The Shape of Us

by Lisa Ireland

  Archie’s eyes lit up and he didn’t waste any time racing off to retrieve the loot.

  Sean looked at her and raised his eyebrows. ‘Really? You bought them lollies?’

  She could feel her hackles rising, but fought to keep her voice calm as she replied. ‘Only little ones. I couldn’t resist. I stopped in Geelong on the way home to grab a few things and I found this old-fashioned style lolly shop. I bought the kids some Bertie Beetles. Brought back memories of when I was a kid.’

  ‘Well, I hope it doesn’t send Max off his head.’

  As if she wouldn’t have thought of that. She bit back a sharp retort. Sean was spoiling for a fight and she wasn’t going to give him one if she could help it. ‘He’s usually fine with a small amount of chocolate.’ She laid a hand on his arm, and went to move in for a kiss, but Sean pulled away and began to dig again.

  ‘I’m all sweaty,’ he said.

  ‘I don’t mind,’ she said in what she hoped was a sultry voice. ‘By the way, I got a little something for you too while I was away, but you’ll have to wait until later to see what it is.’

  Sean jammed the shovel into the soft soil and looked at her. ‘I’m not in the mood for this, Mezz, whatever it is you’re getting at. I’m busy. I’ve been busy for the last five days being a full-time single parent instead of only a part-time one. I’ve been here, cooking, cleaning, dealing with arguments and meltdowns while you’ve been swanning around doing god knows what, so you’ll have to forgive me if I’m not feeling particularly romantic right now.’

  ‘Right,’ she said as she spun around and headed back to the house. Tears pricked her eyes but there was no way she’d let him see that she was upset. ‘I better go see how the boys are then.’ What a bloody fool she’d been to think a bikini wax and some sexy underwear would do the trick. Her marriage was in real trouble. Perhaps Sean was already having an affair. Clearly he wasn’t attracted to her anymore. Once upon a time even a hint of sexual innuendo would have had him chafing at the bit to get her into bed. Not anymore. She needed to take drastic action to sort this out.

  Chapter Fourteen

  FAT CHAT | Sunday Nov. 8 2015 | Jewels

  Hello Lovelies. I’m so sorry I haven’t been on here for days. We had a wedding to cater for yesterday so I’ve been flat out.

  Thank you all so much for the gorgeous flowers you sent. They arrived safe and sound. You are all very naughty. There was absolutely no need to thank me for our lovely weekend away together. I had a wonderful time and I’m thrilled to bits that you all enjoyed yourselves too. I’ve delivered the goody basket you had sent here for Mum and Dad. They were so touched at your generosity and have told me to tell you that you are all welcome to come visit any time.

  So, how are you all?

  Kat, how’s your first week back at home been? Have you been coping okay? Any more news from Josh? Sending you love and big hugs, my friend.

  Ellie, how was The Cup? Did you have fun? I hope you enjoyed having some quality time with Jenn.

  Mezz, how did the big seduction project go? Dying to hear details!

  Well . . . I have some exciting news! (No, I’m not pregnant. It’s not that exciting!!)

  Remember I told you about that wedding we are doing in December? Sofia’s friend’s sister – the rich people? LOL! Well, apparently her wedding is going to be covered by Brides In Style magazine. They’re doing a feature on all the aspects of the wedding including the cake, and next week the photographer is coming here to interview me and take photos of the shop and our cakes! Can you believe it? I’m going to be a star! Not only that, the local paper called and said they were doing a feature on local women in business, so they’re coming to interview me soon. Don’t worry, girls, I promise I’ll still remember all you little people when I’m famous!

  Ciao bellas!

  Jewels xox

  FAT CHAT | Sunday Nov. 8 2015 | Ellie

  Hi Jewels, and hi to everyone else too! Hope you’re all well.

  Jewels, that is such exciting news! I am absolutely thrilled for you. Have you worked out what you are going to wear for the photo shoot?

