The Shape of Us

by Lisa Ireland

  About The Shape of Us

  Four different women. The same big problem. One magical solution?

  Mezz is overweight and overworked: she’s convinced it’s only a matter of time until her husband starts to stray.

  Jewels is fat and fabulous, but if she wants the baby she craves, the Tim Tams have to go.

  Ellie’s life looks perfect to her London friends on Facebook: she keeps her waistline out of the photos and her loneliness to herself.

  Kat will do anything to keep her daughter Ami happy and safe. If she can lose that baby weight, she’s sure Ami’s dad will stick around.

  In this heartwarming, heartbreaking story, four women who meet online in a weight loss forum learn that losing weight might not be the key to happiness, but believing in the ones you love – and yourself – just might be.

  Contents

  Cover

  About The Shape of Us

  Dedication

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  CHPATER TWENTY-NINE

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  EPILOGUE

  Acknowledgements

  About Lisa Ireland

  Author Photo

  Copyright page

  For every woman who has ever stood on a scale and sighed

  and most especially

  my friends Carmen, Jackie, Louie and Nic

  Chapter One

  W.O.N! (Weight Off Now!) Member Forum

  Spring Round – Introductions. Tell us about yourself here!

  User: Ellie Phant / Location: Canberra / Rank: Newbie

  Friday August 28 2015

  Hi! I’m Ellie (obviously Phant is not my real name. See what I did there?) I’m from Canberra (via London – more on that another time) and I have somewhere between three and four stone to lose. I’m not sure what that is in kilos. I haven’t actually weighed myself in some time. I’ve got to buy myself a set of metric scales! At my last check-up my blood pressure was a tad on the high side and my doctor told me I could stand to lose some weight. That was my wake up call. Looking forward to getting to know you all as we embark on this journey together!

  Cheers,

  Ellie

  User: Princess Jewels / Location: Melbourne / Rank: Old Hand

  Friday August 28 2015

  Hi Ellie and welcome aboard.

  I‘m Giulia (pronounced Julia) but most people call me Jewels.

  This is my third round of WON. I lost eight kilos in my first round, which was fantastic! Unfortunately my hubby and I went on a two-week cruise at the end of the autumn round and I regained seven kilos. Can you believe it? It seriously wasn’t my fault. Have you ever been on a cruise? OMG the food! You’d have to be a saint to resist it, especially after twelve weeks of starving eating sensibly on The Program. Anyway I lost the seven over the winter round and now I’m back to really get stuck in and lose as much weight as possible before summer. I have about another forty to lose all up. That’s to be at my WON recommended weight. But I don’t really care about that to be honest. I’m trying to get pregnant and my doctor says weight loss will help. He says even ten or fifteen kilos might make a difference, so I’m hoping to lose at least that this round.

  Tell us a bit about yourself, Ellie. Are you married? Kids? Do you work? I’m happily married to the love of my life, Matt. As I mentioned, we don’t have any kids yet, but are trying our hardest. (Nudge, nudge, wink, wink!!)

  As far as work goes, I have my own business, Cupcakes and Cannoli. I have a little shop in Williamstown (that’s the suburb where we live) and I also have an online cupcake accessory shop. The business started as a tiny little stall at the local Sunday market, but now it’s quite big. I employ two people in the shop and another one in my bakery and my sister helps out with the accounts.

  Okay, I’ve probably bored you to tears by now, so that’s me over and out!

  Ciao!

  Jewels xox

  User: Kitty Kat / Location: Emerald River, NSW / Rank: Newbie

  Friday August 28 2015

  Hi everyone, I’m Kat. I’m here to lose my baby weight. I have a thirteen-month-old baby girl, Amira, who is the light of my life. She’s just so adorable! We call her Ami (rhymes with Sammy, not Amy) for short.

  I wasn’t exactly skinny going into the pregnancy but compared to now, well, I was practically a supermodel! I gained lots of weight during the pregnancy. My boyfriend, Josh, who is Ami’s dad, kept warning me not to eat for two, but I couldn’t help myself. I was just so bloody hungry all the time. I mean seriously, I was just starving. I wanted to eat EVERYTHING!!!!

  Now I’m a mum I don’t get so much time to myself. I work at the childcare centre here in Emerald River three days a week and I’m hoping to get into university to study teaching next year. I’m filling in all the application forms right now. And, of course I have my darling girl to look after, which is such a joy. But it is hard to lose weight now. I just have no time to think of myself. I wish I had listened to Josh. But never mind! Now we will have each other for support, which I think is FANTASTIC.

  Looking forward to getting to know you all better, my new friends.

  Best wishes,

  Kat x

  User: Mezz / Location: South West Victoria / Rank: Newbie

  Friday August 28 2015

  I hope I’m doing this right. This is my first time in an internet forum. Anyway, hi! I’m Meredith, but my friends call me Mezz, hence the user name. This is my first round of WON and I’m really hoping the program will help me regain some control over my eating. I need to lose thirty-five kilos to be at the top of my recommended BMI. That seems such a lot! I was really quite shocked when I did my pre-round weigh-in and realised just how big I’d got. Somehow I’ve allowed myself to avoid stepping on the scales for quite a long time. I had no idea my weight was as high as it is.

