Uchronie

by Richardson, Ian

  ‘I don’t see how that can keep good time.’ I said, trying to read the petite watch. ‘There only seem to be seven numbers and the hands are at zero.’

  ‘It counts the hours of Venus,’ said Lolly, linking her arm firmly into mine, ‘and it is currently predicting that I will kiss my true love at two o’clock tonight.’

  ‘Two A.M. on a Sunday.’ I said. ‘Ah… the first hour of Venus.’

  ‘Yes! Very good, Nate.’ said Lolly. ‘You’ve been studying Captain Wright’s Twenty 4 Seven chart.’

  ‘I have been trying to understand it.’ I said, realizing that Lolly was waiting to see whether I would go left or right. ‘Look… I know you’re studying me but, really, I have nothing to hide. Your father didn’t need to drug me and search my room. Whatever I did aboard the Hindenburg was an accident and I can’t understand why he’s taken such a dislike to me.’

  ‘Nate! I like you…’ said Lolly, kissing her pocket watch as she put it back in her pocket, ‘…but there are certain individuals aboard the Uchronie who do not.’

  ‘Certain individuals who are in charge.’ I said, turning away towards the left corridor that led to the maze and the rain soaked gardens.

  ‘Oh!’ said Lolly, pulling me back, ‘You’re going in the wrong direction. It’s too wet to go outside. We fly low among the clouds when we’re over land because we don’t want any sightings. Come along… the Great Hall is right down here.’

  St Arwar’s Masquerade Ball – Saturday 7pm to 2am

  ‘So…who was St Arwar anyway?’ I asked, innocently watching a crew girl on a ladder stringing the huge banner above the white doors of the Great Hall.

  ‘St Arwar is the Patron Saint of Craftswomen and Recyclers.’ said Lolly. ‘Reduce – Reuse - Recycle.’

  ‘Hi, Lolly, are you coming tonight?’ asked the crew girl, climbing down the ladder.

  ‘Oh yes. I’ll be there, Vicky.’ said Lolly ‘Wouldn’t miss it for the world.'

  ‘Great, I'll meet you here.’ said Vicky, checking the banner she’d just put up. 'Seven o’clock on a Saturday until two on a Sunday morning. . . Isn’t it just completely romantic?’

  ‘Yes.’ said Lolly, ‘From one hour of Venus to the next.’

  ‘Oh…I nearly forgot.’ said Vicky. ‘The band is rehearsing inside; they want to know what to do with their instrument cases.’

  ‘I’ll sort that out.’ said Lolly.

  ‘And who’s this you’ve got with you?’ asked Vicky, smiling at me sweetly.

  ‘This is Nate.’ said Lolly, clutching my arm excitedly. ‘Isn’t he gorgeous in his dress uniform?’

  ‘Very handsome.’ said Vicky, smiling again, as she pushed the door open for me.

  I had to put my hand up to shield my eyes as two massive flood lights inside the hall blinded me.

  ‘Gor blimey.’ I said peering into the whiteout. I could just make out the silhouettes of two enormous statues that guarded the entrance.

  ‘This is Osky and Brit.’ whispered Lolly, leaning close to me, ‘I’ll tell you a secret. They’re not statues… they’re robots. Daddy has arranged for them to come alive at midnight and dance the Charleston as a surprise for everyone.’

  Turning my back on the blinding floodlights I looked up at the giant statues.

  One was gold, shiny and smoothly finished; the other was a tangled mess of engine parts, pipes and wires held together by iron girders. The slender gold automaton had a smooth white face with enormous green crystal eyes and a painted smile. The iron man had a grinning, iron riveted, face connected to his twisted body by two bolts in his neck.

  Both were wearing, gently steaming, stove pipe hats.

  ‘Which ones which?’ I shouted, above the sounds of musicians tuning up in the hall.

  ‘Osky is the gold one.’ said Lolly, heading towards the stage. ‘I’ll be back in a jiffy.’

  ‘Who built them?’ I called, but I was too late.

  ‘The statues were designed by Biffo.’ said Vicky, as Lolly disappeared into the bright lights. ‘Half a cup of mechanical and half a cup of enchantment.’

