The Makeover

by Vacirca Vaughn

  His love.

  And she had worked every single day for almost two years to have it. She had believed she had earned it when he said he would marry her. She had even given him the money to purchase her ring. She had paid for the wedding that never happened practically on her own, with some help from her mother. She had begged him for a child and he said he wasn’t ready, that he couldn’t afford to bring another child into the world. And yet, after a few months, he had gotten a girl pregnant and was finally stepping up to be the man for that girl that he had never chosen to be for Phoenix.

  No.

  She would have justice and God and Paulo and Cara would just have to understand.

  But first—

  Phoenix trudged up the steps, holding a garbage bag she had found in Paulo’s home office. The glass glistened all over his steps. Gingerly, she stepped around the large pieces to avoid them from piercing the rubber soles of her Uggs boots. She began to pick up the pieces of the glass, placing them in the bag.

  Locating a broom and dustpan in the small courtyard in front of the ground level office, she swept the steps, pushing the shards until they were all piled on the sidewalk. She gathered the larger pieces and placed them in the trashcan tucked into the corner of the small courtyard.

  “What are you doing?” he asked, his voice a low rumble in his chest.

  She looked up to see Paulo, standing in the cold, stripped to the waist, wearing only a pair of basketball shorts and boxing gloves that he was yanking off. She didn’t answer, unable to find appropriate words. She continued to sweep the glass from the sidewalk in front of his brownstone.

  “I asked you what you are doing, Phoenix? And why are you still at my house?” Paulo said as he bounded down the steps to snatch away his broom.

  Phoenix saw that his eyes were swollen and puffy, edged in red. They shone like canary diamonds—brilliant, but hard and unyielding.

  She gently grabbed back the broom stick handle and finished sweeping. When all the pieces were in the pan, she walked them silently back to the trashcan and dumped them.

  “I’m cleaning up the mess I caused,” she answered quietly. She couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes, knowing she had caused him to cry.

  “I don’t need you to clean up my messes, Phoenix.”

  “But you’ve cleaned up mine so many times. This is the least I can do. I am so sor—”

  “Save it,” Paulo snapped. “Just go home.”

  “Paulo, please—”

  “What?” Paulo tossed the word to the street behind them.

  “I am sorry. Please forgive me. I don’t know what came over me.”

  “I do. But it’s no excuse for using my past against me.” He chuckled. “But then again, that’s what you do, so why am I so surprised?”

  Phoenix felt she deserved that so she let the words smack her in the face and slide down to the ground. She placed a hand on his arm. “I am apologizing to you for what I said this afternoon. Please forgive me. I didn’t mean it. I was angry about something else and wasn’t ready to talk about it. You were right. Either I should have gone home and taken some time to myself or discussed it. I should never have taken it out on you by shutting you out, then lashing out. Please forgive me, Paulo.”

  Paulo’s face softened from stone to half-dry cement. “I do forgive you. Now, I just want you to give me some space, okay? Go home.”

  “But all we’ve been doing for three months is giving each other space, Paulo.” When Paulo turned away, Phoenix’s tried again. Placing a hand on his shoulder, she said, “You are going to catch pneumonia, P. You should get upstairs.”

  “Not until you leave my property Phoenix. I want to make sure you head home.”

  “How can I do that when I am going inside with you?”

  “Phoenix—”

  But Phoenix, in her new body, had sprinted up the steps two at a time and was already letting herself into his duplex apartment.

  “Wow,” she said when she heard him enter. “I can’t believe I’ve never been up here. I’m always at your office or you come over to my house.”

  “My pai, my father, before he died, taught me that the man should go to the woman as much as possible,” Paulo answered gruffly.

  “You are such a gentleman. Still, I wish I had been invited up here. This is beautiful. Why didn’t you ever have the Bible studies up here?”

  “We used to, but we started having them downstairs when Mariana broke both her legs in a car accident, and couldn’t get upstairs in her wheelchair. I guess it just became our hangout spot ever since.”

  “Wow. But this is so lovely, Paulo,” Phoenix said in awe.

  The large open-concept living/dining/kitchen area was spacious and bright. The walls were painted a cool greenish-gray, with black leather furniture. A sleek bachelor pad, the space was sparsely decorated. There were black and white photographs on the wall, ivory blinds, and several pieces of art and sculptures that added splashes of vibrant color. Of course he had a large flat screen taking up the wall opposite his sectional. His dark-cherry floors extended past the dining area into the spacious galley-style kitchen that included a breakfast bar with space for four.

  “I love this place. What? Did HGTV come and do this place for you?”

  “Cara,” Paulo responded. “I bought it abandoned and she oversaw the renovations.”

  “She decorates too? My goodness that girl is going to be famous.”

  “Yeah.”

  “So are you going to show me around?”

  “I didn’t invite you in, so why do you get a tour?”

  “Because you forgive me and want me to finally see your home,” Phoenix murmured as she walked over to Paulo. Her mouth went dry as she stared at the ridges and contours of his heavily muscled upper body. She traced his jaw line with her fingertip and let it trace a pattern down his neck to his chest before finally resting on his firm abdomen.

