The Makeover

by Vacirca Vaughn

  “That’s not what I meant, Paulo.”

  “Yes it is,” Paulo retorted. “And isn’t that what happened with your friends? You blamed them for not helping you, and when they told you the truth about your part in your situation, you dropped them. When your mother disappointed you when you needed support, you dropped her. When Cara made a mistake in judgment, you told her off. When I encourage you to let out your anger so it doesn’t consume you, you throw my wife’s suicide back in my face. When Cedric hurts you and leaves you for another woman, you refuse to drop him only because you want revenge. How are you the victim?”

  Phoenix was quiet as she digested his words.

  Paulo continued. “Look, Phoenix, I love you. This is the second time I’ve had to say this in the midst of chaos, but it is what it is. I might as well open up to you so you can see what is in my heart. I love you and after all this work, you still refuse to love yourself. You don’t love yourself enough to see yourself clearly. You can’t see what’s lovely about you and you can’t see your flaws. It’s because you keep looking at what other people are doing and not doing instead of looking at yourself. You are not looking at who you really are because you’re not letting God show you what I am sure He’s been trying to show you for years. Now I have been placed in your life and I am not going to lie to you. If you want to walk away from me because I’ve come to tell you the truth, I will miss you. But one thing I will never do is lie to you. A man helps a woman he loves be her best. You wanted a physical makeover and you got one. But God didn’t place me into your life just to exercise your stomach muscles. He wanted me to help you exercise your most important muscle.”

  “What?” Phoenix snapped. “My brain?”

  “No, Baby. Your heart.”

  His words exploded all around her and hammered her mind and soul. She began to weep. “You don’t understand. You’re just trying to make me ashamed of myself just like everybody else. You are just trying to make me feel like I’m nothing, just like everybody else!”

  Paulo’s heart ached at the sight of her weeping on his floor. Pushing away his own anger, he got up from his seat and grabbed her hand, pulling her up off the floor. He held her and rubbed her back, letting his own tears flow.

  “Phoenix, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep lecturing you and getting mad at you. It’s not me. I am frustrated because I thought you’d let this go. We’re been praying and praying and going to church and reading the Word, but you’re not willing to let God have His way. I want to be with you, but we can’t move forward until you let God into your heart. And it can’t be for me or for anyone else. It’s between you and God. You have to decide to let Him in. He’s the only One that can help you. But you have to stop trying to do things your way.”

  “But I don’t know how,” she weeped.

  “You can start by letting me pray again for you right now…and I’ll pray for me too.”

  And Paulo prayed. He asked God to forgive them both for their behavior and to cleanse them of behaviors of the flesh that were overcoming them. He asked God to intervene in Phoenix’s life and relationships right away so that more damage would not be done. He asked God to help him to wait on God for His plan regarding him and Phoenix to be revealed.

  “And Lord, I ask that you help us to communicate with each other in a loving, healthy way. If it is your will, please open up the communication between us. At this point, Father, I believe Phoenix and I were designed to be together, but it seems like that isn’t happening. I ask you, Lord, to either put us together or close the door between us. Still, no matter what, I beg you Lord to cause Phoenix to return to You. Not for me and not for any other purpose other than Your glory. Thank you, Lord. In Jesus Name, we pray, amen.

  Paulo led Phoenix down to his living room and they sat on the couch drained and confused. Paulo was sad because he had believed that God had confirmed that Phoenix would become his wife. He reminded himself again that Phoenix had given her life to the Lord several years prior, but had backslidden due to her desire for a relationship with Cedric. He knew that Phoenix already belonged to the Lord and that gave him hope. He also knew that if Phoenix did not listen to the Holy Spirit’s call for her return, she could be lost. She would be lost to the Kingdom of God and lost to him.

  He would not marry a woman who was unequally yoked.

  And Paulo, having already fallen in love with Phoenix, was growing weary in the wait. It had only been a few months, but he was tired of having his life placed on hold as she chased a vendetta to exact revenge on her ex. Paulo was hurt that she was so focused on the past that she was not willing to let Cedric go to get to know him, the man who was ready and willing to love her for all she was and not what she looked like. He had done all he had been called to do. He had continued to pray for her return to the Church and had helped her become healthy. He had not asked for this woman to be placed into his heart. Now he was struggling with his own faith about Phoenix and the matter was consuming him. Clearly his faith was being tested and he was tired. He had been through this before, losing a woman to something he could not help her overcome. And he didn’t want to do it again. He continued to pray silently as they sat there, staring into space.

  Phoenix was shaken to the core. She had worked so hard only to be told that she didn’t look as good as she did before. Her stomach was flat, at a hundred fifty-two pounds and she only had ten pounds to go. She wore a size six and was looking forward to becoming a size four. Eating healthy, organic meals had cleared up her skin and given her so much energy. Her new wardrobe had made her feel elegant and confident.

  And it was all for nothing.

