by Perry, J L
I exhale. I’d like to think I’m nothing like them. “What are ya standin’ around for? Go make things right with your baby’s mumma.” His comment makes me smile.
“I’m gonna be a fuckin’ grandpa,” he adds with a chuckle, slapping me on the back.
••••
Pulling into her driveway behind her car, I get off the bike and remove my helmet. The house is in darkness. Maybe she went straight to bed. I tried calling her when I was stopped at a red light, but it went to voicemail.
I’m only halfway across her lawn when the alarm sounds. Fuck! Breaking into a run, I take the steps two at a time. Hopefully it’s only a false alarm like last time, but with all this other shit that’s been going on, I can’t be sure.
Trying the doorknob first, I find it locked. Bashing on the door, I call out to her. The panic I hear in her voice when she calls out my name makes my heart drop. I vaguely hear a male’s voice coming from inside. It makes my blood boil.
There’s no way I’m gonna be able to break this door down. Thinking fast, I jump over the rails on the side of the porch, heading down the side of her house. The gates are locked. Using my upper body strength, I pull myself up and over.
As I run around the back of the house, I pull out my phone, dialling Pops’ number as I go. “I need the boys at Angel’s house,” is all I say, before hanging up. There’s no time to explain. He can’t come with his leg the way it is, but he’ll send someone, I know it.
Trying the sliding doors, I find them locked also. It’s pitch fucking black inside. I can’t see a thing. I call out to her again. This time there’s no answer. Fuck. My hands fist in my hair as I frantically look around for something to smash the glass.
Only a short while ago, I wasn’t happy to hear I was going to be a father. Now all I can think of is if Angel or my baby are harmed in any way, I’m gonna fucking kill someone.
Picking up one of the chairs from the outdoor setting, I swing it with all my might. It breaks through the glass first try. Using my boot, I kick some more glass out until there’s enough room for me to fit through.
“Angel,” I call out again. The alarm is fucking deafening. I feel my way through the dark until I find the wall. Moving my hand along it, I come across the light switch. “Angel.”
Once the room lights up, my head darts around. I can’t see her. My gaze snaps towards the front door when I see movement out of the corner of my eye. I just catch the back of Benson, as he disappears out the front.
Moving fast, I head in his direction. My first thought is he still has Angel. As I approach the landing though, my heart drops into the pit of my stomach when I see her on the floor, clutching her stomach.
“No,” I cry as I run towards her. “Angel,” I say, crouching down beside her.
“Chase,” she moans, tears streaming down her face. “The baby.” My eyes move down towards her stomach, and that’s when I see her blood soaked jeans. Fuck no!
I notice the keys to her house beside her. Scooping them up, I quickly push the button on her key ring to deactivate the alarm. Thank fuck for that, the noise was doing my head in.
“Sweet-cheeks,” I say as my head moves towards her. The frightened look I see in her eyes absolutely breaks me. I gently brush the hair back off her face before lifting her head off the hard floor and placing it on my lap. Leaning forward, I wrap my arms around her, planting a soft kiss on her cheek. “It’s going to be okay,” I whisper, but in my heart I know it isn’t.
I can’t help but blame myself for everything that’s happened tonight.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Chase
Her trembling hand is clutched in mine as we travel to the hospital. She’s just laying there moaning while the paramedic checks her over. She briefly answers any questions he asks, but her head remains turned to the side, facing the interior wall of the ambulance. It kills me how she won’t make eye contact with me.
I hate seeing her in pain. I’m scared. She’s lost so much blood. That can’t be a good sign. I don’t know much about pregnancies, well actually, I know fucking nothing. Of course I know how to get a girl pregnant, that’s about it.
I’m overcome with sadness. In my heart, I know the baby, our baby, the one she thinks I don’t care about, is probably dying inside her. I pray that’s not the case, but things don’t look good for us. My heart is breaking for her, for me, for our child.