  Paulo stiffened and let out an involuntary gasp, as he parted his lips. He didn’t want to react to her touch. He really didn’t. He swallowed. I won’t get sucked in. I refuse. Jesus…

  “My, my…” she whispered, letting her eyes sweep over his body, as her finger traced the ridges of his eight-pack abs. She bit her bottom lip as she stared boldly into his eyes.

  Paulo, watching her bite a lip, finally drew a long breath and stepped back. “Are you finished or should I turn around for closer inspection?” Paulo snapped.

  “Please!” Phoenix grinned. “By all means, do turn around for closer inspection.”

  “Mighty confident nowadays, aren’t you?” Paulo frowned as he left the room to get a tee

  shirt.

  “Well you helped me with that, transforming me into my gorgeous self,” Phoenix called as she walked into the dining area to look at the antique wood table. “Hey, I understand about your old-fashioned charm, but I still don’t get why you haven’t invited me into your main living area. I would have loved to hang out with you outside of your office downstairs or my apartment.”

  “I would have, but you had more pressing matters to attend to, right?” Paulo raised his eyebrow. “Like introducing you to God, not that it’s made a huge difference.”

  “Paulo, I—”

  “You wanted a tour, so go look around. Go on upstairs and look just to put your mind at rest,” Paulo said curtly, jumping into his reclining armchair and turning on the television to a news network. “Then you can go home.”

  Phoenix was disappointed that he refused to walk through his home with her and considered waiting for a better time. Curiosity, however, took control and she found herself in the kitchen. She was so happy to see he had a deck that led to the ground-floor outdoor space.

  “This is how the better half of Harlem lives,” she sighed.

  She found a small half-bath, just underneath the circular stairs, before taking them to the second floor. There she found another large spacious bathroom in between two jack and jill-style bedrooms. In the middle of the long hall wa
s the master, which was decorated in a lovely blue with black furniture, and again was very sparse, masculine, and sleek. She saw he had a master bath and a huge walk-in closet that was barely filled with his belongings.

  “He’s right. He does need a wife,” Phoenix murmured, picturing what she would add to the spa-like master suite.

  There was another very large room that contained an armchair, a loveseat, a huge table filled with religious items, a stereo, a television, a desk, and bookshelf filled with bibles and religious books. On the door was a sign that read “The Lord’s Room.” Phoenix loved that Paulo actually had a room dedicated to God in his house which he had called his “prayer closet.” She had not fully believed it when he’d told her about it. He’d said that there may be a time when the Church may have to worship privately in the last days. “Wow, he was serious about that,” she murmured.

  There was a smaller room that was clearly Paulo’s home gym. There stood a small Nordic track treadmill, an elliptical machine, a bike, and a weight-lifting machine. Tucked into the corner was a punching bag and two chairs.

  Phoenix saw that there were several sets of gloves and grabbed the smallest set. She struggled to put them on for several minutes.

  “Need some help?” Paulo said, from his position in the doorway.

  “Yeah.”

  Paulo came over and pulled the glove off her hand before grabbing bandages to wrap her knuckles. Then he deftly pulled each glove onto her hand.

  “Thanks,” Phoenix smiled before turning to the bag. “Now what?”

  “Now you hit the bag.”

  “Aren’t you going to show me how?” Phoenix said, taking a sloppy swing at the bag.

  “No. I’m off the clock. You’ll figure it out.”

  Pouting, Phoenix took another swing at the bag and another, while it swung in every direction.

  Frustrated, Phoenix took another wild swing, effectively missing the bag. Tripping on her own feet, she slipped onto the floor.

  Phoenix looked up to see Paulo’s shoulders shaking.

  “Are you not going to help me up?” she barked.

  “Why? When you were down before, and I tried to help you up, you ripped my head off. You don’t need my help, remember? With your new clothes and your new body and your new makeup and your new hair, you got it all together, right?”

  And Paulo was no longer laughing.

  Sighing, Phoenix used her gloved hands to push herself up from the ground. Walking over to Paulo she took a swing at his chest as hard as she could.

  He didn’t even blink. “Nice. You might want to bend your arm a little more to get some power into your punch.”

  “That didn’t hurt?” Phoenix said, through clenched teeth.

  “Didn’t even tickle,” Paulo grinned. “But nice try.”

  Phoenix swung again, harder, hitting the deep ridges of his stomach.

  Paulo took a breath that time. Nodding, Paulo said, “Better.”

  Phoenix was tempted to swing at his face, but stopped herself. “Get these off of me.”

  Paulo took his time getting the gloves off.

  “Did I hurt you at all?”

  “Not physically,” he responded, looking deeply into her eyes.

  “Paulo? I said I was sorry for what I said. I am sorry for treating you that way after all you’ve done for me and—”

  “Listen, I already said I forgive you, but you shouldn’t treat people that way whether they’ve done something for you or not, Phoenix.”

  Shame flooded Phoenix so powerfully,, she could barely keep her head up. “I know. Still, it’s worse because you have been nothing but kind. I had no right to bring up things you told me in confidence and use it against you.”

  “No, you did not have a right. But bitterness does that too you.”

  Phoenix rolled her eyes. “Why does everyone keep saying I am bitter?”

