The Complete Box Set: Saving Her

by Bry Ann

  “Sam?” a voice asked gently, as a familiar face popped into view. I didn’t budge. “Sam?” he asked again. Then I heard Logan get serious. “Down here! Now! She’s freezing. She needs to get a damn heater now. I think she’s in shock.”

  I heard multiple footsteps and then blue uniforms. Police. I still couldn’t process anything. I had never felt anything like what I was feeling. Somebody could have pointed a gun at my face, and I wouldn’t move, noticed or been able to process it.

  My arms were around a man in blue as Logan held my side. In a trance, I followed them up the rocks and into a car. I was put in the backseat; the officers went up front, and Logan sat next to me. He had his jacket over me and was rubbing my arms aggressively. I assumed he was trying to warm me. I heard voices talking, but it was like they were from another planet.

  “Should we take her to the hospital? She’s freezing. I’m worried she’s hypothermic,” an officer said.

  “No. She doesn’t need to be there right now. Take her to my house.”

  Logan spouted off an address. I just sat there, still in shock. Still frozen. Logan was still rubbing my arms, and the officers had the heat on full blast.

  “I got you Sam. You will be okay.”

  I kept hearing that, over and over the whole ride until we pulled up to a stop. I didn’t look up. I didn’t see where we were.

  Someone tried to call me out of the car, but my body didn’t respond. Eventually I felt soft hands pull me out. It wasn’t Logan. It wasn’t the police, even though I saw their feet by the car. This was a woman, but I didn’t look up to see who it was. I didn’t care. Eventually, as I walked up the pathway, I was able to glance up a bit. I was being led to a large gray mansion hid behind a bunch of trees. I followed the woman’s lead and walked in. Once we were inside I heard them thank the police. I looked around and noticed I was in a large entryway. Logan and what I could now see was Dana were looking at me, clearly deeply concerned, but giving me plenty of space. I still didn’t say anything but the new environment, and the curiosity of being in Logan’s house snapped me out of my trance enough to look around completely. I was completely shocked by what I saw and eventually found enough energy to turn to Logan.

  “It’s empty,” I said in the deadliest monotone voice I’d ever heard.

  It sounded nothing like myself. This girl was broken. Dead. I was right with what I said though. His house was empty just like his office was. There were no pictures, just one couch, no other furniture, no personal nick knacks, nothing. Devoid of any personal attachment.

  Logan immediately ran up to me, and I could tell Dana wanted to as well, but she held back. Logan put a hand on both sides of my arms as if he was trying to support my weight. His voice was broken and breathless.

  “Yeah, it is Sam. You’re right. Let’s sit.”

  I was still sort of foggy as both led me to the couch. Logan sat on the left of the couch, I sat on the right, and Dana sat on the floor in front of us crisscross in the middle of the empty living room. We sat there in silence for what seemed like an eternity.

  “She’s gone,” I whispered. “Isn’t she? She’s gone.”

  Dana scooted closer to me, and Logan stayed where he was. It was the first time I took a good look at him since he’d picked me up from the lake. He looked crushed by my mom’s death as well. His normally attractive face had dark circles and was scrunched up like he was in pain. He had come to care about my mother like she was his own, and my mom always treated him like a son, never a Hollywood celebrity. She treated him like a young man that needed love. I knew Logan lacked that in his life and it meant everything to him that my mom gave it to him so freely. My eyes watered at the amazing woman my mom was. She always accepted people into her life without question. She didn’t deserve the life she had. It wasn’t fair.

  “Yeah, she is,” Dana said quietly holding my leg like a little sister. “She’s gone.”

  I looked up quickly.

  “Can I go now….” my voice cracked. Where? My mom’s home. That was the last place I wanted to be. Logan immediately knew my thoughts.

  “We will all stay here Sam. Until everything is figured out. This place can be good for something. There are beds in all the rooms.”

  “Can I go to bed then?” I asked quietly.

  “Yeah, go ahead.” Logan sighed.

