FILTHY (Reckless #2)

by HJ Bellus

  Gia leans forward, expecting me to do the same thing.

  17

  Darby

  I’m way too antsy to stay home pacing the wood floor until Rhett gets home, so I park downtown and decide to window shop to pass the next hour. My feet pound the sidewalk in a light fashion. The vicious cyclone of finally opening up to Rhett and then him bringing it up last night was a grueling punch to the gut, but looking back he was only trying to protect me.

  He’s the first person to ever try to protect me. My dad sure in the hell didn’t give a flying fuck and my mom was only ever worried about presenting the picture perfect daughter to the fucking sick men. I never opened up my heart and soul to another person besides Rhett and he took it with conviction, wanting to protect me from my past.

  The mere thought of Rhett makes me smile at my reflection in a storefront window. It’s a quaint bohemian shop with delicate dresses, beige purses, and floppy sun hats. We haven’t been to the beach for months, between work and getting ready for Ava’s wedding, but the summer season is right around the corner. The cool air from the shop blasts me in the face when I pull open the door and step in.

  There’s a soothing hippy song filling the air and the scent of lavender. I let my fingertips brush over the different dresses and skirts. A young woman asks if I need any help, and I just wave her off and browse. I find the perfect sundress and buy it quickly.

  The evening air in California is the best medicine for the soul along with the rhythmic sounds of the waves hitting the shore in this small beach town. I let the salty air flow in and out of my lungs. My phone alerts me to the fact, I still have thirty minutes until I’m suppose to meet Rhett at the local steakhouse, so I cross the street and continue my carefree window shopping.

  I pass on a couple bath and spa stores even though the fresh lingering scent of lemon bath bombs entices me. I freeze in front of a small deli unable to think or feel. Ice cold emotions rush through my body starting at my toes and finally making it all the way to my brain inducing in me the worst brain freeze ever. I blink my eyes and then blink again to make sure my eyes aren’t playing tricks on me.

  My world crumbles. The sidewalk below me collapses, no longer able to hold me up. “It can’t be,” I whisper out loud.

  Rhett is across from Gia and her hands are placed on his. She’s perched forward waiting for his lips to hit hers. It all happens in slow motion and such a horror I can’t peel my eyes from the fucking tragedy playing out in front of me. He leans forward as my bag drops to the ground.

  I don’t realize the scream that escapes me before I can cover my mouth. Rhett notices me staring at them and looks like he’s been caught. He raises from his seat and that’s when my brain finally remembers it’s function.

  I turn and run. Run faster than I’ve ran before. I leave the bag back on the sidewalk and sprint for my car. My hand rustles around in my purse searching for my keys. In the distance, I can hear Rhett calling my name, but I don’t turn back to him.

  He was supposed to be at work until we met. He told me he wouldn’t have time to shower, and would be ready for a big steak dinner and a few cold beers. He also said other several dirty things, but oh my god he was just about to kiss Gia.

  Bile rises up the back of my throat and I have to cover my mouth to keep myself from puking. I sprint across the street without even checking for traffic. Horns and the squealing of tires fill my eardrums, but I don’t look. When I dart down the alley to the parking lot where my car is parked, I see Rhett waiting for a few trucks to pass before he can sprint across the street.

  That one sweet, final, and delicious glance towards him rips my heart from my chest, throwing it on the dirty alley’s cracked asphalt. It’s the final stand and the harshest good-bye. Forever; he’s chosen to forever crush me.

  18

  Darby

  The battery light on my phone flashes red. I let out a sardonic laugh thinking how ironic it is that the little fucker is going dead when I haven’t used it in days. Ava and Rhett have blown up my phone with texts and call after call. I finally broke down the other night and texted Ava a simple message letting her know that I’m okay.

  If I tell her where I’m at or what happened all she’d do is send Rhett. And the last thing I need to hear is his piss poor excuses. I’d definitely never survive seeing his beautiful face and taking in his manly scent. Every night when my head hits a different hotel pillow, his dark brown eyes taunt me and the artwork covering his arms invade my dreams. My body craves him every single second of the day. It’s a fucking traitor. I feel like a crack whore coming off the highest high.

  Detox is everything they say it is. No amount of pain pills or alcohol have been able to numb the gut wrenching effect of losing Rhett. The scene in the small deli becomes more vivid each time it floats through my mind. He had history with Gia and it seems it was more important than us.

  I have no clue where I’m heading, but know it will be states away from California and the only home I’ve ever had. It’s not just losing Rhett but the thought of losing the only family I’ve ever known. Not watching Charlie grow up is a thought I cannot even begin to comprehend.

  I’ve done better than I thought ignoring Rhett’s text and pleas of forgiveness. The man is the relentless and late at night I’ve been so damn close to giving in to him. Self-punishment is the one thing I’ve thrived on in life, but no more. It’s time to find the real Darby in this large and very ugly world.

  A knocking at the door alerts me to my dinner arriving. The first town I’ve been to that has a delivering Chinese restaurant and I’m oh so thankful for that. One more slice of pizza or a cold sub and I just may vomit. I tip the young delivery man, then decide to check my blog and email for new work. Fashion blogging is the one thing I’m not giving up. It will be my empire that I built all by myself.