  “Because it’s already taken root inside of you and is now spilling over into everything you say and all the decisions you make.” Paulo made a face. “So has this new-found arrogance that tries to masquerade as confidence. I guess I recognize the bitterness in you because God has been dealing with me about that as well.”

  Phoenix remembered the voice telling her it was the root of bitterness causing her to react so shamefully with her friend…with the man she loved.

  But she shrugged the memory away. “Okay, yes, there are some things from my past that I have not gotten over, but what do I have to be bitter about? I feel good, I look good—”

  “You look nice, but then again, you always were beautiful, at least you used to be, to me.”

  Phoenix was staggered. “What do you mean I used to be? I was never attractive until I lost this weight and started taking better care of my skin. I got the right clothes now and—”

  “I don’t want to hurt you, but to me, you no longer look half as attractive as you used to.”

  “What?” Phoenix stumbled back, shrinking from his words. “Why would you say that?”

  “Because what has happened is exactly what I thought would happen.”

  “And what’s that?”

  Paulo sat down on his swivel chair in the corner. “Because you’ve fixed up the outside but your heart is full of anger and malice and venom. Okay, before you were heavier, and yeah, you wanted some new clothes to highlight your assets. Fine. Sure, a new hair style didn’t hurt. But to me, you were beautiful. You were kind. You were sweet and shy and thankful for every little thing. You were soft, Phoenix. And I don’t mean your belly. I mean your heart. You were soft and loving. You wanted to be loved so badly but you were willing to give love first. It is what made you, you. And you, the you I first met, was so lovely. It was that woman I fell in love with.”

  Phoenix sucked in a gasp and sunk to the floor. “You fell in love before—”

  “Yes and don’t pretend like I haven’t made it clear. And it was that you I wanted to be with, if you came to know the Lord, and wanted me back. And okay, physically, many would say you look the best you’ve ever looked, but I think you were more attractive before.”

  “But why do you say that when—”

  “Because you were searching for confidence, and it has turned to arrogance. You were searching for beauty, but have quickly lost most of the things that made you beautiful—in a way that lasts. You were searching for love and have forgotten how to love back. These past few months, you’ve become self-absorbed, vain, prideful, and bitter. How can that ever make you look truly beautiful?”

  “All this because I made a mistake I’ve already apologized for?” Phoenix shrieked. “How is that fair?”

  “Fair?” Paulo laughed. “Was it fair for you to scream at Cara for trying to help you make amends with your friends?”

  “Here we go with the God squad! I mean for someone who is already married, she sure talks to you a whole lot. If you already knew what was bothering me, why did you ask?”

  “Because I wanted you to share it with me. I wanted you to choose not to shut me out. But you did. The Phoenix I knew before would have never done that. Was it fair for you to lash out at me because I didn’t handle things the way you wanted? Again, the old Phoenix would never have said those things. We were just trying to help you because we care. Cara loves you as a sister. I love you as my woman. But you don’t even know what that means anymore. It’s funny because you kept saying no one wants to love you because you were not beautiful. We loved you because we found you beautiful long before your magic makeover. Only problem is, you have no idea what to do with it.”

  “That’s not true. You guys only love me when I do what you want me to do.”

  “We want you to do the right thing because we love you, not in order for us to love you. Don’t listen to the devil’s lies. We are warning you so you don’t end up worse off than you’ve ever been, Phoenix. Cara and I were just trying to help you avoid the mistakes we’ve already made. I tried to warn you not to focus all on what is on the outside because what really mak
es a woman beautiful is what is in her heart. The Lord says a woman is beautiful by her meek and gentle spirit. That was what I first saw in you, what I saw in your beautiful eyes. That is what God sees in you.” Paulo sighed and closed his eyes. “And now that’s gone…just like the weight. Only you didn’t become more attractive because of it. You’ve lost the beauty you already had.”

  “So if that’s the case, why are you still even in my life? Why don’t you just leave like everybody else?”

  “Here you go again, playing the victim. I know the way your friendships and relationship ended was painful. But, did it ever occur to you that God took certain people out of your life? Instead of being angry about losing them, you should be grateful to the Lord that you’ve escaped them. You’re harping about everything that people do to harm you, but what do you do to overcome the situation? Like your mom, for instance. When was the last time you’ve reached out to her? Do you think you’re acting like a loving daughter for holding this grudge against her? It’s been more than six months!”

  “Stop judging me, Paulo,” Phoenix said weakly. “First you tear up your house and now this. How is that Christian of you?”

  Paulo laughed. “Oh, I get it. We only get to be good Christians when we are doing something you want and telling you things you want to hear. When I tell you how special you are and encourage you, I’m the best Christian since Jesus. When Cara is telling you how to dress up and look your best, and giving you free stuff, taking you out for girl time, she’s the Christian sister you’ve never had. But when we show our own weaknesses—like my tantrum earlier— suddenly I’m not real. I do regret letting myself get to that point, but I am human. I made a mistake that I have to speak to God about. And now, when I am trying to tell you the truth—even if it hurts—you want no parts of it, right? Suddenly I’m not a real Christian? Now you want no parts of me?”