Once we reach the hospital, the doctor asks me to wait outside while he examines her. I don’t want to leave her side, but I do as he asks. “I’ll be right outside,” I say, squeezing her hand. “I love you.” She doesn’t look or answer me. I feel a lump rise to my throat as I walk out of the room.
I take a seat on one of the chairs by the wall. I rest my head in my hands as I try hard to hold it together. I’m jolted out of my thoughts when my phone rings in my pocket. It’s Pops. One of the boys must’ve called him.
Two of his guys arrived at the house a few minutes after Riley fled. Thankfully, they were only minutes away when Pops called. One of the neighbours caught sight of Benson as he escaped, tackling him to the ground. The boys helped keep him contained until the police arrived. I wish I killed that motherfucker the day he attacked Angel. If I had, I wouldn’t be sitting here now, with my future dangling by a thread.
“Hey Pops,” I say when I answer.
“What the fucks goin’ on? Is sweet-thing alright? The boys told me the ambo took her away.”
“The doctor’s examining her now. She’s bleeding pretty bad. I’m not sure if the baby’s going to make it…she’s lost so much blood.” My voice cracks as I give him an update.
“Fuck. I’m comin’ down. I’ll get one of the boys to come get me.”
“It’s okay. You don’t need to do that,” I say, even though I could use the support.
“Like fuck,” he snaps. “That’s my grandbaby we’re talkin’ about. I’m fucking comin’.” I love that he’s so passionate about the baby, but it makes me feel even shittier about the way I reacted earlier.
When I end the call, I dial her father’s number. I’m pretty sure he’s not going to be happy to hear from me, even more so when he hears what I have to say. He needs to know about his daughter.
“Logan Cavanagh speaking,” he says when he answers the phone.
“Mr. Cavanagh, it’s Chase.”
“Chase,” he says very formally. “What can I do for you?”
“It’s Angel.”
“What about Angel? Is she alright?” I hear the panic in his voice.
“She’s in the hospital.”
“What! Why? Is she okay?”
“The doctor’s with her now. She had a fall. Well, actually she was pushed.”
“Pushed? What do you mean she was fucking pushed? By who?”
“By Riley Benson.”
“We’re on our way. Keep me updated.” With that he ends the call. Fuck. I rub my hands over my face in frustration. How am I going to explain this to him? He’s not going to be happy when he finds out I knocked-up his daughter.
A few minutes later my phone rings again. “Chase, it’s Brooke,” she says when I answer. “We’re on our way to the airport. We’ve just chartered a plane. We should be there in around an hour. How’s Angel? Logan said she had a fall. What kind of fall? What kind of injuries? Is she concussed?”
Fuck me. Too many questions. I guess it’s her daughter and she’s worried. “Riley pushed her. She fell and hit her stomach on the corner of the table. She’s conscious. I can’t tell you anything else just yet. The doctor’s checking her over now.”
“Okay, that’s good. So it’s not too serious then?” It’s fucking serious, but I can’t tell her about the baby over the phone.
“I’ll let you know once I know more.”
“Okay, sweetie. I’d appreciate that. How are you? How are you holding up?”
“I’m worried,” I tell her honestly. “Anxious to see what the doctor has to say.”
“I bet,�
�� she replies. “We’ll be there as soon as we can. Thank you for being there for her.”
“I love her, Brooke. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
“I know, sweetie…I know.”
••••
It doesn’t take long for the doctor to emerge from the room. “We’re getting her prepped for surgery now. You can go in and see her briefly if you like?”
“Surgery?”
“Yes. She’s lost a lot of blood. We need to try and stop the bleeding. She’s going to need a transfusion, as well.”
“And the baby?” I ask.
“With the amount of blood lost it looks grim I’m afraid. I’ll be able to tell you more after the surgery.” Even though I already knew things looked bad, his words are like a sucker punch to my heart. “We’ll do everything we can,” he says, placing his hand on my shoulder.
I rise from my chair, making my way into her room. When she sees me enter, she turns her face towards the wall. I hate how she feels that way towards me.
