Finishing the evening, and as part of a ritual, they went to Tomás’s house. Eli, who, for a long time now, was no longer naïve and had not received any call from Lucas or at least a message, understood that what she would or wouldn’t do that night, would not matter at all.

  While they were making love, she closed her eyes, imagining all the time that it was Lucas who was with her.

  It was Lucas... who her heart was beating for with strength and vigor.

  It was Lucas... that she dreamed of feeling, burning in flames... sick with love.

  But it was Lucas... who had promised to call... breaking his promise.

  Unable to disconnect from her feelings, instead of pleasure, Eli felt a bitter and deep pain in her chest. Nonetheless... she continued to feign her enjoyment, so as not to offend or hurt Tomás.

  It is true that Eli could have stopped, or even never have begun... but the need to quench her thirst to feel loved and not forgotten... distorted her judgement, making her think that it was the only way to erase and tear the memory of Lucas from her heart.

  Logically... it did not work. And Eli returned... to her desolate life.

  Still asleep, Eli was looking for her damn phone that would not stop ringing in the cluttered covering her nightstand. She did not have the slightest idea of the time, but remembering that it was her birthday, she kept searching and finally... found it.

  “Hello?” whispered Eli.

  “Happy birthday...,” replied Lucas, calling from the airport.

  Eli opened her eyes and sat up on her pillow, thinking that perhaps... she might not have heard well.

  “Eli... are you there?”

  “Yes, I’m here...,” she answered, swallowing, breathing deeply and shaking her head from side to side. “Is your flight leaving already?” she added, remembering that Lucas was going overseas on the job for a week.

  “Yes, but I still have a few minutes before I leave and I wanted to reach you to wish you happy birthday. Sorry about the time…”

  “Don’t worry... it was time to get up anyway,” replied Eli, before realizing that it was seven o’clock Sunday morning.

  “I apologize for not having called you yesterday... I was going crazy doing the last errands before the trip and was busy with my son...”

  Actually, Lucas had been at home bored all day, but he needed to digest the new life he was about to embark on, and besides... he did not want it to be so obvious that she had left him enchanted and completely hooked.

  What a way of thinking nonsense...

  “I supposed that you had changed your mind... that you wouldn’t call again,” said Eli, exposing her fragile and sensitive heart.

  “Of course not. Quite the opposite... I didn’t stop thinking about you.”

  Eli wanted to scream, beat herself if she could, or erase what she had done with Tomás the night before. However, unfortunately... it was impossible to turn back time and now, surely... she might have ruined everything, with her own hands.

  “I was with Tomas yesterday... my ex... the good one...,” said Eli with a heavy heart, digging her own grave by confessing her crime. “He invited me to dinner to celebrate my birthday,” she added, trying to reduce her sanction.

  “I didn’t know you were still in contact,” replied Lucas, confused by the unexpected announcement. “And did something happened between you?” he asked, sounding suddenly serious and annoyed.

  “No... I mean... he only kissed me when saying goodbye... but it didn’t mean anything...,” replied Eli, burning up inside for having lied.

  Eli, always so outstanding for her honesty and transparency, this time... could not tell the truth. She would never have slept with Tomás if she had had the assurance that Lucas would finally dare to enter into any serious relationship with her. She was so accustomed to dreaming, believing, giving and then being disappointed, that she thought and expected the worst of Lucas. Only God knows how sorry she was at that moment for not thinking better of him and for having committed a stupidity out of spite.

  That was how Eli... did not have the courage to kill what she most hoped to experience...

  “I don’t like what you did,” said Lucas, frankly upset by the news.

  “Then... I promise you that I won’t do it again!” replied Eli, taking responsibility for her actions. “Forgive me, Lucas... I didn’t mean to upset you... You know what I feel for you.”

  Lucas was still annoyed, but nonetheless, in order to not spoil her birthday... he tried to maintain a peaceful tone. It was of little use, however, since she had spent the whole day lamenting and crying over her bad luck already. And unfortunately…. now it was her turn to wait patiently for a week to find out how all that mess would unfold. A week... of torture... because Lucas would be in an isolated location, without signal reception or communication with the outside world.

  Dressed up and perfumed, Eli arrived at work a week later, waiting to see Lucas. Nerves and anxiety were killing her, but hope... was keeping her alive.

  Halfway into the morning, when she could no longer stand the pain in her stomach, he finally called her.

  “Are you busy?” he asked sweetly.

  “Lucas? You’re back! I’m so glad to hear your voice.”

  “So... what are you waiting for to come and say hello?”

  Immediately dropping everything she was doing, Eli went straight to Lucas’s office. He was alone, waiting for her… smiling.

  “Are you going to just stand there?” he asked, coming up to her.

  “I was trying to figure out if you were still upset with me,” said Eli, still not moving.