  The Cup was fantastic! Lots of fun. My outfit was fine for the weather as it actually turned out to be quite warm. Jenn and I had an enjoyable day together, although she was kept busy with all the people that want access to the minister via her! As for quality time together for the rest of the weekend? Hmmm. We had a nice dinner together on Sunday night, but she spent Monday working, so I was left to my own devices. Luckily Melbourne is such a lovely city. I managed to give the credit card a serious workout too. I bought a new handbag, shoes, and a gorgeous piece of statement jewellery for myself. I really do love Melbourne and could see myself living down there one day. Unfortunately I can’t see Jenn’s work ever allowing that to happen.

  Speaking of Jenn, she’s home this weekend. Well, she’s in Canberra. She’s working all day today but apparently we’re going out for drinks and a romantic dinner tonight so I’d best get off here and start making myself gorgeous.

  Ellie x

  FAT CHAT | Sunday Nov. 8 2015 | Kat

  Hi everyone.

  Well, we survived the week without any major meltdowns from me, so I’m calling that a win. Ami was a little unsettled after our trip and she kept asking for Dada, even though he wasn’t here when we left. But after the first night she was fine and she hasn’t asked for him since.

  I spoke to him on Wednesday. I called him; he hasn’t initiated contact once since I found out about his affair. I’m not sure if that’s guilt or if he just doesn’t care. Anyway, he’s agreed to send money for Ami each month. We worked out a rough estimate of what it costs to house, feed and clothe her per month, plus added in what I pay to the family day care lady and then halved it. Josh added some extra on top to cover emergencies. So I’m okay for money at the moment. I won’t be able to save as much as I used to but there will still be a little left over each month, so I’m not panicking as much about that side of things.

  Thanks so much to all of you for your support over the weekend. It would have been much harder to cope with this news if I’d been on my own. Thanks also to each of you for your texts during the week to check that I was okay. Really I’m doing quite well, considering. Things had been tense around here for such a long time that I think part of me is actually relieved that it’s all over and I know where I stand. Not that I haven’t had my moments. I’ll admit I’ve had a good cry at least once every day since the weekend. Although not today so far. Today I’m feeling good.

  Jewels, I’m very impressed with your news. You’ll make a wonderful media star!

  Ellie, I’m glad you enjoyed your time in Melbourne.

  Love and thanks to you all,

  Kat x

  FAT CHAT | Monday Nov. 9 2015 | Mezz

  Hi everyone. I’m writing this at work. My last patient for the day hasn’t shown so for once I have a bit of free time up my sleeve. I was busy all last week and then couldn’t post properly at home in case Sean caught me.

  I’m afraid operation seduction didn’t go very well. In fact it didn’t go at all. The new undies I bought in Geelong haven’t made it out of their tissue paper, and if Sean’s noticed that I’m bare ‘down there’ he hasn’t said anything, so I’m assuming he’s not wildly turned on by the hairless thing.

  He had the shits when I got home and basically hasn’t spoken to me since. Well, that’s not strictly true. We did have a huge row when I brought up the possibility of surgery. After talking to you all on the weekend I decided you were right and that I needed to be honest with him. I even organised a babysitter so we could go out to dinner to talk about it. That was a big mistake as we ended up spitting insults at each other across the table in the pub, so if there was anyone in town who didn’t know our marriage was in trouble, they do now.

  He accused me of being selfish, of only caring about myself,
not him or the kids. He told me I was obsessed with the way I look and that I need to grow up and get over it. When I told him I was considering the surgery so I would be a better wife, and a better role model for my children, he told me I was deluded. He said he feels like he doesn’t know me anymore.

  I told him that I loved him and that I respected his opinion but that in the end the choice would be mine. He told me to do whatever I wanted. But he’s barely spoken to me since. I honestly don’t know what’s going on with him. I only hope he comes around soon.

  It was so lovely to spend time with you all on the weekend. I only wish we could do it more often.

  Must fly!