  She had believed for many years that becoming beautiful would solve all her problems. She would have a good man, a better relationship with her friends who were embarrassed by her, and her mother would finally be proud of her. She felt that perhaps she could encourage her mother to join her when she trained with Paulo to help her mother become healthier and happier. Instead, she couldn’t bring herself to speak to her mother. Every time she had picked up her phone to call, or had ridden past her mother’s building on the way to jog with Paulo, she could not force herself to end their disagreement. She felt her mother should apologize to her for treating her the way she had. She wanted to tell her mother off for making her feel bad about herself. Phoenix wanted her mother to regret telling her that the best she could ever hope for was a cheating spouse.

  And Phoenix had no idea that she would become enemies with friends she’d had since high school. It was clear Nicola had chosen Sandra’s side and would not play the peacemaker. She wanted to reconcile but only if they apologized to her for what they’d said.

  And now Cara, the only friend she had left, had caused her to make a fool of herself. How could she consider facing her?

  And Paulo had basically just told her she was not beautiful enough to love because her heart was full of bitterness.

  Weren’t victims always a little bitter?

  Working herself up to a full rage, Phoenix jumped off the couch. “Paulo,” she said in a stone-cold voice, “I’m leaving. Sorry for all the drama. I have to go.”

  Paulo nodded. “Yeah. Maybe it’s for the best.”

  “I guess I should say sorry or whatever, but it won’t mean anything.”

  “Not if you say it like that. Only say it if you feel sorry about something.”

  “Well, sorry for stressing you out. What are you going to do about your window?”

  “They’re coming tomorrow to replace it.”

  “Oh. Okay then. Thanks for everything, I hope you have a good week.”

  “You’re not coming to church tomorrow morning I take it,” Paulo looked at the floor.

  “Naw. Like you said, it hasn’t helped me or anything. Also, I won’t bother you at the center anymore. You’ve shown me a lot and think I can manage from here.”

  Paulo twisted his lip. “Okay then, if that is how you feel.”

  “Yeah, it’s for the best.”r />
  “Uh huh.”

  “I will give you a check for your services as soon as I get the money.”

  Paulo laughed. “No thanks, Phoenix. Unless you’re paying me with love, I don’t need payment.”

  “Like my love would be good enough,” she barked.

  “Love without bitterness is always perfect,” Paulo struggled to put on a smile. “I’ll work on mine as you work on yours.”

  “I don’t have any bitterness and even if I did, so what? I’m allowed after all I’ve been through.”

  “You keep working on the real makeover, okay?” Paulo said, pointing to his head and his heart. “The one on the outside only lasts for so long.”

  “Alright, goodbye,” Phoenix said, rushing away.

  Paulo watched her leave, watched her through the hole in the door, as she raced down the steps.

  Turning to his big, empty apartment, he felt the tears spilling onto his cheeks.

  “Father, what have I done? I am only thirty-six and have lost a woman I love for the second time. But you know what, Lord? I am done. I am at the end of myself. I don’t have the strength, I don’t have the answers, and I don’t have the power. I am so in love with Phoenix I ache every time I hear her name or her voice. But, now, I give her over to You. I trust You, Lord. I can’t help her…I can’t even help You to help her. I can only be used by you and I believe I did what You commissioned me to do. I turn her over to you, Lord. She was Yours and will always be, in the Name of Jesus. You don’t need my help fixing her or healing her. You need my faith. So with the faith I still have left, I hand her over to You. I trust You to do what You promised. I am stepping out of Your way. I learned from Liz. I release my feelings from Liz’s death over to You as well. You healed Liz Your way, You’re healing me Your way, and You will heal Phoenix Your way. I ask You to supply the wife You have for me in Your timing. I am ready now, Lord, to love. I am not afraid. Just do what only You can do, in Jesus’s Mighty Name, Amen.”

  And the Lord watched His son cry. He placed His loving arms around Paulo to bring peace to His boy. His heart ached for His son’s pain, but He was so proud that his His son had finally learned all that He had been trying to teach him for almost ten years.

  Paulo learned to trust God for the woman he loved.

  And God decided then that Paulo had passed his test. He commanded His angels to prepare the other wife Paulo would meet if Phoenix did not pass hers.

  But He would not let her fail without giving His daughter His all. God only gave His best to all His children. If she rejected Him, it would be her choice and He would hand her over to darkness.

  But He would not let her go without a fight.

  The Father turned to His other Son, the Savior. “Send Your Spirit to her. Order her steps. Tonight is her last chance.”

  Jesus looked upon the Father. “Please, Father, she was one of Mine. Let Us fight for her.”

  The Lord God watched Phoenix as she walked home, practically faint with her tears. “I love her. We will fight one last night for her. After that, I give her over, My Son.”

  So the Father looked down upon His son, Paulo, and renewed his strength.

  “Paulo, pray,” God commanded. “One last night.”

  And Paulo heard his Father’s voice in his heart. Paulo wiped his tears and prepared to pray one of the most important prayers of his life, outside of the prayer for his own salvation. He grabbed the Word of God, as led by the Spirit, to read the scriptures given to him. After the Living Word further renewed Paulo’s strength, He allowed the Spirit to take control, as he began to fight for the woman he loved.