  ‘And half a cup of something else… no doubt.’ I said, ‘I’ve met Biffo, he’s bizarre.’

  ‘You don’t miss much, do you.’ smiled Vicky. Biffo is rather odd.’

  ‘It’s terribly bright in here.’ I said, as the music stopped. ‘I hope it’s not going to be like this for the dance.’

  ‘Don’t worry about the lights.’ said Vicky, opening a box of red balloons ‘I’m just making sure Osky and Brit’s solar ECISM’s are fully charged. It’s a bit dark among the clouds so I’ll leave the flood lights on for an hour while I blow up the balloons and finish the decorations.’

  ‘I can help you with the balloons.’ I said.

  ‘That’s very kind of you.’ said Vicky. ‘But there are a hundred of them… all torpedo shaped, like the Uchronie.’

  ‘That’s alright.’ I said. ‘I’ve got plenty puff.’

  ‘So you DO want to blow up the Uchronie!’ said Vicky, grinning from ear to ear.

  ‘Ah… you’ve heard the rumors then?’ I sighed, stretching a long red balloon as far as it would go.

  ‘Commander DeBlanc seems to think it’s more than rumors.’ said Vicky.

  ‘Yes he does.’ I said, looking across the dance floor.

  ‘How are you getting on with Lolly?’ asked Vicky, picking up a balloon.

  ‘She’s helped me a lot since I came on board.’ I said. ‘At first I didn’t know she was DeBlanc’s daughter but we soon sorted that out.’

  ‘Lolly is her own woman.’ said Vicky. ‘Underneath that bodice skirt there’s a suffragette chafing to get out.’

  ‘Yes.’ I said. ‘I noticed she wore the Green, White and Violet.’

  ‘You really don’t miss much… do you?’ said Vicky smiling again. ‘You’re as sharp as you are handsome.’

  I blushed.

  ‘Lolly is a plucky girl,’ said Vicky, taking a deep breath. ‘She doesn’t want to take the path that her father has laid out for her but she’s stuck with it. Be careful she doesn’t use you as an escape route.’

  Lolly reappeared out of the bright light with the three band members.

  ‘Anyway.’ said Vicky, loudly. ‘If you inflate some of these balloons I’ll be back in a few minutes.

  ‘Where are you going?’ I asked.

  ‘I have to go and attend to another surprise.’ said Vicky, whispering in my ear. ‘Lolly’s father has arranged a firework spectacular to mark the end of the ball.’

  ‘Nate. These gentlemen are Les Chemise Rouge.’ said Lolly, introducing three men in crimson shirts as Vicky left. ‘They will be playing music and entertaining us tonight.’

  ‘I’m afraid I’ve never heard of Les Chemise Rouge.’ I said, trying to inflate a red balloon.

  ‘Oh. Don’t be so blunt, Nate.’ scolded Lolly. ‘Say hello, or… Bonjour… to Pablo, Jules and Leon.’

  'Sorry,’ I said, standing up. ‘Bonjour, messieurs. I’m pleased to meet you. What sort of music do you play?’

  ‘We are European.’ said Jules, putting down his wooden instrument case and shaking my hand. ‘Zumtimes we are known as Les Transports de Bois.’

  ‘I shook my head. ‘Sorry. my French isn't very good’

  ‘Your commander, Monsieur DeBlanc, saw us perform in Paris.’ said Leon. ‘Many years ago now, when ze tower Eiffel was opened.’

  ‘I’m sure you’ll enjoy their music.’ said Lolly, ‘It will be a good night.’

  ‘Zo! Vot other surprises will zere be at your masquerade ball? asked Pablo, looking up at the statues. ‘No doubt zere will be many cases of mistaken identity.’

  ‘All part of ze fun!’ said Leon.

  ‘Or, perhaps, everyone will be robbed of their valuables by a phantom thief.’ said Jules, pulling at the chain of my pocket watch. ‘Their identity hidden by a cunning disguise and ze darkness.’

