Determination

by Angela B. Macala-Guajardo

  Kiowa padded over and nuzzled Daio, licking his hand once. He patted the wolf’s head.

  “I’ll be alright, girl,” he said.

  Ron stood before Roxie. She let go of Aerigo’s hand and held herself at her full height. Ron gazed at her with all four eyes full of empathy and she felt herself wanting to slip into her emotionally detached state, but she held herself in check. She wasn’t itching for a fight; just to buffer herself from more emotional pain.

  Ron said, “Do you not know the full extent of his treachery?”

  “He was commanded against his will by his master.”

  “Yet he warned none of us of this. Instead, he killed every last Aigis you see here. It is because of him that you are the only one left.”

  “Aerigo and I learned how to unlock Frava because of him.”

  “And who do you think taught him?”

  Roxie thought a moment. “I’m guessing you. Why? If you hate him so much, then why bother teaching him?”

  Ron’s gaze shifted to Aerigo. “Desperation. Aerigo’s fear of his own power blocked us from reaching out to him. Daio urged us to give him a chance in our place. Against what we thought was better judgement, we taught him Frava, and now one so young as you has unlocked that power. We thank him for doing what we could not, but one good deed doesn’t excuse a lifetime of murder and treachery, commanded against his will or not.”

  “I understand,” Roxie said. “He has to pay the price for what he did. Just please hold it off until I’m out of here.” She understood they were angry. They had every right to be. They were in the presence of their murderer. Even she was angry with Daio for having tried to kill her and Aerigo, but was she interested in making him pay for it over and over? No.

  Ron looked at Daio. “If you were being commanded against your will, then why did you not see it fit to warn us of your intentions?”

  Daio said, “Do you really care? After all these centuries, does it really matter? What’s done is done. Help Rox.”

  “I would like to hear it,”Sassy said.

  He stiffened, then gently removed her arms from around his torso. “You might not find it in your heart to still care about me. I’ll always love you no matter what. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  “Spill it, stupid man.”

  Sighing, he looked at the ground. “I’m stupid and selfish. Yes, I was commanded to kill all of you, covertly, so other gods wouldn’t get suspicious, but I could’ve said something. Yes, I was commanded to not speak about the prophesied war, but that’s the funny thing about commands. They’re very specific. Nexus never forbade me from telling people run or stay away from me.”

  “Then why not warn us?” Sassy said.

  “Like I told Aerigo before I got him to kill me: at first I willingly went along with Nexus’s plans. It sounded impressive, mischief on a grand scale, and it gave me a sense of purpose. But the more Aigis I killed, the more I got sucked into his agenda, and the more I felt like I was doing the wrong thing. The killing stopped feeling gratifying and I didn’t want to go along with it anymore. Nexus caught wind of my unhappiness and tantalized me with the promise of never commanding me against my will gain, so long as I helped finish what I started. Do you have any idea what it feels like to act against your will and be powerless to stop yourself?”

  Ron narrowed his eyes and said nothing.

  “I was desperate enough to believe him and I acted on that desperation, doing my best to convince Nexus that I believed him, and to convince myself that, deep down, I didn’t suspect he was lying.

  “When I had about a dozen Aigis left to kill, I confronted him, asking him if all this killing was really necessary. And that’s when I realized he didn’t care what I wanted. Never did. Nexus would’ve had me killed and then created another Aigis to pick up where I left off. I doubted that Aigis would have been raised and mentored by Aerigo, wouldn’t have the moral compass I tried so hard to pretend I lacked. That Aigis wouldn’t try so hard to avoid directly carrying out Nexus’s commands.

  “So I took it upon myself to hunt for the key to unlocking Frava while being forced to keep killing in secret. I was determined to unlock that power and kill Nexus. I didn’t give a damn about his stupid prophecy anymore.” He looked squarely at Ron. “So why not warn anyone, you ask?” He let go of Sassy. “Because I couldn't afford to die. I had to find a way to unlock Frava and save myself. I put myself before everyone else. What I wanted varied over the centuries, but at one point I kept going back to the idea of Frava. Unfortunately, my ends never justified the means, and I now have to carry the burden of so many regrets. I know you don’t care, but I’m still sorry for what I’ve done.”

  “I think he’s just sorry for having failed,” one Aigis said.

  “Wow, that’s a low blow,” Daio said. “Believe what you want.”

  “I believe he’s truly sorry,” Roxie said to Aerigo.

