The Shape of Us

by Lisa Ireland

  ‘FIFO?’

  ‘Fly In Fly Out.’

  ‘I know what FIFO means, Josh. I’m just not sure how I’m supposed to make that work. Apart from the fact that I don’t want to spend that much time away from you, I’m not sure of the practicalities of you not being here. I mean, who’s going to watch Ami while I’m at work?’

  ‘I dunno. That’s all stuff we’ll need to work out. But you know, I’ll be making more money, so maybe you won’t need to work as much.’

  ‘I can’t cut my hours. What if you don’t pick up another contract after the first one? Then where will we be?’

  He nodded. ‘Okay. Fair point. But I will be working longer hours and making more money so maybe we can put her in childcare or pay a sitter or something.’

  Kat sucked in a big breath. The thought of her precious baby being regularly cared for by anyone but her made her stomach squirm. ‘I don’t know if the director would let me put Ami into our centre, Josh. The other parents might complain. And besides, we don’t have any vacancies right now.’

  ‘There must be other options if that’s the case. Anyway, you need to start looking into it because I need to leave at the end of next week.’ He took another swig of beer and stood up. ‘Think I might head out for a surf before you go to work.’

  Tears began to well in her eyes again. Her whole world was imploding and all Josh cared about was catching a few waves. She wanted him to cradle her in his arms and tell her everything would be all right. That they were a team and they’d get through this together. ‘Hang on a minute,’ she said, as he went to throw the stubby in the recycling. ‘Maybe we should come too. If you’re going to be there indefinitely wouldn’t it be easier if Ami and I were in Perth or Kalgoorlie or somewhere? Even if you are flying out to an island or somewhere remote, at least you won’t have to fly all the way back east again. And I’ve got plenty of hospitality experience and my childcare certificate. I’m sure I could pick up work there too. And we’d at least be closer to each other, which would mean we could make the most of your time off. You don’t want to spend half your week off travelling, do you?’

  He shook his head slowly. ‘I don’t think that’s such a good idea.’

  ‘Of course it is. It’s not like we’ve got family here. I barely know anyone in this town outside my workmates. There’s no reason for me to be here if you’re not going to be around.’

  ‘I don’t want you uprooting Ami for no reason. We don’t even know if the whole thing will pan out.’

  ‘Ami’s a baby. She doesn’t care where she lives so long as she’s got her mum and dad. And you said yourself that your mate reckons you’re a shoo-in for another contract after the first one. It seems like there’s plenty of work in WA and there’s not much going here. I’m sure the two of us could make a go of it.’ A tiny spark of excitement started to build inside of her. Maybe this was just the change they needed. The three of them setting off to a new place together. It would be an adventure. A fresh start. And maybe Josh would miss her when he was working away. Maybe he’d remember all the reasons he loved her. She could already imagine their passionate reunions and tearful goodbyes when he had to leave once again.

  ‘No, Kat. I don’t think that will work.’

  ‘Why not?’ She could hear the whine in her voice but she didn’t care. Why was he being so goddamned difficult?

  ‘Because you have a good job here. I don’t want you giving that up to work behind a bar. Who knows how long the work over there will last? The boom’s over apparently so it might only end up being short term. No point dragging Ami across the country only to have to come back again. And what about uni? I thought you were applying to study teaching. Are you just going to give up on that?’

  ‘I’m going to be studying online so that makes no difference. You know that. I’m starting to think that you don’t want to be with me.’

  He sighed. ‘Stop being such a bloody drama queen. I’m going for a surf. You need to pull yourself together before the old lady brings Ami back.’

  He turned his back on her and walked away.

  Chapter Eight

  FAT CHAT | Saturday Oct. 24 2015 | Ellie

  Good morning troops. How goes it on this fine Saturday? (At least, it’s fine in Canberra. Hope it’s nice where you are too!)

  Kat, only one week now until your man comes home. You must be getting excited! Do you have anything planned for the homecoming or are you just going to take it as it comes?

