Uchronie

by Richardson, Ian

  But it was dark outside so I knew it was late.

  I got ready for bed and carefully put my posy of mauve carnations into my Victorian coronation mug.

  I was trying to get some water from a tiny sink that only seemed to provide steam when I heard someone outside in the corridor.

  With clouds of steam billowing into my room, I looked up in the mirror, saw the door open and saw a disembodied gloved hand appear with a gun.

  Thinking that it was either Wayne or Dwayne messing about, I tried to turn off the tap.

  Suddenly there was a loud pop and I felt a sharp pain.

  Warm fluid was trickling down my back.

  Pain exploded through my body.

  I dropped my mauve carnations and my coronation mug.

  I’d been shot!

  I tried to turn round to see who was there, but, instead, I fell sideways, catching my head on the hard, white porcelain sink as I went down.

  My Victorian mug shattered on the metal floor.

  I tried to raise myself up in the steam filled room, but I had no strength in my arms.

  I couldn’t move.

  I was falling forward… tumbling into a deep, dark, endless pit of blackness.

  A darkness as black and all enveloping as the temporal darkroom… an infinite blackness that overwhelmed my mind.

  The last thing I saw was an unblinking eye, circled by a gold monocle, staring down at me through swirling wraiths of steam.

  Next Episode ‘Who shot Nate Drywood? Released Monday 19th November

  Bullet Points

  In which Nate begins to wonder if his visit to 'The Uchronie' is a dream.

  ‘…you moo…van that.’ said Biffo, laying a Jack of Spades on the small card table and adding a dollar to the growing stack of bills in the coronation mug.

  I smiled to myself and looked around.

  For the first time since they had woken me up I actually held quite a good hand. I was sitting very comfortably in the chair in front of the fire at the Lakefield Crew waiting room. Several friendly crewmen had arrived as I waited for Ginger and we were whiling away an hour or so, playing a game of Temp Cards.

  I was beginning to doubt that he would ever appear or that I would ever get to set foot aboard the fabled Uchronie.

  Lolly, a sweet waitress from the Hindenburg, was sitting beside me, explaining the rules of this new-fangled game.

  The steamchav Dwayne was on my left and Wayne was sitting opposite me, half hidden in the cloud of steam that billowed from the coffee pot bubbling on the gas fire.

  ‘mon play n’that, all waitin’ and u turn…’ said Biffo, looking at Lolly.

  ‘Oh is it my turn?’ said Lolly, quickly playing the ten of diamonds. ‘Sorry, Biff.’

  I wasn’t sure what to play next and fiddled with my pocket watch that seemed to have stopped. This was the first time I’d ever played Temp cards, but I wanted to impress Lolly.

  ‘Don’t play that.’ whispered Lolly, as I tentatively pulled up the Jack of Hearts, ‘play the nine… we’ll go on a countdown.’

  I played the nine of clubs and stuffed another dollar into the overflowing mug.

  ‘You’ve still got your blank card,’ whispered Lolly, ‘You can create a special card with it.’ ‘What do you mean?’ I asked, taking the blank card carefully from my top pocket. My posy of mauve carnations was beginning to wilt.

  ‘You can make a card with any rule you want.’ said Lolly, putting her delicate lace gloved hand over her mouth. ‘I usually make a recycling card that lets me collect cards from the heap to improve my hand. Watch out for Wayne and Dwayne… they work together.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ I asked.

  ‘When there’s enough money in the mug,’ whispered Lolly, ‘one makes a bomb card and the other makes the trigger card. That ends the game.’

  Dwayne was sitting to my left, chattering away to Biffo who was hardly saying a word.

  He wasn’t concealing his cards very well. I could actually see he’d already made the Trigger card; a red button marked ‘Detonate’.

  It was his turn.

  Dwayne played the eight of hearts and winked at Wayne. ‘Looks like we’re on a countdown, mate.’

  The play was going clockwise round the table and, as Lolly had already said, the game was now counting down to a finish.

  Captain Wright played the seven of spades and Corporal Price played the six of diamonds. Both men added a dollar.

  ‘Oh dear… I aint got nuffin’.’ said Wayne, leaning forward from his cloud of steam.

  Casually he laid down his crudely drawn bomb card. ‘I’ll just ‘ave to play this.’

  He added another dollar to the substantial pot and disappeared back into his swirling cloud beside the dancing coffee pot.

  ‘We’re down to five on this countdown,’ whispered Lolly. ‘You’ll have to do something or Dwayne will play the trigger that sets off Wayne’s bomb and the two of them will scoop the pot.’

  I looked at the six of diamonds that the heavily armored Corporal Price had just played and an idea formed in my mind.

  Out of sight, underneath the table, I drew a stick figure wearing a bomb disposal vest with the words ‘Clear the Area.’ As we went clockwise round the table I would play before Dwayne and that would stop their little plan in its tracks.

  I rocked my chair onto its back legs and tried not to smile. I was about to scoop the jackpot. Dwayne had the trigger… but I would be playing before him.

  I looked over at Lolly and she smiled.

  This was going to be sweet.