  “I’ve already forgotten...,” he answered, looking her in the eye, moving a little closer, until he was right in front of her.

  And to prove it, or simply because he could not bear it anymore, he closed the door, taking Eli in his arms, giving her, just like that night, a perfect kiss...

  Eli closed her eyes while Lucas was “opening” his, both allowing themselves... to believe and trust again. Knowing that the heart in front of them was beating and asking impatiently, for just one more chance... to love again...

  Because…

  Eyes that see, heart that feels…

  5

  Be Born again

  One would think that having loved before, having lived with someone or shared a life with another person means being able to keep going with greater ease, already having some degree of learning and maturity.

  That, however, is a mistake…

  Many times in life, it is precisely our past, distant experiences and our solid ideas that are the stone over which we stumble when trying to move ahead. And the future... turns into something... difficult to find...

  Lying on a couch, about to enter her past lives, Eli was feeling more and more relaxed.

  “Choose a door you will d
ecide to enter,” said Beki, her new regression therapist. “Tell me... What do you see? What period is it? What’s your name?”

  “I see carriages... buildings that look like palaces... people walking through the city... The men are dressed in black suits and hats, and the women are wearing elegant, billowy dresses, fitted with corsets. Their pouffed hairstyles are extravagant... perfectly coiffed and held in place with a brooch,” replied Eli in her hypnotic state.

  “Sounds like the eighteenth century...,” said Beki to herself. “Someone is calling you...,” she continued to Eli, guiding her. “Try to listen to him... What’s the name he is saying?”

  “Lara... Lara is my name...”

  “You’re standing in front of a mirror,” Becki instructed. “Look at yourself and tell me. How do you look?”

  “My hair is black, very black, long and thick, half pulled back... the other half falls down my back, almost touching my waist. I have a beautiful body and I am quite attractive... I like my purple dress... the flounces, the embroidery, the lace... the gloves...”

  “Well, now move on. What’s happening? Is it day or night?”

  “Night... I’m going into a kind of stable. Inside... it seems to be a bar. I see tables, people drinking, there’s background music and I’m going along, but... they are mistreating me... they’re touching me... they’re making me uncomfortable... A group of drunken workers are taking the liberty to grab me... pester me. I feel bad... like I’m worthless...,” said Eli in a distressed voice.

  “Let’s go on,” said Beki, taking her out of the tense state into which she had fallen. “Now you’re meeting a man who likes you, and you like him. Tell me, what’s going on?”

  “He’s taking me for the first time to visit his house. I see a mansion with tall, white pillars, but first... we must go through a huge, well-tended front garden. I’m beginning to get the feeling of being locked up... the shrubs are encircling and threatening me...

  We’re stopping... he’s not allowing me to go on, by getting in my way... He’s throwing me on the grass behind a shrub... I try to free myself from his claws, but he’s stronger... more powerful... he’s someone important and I... I’m nobody... I feel used... that’s not how I wanted it to be...”

  “Relax,” interrupted Beki, realizing the anguish that little by little was taking hold of Eli. “Now, you’re inside the mansion... in his room, next to him... the man you love... What do you see?”

  “He’s holding me from behind... he’s pushing my hair to the side and kissing my shoulder... and then my neck... I like him... but he doesn’t look me in the eye... he doesn’t see me. He doesn’t even know my name and it seems that… he isn’t interested in knowing it either. He is everything to me... but I... I’m an ordinary girl to him...”

  “Well, you have him in front of you and he’s looking into your eyes...,” Beki amends the scene. “Is he telling you something?”

  “Yes.” Eli let a tear fall. “We’re husband and wife... and he’s telling me... ‘When I look into your eyes... I see your soul...’”

  “Very good!” declared Beki, noticing a positive move forward. “And that… How does it make you feel?”

  “I feel that he loves me... and I love him too. He’s kissing me and making love to me... tenderly, gently and passionately...”

  “On the count of three you’ll wake up. One… two… three…”

  Eli opened her eyes, her bones feeling heavy. It took her a few minutes to fully recover, but finally, after taking a few sips of ice cold water, she sat up.

  “What an imagination I have!” said Eli, distrusting her own story. “Who says I didn’t invent this whole movie?”

  “Perhaps you’ve invented it, perhaps not... but I assure you, Eli, that from today... you’ll feel more relieved, relaxed and open for someone good, who really loves you, to come into your life. Any less than that, you’ll not be accepting any more. Besides, it’s what you deserve, Eli... and you’ll have it...”

  In fact, Eli did feel more relaxed. After having gone out a couple of times with Lucas and feeling that her heart trembled for him, her habitual anxiety and insecurity were not long in coming. And Eli knew that it was better to learn to calm that fear that engulfed her every time she thought she might lose him, than to actually lose him. That was why the idea of dealing with her weaknesses and self-destructiveness through past-life regressions seemed interesting.