  Just as you’re getting excited about Josh’s homecoming, I’m feeling down about Jenn leaving again. The government is holding cabinet meetings in Darwin this week and then the minister is flying to Melbourne for talks and staying down there for Melbourne Cup. Of course Jenn gets to go too.

  Actually, I could use your opinions on this. I’m invited to the cup as Jenn’s partner, but I’m not sure if I really want to go. I’m so not into horseracing. But all my workmates here tell me I’d be mad not to go. Apparently it’s one of those Australian experiences one simply must have. I’m currently debating the pros and cons. First there’s the whole question of what to wear. I think hats are the order of the day, which is actually a pro as far as I’m concerned. I rock a good hat, even if I do say so myself! But as for the rest of the outfit, well, as you all know that will be a problem. But I suppose I can pull out my sewing machine and whip something up if I can find some inspiration.

  So you are probably wondering what the big issue is?

  Girls, I can only admit this to the three of you. I am terrified that I will need one of those hideous seatbelt extension things on the plane. If I was flying on a regular sized plane (you know, the big international ones) I think I’d be okay. But the plane from Canberra to Melbourne is quite small (think sardine can!). Last time I flew down there I noticed the belt was quite snug. I didn’t have much belt left over when I pulled it tight. I think I might have gained weight since then, even after taking into account the few kilos I lost when I first started the program. Anyway I’m terrified that I’ll have to ask for an extension belt. If it happens I’ll be totally humiliated.

  There’s still a week until I’d need to leave, so I guess I could try really hard to lose another kilo or two before I go. What do you think?

  Cheers,

  E x

  FAT CHAT | Saturday Oct. 24 2015 | Kat

  Oh Ellie, I think you shouldn’t worry about the seatbelt extension. Just go. Be with Jenn while you can. If the seatbelt thing happens it might be a bit embarrassing but it won’t be the end of the world. I think you need to do everything you can to spend as much time with your partner as possible. Otherwise you might just drift apart.

  I have some bad news about Josh. I can barely bring myself to type this, but thank goodness I have the three of you to tell this to, as otherwise I think I might just go insane.

  Josh is not coming home next weekend as planned. He says he has another contract lined up and it starts mid-week, so there’s no point in him coming home. I am shattered. Absolutely devastated. And you know what the worst part is? I don’t think he even cares. I’m scared to admit this, even to myself, but I’m not sure if he’s telling me the truth. I’m fairly sure he has got another contract, but it seems odd that it would start in the middle of the week. And I’m too scared to question him because I don’t want to fight when we are so far apart. I’m just worried that he’s met someone else over there and that he doesn’t know how to tell me. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being crazy . . .

  On the plus side, I’ve lost five kilos since Josh has been gone. I haven’t even really been following the program properly, but I’ve been so busy doing everything myself that I haven’t been bothered to eat so much. I just haven’t felt hungry. I guess I’ve been stressed too, but usually I put weight on when I’m stressed, not lose it. Anyway, whatever’s going on, I’m not knocking it!

  How’s everyone else going?
I keep meaning to ask, are any of you still doing the program? I’ve kept posting my weights so I’m eligible to continue getting the meal plans, but I haven’t seen any of you post in there for ages.

  Kat x

  FAT CHAT | Saturday Oct. 24 2015 | Jewels

  Kat, you poor thing. I so wish we lived closer so I could come over to make you a cup of tea and give you a great big hug. I’m sure he hasn’t met somebody else. I mean, when would he have the time? And isn’t it all blokes out there? Honestly, I don’t think you have anything to worry about, gorgeous. It’s probably just exactly as he says it is. And maybe he doesn’t sound upset because he didn’t want to upset you, or he just doesn’t know how to show you how he’s feeling. You know what blokes are like where feelings are concerned! Matt’s happy enough to listen to me gabbing on about my worries, but when I ask him how he’s feeling he totally clams up, especially about the whole infertility thing. He just doesn’t want to admit there’s a problem. I’ve tried heaps of times to get him to talk about the possibility of adoption if we can’t get pregnant, but he won’t have a bar of it. Men!

