Determination

by Angela B. Macala-Guajardo

Sekiro said, “Their Numina use telepathy, Roxie.” Wings buzzing, she alighted next to Aerigo. “Durna’s Numina behave differently than Earth’s. They’ll talk to only other Numina or the soul they’re assigned to. Please don’t take it as an affront.”

  “I won’t.” So long as she understood how the Numina operated, she didn’t mind.

  “You look more energized, by the way.”

  Despite her heartache, Roxie felt ready to keep moving. She pushed off Firsos’ side and got to her feet, stretching her limbs and wings. “I know you said we were asked to come here to help but what exactly am I supposed to do?”

  Sekiro held a hand towards Daio’s chains. “You’ve already started on that without realizing it. You helped Daio come to terms with two of his regrets when the links broke off. On top of that, you’ve eased Aerigo’s heart by showing that you’re still alive, having successfully released your Frava, and are still willing to move forward. Your reunion is bittersweet.”

  Roxie looked at Daio. “It was interesting listening to you two talk. I got to see another side of you, but if you’re struggling to trust yourself, how do you expect me to trust you over time?”

  Daio spread his arms and opened his mouth but Aerigo said, “Please give him a chance, Rox.”

  “Aerigo, don’t encourage her to do anything she doesn’t want to,” Daio said.

  “I’m willing to give you a chance without his encouragement,” Roxie said. “Part of me wants to get to know the real you, the person Aerigo sees in you. Both of you really want to go back to being like brothers and I don’t want to get in the way of that.” Watching them punch each other had been amusing, despite the pain they’d inflicted. Come to think of it, how were they even feeling physical pain? She put aside the question for the moment. “I trust Aerigo to keep you in line.”

  Daio said, “Lucky me. I feel a need to earn your trust.”

  “I want to trust you. Aerigo sees good in you for a reason.” She turned to Sekiro. “I have couple of questions. First, how are they feeling pain when they’re ghosts?” She gestured to both men. Calling them ghosts hurt. She didn’t want to think of Aerigo as dead.

  “The body remembers, therefor the soul recreates what it expects to feel. They don’t have to feel physical pain but that’s how their minds make sense of this part of reality. However, you can physically hurt the soul, like what your mother forced you to do. You didn’t kill her though; just severed her from the energy she’d gathered.”

  “You met your mother?” Aerigo said, surprised.

  “And by the look on her face,” Daio said, “it looks like we’re three for three in the pleasant parents department.”

  Roxie purposely veered the subject away from her mother, not wanting to relive what’d taken place in the hospital. “What’s limbo?” She’d done enough crying over both her parents.

  The other three grew quiet and Aerigo looked away. Sekiro said, “It’s when a soul gets stuck like your mother was. Or worse, diminish to a shadow person. Firsos was struggling to stop that from happening to Aerigo.”

  Roxie studied the bear, who watched them with his head raised. His mouth had to be big enough to fit her head inside. “Aerigo, are you sure you want to risk that?” Her chest tightened. As much as she wanted to be fair, she didn’t want him to leave one bit.

  “I’m very sure. I was spiraling towards limbo before you got here. I’d genuinely believed I’d ruined your life. But when I saw you, still alive, it brought bittersweet relief. I have to stick by you for as long as I can.”

  Roxie stood before Aerigo, cringed a little, and wrapped her arms around his icy torso. He hugged her back and they let go. “Thank you. I want you to stay so bad. But...” After all she’d heard... “What about Sandra?”

  Aerigo blinked and his gaze grew distant, then he shook his head. “Back on Kismet, I let her go to make room for you. I’ll always love and care about her like I do you, but I’ve respectfully moved on. Thank you, though. It means a lot that you’d say such a thing.” He kissed her forehead. “I’m here for you, now. All for you.”

  Firsos and Kiowa got up and headed for the stone gate. Sekiro waved to Roxie as she fell in line behind the bear. “Time to go to our next stop.”

  “Where we headed?” Daio said, jogging to catch up to Kiowa.

  “The gate to a world called Waul.”

  Daio froze mid-stride. “I think I’ll wait here.”

  All three Numina stopped and Kiowa faced Daio, head held high and eyes narrowed.

  Daio shook his head. “No. Please no.” He shook his head fervently. “Anywhere but there. I’m not ready to face her.”