  Paulo spoke in tongues and then spoke with a voice of authority. “Father, in the Name of Jesus, I stand on Your Word. You gave Phoenix her name, Lord, because it was a spoken prophesy over her life. Long before she was born, You had a testimony for her. You knew she would fall, Lord, and be consumed by the fires of her personal hell. But You knew that she—like the mythical bird for which she was named—would rise from the ashes, oh Lord. I command, in the mighty Name of Your Son, that she will rise from the ashes of her faith and the ashes of her life, Lord. I believe that she will not fall. She will not lose her chance, Lord God, because the Word declares that whatsoever we shall ask in Jesus’s Name, we shall receive. I receive on behalf of Phoenix, that she will live a resurrected life. Call her back from the dead, oh Lord! In Jesus’s Name, I ask that You raise up more saints to fight this battle for Phoenix tonight, Lord—”

  Satan watched Paulo pray, feeling his efforts weakening. He tried to distract Paulo with thoughts of Elizabeth. He tried to remind Paulo of the hurtful things Phoenix had said and done to him, in spite of how much he loved her. He tried to make Pride cause Paulo to feel wounded that Phoenix had still not professed her love. When Paulo had prayed for four straight hours, Satan even tried to cause him to fall asleep.

  But no matter what Satan tried, he could not get past the fifty warrior angels of the Lord that had formed a barricade around the prayer warrior’s entire building. They eyed Satan’s demons as their golden swords flashed brighter with each word that Paulo prayed. They almost seemed hopeful that Satan’s demons would make a move. They blocked Satan, becoming more empowered with each scripture and prayer Paulo declared over Phoenix’s life.

  Satan began howling in rage that he no longer had access to Paulo. He knew his window of opportunity to win back Phoenix was running out.

  Satan decided to give Phoenix all that he had left; he would use the most effective weapon he had ever used against her.

  He had worked hard in the past week to prepare the weapon he would use.

  His weapon was more than ready.

  And Satan always saved the best weapon for last.

  He always used his best weapon last to prevent a breakthrough.

  Chapter 26

  Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand (Ephesians 6:10-13).

  While Paulo fought, Phoenix cried.

  Hot tears hit her cheeks the moment she left his building.

  Making her way home alone, she felt the loneliest she had ever felt in her entire life.

  She had ended things with the one person in her life who had loved her for who she was, not for what she looked like, what she did for him, or what she could offer him

  And now she would be alone.

  When she reached her building, she jumped on the elevator and leaned against the wall, spent. When the elevator reached her floor, she lingered, letting the elevator door slide closed. Almost in a trance, she pressed the button for the eighth floor.

  Phoenix was afraid to face her friend after the way she had spoken to her, but she couldn’t bear to be alone right then. She didn’t want to go to Cara. She didn’t want to ask her for help. But she felt she had to at all costs. She didn’t know why, but she knew if she did not, something could be lost forever. Swallowing her pride, she trudged to the apartment and knocked.

  “Chica!” Cara exclaimed, throwing her arms around Phoenix’s tear-stained neck. “Praise God! I’ve been praying for you. You alright?”

  Phoenix sniffled through an “I’m okay,” as Cara led her into the apartment. She didn’t acknowledge Cara’s comments about praying for her. Lots of good that did. “Sorry to interrupt your evening.”

  “Girl, please don’t start that mess,” Cara said, giving Phoenix’s hand a squeeze.

  Cara rushed to get Phoenix a glass of water and a box of tissues. When she returned, she handed the glass to her friend and used a tissue to pat Phoenix’s cheeks. When she was done, she sat down. “I’m sorry for how
I pushed you earlier, Chica. As much as God has been trying to teach me to stop getting involved in things unless He leads me to do it, I turn around and do it again. I call myself trying to help. But, still, I am so sorry I pushed you into something you were not ready or willing to do.”

  Phoenix gave her friend a wide-eyed look. “What do you mean, ‘you’re sorry?’ I am the one who was horrible for yelling at you like that. No, I’m sorry. You were just trying to help and play the peacemaker.”

  “More like troublemaker!” Cara snickered. “Anyway, Phoenix, I am so sad for you. I can understand why you got so angry. I was just trying to get you to forgive so you can be blessed, you know? But you was right. My job ain’t to preach to you twenty-four, seven. I am supposed to share what I believe is true and leave it up to the Lord to do the rest. But you live, you learn.”

  “Well, thanks anyway. It didn’t work the way we expected but if it had, I would have been thrilled. I just lashed out at you because I didn’t at them.”

  Cara waved her hand. “I know, but it don’t matter. I might have done the same thing.”

  The two girls hugged.

  After Phoenix explained what happened with Paulo, Cara struggled not to jump in with her opinions, even though she was disappointed to hear how things had gone. She had done enough meddling and perseverating for one day. Instead, she put a comforting arm around Phoenix and simply listened. And when Phoenix finished sharing, she was relieved that she didn’t feel the need to jump in with her own advice or opinions or solutions. That time, at least, she remembered to ask the Spirit of God to lead her in the best way to help her friend. Calling James out of their bedroom, she asked him to join them in prayer.

  “I don’t know why, Chica, but I have a strong sense that we need to continue to pray for you and—”

  “And when my baby says to pray, I pray,” James boomed, already grabbing his Bible. “The Spirit of God knows what we need before we even ask, so let’s ask.”