  “I’ll walk you up,” Dana said with a quick nod to Logan.

  We headed upstairs, and on my way up I heard Logan cry. Like legit cry. I didn’t even think that was possible for a guy like him. It broke me, and my knees buckled. Dana caught me.

  “Woah girl. Come on. Let’s get out of here.” She helped me to my feet and rushed me up the stairs.

  Dizzy from the events of the day I headed up the stairs and followed Dana into a bedroom that was empty except for one TV and a bed with gray sheets and a gray comforter. I quickly crawled into bed, sat up and pulled the covers up to my chest. I stared straight ahead towards the wall, and Dana sat on the bed in front of me.

  “You okay?”.

  “I just can’t believe… I mean she was fine Dana. She was fine.”

  “I know. No one expected this to happen.”

  “And then Logan spent all that money and…” I couldn’t talk anymore. My voice just couldn’t keep going.

  “No! Don’t you do that! Logan was happy to do it! He would have done even it if it meant giving your mom just one more day, let alone a few months that turned out be some of the best I’d ever had. He loved your mom.”

  I slowly nodded. I think Dana saw the waterworks coming because in an instant she was next to me and pulled me close to her. I lost it. I was done being frozen. Pain overtook my body in a way I had never felt before. I cried and cried until there were no tears left and even then, my body still wanted to be crying. I don’t know how to explain it. I was still in so much pain I felt the need to cry, but my tears had literally run dry. Dana gently set me down on my pillow, and I closed my eyes. She stayed on the edge of my bed. I was about to drift off to sleep when Logan’s voice caught my attention. I immediately knew they thought I was asleep so I kept my eyes closed and my ears alert. Dana got up and walked over to Logan.

  “She asleep?”

  “Yeah,” Dana whispered quietly. “She cried herself to sleep.”

  Logan sighed. “Is she going to be okay? I'm worried she’s not going to be.”

  I felt Dana gaze shift over to me.

  “I honestly don’t know. I mean her mom was her whole life. We just met her. How are we even supposed to begin to help her? She gave up her whole life for her mom.”

  Their footsteps shifted out of the room. I used the pillow to muffle the sounds of cries.

  Chapter 12:

  Days went by and no matter what anyone said or did I wouldn’t leave my bed. Dana and Logan were worried. Logan was concerned about my job, but he didn’t know I had already quit. I was planning my next move. I couldn’t stay here. I wouldn’t.

  I knew today I had to at least talk to Logan and Dana since they were letting me live in their house. Not only did they let me stay here no questions asked, but it was clear from their tone and general avoidance of this place this house was not a place they took many people. I’d have to ask him why before I left, or maybe not. It’s not an answer I wanted to know right before I left him. It was too personal. On the tenth day, I finally gathered whatever strength I had left to head downstairs and talk to them. On the way down, I heard Dana and Logan whispering to each other. I didn’t stop until I heard my name.

  “What the hell should I do? I mean she won’t go to a psychologist? Do I force her? I don’t know Dana. I just don’t fucking know. I can’t just let her sit in the house for the rest of her life. Not only would that be a horrible way to handle this, but her mom would also kill and haunt both of us.”

  Dana’s voice was unusually serious and nervous.

  “I know something that would at least wake her up, but you won’t like it, Logan. You’ll be super m
ad.”

  I quickly and quietly sprinted up the stairs. I had to leave. Now. I started throwing stuff in my suitcase but stopped the second I heard footsteps. I threw the bag underneath my bed quickly, so Dana and Logan wouldn’t see me packing.

  “Hey.”

  I glanced up and saw Dana standing in the doorway fidgeting, and Logan stood right behind her watching me carefully.

  “Hey, everything okay?”

  “Are you up?”

  She straightened up a bit and looked so hopeful I felt bad for having to let her down. The eager look in her eye tore at my heartstrings.

  “I was just going to the restroom.”

  I could tell Logan was getting ready to snap at me, but Dana stopped him.