  “Who?” Aerigo said, standing beside Roxie.

  Daio hunched his shoulders and gave him a dejected look, eyes lined with stress. “I know I once told you I never committed myself to anyone romantically. Shortly after I said that, I ate my own words and fell hopelessly in love with someone. Think of it as a cruel irony, maybe even karma catching up with me in life. She was the last Aigis Nexus forced me to kill before I ran out of ways to avoid hunting you, Aerigo.” He bowed his head. “Kiowa, please no.”

  Kiowa padded around Daio and bodily pushed him with a shoulder. He stumbled forward, chains jingling, and the wolf pushed him a few more times, until he began walking on his own, gritting his teeth and keeping his gaze fixed on the ground. Firsos and Sekiro followed them through the gate with Roxie and Aerigo in tow.

  Roxie was aching to hold Aerigo’s hand but she didn’t want to subject herself to too much cold. The harder her body had to work to keep itself warm, the more often she’d have to stop and rest. As much as Sekiro insisted time had no meaning in this realm, Roxie couldn’t help but worry.

  As if Aerigo had read her thoughts about handholding, he brushed her hand with his and treated her with a gentle smile. Roxie smiled back and returned the touch, and her heart went aflutter as she realized they were walking side by side again. It wasn’t perfect but they were together again, and that was perfect enough.

  The six of them passed through Durna’s gate into the huge, cavernous space full of Numina and energy sprites, and the gate rumbled closed behind them. People stared at Roxie. She met their gazes and said nothing. What was there to say? Don’t mind me; I’m just passing through? Yeah... no.

  Kiowa led them to Waul’s gate, Daio trudging along behind her, eyes bouncing between glowing yellow and blue. Sekiro followed close behind, shoulders tense and gaze fixed on his back like she was eager to talk with him. Maybe it wasn’t her place. She’d said only one soul per Numina. Maybe it was just in her nature to want to help. Kiowa stopped before another huge stone gate covered in vines and black, bell-shaped flowers with long black strands dangling from the flowers’ centers. The wolf raised her head and one side swung inwards.

  Daio stopped in his tracks and shook his head, eyes glowing yellow. “I can’t do this. She hates me. This isn’t a good idea.”

  Kiowa looked at him, her gaze serious.

  “I just know. Don’t do this to me. Or to her.”

  Kiowa stomped a paw on the ground.

  “I can’t. It’s too much.”

  Two women stepped through the gate, one of them a Numina, Roxie assumed, since she had wings like Sekiro’s, but they looked more like huge, transparent maple leaves folded up. Both women were tall and looked African with their dark skin. The Numina was thin and wiry, had short black hair tied in corn rolls, a round face, and dark eyes. She wore a vibrant sleeveless silk dress and a dozen golden bangles on each arm. She said, “What’s the commotion here?” Her voice was rich and throaty, a voice of authority that commanded respect, and she carried herself proudly.

  The other woman took in Kiowa and the rest of them, her scrutinizing green-eyed gaze flecked with gold. She was built like an athlete and move with the grace of a panther. She stood with her fists on her hips, wearing a brown leather half-jerkin that revealed a flat midsection, leather arm guards, complete with throwing needles, leather shorts with a fl
ap coving both her front and back, shin guards with studs, and what looked like brown hiking boots. Her hair was black and green, dreadlocks pulled back under a bandana, her locks falling to her shoulder blades. Her eyes widened when she spotted Daio, and then they started glowing red.

  “You!” Face tightening with tearful fury, she ran over and shoved him, sending him windmilling backwards. “How dare you show your face to me again?” she shouted pursuing him and shoving him again. “I hate you!” She shoved him a third time and other Numina scattered as Daio stumbled, chains swaying. She stormed after him and spewed a hateful tirade, giving him shove after shove, until she put all her weight into one last shove that sent him flying. He bounced once and skidded along the stone tiles, creating sparks, and came to a stop near a vine-covered wall.

  The angry lady’s eyes shifted from red to blue and she ran over to Daio, jumped on top of him, straddling his hips, lifted by his chains, and bashed him into the ground. “I hate you so much. Why did you kill me?”

  “I never wanted to, Sassy,” he said, his voice thick and sorrowful. “Nexus commanded me. I avoided it for as long as I could.” He caressed her bare thighs. “I’m sorry.”