  I dig through my purse searching for my planner and pen, to check my calendar and all the blog updates I need to update and schedule. Thank God for my own love that’s never let me down…fashion.

  “Ouch.” I squeal around a mouth of Chinese noodles.

  I bring the tip of my finger with blood droplets dripping from it to my mouth and suck on it like it would magically heal the paper cut. When I peer down into my large purse I see the culprit. The envelope that was sent to Ava’s house.

  It clearly has my first and last name printed on it with an odd return address. I hadn’t thought about it again since she handed it over to me. I delicately slide it open with my other hand while still sucking on my throbbing finger. The take-out of Chinese goes to the side of my thigh, warming it.

  Several pages scrawled with old-fashioned cursive fall from the envelope along with an old Polaroid. It’s seen better days with tattered edges and scratches all over the picture. It’s a young woman holding a baby like a prized trophy. It reminds me of Ava and Charlie.

  The first line sends me straight into a state of shock, where all of my thoughts cloud and I truly feel terror for the first time. My heart stops beating as I force myself to read through the rest of the letter. As nasty as the message is, the flawless cursive makes me fall into a deep love.

  Dear Darby,

  Or at least I hope they kept your name Darby. It was my only term besides the one thousand dollar payment. It’s taken me years to write this letter and being behind bars for the rest of my days waiting for my fate on death row for all my past crimes.

  My past and dishonorable actions have finally met me, and put me in prison. There were hundreds of babies I sold on the black market, but Darby you were different.

  You were different because your mom was my one and only best friend. Francis was my childhood best friend. We lived on the wrong side of the tracks, and our only saving grace was our friendship and imaginary clubhouse back in the overgrown woods. It was the only place we could escape the demons that would meet us in our homes. Abuse doesn’t even begin to describe what we experienced at nights.

  Years later, several years later
, we met again in a different town and in different times in our lives. She was nine months pregnant and happier than could be, even though her boyfriend ditched her in a new town all alone. She was working three jobs and putting all of her extra money into creating the perfect nursery for you.

  I’d been involved with Antonio for years, stealing babies and selling them. It was good money. Easy money that made ends meet. I got greedy and caught in a bind with him. It was my throat or to bring a baby to him. I chose my life.

  I held your mother’s hand when she delivered you, wiped her tears away when she held you for the first time, and even drove her home. Francis had never been happier in her life and let her have six full days with you. It was all the time Antonio gave me.

  I know none of these excuses make sense or any of my actions right. When I handed you over to the stuck-up influential couple from Tennessee a part of my soul was ripped from me. The woman had enough nerve to gag when you burped up some formula. I wanted to tear you from her hands and run. But then again, I made a selfish decision, which I’ve made my whole life.

  I feel the most guilt laying this on you right now. I have no idea where you are at in your life. I’m so sorry if you’re living your dream and hit with this, but you deserve to know your real mother and how much she loved you. Her contact information is attached.

  The tears streaming down my face morph into my whole body shaking. I reread the letter until I have it memorized without the message sinking in. This can’t be true or happening right now.

  Without thinking, I dial my mother’s number on my cellphone. It’s not saved as a contact, but produced from memorization. It rings and rings and I wonder if she even recognizes my number.

  “Are you in jail?” Her cold tone floats through the phone.

  “Mom,” is the only word that comes out

  “What do you need? I’m at the spa.”

  “Did you…” I stumble over my words still in denial, not wanting to believe the letter.

  “Did I what, Darby?” She doesn’t pause and wait for me to answer before going off on me. “Are you in trouble? Your dad and I told you, we’re done with you. We’ve given you everything and all you’ve done is ruin us.”

  “Mom, did you buy me?” Each word ricochets around the room like stray bullets.

  “What did you say?” Her harsh tone has dissipated into fear.

  It makes me feel braver hearing the fear invade her. “You heard me, Mom, did you fucking buy me as a baby.”

  “John,” I hear her yell.

  “I thought you were at the spa, Mother, or are you standing there naked for the kicks of Daddy’s friends.”

  I know she hears my words, but chooses to ignore me.

  “She knows. She found out.”

  I hear some rustling on the other end and then my father’s gruff voice. It’s dead of any emotion with just a harsh intake of evil.

  “Darby, how did you find out?”

  It’s all the confirmation I need.

  “You’re fucking pure evil,” I spat feeling bile rise back up.

  “I’ll destroy you if this leaks. I’m running for Governor this year and leading the race.”

  “You can’t destroy me, Father.” The word father bleeds venom as I speak it.

  “When you’re dead you’ll be destroyed, do you understand me? I’ll make you go away if you even think about leaking this.”

  “You’re pure evil.” Silent tears and heartbreak roll down my face. “Did you ever love me?”

  “Darby…”

  I hang up before he even has a chance to answer, knowing the real answer. The musty hotel room spins and I feel sick. No amount of alcohol or drugs could even begin to curb the disgust coursing through me. I wretch once before rushing to the bathroom.