  “Tomorrow someone is coming over. You need to be dressed.”

  She glanced over at the same thin tank top and shorts I’d worn since the day they picked me up at the lake.

  “Who is it?” I glanced over at Logan who shrugged. Didn’t he know either? What the hell. Who was this person?

  “You will both see tomorrow,” she said sharply before walking out.

  “What was that about?”

  “I don’t know. Dana says she knows someone that will wake you the fuck up, but I have no idea who it could be.”

  “Me neither.”

  “Want to go grab a bite to eat?” Logan asked, knowing the answer before he even asked it.

  “No sorry. I have stuff I have to take care of.”

  “Sure you do.” Logan’s jaw tightened, and he stormed out.

  I quickly jumped out of bed and shut the door behind me. I threw all my shit in the bag and hours later went downstairs before Logan and Dana went to bed. I had to say goodbye but not draw any suspicions. I’d miss them. They had welcomed me into their lives and treated me like family, but I had to go now. For them. For me. I needed a new start.

  “Hey,” Dana said tentatively wondering about my presence downstairs. Dana’s head flew back in shock as I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist.

  “You okay?” she asked slowly wrapping her arms around me as well.

  “I just want you to know whoever the person is I am glad you are happy. You are the best friend I’ve ever had.”

  “Oh my God, is this like an in-person suicide note?”

  “No,” I laughed. “No, I’d just leave a letter if that was the plan.”

  “Okay.” Her brows creased, and she stared at me.

  “Are you about to give me some random expression of love as well that’s not supposed to make me suspicious?” Logan glared at me.

  I bit my lower lip. I had to be normal but somehow get a goodbye in there. He’d done so much for me, for my mom. I wanted my last words to him to at least be something memorable.

  “No, you asshole. I just….” I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “Thank you for letting me stay here. I know for some reason this isn’t a place you usually welcome people and,” I bit my lip harder now, holding back the tears that were threatening to come to the surface. “Thank you for all you did for my mom. She loved you, and you gave her more time. That time provided some of the best memories either of us have ever had. I will always owe you everything for that.”

  He still looked at me skeptically, but there was compassion there as well.

  “Always Sam.”

  Two simple words that defined Logan. Simple, subtle and always there. I had grown to care about him deeply, as much as I was capable of at this point in my life anyway. I squeezed both of their shoulders and headed back up the stairs. I know they were both confused by my random expression of love, but in less than twelve hours they’d get it.

  I stayed up in bed until one AM. I needed to make sure they were asleep. I only had one bag, and since I didn’t own much, there were very few things I had to leave behind. The tad bit of money I had saved I stashed in my bag. It was barely anything, but I’d work it out. Wherever I was going, I’d work it all out.

  I slowly walked down the stairs and reached for the door handle. Before I could open the door, a large hand blocked my line of sight. I glanced up and even in the shadows; I could recognize who it was. Logan. Of course.

  “How did you know?” I asked coldly, deciding to skip over the fake bullshit questions most people asked in this scenario. He knew I was leaving. There was no point in denying it.

  “You never say stuff like you did downstairs. Especially not when you are hurting. I knew the only explanation was suicide or you were leaving. I ruled out suicide quickly because despite everything you are a survivor. You’d never let yourself go down like that.”

  For some reason, I was complimented by that.

  “I have to go Logan.” I reached for the doorknob again. He continued to hold the door closed with his hand.

  “What about Dana? What about the person she brings over tomorrow?” He paused, and his voice softened. “What about me?”

  I looked at my thumbs.

  “I’m sorry Logan. I’m so sorry. You should have never befriended me,” the tears rolled down my face. “I’m broken. You need to let me go.”

  Logan stepped into the light and held my face up to meet his. He looked at me softly, and we stared at each other as the pain in my eyes destroyed any hopes of this moment being anything more than a goodbye. Whatever Logan saw in my eyes made him realize the same thing. He dropped his hands quickly and turned his back to me.