  Sassy brought her face close to his, her hair spilling forward. “Is that why you avoided me all those years?”

  Daio nodded. “I’m sorry.”

  “I still hate you,” she whispered thickly, then bent over and planted a kiss on his lips. Daio’s hands cupped her glutes and began kneading them.

  Roxie couldn’t help but feel sad for both Daio and Sassy. The fact that Daio was capable of loving someone made it harder to dislike him. She still didn’t trust him but at least he was more human to her, instead of just a tentative enemy. She swayed towards Aerigo, seeking comfort, but his icy body repelled her. He rubbed the small of her back once.

  Sassy pulled away. “What happened to you? What’s with all these chains, and who killed your stupid ass?”

  Daio rubbed her thighs again. “I forced Aerigo to kill me before I could do any more harm.”

  Sassy glanced over a shoulder and Aerigo shifted his weight from foot to foot. Roxie squeezed his frozen hand and he squeezed back, but his eyes began glowing blue.

  “As far as the chains go, they’re a manifestation of all my regrets. Many of them are linked to you.”

  “Which ones?”

  He placed a hand over the ones covering his heart and she placed a hand over his.

  “There are so many. You will have to tell me all of them.”

  Daio nodded somberly. “I need to.”

  “You are a stupid, stupid man.” Her voice was a mix of angry and tender.

  “I know.”

  “I will make sure you atone for all your transgressions.” Sassy kissed him again and helped him to his feet. He pulled her into a tight hug, and she closed her eyes and pressed her body to his, hands on his on his chest under his chains.

  The other African-looking lady said, “That went better than I’d hoped.”

  Sekiro said, “You didn’t warn her, did you?”

  “I doubted she’d come if I did.”

  Sassy said, “That was mean of you, Huldra.”

  “You’ll thank me for it later,” Huldra said with a dismissive wave. “Your soul has been stuck on him for too long. You two need to help each other, along with the live one.”

  Sassy glanced at Roxie, then gripped Daio’s jaw in one hand, squishing his face. “I’ll deal with you in a minute.” Letting go, she marched over to Roxie and sized her up, walking in a circle around her and Aerigo, and stopping before them.

  Roxie took the scrutiny in stride, feeling more of a longing to embrace Aerigo like Sassy could with Daio. The love between those two was rough but beautiful.

  “I saw your eyes glowing. You’re obviously an Aigis but I’ve never seen one like you before.”

  “Do you know what Frava is?” Roxie said.

  “The fabled power we supposedly lost.”

  “This is me with my Frava released.”

  Sassy looked at her again and scrunched her brows. “That’s it? You get wings, pretty armor, and a sword, and that’s supposed to make you equal to a god in strength of will?”

  That’s it? That’s her reaction? Annoyed by Sassy’s disappointment, Roxie slipped into her emotionally detached state and drew her sword as she felt her eyes glow. A part of her hoped Sassy would ask to spar with her. After all she and Aerigo had been through to learn how to unlock Frava, Sassy’s reaction got under her skin.

  Sassy eyed the glowing sword with a raised eyebrow, skeptical. “And white-glowing eyes. How interesting.”

  Huldra folded her arms. “Sassy, you need to take some of her energy if you want to fight her. She’ll pass right through you otherwise.”

  Roxie held out her shield hand. “Go ahead.”

  “Fine. Don’t cry when I beat you.” Sassy plunged Roxie’s hand in her icy grip but Roxie didn’t flinch. The cold meant nothing to her, a distant discomfort that lasted mere seconds.

  Sassy’s form became as lively as Aerigo’s and Daio’s, she took a deep breath, batted aside the sword barehanded, and Roxie blocked the series of punches with her shield. Roxie pushed her off with all her physical strength, not ready to reveal her willpower just yet. Sassy did a backflip, landed in a crouch, and came at her again with more punches and kicks. Roxie dodged and blocked them all with ease, leaning or ducking just enough to feel only air hit her face. Sassy came at her harder and faster, and Roxie more blocked than dodged, not even trying to swing her sword, and one kick connecting with her shield made her stagger, but she was indifferent to the sheer power behind the blow.

  Sassy dropped into a fighting stance. “Come on! Stop holding back. Go on the offensive!”