  Well there’s not much I can do, grunted DeBlanc, playing a five of clubs and tossing a dollar into the pot. ‘I’ve got a hand like a foot.’

  Keeping my cards close to my chest, I moved my bomb disposal card to the front, keeping one eye on Dwayne and the other on Wayne.

  I checked again that my plan would work. Biffo would play a four and I knew that Lolly had a three. They would expect me to play a two so that Dwayne could bring the game to an end with his trigger card. But I was ready with my bomb disposal card to defuse their cunning plan.

  ‘… ain’t got no fo...’ said Biffo ‘gonna plate is,’

  To my dismay, Biffo didn’t have a four. Instead he played his blank card on which he had drawn a curved arrow and written. ‘Reverse Play.’

  ‘Your turn Commander.’ said Corporal Price, nudging the dozing DeBlanc.

  ‘Oh, eh… is it?’ huffed DeBlanc, ‘Hmm what happened there? I thought I’d just played… Never mind, eh? I’ll get rid of this.’

  DeBlanc played a four of hearts and my heart sank. My plan had been undermined. The countdown would now go round in the other direction, straight to Dwayne. I would never get a chance to play my bomb disposal card.

  ‘I have to miss a turn.’ said Wayne’s voice from his haze of steam, ‘it’s my bomb card innit? Someone else ‘as to trigger it.’

  My plan was all going wrong and there was nothing I could do except sit and watch.

  Corporal Price played a three of diamonds; Captain Wright played a two of spades.

  With a flourish Dwayne tossed his Trigger card on to the table. ‘Ah…not again!’ groaned Corporal Price, as everyone threw in their cards.

  ‘Yep! That’s it! Overs!’ said Dwayne, scooping up the money, ‘Appy birfday, mate! C’mon Wayne, You can ‘elp me count this little lot.’

  Wayne leapt to his feet, knocking the coffee pot into the fire. A huge cloud of coffee scented steam billowed across the waiting room and I thought I smelt gas.

  I leaned back further, trying to avoid the stench and my chair began to tip over.

  Suddenly I lost my balance, my cards flew up in the air and my bomb disposal card landed on my face.

  I was lying on the floor and I couldn’t get up.

  Clouds of steam billowed into the waiting room.

  Wayne and Dwayne were a pain in the neck.

  Doctor Mentor had cure for that… Doc Tormentor... where had I heard that nam
e before?

  I reached up to the assembled crewmen, calling them to help me but they all dissolved in front of my unbelieving eyes.

  Great clouds of steam enveloped the Lakehurst Crew waiting room.

  There was a bang and, with a start, I woke up on the floor of my cabin aboard the Uchronie.

  How long I had lain there I do not know; but my sleep must have been long and deep.

  My head felt like it was filled with wool but I was aware that it was daylight outside.

  I took a deep breath, felt a sharp pain in my back and remembered that I had been shot.

  Carefully I moved my head and looked around the floor. I was surrounded by the broken pieces of my Coronation mug.

  Carefully, I felt underneath my back, it was wet with a clear fluid but there was no sign of any blood or a bullet hole.

  I turned over, hauled myself up on to my bed and examined myself.

  Immediately I realised that this had been no ordinary bullet.

  There was not a mark on my body.

  I leaned forward and searched the metal floor with my fingertips. One minute later the fingertips of my left hand found a tiny feathered dart that had fallen down the tiny gap between the floor and the wall.

  Suddenly my cabin door opened. ‘Oh… you’re up!’ said Dwayne, laying a tray with coffee and toast on my tiny table. ‘Fought you’d still be sleepin’.

  ‘What happened last night?’ I asked, ‘I was…’

  ‘Sorry guvnor, I’m running a bit late.’ said Dwayne, dripping water all over my cabin floor. ‘We’re flying low an’ it’s pouring of rain out there. I got food to deliver to all the secure cabins.’

  ‘What time is it?’

  ‘I dunno.’ said Dwayne, ‘Clock ain’t my strong point. Confusin innit. I mean…one is five, six is thirty… or a half… or summit. It does my head in. I don’ get it. Too Complimicated.’

  ‘When did your shift start?’ I asked.

  ‘On the kitchen clock both hands were pretty much pointin’ straight up.’ said Dwayne. ‘an’ it must be after noon coz the St Arwar’s bar’s open. I’ve got pots of money to spend on a rainy Saturday afternoon. Me an’ Wayne are ‘goin to be wet inside n’all.

  ‘Can I get out of here?’ I asked. ‘I need to speak to someone rather urgently.’

  'Nah! Sorry, you gotta stay ere’ mate.’ said Dwayne. ‘Unless you’re wif someone in aufority. I’ll get Taint to come dahn an’ see you. He’s duty officer of the day.’

  Captain ‘Taint’ Wright turned up when I was halfway through my breakfast of lukewarm coffee and cold, wet, burnt toast.

  ‘What is it now, Drywood?’ he asked, looking suspiciously at the pieces of broken mug on the wet floor.

  ‘Look at this.’ I said showing him the dart I’d found on the floor, ‘somebody shot this into me last night.’

  ‘Well… I hardly think so.’ said Wright, taking the dart and examining it closely. ‘That’s not been issued from my armoury.’