  I guess I should tell you a little about myself. I am a full-time working mum. I have three boys, who are fourteen, twelve and eight. My husband runs his own business and he does a lot of work from home, which is handy for school drop-offs, pick-ups etc, because in general I’m not able to leave work for that type of thing. We also have a dog, Stella. She’s a boxer and the only other girl in the house. We tend to stick together!

  What else can I tell you? My reasons for doing this program are health related. Not that I have any issues as such, but I know if I keep going the way I am I’m putting myself at risk for type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease and more. Pretty scary when you think about it. I’m also hoping losing weight will increase my energy levels because at the moment I find I’m absolutely exhausted at the end of the day.

  Mezz

  User: Kitty Kat / Location: Emerald River, NSW / Rank: Newbie

 
Friday August 28 2015

  Hi Mezz. Great to meet another working mum. I’m sure we’ll have lots in common. Where do you work, if you don’t mind me asking?

  Best wishes,

  Kat x

  Mezz clicked her laptop shut and pushed her chair out from the desk. Maybe this whole support forum thing wasn’t such a great idea. Already people were asking personal questions. Should she lie about her job? Be vague? Deception wasn’t her strong point. It took way too much energy, something that was in short supply in her life these days. But what if she told the truth and one of her patients recognised her? It was bad enough to be the fat doctor in town, but she couldn’t bear to be the fat loser doctor as well. Because hanging out on internet weight loss forums was for losers, wasn’t it?

  What would Sean or the boys think if they knew?

  Maybe Sean would be pleased that she’d signed up for a weight loss program. He never mentioned her weight – well, not unless she forced him to. When she brought it up he told her she was the sexiest woman he’d ever met and that she should stop obsessing about her size. He was kind, her husband – that was one of the reasons she’d married him – but surely he couldn’t mean it. There was nothing attractive about her, let alone sexy.

  Meredith avoided looking at her full-length reflection as much as possible, and rarely agreed to have her photo taken, but every day she managed to catch sight of herself somewhere – reflected back in a shop window, or in the mirror in the surgery’s procedure room. It wasn’t a pretty sight. Her face was puffy and bloated and as for her body, it could hardly be called desirable. At home in her bathroom, as she carefully applied her makeup each morning, she kidded herself she looked okay. Her hair was styled, lashes coated, cheeks blushed and most importantly her rolls hidden beneath the expensive plus-sized tunics she bought online from the States. But when she caught sight of herself in those unguarded moments, she knew the truth. She was repulsive.

  To make matters worse, Sean had gotten better looking with age. He was a lanky lad when they first met, all elbows and knees and shy awkward smiles. His friends had ribbed him that he was ‘batting above his average’ when he started dating Mezz. Back then she was tiny. She was in the middle of studying for her medical degree and had no time to sleep, let alone eat. And once she met Sean, every spare minute she’d had was spent in bed. Back then she was sexy.

  A catch. That’s what Sean’s mother had called her.

  Somewhere along the way she and Sean had reversed roles. Now Sean was the catch. He’d filled out and was no longer a skinny, awkward boy. He ran every second day and went to the gym at the footy club three times a week. His shoulders were broad and his abdomen flat and hard.

  Mezz rested her hand on her own spongy belly. Three kids hadn’t softened his body or sucked the energy from his soul. In fact, the opposite was true. The moment Max had entered the world Sean had made a vow to be the best man he could be. The kids had transformed him in the most positive way imaginable. He seemed to grow more vital, more energetic with each year that passed. The touch of grey in his thick sandy hair only served to make him look distinguished and the black-rimmed glasses he now had to wear for reading enhanced the look further.

  She knew what the school mums said behind her back. She noticed their eyes skimming her body, their distaste visible for that split second before they stretched their plump lips back over their perfect teeth and smiled at her. ‘What does Sean see in her?’ their eyes said, as their mouths uttered the usual pleasantries. Sean was Mr Popularity amongst the school drop-off crowd. He was on a first-name basis with all the members of the Lycra-clad blonde-ponytail club. She knew this from the odd occasion she’d managed to make it to a sports day or school concert. Sean was greeted with smiling eyes and throaty laughs, whereas The Ponytails shifted from foot to foot when they were forced to spend more than sixty seconds alone in her company.

  On a good day she told herself it was the fact that she’d seen many of them at their most vulnerable – half-naked and spreadeagled as she’d parted their hairless vulvas to insert a speculum. But in her heart of hearts she knew that wasn’t what made them uncomfortable, what shifted their gazes to the ground before mumbling some excuse to be free of her.

  Sean said she was imagining it, of course. He said if they were shy around her it was because they were intimidated by how smart she was. But Mezz knew enough about women to know beauty trumped brains in the game of life. The Ponytails weren’t intimidated by her. They were disgusted.

  A sharp rap on the door forced the self-indulgent thoughts from her brain. ‘Yes?’