  Mezz x

  Jewels shook her head. This surgery thing seemed crazy to her, but it looked like Mezz was becoming increasingly convinced it was the right thing to do. She didn’t blame Mezz’s husband for having reservations. Maybe he was scared he’d lose her. After all, even Mezz admitted there were risks involved with going under the knife. She wondered if Mezz’s bloke really had gone off her or if she was imagining it. From some of the things she said about him – the way he was with the kids, how he shouldered the load at home when Mezz was working, how he nagged her to take a holiday with him and the kids – he didn’t sound like a man ready to run out on his wife. Not like that bloody arsehole Kat had hooked up with. Sean didn’t sound like the sort of bloke who’d stop loving his wife just because she’d put on a few kilos, or even a few dozen kilos for that matter.

  The problem with Mezz wasn’t that she was fat. It was that she didn’t love herself. And because she didn’t love herself she didn’t know how to make the most of her assets. Sure she was short, but she wasn’t doing herself any favours by wearing the shapeless tunics she favoured. And everything she wore was black or grey. She needed a bit of colour to brighten her up. It was almost as if she was punishing herself for being overweight by not allowing herself to have pretty things.

  Of course, it was harder to find nice things when you were a curvy girl, but it just took a bit of persistence. And money of course. But it didn’t seem as if Mezz was short of a dollar. Even Kat, who was struggling to make ends meet, had her own sense of style. Of course Kat’s natural beauty probably had something to do with that. Jewels herself was a self-proclaimed style queen. Despite being the biggest of all of them, Jewels knew she looked great every time she left the house. Even when she was heading into the shop at an ungodly hour she made the effort to do her hair properly and make up her face. All her clothes were totally fabulous. Why on earth would she wear something that didn’t make her feel good? Matt joked that if they ever went bankrupt they could sell her shoe collection and live on the proceeds for years. Yes, she spent serious money on her wardrobe, but it was worth it. People were always commenting on how lovely she looked.

  It was such a shame Mezz lived so far away. If she was nearby, Jewels would take her shopping, pick out some fabulous outfits for her and then introduce her to Stefan, the only hairdresser Jewels would consider using. Perhaps that was an option for a future get-together. But right now Jewels had other things that needed her attention.

  Even though it was her day to work from home, this afternoon she was going in to the shop. She needed to oversee the design for the cakes they were preparing for the photo shoot next week. But right now it was all about her. She had to book hair and nail appointments for the morning of the shoot. The photographer from the magazine was coming at eleven, and apparently the magazine would bring their own stylists but Jewels wanted to make sure she looked perfect. Once her appointments were taken care of she needed to go through her wardrobe and pick out some potential outfits. It was so important to get the look just right for this shoot. Brides In Style was a prestigious magazine and had the potential to take her business to the next level. The exposure would be gold for her brand.

  If the day wasn’t jam-packed enough, she had one more exciting thing to do this afternoon. She was seeing a fertility specialist for some preliminary results at four p.m. She’d been terrified of having anything invasive done, but the first round of testing was fairly basic. And she could hardly expect Matt to submit to testing if she wouldn’t go there herself. If they wanted a baby there were sacrifices that would have to be made. If that meant submitting herself to being prodded and poked she would force herself to get through it Though Matt had been lukewarm about the idea at first, he’d agreed to some basic testing two weeks ago. He liked to think of himself as an Italian Stallion but she knew he was worried about the power of his swimmers. She’d put her hand on his leg and whispered, ‘What’s more masculine than helping your wife get pregnant, no matter what the method?’ And then she’d kissed him.

  It didn’t take long for him to come around to seeing her point of view.

  ★

  At four o’clock Jewels took a seat in the specialist’s waiting room and picked up a magazine. She flipped through a few pages but found she was unable to concentrate. Instead she turned her attention to the cheery posters of pregnant women and the snapshots of newborn babies adorning the walls. Some of the photos had notes or thank you cards stuck beside them. Jewels felt a surge of hope that finally she was on the right path and that this doctor would be the answer to her fertility problems.

  Dr Lenski popped his head around the corner. ‘Mrs Riccardi.’

  Jewels stood and smiled, before following him into his large, light-filled office at the end of the hall.

  ‘Is your husband not joining us today, Mrs Riccardi?’

  She smiled again. ‘Please call me Giulia. I’m afraid my husband had a meeting on the other side of the city and couldn’t make it back in time.’

  ‘Very well.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Has your husband shared the results of his tests with you?’