  ‘Well… someone shot me in the back.’ I insisted.

  ‘Show me where.’ said Wright.

  ‘There’s not really any bullet hole.’ I said, changing my shirt.

  ‘Hmm no.’ said Wright, consulting his clipboard, ‘not a mark in fact… and there’s nothing on the night guards log sheet about intruders or noises.’

  ‘I want to see DeBlanc.’ I said.

  ‘Ah Nate, you’re awake.’ said Lolly, standing in my doorway wearing a white blouse and black barmaids apron. ‘Daddy wanted to see you last night. I knocked on your door about nine but there was no answer. I figured it wasn’t worth waking you up. He’ll see you later today.’

  ‘Nate claims someone shot him… with this,’ said Taint, showing Lolly the dart.

  ‘What is it?’ asked Lolly, innocently.

  ‘It looks like an old style animal tranquillizer dart.’ said Taint, ‘but it’s not standard issue. Not from my stores.’

  ‘Let me have a look at it.’ said Lolly. ‘Hmm… Well, I never did, I’ve never seen anything like that before.’

  ‘I’ll take it to the armory for tests.’ said Wright, ‘It’s a pity Biffo’s not around today. He’d give us a clue.’

  As they discussed the dart I sat back and observed them.

  I was beginning to have doubts about the sweet faced Lolly who always seemed to turn up at just the right moment and the supercilious Captain Wright who was only interested in keeping himself out of trouble.

  ‘You’re deep in thought there, Nate, ‘said Lolly, ‘What’s on your mind?’

  ‘Somebody shot me last night.’ I said. ‘I know they did.’

  ‘Well, for a man who’s been shot, there doesn’t seem to be anything much wrong with you.’ said Captain Wright. ‘Besides… Who would want to shoot you Nate?’

  ‘I remember seeing a gold monocle.’ I said, ‘Maybe it was Deblanc.’

  ‘Oh no! Daddy always retires early on a Friday night.’ frowned Lolly. ‘He’s in bed by nine o’clock. Maybe it was the mysterious ghost figure that followed you from the Hindenburg?’

  ‘Don’t mock me.’ I said, sullenly.

  ‘Well, it is ridiculous.’ said Lolly. ‘You say you’ve been shot, there’s not a mark on you, and you’re sitting there full of life… full of vim and vigor.’

  I had to admit that she was right.

  ‘I came to take you down to the great hall.’ said Lolly, ‘We’re getting it ready for the St Arwar’s ball tonight and I wondered if you would be kind enough to help out.’

  ‘Well I suppose you’ll be able to keep an eye on me there.’ I said.

  ‘Yes.’ said Lolly. ‘It’s either that or, stay locked in here all day. Come on… unless your wounds are too severe.’

  I smiled and then laughed.

  ‘That’s more like It.’ said Lolly, closing my door. ‘Get ready. We’ll wait for you.’

  As I changed in to my formal dress uniform I could hear Lolly whispering to Captain Wright outside in the corridor. I pretended to go to my bathroom, turning on the steam tap and closing the metal door noisily, before tiptoeing over to my cabin door.

  As I silently buttoned up the brass buttons on my tunic I could hear Lolly and Taint talking outside.

  I pressed my ear against the door but I could hardly hear a word for the constant thrum of the Uchronie’s engines and the hiss of the steam tap.

  ‘I can’t believe he found that dart.’ said Captain Wright. ‘My men searched his cabin for four hours last night.’

  ‘Who’s got the evidence you did find?’ asked Lolly.

  Taint's reply was drowned out by the noise of the Uchronie's engine.

  Next episode: The St Arwar’s Ball. Released November 26

  Preparations for the St Arwar’s Ball

  In which Nate's dislike for Commander DeBlanc is matched by his affection for Lolly DeBlanc.

  Amidst clouds of steam, I opened the cabin door and stepped outside in my full steampunk uniform.

  ‘Mmmm!’ said Lolly, looking me up and down with huge dark eyes. ‘I love a man in uniform.

  I adjusted the peak of my gold braided cap, leaned against the doorpost and casually studied my pocket watch.

  ‘Well…. errmm, yes indeed.’ said Captain Wright. ‘Turned out very ship shape and Bristol fashion. Errm… I’m actually on duty, I have to go and limit the Boss.’

  ‘Off to see the Commander, are you?’ I said, feeling a pang of anger, ‘Give him my regards.’

  ‘Actually I’m going to check the Battlefield Operation Sighting System,’ said Captain Wright, ‘but I suppose it’s the same thing… DeBlanc is the Boss. You two go and, erm… enjoy yourselves.’

  ‘Wow! Nate. You look stunning.’ said Lolly, as Captain Wright strode off down the corridor. ‘You’re going to cause quite a stir among the girls at the St Arwar’s Ball… and I love your pocket watch.’

  ‘I keep it for special occasions.’ I said, dangling it by its gold chain. ‘It’s a Dress watch… not quite a Bewitchment
, but...’

  ‘But it is gorgeous, as well.’ said Lolly, pulling a small watch from her top pocket, ‘All I have is my Venus Redstring Tick Tock that I got on St Valentine’s day.’