  Everything metaphysical drew her attention, and in order to start her new relationship from scratch and for it to last, God willing, forever, Eli was prepared to make the attempt.

  That first week with Lucas was simply wonderful. During work hours, in addition to going out for lunch together, they would see each other in the kitchen, in the printing room, in the stairwell, on the terrace of the building and also in the elevator... Wherever they found themselves alone, and to the extent that they could—trying to respect the workplace at all times—they stole kisses and hugs, feeding the passion.

  Also, the two dates they managed to have outside working hours had the effect of bringing them even closer.

  However, for Eli... actions, as always, were not enough. She needed to hear one phrase... some word... that would echo from afar...

  “Lucas...,” Eli interrupted the telephone conversation halfway through, wanting to share with him her unusual experience at Beki’s.

  “Tell me.”

  “Do you like being with me?” Here, another phrase crept in over the one she originally had in mind.

  “I love being with you,” replied Lucas.

  “But... what do you like about me?”

  “Everything... and your eyes fascinate me...”

  “Oh yes? Why?” she asked, smiling at the compliments.

  “Because when I look into your eyes... I see your soul.”

  …

  “Eli? Where did you go?”

  “I’m here…”

  She could not believe it. Lucas had just said the exact phrase the man from her past life had said to her that very afternoon...

  Lucas had no way of knowing, as he had not been there. Neither did he know Beki.

  “What did you say?” stammered Eli.

  “That when I look into your eyes... I see your soul...,” answered Lucas, stressing every word.

  Eli could not contain herself and told Lucas about the interesting and unusual session with Beki, and in particular about... the incredible “coincidence.” And, naturally, Lucas did not seem surprised. Like her, he too believed in the forces of destiny and remembered very well that encounter at Camelia, when he first saw her, but felt he had always known her.

  In the days following this conversation, being forced to lower their voices and be careful not to play around wildly and without inhibition on the sofa in the living room, Eli and Lucas discovered new ways of connecting. By no means did they want Andy to be present at those times... Especially... after the surprise the boy had given them the first night that Eli slept over...

  On that occasion, Lucas had assured her over and over that his little boy was a heavy sleeper and that a bomb could fall next to him without him realizing it. And therefore... he would not even know that she had been there. He even... demonstrated it to her by turning on the light while Andy was asleep, jumping around his bed and talking loudly. And the little boy, in fact, did not even move.

  They had everything planned... They would be dressed and ready when it was time to wake him up, introducing him to Eli as Dad’s new friend from work, who from now on would travel in the mornings with them.

  In theory... it was a good plan, but only in theory...

  Eli, who unlike Andy always was a light sleeper, woke up feeling that “someone” was standing at the side of the bed watching her. After being poked by a direct jab to the ribs, Lucas also woke up to find Andy looking at them both.

  “What a
re you doing here at this hour? Go back to your room!” said Lucas, sitting on the bed and trying to hide Eli.

  “Who is it?” asked Andy, who had been standing there long enough to be able to discover her.

  “A friend... To bed!” repeated Lucas, getting up.

  “What’s she doing there?” continued Andy, determined to stay.

  “She’s sleeping. You’ll wake her with all your questions. Hurry up, Andy. Come, let me go with you...,” urged Lucas, dragging him away.

  “And why is she here?” Andy continued with the inquisition, walking slowly on purpose.

  “Because she had nowhere to sleep and I invited her to stay... Now, stop the questions. It’s four o’clock in the morning.” Eli was listening to Lucas’s explanations from afar, thinking “He has so much patience...”

  At that moment Eli wondered whether she should get up and leave at that hour of the night. She was afraid of causing problems or psychological damage to the child, but Lucas asked her to stay. Years of studies had taught Eli that this kind of thing is best done gradually and calmly. However, what was done was done, and now the only thing left was to wait to see Andy’s reaction when he woke up in the morning.

  Luckily... the little boy did not show signs of having suffered trauma; rather, he was happy with his dad’s new friend, as if it were something natural.

  And the first test of fire... she had passed successfully.

  After watching Lucas sing his son to sleep and enjoying the thought that he would someday be the father of her own children, Eli sat next to him and they curled up on the sofa. A look or the touch of their skin was enough to make both bodies quiver and tremble, throbbing with simple desire, thrilled with pleasure.

  Lucas’s fingers intertwined with Eli’s, while their palms rubbed against each other, producing warmth. Neither of them could wait to be alone... to know each other fully, and finally... to make love...

  After two intense weeks, but having to abstain by force, Lucas got Andy to go to the beach with his friends next door. Luckily, the older couple living right in front had a few grandchildren of different ages and a big heart. Often, when the smallest ones came to visit them, they would also invite Andy to play and share the afternoon with them. In addition to that already great help, they also used to take care of the little boy on several other occasions, and at other times... they sent Lucas boxes of homemade food, becoming practically his closest family.