Pulling the chair up beside her bed, I sit, reaching for her hand. She feels so cold and looks so pale. “Hey,” I say. She doesn’t answer, so I give her hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry, Angel.”
Her head snaps around. Tears well in her eyes. It breaks my heart. “Sorry for what?”
“Sorry for losing my temper earlier. Sorry for not being there for you when you needed me. Sorry for what happened with Benson.”
“I bet you’re not sorry that I’m more than likely miscarrying. You’re probably glad about that.” The venom in her voice doesn’t go unnoticed. Truth is, I’m far from glad. Devastated would be the word. I guess what they say is true, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s taken away from you.
“Angel,” I say, standing from my seat.
“Don’t.” Her hand goes up to stop me just as I see the first tear fall. When I ignore her command, she turns her head away from me again. Reaching over, I place my hand under her chin, turning her face back to face me. My own eyes are clouded with tears.
“I’m not glad,” I say honestly. “This baby is a part of me and you. A product of the love we share for each other. The last thing I want is for you to miscarry. I love you, sweet-cheeks. Every part of you.” A sob escapes her and my own tears begin to cascade down my face. The ache I feel in my chest is almost unbearable. “I love you,” I say again, as l lean down and place my lips on hers. She doesn’t kiss me, but doesn’t pull away either.
“We need to get moving,” the doctor says when he re-enters the room.
“I’ll be right here waiting for you when you get back,” I tell her, lifting her hand towards my lips, placing a soft kiss on her knuckles.
“I’m scared,” she whispers, breaking my heart even more.
“It’s going to be okay. I promise.” I hate that I don’t even believe my own words. “I love you. No matter what happens, we’ll get through this together.”
Tears continue to fall as she looks up at me. Even though her beautiful brown eyes look so sad, her facial expression is void of any emotion. It takes everything in me not to break down in front of her. Like her, I feel a part of me is dying inside.
••••
Once the orderly wheels her away, I take a seat in the corridor. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
I’m not sure how long I sit alone, but Pops eventually arrives. So does Dana and Hudson. I never called her, Hudson must’ve. She’s a mess, but I can’t deal with that shit now. I’m hanging by a thread as it is.
She sits beside me. Crying the whole fucking time. Eventually, I have to get up and take a walk down the corridor. I know she loves Angel, but her dramatics are doing my fucking head in.
The surgery is taking forever. I need to know that they’re going to be okay. Or at the very least, that Angel is going to be okay. I don’t hold out much hope for the baby.
“Chase,” I hear from behind me. Turning around, I find Brooke and Logan rushing towards me. “How is she?” Brooke asks, engulfing me in her arms.
“I don’t know yet.”
“What do you mean you don’t fucking know?” Logan snaps. “Haven’t you been with her?”
“I was with her before they took her into surgery, but I haven’t heard anything since.”
“Surgery?” Brooke gasps in shock.
“Yes, they needed to stop the bleeding.”
“What fucking bleeding? I though she just had a fall,” Logan says. Fuck. I need to tell them about the baby.
“She did. Her stomach hit the corner of the table. She was…ummm.”
“She was what?” he snaps, losing his temper at me.
“Calm down and let him talk,” Brooke says, looking over at Logan and frowning.
“My daughter’s in fucking surgery. How can I possibly remain calm?”
“Our daughter and Chase’s partner,” she reminds him. “We’re all worried about her, Logan. Go on,” she says looking back at me. I have to tell them. They’re bound to find out sooner or later.
“Angel’s pregnant. The bleeding is internal.” My eyes are trained on Brooke as I speak. I’m not game enough to look at Logan. Her mouth drops open and her eyes widen with shock.
“Pregnant. She’s pregnant?” she asks in disbelief as her hand covers her mouth.
“Yes,” I exhale as my head drops.
“You little fuck,” Logan screams, lunging for me.
“Logan!” Brooke yells, as she tries to pull him off me. “Let him go.” She finally gets him off me and drags him away over towards the wall. “What the hell are you doing? Don’t you think he’s going through enough right now?”