  “I’ll let you go if….” He grabbed something off the couch. “You read this first.” He handed me a piece of paper.

  “What is this?” I asked as my heart pounded in my chest.“You know what it is Sam.”

  With shaking hands, I grabbed the envelope and leaned against the door to support my weight as my mom’s familiar handwriting came into my line of sight.

  “My dearest Sam….” It began. “I am writing this while you are probably yelling at some customer for…”

  I threw the letter on the floor.

  “I don’t have to read a damn thing!” I yelled and threw the door open. “Goodbye Logan. Good luck to both of you!”

  I slammed the door shut and ran down the dark road. I didn’t let the tears fall until my legs would physically no longer carry me. I sat on the curb and cried until there were no tears left. I had no plan. No family. I just left my friends, the only people who cared about me in the world and I had nowhere to go. I was a fucking disaster. I didn’t want to live anymore, but I was too fucking scared to die.

  Chapter 13:

  I woke up the next morning with my head on the concrete. I immediately popped up and rolled out the crick in my neck. I was stupid by leaving my only belongings unguarded as I slept on the side of the road. If my stuff got taken, I would be beyond screwed.

  I walked to the nearest bus stop and asked them to take me to the nearest airport. I didn’t know where I was going, but I had $600 saved up. I’d buy the cheapest ticket I could find, and that’s where I’d reside. It didn’t matter where. My life would be the same no matter where I ended up. Luckily, the nearest airport was rather small, which was a relief because I wasn’t in the mood to deal with large crowds. The minute I got there I ran into the bathroom and threw up which reminded me of the other reality I had been facing, been avoiding.

  It wasn’t just my mom’s death that was bothering me. I hadn’t had my period in a couple of months, since I had sex with Logan in the car. Obviously, it was unexpected so Logan didn’t use a condom. It didn’t even register until I started missing periods and throwing up a bit more that I could be pregnant. I’d barely gained any weight so I took that as permission to keep avoiding the situation. I kept hoping my life would stay the same and that wasn’t happening. The problem with avoiding the situation was if I was pregnant I was giving up my chances to have an abortion. Secretly, I think that was another reason I waited. I was against abortion and in my own fucked up way not confirming the pregnancy kept me from making a fear-based decision. I was adopted, my parents didn’t want me. I couldn’t do t
hat to an unborn child. I just wanted to hold onto the reality that there was a chance I wasn’t pregnant. I was in denial so I could control my fear. I knew once I landed wherever I was going it was time to take the test I had been dreading for months.

  It was my turn at the ticket counter, and I swallowed my anxiety and addressed the employee at the ticket counter. This lady chewed her gum so aggressively I wanted to pull it right out of her mouth. It was so freaking annoying.

  “Ma’am…” I asked more politely than was typical of me.

  She kept chewing her gum and looking at the computer.

  “Ma’am,” I said a bit louder.

  “Fuck,” I whispered as my patience left me. “MA’AM!” I yelled.

  She jumped and stared at me.

  “I need your cheapest ticket.”

  “Where? When?”

  “Today. As soon as possible, as cheap as possible, anywhere. It doesn’t matter really fucking matter.”

  She raised an eyebrow at me and started scrolling through her computer. I must say for a woman who seemed like she hated her job she was pretty nice, even though I was a total bitch.

  “At eleven am, we have a ticket for $58 to Cheyenne, Wyoming.”

  “I’ll take it,” I said as I quickly pulled out my wallet.

  She printed the ticket and then gave me a strange look as she began cashing me out.

  “Ma’am, are you okay?”

  I glanced up at her. “Hopefully one day I will be.”

  She stopped chewing her gum and looked me directly in the eyes.

  “Well until that day comes I will pray for you. What’s your name?”

  “Sam.”

  It wasn’t a major thing what she did, but in my brokenness it felt like everything. She was a stranger, and she saw my pain. It felt so freaking good to be seen. I glanced at the name tag of the simple looking African American woman in front of me, Jazmine.