  Jewels nodded. ‘Matt said everything was fine on his end and that there were no issues with his sperm.’

  ‘Correct. So today we’ll go over your test results and talk about the way forward from here.’ Dr Lenski pulled a pair of black-rimmed glasses from his pocket and started to tap away at the computer keyboard. ‘Okay, Mrs . . . er, Giulia. I have all your results here. All your hormone tests have come back in the normal range, your ultrasound revealed a structurally normal uterus and normal ovaries and the cervical mucus test revealed no issues for sperm survival.’

  ‘Okay. That’s good, right? It means if we just keep trying we should get pregnant?’

  ‘Health-wise it’s good news, however it doesn’t necessarily mean that you will be able to achieve an unassisted pregnancy. It means that we haven’t found a reason to explain your infertility at this stage.’

  Jewels looked up at his serious face, hoping for some glint of optimism in his eyes, a signal that everything would be okay, but his expression remained impassive.

  ‘So what’s the next step, then?’

  ‘There are some other, more invasive tests that you can have, and we may get to those at some point down the track, however, Giulia, I need to be frank with you. You have a very high BMI. I see from your referral that your GP has recommended you lose weight. How’s that going?’

  Heat spread across Jewels’ chest, crept up her neck and settled in her cheeks. ‘I’ve been doing an online weight loss program.’

  ‘Excellent. How much have you lost since your doctor wrote this referral?’

  ‘Um, about three kilos, I think.’ It was 2.2 kilos to be exact but Jewels could see no harm in rounding up.

  ‘I see. Well, I suppose that’s a start. However, I think you’ll need to lose a fair bit more before we can expect to see a positive impact on your fertility. Now as I said, there are some more invasive tests we can do, however I’m reluctant to do them just yet. One of the tests is actually a surgical procedure and, even though it is very safe, all surgical procedures have risks. When you’re morbidly obese the risks increase. I would prefer you to lose some weight and see if that helps.
If it doesn’t we can go ahead with further testing, which will be safer for you at a lower BMI.’

  Jewels swallowed in an effort to dissolve the lump in her throat. She would not cry in front of this man.

  ‘Also, if we do need to go down the path of assisted reproduction, a lower starting weight will benefit your pregnancy. As I’m sure you’re aware, being severely overweight in pregnancy exposes both mother and baby to undue risk.’

  Jewels took a deep breath to calm herself. ‘So what are you suggesting I do? I’ve tried dozens of different diets without luck. And even if I do manage to find something that works, I’m afraid that it will take me years to lose the amount of weight you’re talking about.’

  ‘I’m not suggesting you need to be at your ideal weight before we begin further treatment, but I would like to see a significant weight loss, say about ten to fifteen kilos, before we go any further. I’m afraid there’s no simple solution to weight loss. It’s mind over matter and I can think of no greater motivation than achieving a much-wanted pregnancy. I’m sure you’ll do fine. See the receptionist on the way out and she’ll make an appointment for you with our dietitian. Nice to see you again, Mrs Riccardi.’

  And with that she was dismissed.

  On the train home she studied the brochures the receptionist had given her. She was to read this material before seeing the dietitian next month. Looking at the pamphlets gave her something to concentrate on, a way to hold back the floods of tears that were threatening to erupt. But she couldn’t take in the information. None of it seemed to make any sense.

  She walked in her front door at five fifteen. Matt wouldn’t be home for another hour yet. This whole thing was so unfair. She’d never minded being fat, not really. As a child, Nonna always told her there was more of her to love, and she’d believed that. Being fat hadn’t really held her back the way it did some people. She was warm and funny and kind. People responded to those qualities, so she’d always had friends. Not necessarily close friends, apart from Josie before she got sick, but she’d never been short of someone to talk to or hang out with. There hadn’t been a shortage of boys showing her attention either. Okay, so maybe not the captain of the footy or cricket team, but frankly she’d never been interested in boys like that. She liked boys she could talk to, ones who were funny without being crass. Boys like Matt. Being fat hadn’t stopped her from being successful in business, from entertaining or travelling or anything else that mattered to her. Until now.