  Big hugs my love. Hang in there. (Oh and well done, you, on the weight loss! I’ve ditched the program entirely. I wasn’t doing it properly anyway. I think I need to shake things up and try something new. I just don’t know what yet.)

  Ellie, you should sooo come to Melbourne for The Cup. The day really is a lot of fun. We’re doing lots of horse and hat-themed cupcakes in the shop next week and we’ve got a couple of big orders for Cup Day events, so it’s definitely good for business.

  Hey! I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you come a day or two early so we can catch up for a drink or dinner or something? I would so love to meet you! And don’t you worry yourself about that seatbelt thing. You know what? I have had to use one before and it really wasn’t that big of a deal. I just buzzed the flight attendant and she brought me one quite discreetly. I was embarrassed, of course, but she was really nice about it. Don’t let something like that stop you from spending time with Jenn.

  Mezz, I’ve been thinking some more about weight loss surgery. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m terrified at the thought of having a needle, let alone surgery, but I am fascinated nonetheless! I wonder what makes people get to the point that they think surgery is the only option? I really don’t think I could let someone cut part of my stomach out unless I had no choice, like I had cancer or something. I just can’t imagine why anyone would undergo surgery voluntarily. You’d have to be completely desperate I think. Anyway, interested to hear how it ended up with your patient.

  Okay, over and out from me. I’m taking my nephews to their swimming lessons today. My sister hasn’t been feeling well, so I said I’d do it. I really don’t mind. The boys are pretty easy to manage and it’s not like I have to do much, just sit on the sidelines and look impressed.

  Ciao my lovelies!

  Jewels xox

  FAT CHAT | Saturday Oct. 24 2015 | Mezz

  Big hugs to you, Kat, my darling. After all our chats here and on the phone I know how much you’ve been looking forward to Josh’s homecoming and I can imagine what a blow it must be to find out you are going to have to wait even longer to see him. But you are strong, my love. Look at the brilliant way you’ve coped there by yourself for these past six weeks. You’ve done a wonderful job of looking after Ami and finding suitable care for her. You’ve managed to keep your job and complete all the requirements for your university application, all while being effectively a single mum. You are totally fabulous and I’m in awe of you. I think I would be totally hopeless if I had to run this household all by myself.

  Well done on the weight loss, but I do hope you are remembering to look after yourself. You’re doing a great job of looking after Ami, but remember she needs her mum, so it’s important to take care of your health too.

  I have to admit to letting the program go by the wayside. I feel guilty about wasting all that money on yet another weight loss scheme that I’ve failed, but I just can’t seem to make it work for me. I am still trying to follow the basics from the previous meal plans, but I’m not posting anymore.

  Ellie, I agree with the others. You really shouldn’t let something little like a seatbelt extension get in the way of spending time with Jenn. She’s been away so much lately, I think it’d be good for the two of you. And Melbourne Cup can be heaps of fun. I haven’t been to one for years. I’m not into horseracing at all, but it’s a good excuse to get glammed up and drink bubbly. Nothing wrong with that!

  Actually, Jewels, I’ll be in Melbourne next week and I was going to see if you were free for dinner or a coffee or something? I’m attending a conference on Wednesday and Thursday. I was planning on driving back after lunch on Friday but I can extend my stay if need be. Of course I’ll totally understand if you’re too busy.

  I better get off here. Sean’s taken Archie to martial arts and I promised I’d walk Stella down to the hall and watch the last half hour of the session. I might have to take the car because I’m already running late!

  Mezz ☺

  FAT CHAT | Saturday Oct. 24 2015 | Ellie

  Okay you guys have convinced me! I’m going to The Cup! Mezz, I would really love to catch up with you, so I’m wondering if I come down Thursday afternoon if you, Jewels and I could do dinner? Or brunch on Friday morning even? Jenn won’t be arriving until Sunday afternoon, but I’ve got some leave up my sleeve so if I’m going to fly to Melbourne I may as well make a bit of a mini holiday out of it. I love Melbourne and it won’t be too hard for me to fill in my time there.