  ‘Ah yes! There will be much scandalous behaviour,’ said Leon, grinning at Loll
y. ‘We are honoured to be part of your entertainment. Monsieur DeBlanc has advised us it will be a show spectacular... We are ready for a surprises.’

  ‘We vill not be shocked.’ said Jules.

  ‘We are Unshockable!’ said Pablo.

  ‘Nuzzink can shock Les Chemise Rouge!’ they said in unison.

  ‘Come gentlemen we must rehearse.’ said Leon, tapping the side of his nose as he whispered to Lolly. ‘Be assured we are ready for all your… ‘surprise’ entertainments.

  Yes!’ ‘Yes, I hope so.’ said Lolly, turning to me and trying not to giggle as they went back to the stage. ‘Come on Nate, we need to get these red balloons sorted.’

  The afternoon quickly turned to evening, as all busy days do, and just before seven o’clock, the third hour of Venus, we joined the happy, thronging crowd under the St Arwars banner at the door to the Great Hall.

  Lolly had dressed up as a green, white and violet princess and had braided her hair in knotted circles on either side of her head.

  Vicky turned up wearing a bed sheet painted as a huge Dollar billl.

  It was by no means the strangest costume in the masquerade crowd. Everyone had entered into the do-it-yourself spirit of the occasion and created their own recycled costumes.

  Among the many would-be commanders, airmen and Victorian ladies was a character wearing a sheepskin waistcoat, flared jeans and red colored goggles.

  His companion, wore a top hat with a cape made from boot soles.

  At seven o’clock precisely the doors were thrown open and the eager crowd swarmed into the Great Hall of the Uchronie.

  The floodlights had been turned off, replaced by flickering candle light and a glitter ball that swirled stars around the darkened room. The deserted dance floor looked inviting but everybody congregated around the free bars that had been set up in each corner of the hall.

  ‘It’s always like this at the start of the evening.’ said Lolly, pulling me towards a curtained off area beside the dance floor. ‘Come on let’s go and see daddy. He’s at the captains table.’

  Next episode: 'St Arwar’s Ball' released December 3 2012

  St Arwar's Ball

  In which Nate meets a famous guest and receives a mediocre apology.

  The Captains table was closed off from the Great Hall by a swathe of heavy brocade curtains.

  I had previously observed that DeBlanc encouraged a cult of privacy aboard the Uchronie and now saw that it was, indeed, his way of life. He kept themselves separate from the rest of the crew and did not really communicate with them except to issue orders. He existed in his own interior space, shielded from the real world.

  Two armed guards and a large, bathykolpian woman in a green evening gown blocked our way as we approached this private area.

  ‘Hello Mummy,’ said Lolly.

  ‘Lolly, my dear. How are you?’ said the woman.

  ‘I’m doing splendidly.’ said Lolly, holding on to my arm. ‘Mummy… this is Nate Drywood.’

  ‘Ah… the observer from the Hindenburg.’ said her mother, studying me through a pair of brass opera glasses. ‘Tirant was telling me all about him.’

  ‘Nate, I’d like to introduce you to my mother.’ said Lolly. ‘The Duchess Daphne DeBlanc.’

  ‘Double Duchess Daphne DeBlanc.’ she said, holding out a white gloved hand to me.

  ‘Charmed I’m sure.’ I said, kissing the back of her hand.

  ‘My, my! Lolly. Nate is such a gentleman,’ said Daphne. ‘Not at all as Tirant described him.’

  ‘Is daddy inside?’ asked Lolly.

  ‘Yes. He is entertaining a guest,’ said Daphne, wrinkling her nose. ‘They are smoking cigars in there. Pop your head in and say hello, I’m just going to powder my nose. I’ll be back in a moment.’

  One of the armed guards followed two paces behind her as she left the hall.

  ‘Come in my dear.’ said Commander DeBlanc, as I pulled the curtains open for Lolly. ‘I have a special guest that I’d like you to meet.’

  Inside his veiled space, Commander DeBlanc and his guest sat in a grotto filled with cigar smoke, brightened only by a few, carefully positioned, candles.

  I gasped when I saw the portly gentleman with the top hat and bulldog like scowl.

  It was Winston Churchill.