“He got our little girl pregnant,” he says trying to justify his actions. His eyes narrow when they look over at me.
“It takes two to make a baby, Logan. She’s an adult, not a little girl. Jesus. Our daughter’s having surgery as we speak. No matter what you think or feel, remember that. That baby is our grandchild,” I hear her voice crack as she speaks. I can’t see her face, but I can tell by her voice she’s upset.
“Come here,” he says pulling her into his arms. I just shake my head and make my way back down the corridor towards Pops. I don’t need this fucking shit right now.
“How ya holdin’ up, son?” he asks when I sit down beside him. I shrug; there are no words for how I feel.
Dana’s still crying, but Hudson has her on his lap now. It didn’t take them long to get it on. Leaning my elbows on my knees, I rub my hands over my face. Why is it taking so long?
Standing up, I start to pace.
••••
Another half hour passes before we hear anything. Angel’s dad got sick of waiting, so he went off to throw his authority around and get answers. Brooke is sitting next to me holding my hand when the doctor comes to talk to us.
“We managed to stop the bleeding,” is the first thing he says. “We needed to give her a couple of pints of blood. She’d lost a lot.”
“How is she…the baby?” I ask.
“She’s still in recovery, but the operation went well.” A glimmer of hope rises within me when he says that. “We’re going to keep her in ICU for the next few days, just as a precaution. I suspect she’ll make a full recovery, with no complications in the future. The foetus however, did not survive. I’m sorry.” My heart drops.
Brooke gasps beside me, and her hand squeezes mine. I however, feel my shoulders slump and my face fall. In my heart I knew the baby wouldn’t survive. There was so much blood, although that doesn’t lessen the blow. My heart aches for our child that will never get to experience life. It also aches for my sweet-cheeks. This news is going to crush her.
••••
An hour later, the nurse allows us in to see her. She’s only allowed two visitors at a time. Logan rises from his seat, but Brooke stops him. “Let Chase go in and see her first.” His brow furrows at her request, but he sits back down.
“Thank you,” I say turning to her
. She wraps her arms around me. “We’ll see her when you’re done. I’m sorry about the baby,” she whispers. A lump rises to my throat. I’m sorry too. I’m sorry about so much. I’ll never forgive myself for this, for any of it.
My heart is heavy as I follow the nurse towards her room. “The doctor will be in shortly to talk to her,” she says before walking away.
I have a lump the size of a golf ball lodged in my throat when I see her. Memories of Pops laying in ICU are still fresh in my mind. Now I have to deal with this as well. The two people I love more than life. It’s so unfair. So fucked up.
Her eyes are closed when I approach the bed. She’s still awfully pale. My hand moves under the sheet that covers her. I lace my finger through hers, causing her eyelids to flutter open.
“Hi, beautiful,” I say as my free hand reaches out. I run the back of my hand down the side of her face.
“Hi.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Tired, and sore.”
“The nurse said the doctor will be in shortly to talk to you. I’ll ask him if he can give you something for the pain.”
“Thanks,” she says, giving me a sad smile. “Has the doctor talked to you yet?”
“Yes briefly. Your parents, Pops and Dana are all outside.”
“My parents are here?”
“Yes. I called them. I thought they’d want to know.”
“I guess,” she says.
“Did the doctor say anything about the baby?” Fuck, she doesn’t know. I hate to be the one to break it to her, but I’d rather it came from me than a stranger.
“Yes. Yes he did,” I say, tears rising to my eyes. “I’m sorry, sweet-cheeks.” Her eyes close and her bottom lip starts to quiver. Leaning down, I gently pull her into my arms. I hold her tightly against me, as she sobs into my chest.
••••
I stayed with her until the doctor came in to talk to us, then I let her parents see her. Dana went in next, followed by Pops. After they’d seen her, the three of them headed home. It was close to midnight when the nurses told her parents and I that we’d have to leave so she could get some rest.