  Roxie held her sword out in front of her for all to see, then slowly sheathed it with a satisfying click and gave Sassy a taunting wave. Aerigo smirked.

  Daio held up a hand. “Uh, Sassy--”

  “Shut up, stupid man. I’m busy.” Sassy charged her.

  Making a fist, Roxie flung her will out, rooting Sassy in place with a fist poised a foot from Roxie’s face. Sassy blinked a few times and tried to move, grunting with effort, but she was as stuck as a statue that could blink and breath. “I can’t move!”

  Roxie forced Sassy’s arm down and willed her to her knees, making Sassy gasp and struggle anew, but she didn’t stand a chance. Roxie stood before her and lowered her fist. Once Sassy stopped struggling, Roxie let her go.

  Daio ran over and helped Sassy to her feet. Clutching his arm, she said, “I’m alright. And impressed, now. I apologize if I offended you.”

  “Apology accepted,” Roxie said in her flat, emotionless voice. She closed her eyes and made herself take a deep, calming breath. She was eager for a harder fight, an outlet for all her pain and frustration. Sure, crying had released a lot of pain, but she felt a need to bring Nexus to justice. It was like a physical pull on her body, urging her to keep moving and not give up. The skirmish had made her need for justice flare up, but she made herself calm down and focus on the present.

  Daio said, “Rox, I think you just figured out how to turn Aerigo on.”

  Aerigo gazed at her with open admiration, an amused smile on his face.

  Roxie said, “Yeah, I’m not that kid you bumped into on a city street that night anymore.”

  Sassy said, “Someone needs to bring me up to speed. You wouldn’t all come just to watch me knock sense into this man here. What exactly is going on?”

  Chapter 13

  Legacy

  Sassy wore a thoughtful frown. “Well then, let’s do what needs getting done so you can hurry up and get out of here. I don’t envy your task, kid.” She got to her feet and so did everyone else, each Numina near their assigned soul.

  Roxie stood with Aerigo at her side, at the feet of Waul’s gate. Huldra beckoned to the gate and it rumbled closed, sounding like an earthy, thoughtful hum. Roxie said, “I appreciate your help but you don�
�t have to come. I don’t want to pull you away from your soul’s journey.”

  Sassy put her fists on her hips. “I’m an Aigis. Helping is what we do. And you, kid, are in dire need of help.”

  “Thank you,” she said, meaning it, “and please call me Rox or Roxie.”

  “What? Don’t like ‘kid’?”

  “I don’t feel like one anymore.”

  “How old are you?”

  Roxie met Sassy’s green-eyed gaze flecked with gold. The thought of admitting that she was seventeen, maybe eighteen, depending on how much time had gone by on Earth, made her feel embarrassed. How could anyone as old as Aerigo and the rest believe Roxie stood a fighting chance? “Young.” Still, despite her age handicap, she had to try. There was no one to take her place and, like Sassy just said, she was an Aigis. She wanted to help those depending on her.

  Sassy gave her a sympathetic smile. “Considering all you’ve been through, I doubt you’d feel like a kid anymore.” She pulled Roxie into a hug, wrapping her in an icy embrace. “Poor child. Forced to grow up well beyond your years.”

  Eyes widening, Roxie opened her mouth but trapped the gasp in her throat, wanting to pretend the hug was pure comfort. Sassy had an air of strength and compassion about her, and carried herself confidently, instilling Roxie’s trust in her like she trusted Aerigo. She could hold her own in a fight. The intensity of her attacks during their brief skirmish left no room for doubt. On top of that, there was something motherly about the hug, something she’d never get from her birth mother. Grandma had done her best to fill in the role of mother figure but Roxie had never felt compelled to call her “mom” instead of “grandma.” As much as she knew she shouldn’t, she found herself emotionally latching on to Sassy. She coaxed herself to return the hug, thoughts of having a surrogate mother bouncing around her head.

  “I’ll do everything I can to help you out of here. I’ve been on my soul’s journey a long time. It won’t hurt to make it a little longer. Your journey is more important right now.”

  Spoken like a true mother. Putting her child’s needs before hers. Heart wrenching, Roxie managed to say “thank you” in a steady voice, then sighed with relief and stuck her hands in the warmth of her underarms. Heat seeped back into her limbs and front side.