  ‘Winston, this is Nate Drywood.’ said Commander DeBlanc. ‘We had to rescue him from the alternate timeline as well.’

  ‘Always pleased to meet someone fighting on the same side.’ said Winston, gruffly. ‘The sooner we get this damn Hindenburg business sorted out the better.’

  ‘Yes!’ said DeBlanc. ‘Once tha anomaly is repaired we will be able to create a better world for everyone.’

  ‘It is my belief that we must strengthen ourselves against the belligerence of Germany.’ said Churchill, standing up, ‘We must fight! On the beaches, in the fields, in the streets, in the hills, in the air. We must never surrender... to this gathering storm.’

  ‘I think that speech still needs some work.’ said DeBlanc, ‘I liked what you said earlier about blood, sweat, and tears. Perhaps you should borrow a few more quotes from Wells and Verne.’

  ‘I shall use every means at my disposal.’ said Churchill, sitting back down. ‘There is much in their writing that stimulates my fancy.’

  The curtain opened and, as Daphne DeBlanc re-entered, the band started playing.

  ‘Ah, my dear.’ said DeBlanc. ‘Les Chemise Rouge have started. Are the crew enjoying the St Arwar’s Ball?’

  ‘Oh, the girl’s are all lined up on one side of the dance floor.’ said his wife, ‘and the men are standing along the other.’

  ‘Tssk... It’s always like that at the start.’ said DeBlanc. ‘They’ll all end up in a heap in the middle of the dance floor by the end of the night.’

  ‘Oh! Really! Tirant.’ said Daphne, looking at me. ‘You make the crew sound dreadful.’

  ‘You should talk to daddy about the Uchronie.’ whispered Lolly.

  ‘What?’ I said, unable to hear her for the music.

  ‘Ask daddy about the Uchronie.’ murmured Lolly, smiling at her mother. ‘It’s his pride and joy.’

  ‘What are you saying my dear?’ asked Commander DeBlanc, turning towards us.

  ‘Nate was just wondering how you became the commander of such a vast airship.’ said Lolly.

  ‘Well now.’ said DeBlanc, leaning back in his throne-like chair and swirling his brandy around in his huge glass. ‘I first travelled on a balloon over fifty years ago and I was mightily impressed. That was Nadar’s Géant - a balloon of six thousand cubic meters.’

  ‘Yes... The Giant.’ said Winston Churchill. ‘I’ve heard of it.’

  ‘A few years later, in America, John Wise created a balloon of twenty thousand cubic meters.’ said DeBlanc. ‘But the first dirigible capable of carrying passengers was created in France and measured twenty-five thousand cubic meters!’

  ‘Impressive.’ I said, trying to join in the conversation.

  ‘Not compared with the Uchronie.’ said DeBlanc. ‘Her volume exceeds five hundred thousand cubic meters.’

  ‘Incredible sir.’ I said. ‘But how is it possible to keep such a gigantic vessel airborne?’

  ‘It is the size to weight ratio of the Uchronie that is the key.’ said DeBlanc. ‘The result of many experiments carried out during the last quarter of the nineteenth century.’

  ‘Such as…?’ I enquired.

  ‘The aerostat propeller attached to an elongated dirigible by Henry Giffard was a significant improvement.’ said DeBlanc, examining his cigar. ‘Lightweight engines yielded further important advances. But it is well known that these small balloons were only really guidable, under very, very, favourable conditions.’

  ‘How do you mean, sir?’ asked Winston Churchill, adjusting his top hat.

  ‘Well sir.’ said DeBlanc with a wry smile. ‘For example, indoors in a large, covered hanger their success rate was 100 percent.’

  ‘Hardly practical for
commercial transport.’ said Winston, blowing a cloud of cigar smoke across the table.

  ‘Indeed.’ said DeBlanc. ‘On a calm summer’s day these small craft did very well... In a light wind of five metres a second they could still move in the direction they were aimed but not at any practical speed.’

  ‘I was once aboard a Novelty Air Ship Company’s dirigible.’ said Winston. ‘The wind was against us and we could barely make any forward progress.’