  My hand hit the cool ceramic of the tile before I throw up over and over until I have nothing left in me, then everything goes black. A black endless hole of despair.

  19

  Darby

  Me: Ava, I’m going back home to take care of some business. If you don’t hear from me in two days please report it to the authorities.

  Ava: What in the hell?

  Me: Please Ava.

  My phone lights up with Ava’s goofy picture alerting me to a call and I take it.

  “Darby.”

  “Ava, please listen to me. I’m about to board a plane back home. If you don’t hear from me in two days then report it to the police.”

  “What in the hell is going on, Darby? Are you in trouble? Please.” I hear her voice crack and envision the tears of hurt streaming down her face, but I don’t have it in me to tell her the whole story. I’m broke like never before. Packing up my bags in the hotel room and walking in the airport took everything I had in me.

  “Is that her?” I hear Rhett’s voice roar in the background and then some rustling for the phone.

  “Darby.” His voice is deep, harsh and commanding. He feels like home even though I know he’s not mine anymore. He was the first to crack my solid foundation and then my parents destroyed the rest of me, sending me into a crumbling pile of ash on the cold dirt.

  “Rhett,” his name floats of my lips and I hate myself for it. I want him, need him right now and don’t even give a fuck if he feels the same about me. I need him.

  “Where are you?”

  “I don’t know.” It’s honest because right now I have no clue where I’m at.

  “Why did you run?” He growls on the other end. “I met with Gia to let her know she doesn’t get to control any of my future.”

  The image of her holding his hands and leaning forward for a kiss is actually a pleasurable image right now. As much as it hurt me in the moment and I thought it ruined my world, it really didn’t. I let out a cruel laugh.

  “Where are you? I’m coming for you.”

  “You were about to kiss her.”

  I hear the flight staff call for my flight to board.

  “Do you really fucking believe that? Do you not have any fucking faith in me?” He’s hurt and pissed, and it makes me feel good in a sick and evil way. Maybe I’m more like my sick and fucking twisted dad.

  “I saw it,” I whisper.

  “I leaned forward to tell her to stay the fuck away from me and that I’d never forgive her for killing our baby. I was letting my past go so nothing or no one had any control over our future. I was so scared of losing you or you walking out on me, Darby, that I wanted to make everything perfect.”

  “I ran out.”

  He goes silent on the other end and I hear the final boarding call.

  “You’re better without me, Rhett.” I pause, making the hardest decision of my life. “Goodbye.”

  My thumb hits the red circle to end the call and I stand, brushing off my jeans and board the plane. It’s a full flight and my nerves are shot. I have no future and am ready to crush the good senator of Tennessee once and for all. He thinks he’s won with his threats, but he has no idea the hell that’s about to invade his life.

  A twisted laugh escapes me thinking about his threat of ending my life. He has no idea how big of a favor that will be. “Breathless” by The Corrs blares through my ear buds. A smile spreads across my face listening to my favorite high school song. It always made me feel weightless and happy back in the day, but today it will be my victory song. A pile of white pills fill my palm, and I wash them back with one gulp of water to get through the four hour direct flight. My eyelids flutter shut when they sing out about there being no tomorrow and I float away into happiness.

  20

  Rhett

  “Fuck.” I slam the cell phone down onto the kitchen tile floor and don’t even give two fucks about it being Ava’s new iPhone.

  Zane remains in a stone cold stature with Ava who's sobbing, tucked to his side.

  “She fucking had the nerve to say goodbye and hang up,” I growl running my hands through my hair. Fuck her, I think to myself. Fuck her and her stubborn ass.

  “It’s b
ad. It’s real bad if she’s going home,” Ava squeaks out.

  “You know what, fuck her,” I yell. “She doesn’t want me or my help.”

  I spin on my heels to bust out the front door and am only stopped by Ava hollering my name.

  “She said if we don’t hear from her in two days to call the cops. She’s going home to her family and is going to do something. They’ll take revenge. She’s afraid for her life, Rhett.”

  I face Ava, who is still holding onto Zane. “You heard her, Ava.”

  Zane growls at me warning me, but I don’t give two fucks anymore.

  “Fuck Darby Frye; she ran and destroyed me. I’ve texted and called her for days with no response. She doesn’t want my help.”

  “Sit,” Zane demands.

  I listen to him because I honestly have no clue where else to go. Fuck, Darby.

  21

  Darby

  “I’d like to file charges.” I hand the detective the letter.

  It’s taken me hours of waiting to finally get the attention of the detective, and now that I have him in front of me I won’t leave until he listens. I watch his face as he reads the letter.

  “This could be fake.”

  “It’s not. The senator admitted to it.” I knew I’d have to pressure them because this isn’t something the force would want to take on, and I’m pretty sure they’re being paid plenty to keep shit like this closed. “I’m going to the media after this, so it’s your choice to look into or not.”

  “You’re playing with fire, young lady.” The man behind the desk strokes his chin, trying to intimidate me.

  “I’ve been abused by this family my whole childhood, and now I find this out? Damn right, I’m going to dance in the fire to bring them down. I also have this.” I slap down another file on his desk.