  Of course no pressure, Mezz and Jewels. If you’re too busy to squeeze me in I’ll totally understand, but if that’s the case I might not come until Friday, so it’d be great if you could let me know one way or the other.

  E x

  FAT CHAT | Saturday Oct. 24 2015 | Jewels

  OMG, OMG, OMG!!! I have the BEST idea ever!!! My parents have a beach house at St Leonards. It’s huge! Plenty of room for us all. Why don’t we have a girls’ weekend away? Do you think you can swing a couple of extra days away from home, Mezz? And Ellie if you are just filling in time until Jenn arrives in Melbourne, why not get to see a little of Victoria while you are here?

  What do you think?

  Jewels xox

  Ellie’s first reaction to Jewels’ offer was one of excitement. For the past two months she’d wondered what each of these women was like in person – what they looked like, what they sounded like, and whether they’d all get on as well in person as they did online. Over the past couple of months she’d begun to look forward to their chats each day and it had nothing to do with weight loss. To be honest she’d lost interest in the whole idea of dieting. Like Mezz and Jewels, Ellie had stopped updating her weight in the WON forum weeks ago.

  The idea of meeting her closest Australian friends (let’s be honest – her only Australian friends) was incredibly appealing. If things went well, she’d actually be able to claim these women as real friends and it might stop Jenn from asking her how her ‘virtual playmates’ were going. She always smiled when Jenn made this remark, as if it didn’t bother her, but it was a shitty thing to say. There seemed to be a vague insinuation that she wasn’t capable of making real friends, or that Jenn’s friendships were the only ones that counted in their lives.

  But three nights was a long time to stay with people she’d never actually met. What if one of them turned out to be a nutter in real life? It wouldn’t be so bad if she had her own car because at least then she’d be able to leave if things turned sour, but as it stood she’d be at Jewels’ mercy.

  Her computer pinged signalling a new email message. It was a notification the blog had a new entry.

  FAT CHAT | Saturday Oct. 24 2015 | Mezz

  Just a quick one from me, because I’m posting from the phone and trying not to get caught! (I’m at martial arts and supposed to be giving Archie my u
ndivided attention.) When I saw this message I couldn’t wait to reply. Count me in! I haven’t had a weekend away from work or my family in forever. I can definitely stretch out my time away and I would so love to spend some time with you girls. I’m sure we’ll have a blast. Thanks for offering your family’s beach house, Jewels. It’s very generous of you.

  Better go. More later.

  Mezz ☺

  So Mezz was up for it. That made the idea seem safer somehow. Mezz was a doctor and she didn’t seem to be the reckless type. If she was going, then the plan couldn’t be too ridiculous, could it? Mezz would have her own car, of course, so the risk was less for her, but if it was really risky a sensible woman like Mezz wouldn’t be up for it, would she?

  Explaining this to Jenn was going to be tricky, though. She’d probably think Ellie was barking mad to even consider the idea.

  Another ping grabbed her attention. This time it was Kat who’d replied.

  FAT CHAT | Saturday Oct. 24 2015 | Kat

  Oh, I know I shouldn’t say this, but I am so jealous at the thought of the three of you getting together without me. I so wish I lived closer to you all.

  Sad Kitty Kat ☺

  Poor Kat. Of all of them she was the one most in need of a fun weekend to cheer her up. And clearly Ellie was the only one having doubts that the weekend would be a success. She needed to stop overthinking the whole thing and jump on in. How else was she ever going to know if these women truly were the kindred spirits she hoped they might be? Okay, so it was a risk, but it was a calculated one. What was the worst thing that could happen? The weekend might turn out to be awkward, or she might be bored for a couple of days. Unless one of the other women was a hardened criminal (highly unlikely) then the most she had to lose was her time.

  FAT CHAT | Saturday Oct. 24 2015 | Ellie