  ‘Sorry to bother you, Meredith.’ It was Robyn, the practice receptionist, standing in her doorway. ‘I know you’re supposed to be finished for the day, but I’m just wondering if you can see one of Barry’s patients? It’s Karen Armitage. She’s twenty-nine weeks pregnant and is concerned she might be in early labour. Barry’s gone for the day and he’s not answering his mobile.’

  Mezz nodded. She could hardly say no. The nearest hospital was the better part of an hour away and if the woman was truly in labour this early in the pregnancy they had a big problem on their hands. Hopefully it was no more than an anxious first-time mother experiencing some strong Braxton Hicks, but still the woman needed to be seen. ‘Of course, Robyn. Not a problem. I’ll see her in the procedure room. Can you make her comfortable in there and stay with her? I’ll be right there. Just give me a minute to text Sean and let him know I’ll be home late.’

  ★

  It was seven thirty when Mezz finally kicked off her shoes and dropped her keys on the hall table. ‘I’m home,’ she called, but her greeting didn’t have a chance of making it over the cacophony of The 7.30 Report, Max yelling – presumably at his screen as he played online – Liam and Archie bickering over whose turn it was to feed Stella, and Stella herself barking excitedly as she skittered along the polished floorboards towards Meredith. At least someone was pleased to see her.

  After enduring a slobbery kiss from the dog, Mezz navigated her way around a mound of dirty clothes that was in the hallway for some reason, a stack of newspapers that hadn’t made their way to the recycling bin yet – why Sean couldn’t just read the news online like a normal person she’d never know – and various toys and sporting paraphernalia as she made her way to the kitchen. There she found Sean, stacking the dishwasher. ‘Hi,’ she said, kissing his unshaven cheek. ‘I see you’ve had dinner.’

  His shoulders tensed and he nodded without looking at her. ‘Yours is in the fridge.’

  Okay. He was pissed off. She moved a stack of books off one of the kitchen chairs and sat down at the table, which was still littered with the items that were there at breakfast, including an excursion form for Liam that was due back at school days ago and a Lego construction she’d specifically asked Archie to move.

  Sean turned to retrieve the dirty cereal bowl in front of her and she smiled at him. ‘How was your day?’

  He turned back to the dishwasher without answering. Jesus. Anyone would think she’d been at the pub drinking rather than dealing with a potential tragedy.

  ‘It was an emergency,’ she said. ‘Otherwise I wouldn’t have stayed back.’

  ‘It’s always an emergency, though, isn’t it?’

  ‘Tell me what I should have done, Sean. Left the woman to deliver prematurely on the clinic doorstep? “I’m sorry, Mrs Armitage, but you’ll need to take your contractions elsewhere. Please come back during normal business hours”.’

  He slammed the dishwasher shut and left the kitchen. Maybe the sarcasm was uncalled for. But she was tired. So fucking tired she wanted to scream. It was all right for him. Nobody died if he pressed the wrong button on his stupid computer. Sean’s job was almost completely stress free. His hours were flexible, nobody cared when his work got done, as long as it got done.

  Archie appeared at her side, his face red and his eyes wide. ‘Mum, L
iam’s hogging the X-box. Dad said thirty minutes each and he’s been on there longer than that.’

  Meredith sighed and wondered if everyone’s life was like this. She couldn’t imagine Tania Mason, president of the Parents and Friends and head Ponytail, arriving home to such chaos. Then again Tania wouldn’t be arriving home after dinner, would she? She would be there when her husband returned from work, putting a nutritious dinner on the table while her kids dutifully did homework or practised piano.

  ‘Mum! You’re not listening to me.’

  ‘Sorry, Arch. I was just thinking. But I did hear you. Why won’t Liam get off?’

  ‘He says he’s nearly at the next level. But it’s my turn.’

  She opened the fridge and eyed the bowl of cold spaghetti bolognese on the bottom shelf. ‘Liam,’ she shouted, as she pulled out a bottle of Pinot Gris and unscrewed the top. ‘Give your little brother a turn.’ She looked back at Archie. ‘Go and tell him I said he has to get off.’ Her youngest son ran gleefully from the room and she had exactly six seconds of peace, enough time to pour the wine into a glass, before shouting erupted from the rumpus room.

  She left the glass and made her way to the back of the house glaring at Sean as she passed him slumped on the couch in the living room.

  He glared back. ‘What?’

  ‘Can’t you hear that? Just once I’d like to come home to a calm house instead of this circus.’

  ‘Well, maybe if you were home in time to help out with the evening routine things wouldn’t be so crazy.’

  Meredith rolled her eyes and continued on to referee the ruckus. The boys were engaged in a wrestling match to gain possession of the game controller. Her self-control snapped like a perished piece of elastic. ‘That’s enough,’ she shouted over the din. ‘No more gaming tonight. Both of you go to your rooms.’ She knew she was being unreasonable, but now the words were said there was no going back.

  Archie slammed his bedroom door and, she imagined, threw himself on his bed to sulk. Liam muttered something under his breath as he stomped past her. And she could feel Sean’s disapproval wafting up the hallway. Apparently he never lost his cool. So she wasn’t winning Mother of the Year anytime soon. At least they were quiet, so that was something.