  He squeezed her hand. “He is.”

  “So Aerigo,” Daio said, “now you understand why I kept pestering you to teach me Mana.”

  Aerigo nodded. “I’d thought you were just power hungry all those years. You should’ve said something.”

  “It was hard enough begging you to teach me. My pride got in the way of revealing more. I never wanted to be the bad guy.”

  “I know.”

  “Are you done?” Ron snapped.

  “If you want me to be,” Daio said with a shrug.

  Sassy grabbed Daio’s chains over his heart and pulled him close, blue-glowing eyes scrutinizing him. “You are one stupid man. Why didn’t you say anything to me either? I would’ve done anything to help you.”

  Daio swallowed. “I couldn’t bring myself to tell you that I was going to have to kill you one day because you’re an Aigis and my master wants you dead. Besides, Aerigo unlocked Mana after his wife died. In some screwed up way, I was hoping the same would happen with me, but no. I did nothing but cry for days and days. I wanted to kill myself but I was too much of a coward. On top of that, I had one last shred of hope invested in Aerigo. I’m not very good at giving up. Can you ever forgive me, Sass?”

  Pursing her lips, she turned his head from side to side and ran a finger over his lips. “It defies all logic but I don’t think I could ever stop loving you, even though you’ve hurt me deeply. I can’t bring myself to hate you. Instead, I’ll help you atone, help you free yourself from these chains. I want us to be together again, in another life, free of these memories, free of their burden. Just us, happy and in love.”

  “I don’t deserve you.”

  “No, you don’t,” she said with a small smile. “Now kiss me, stupid man.” Daio pressed his lips to hers and they hugged each other tight.

  Ron shook his head and faced Roxie, his gaze severe. “All that aside, you are in need of help. I’m afraid all we can give you is knowledge but not the wisdom to go with it. That can be earned only by living life and gaining experience.”

  Roxie nodded. She’d take all the help she could get, but at the same time she wondered how long Ron and the others had been stuck in the spirit realm. What were they holding on to? Their hate for Daio? The shock of their untimely deaths? Wrath? A need for revenge, to mete out their version of justice? They’d felt compelled to ignore Roxie the moment they noticed Daio. That said a lot right there.

  “Now, forget about Daio and his punishment. I can feel your dissatisfaction with our actions.”

  “How long have you been dead?”

  Ron’s four eyes blinked and he lost the severity in his gaze. “Why do you ask?”

  “Every soul goes on a journey in death, but they can get stuck for one reason or another. How long have you been dead?”

  “Centuries, by my world’s reckoning. What does this have to do with our coming to help you?”

  “Absolutely nothing.” She wanted their help but she felt a need to help them in return.

  “Then worry not. We need to help you get out of here.”


  “My mother has been stuck in her own personal hell my entire life. You’ve been stuck here for centuries. Why?”

  Ron’s eyes began glowing red. “I was murdered for the sake of some evil plot, and I could do nothing but watch helplessly as he did the same to Aigis after Aigis. Could you rest in peace if you knew your murderer was on the loose?”

  “He’s dead now. He can’t do any more harm. You can rest in peace.”

  “No, I can’t. Nexus hasn’t been stopped yet.”

  “That’s my problem; not yours.”

  “I and the others refuse to let you carry that burden alone.” He gestured to the rest of the Aigis. “Let us pass on what useful knowledge we can so you may stand a better chance. We wish to preserve your life.”

  “Only if you promise me one thing.” She rested a hand on the pommel of her sword.

  “Name it.”

  “Let go of what’s making your soul stuck.” She looked around and spoke louder. “All of you. How can you expect me to readily accept help from you when none of you seem to be able to help yourselves?”

  “Why do you care about our plight?” Ron said.

  “Why do you care so much about mine? You’re dead.”

  “Because your actions affect all living things, mortal and divine. It is up to you to preserve the mortal realm from a selfish god. Worry not about us.”

  “But you need help, too,” she said earnestly. “Dead or not, you deserve peace and rest. Think of it as a fair trade. Don’t you want peace for yourself?”

  Ron took a deep breath and slowly exhaled through his wedge of a nose. He looked at the other Aigis again before turning back to Roxie. One corner of his mouth crooked into a smile. “Let us pass on our knowledge and we will talk.”

  Chapter 14

  Aid

  “All of us have lived for hundreds or thousands of years,” Ron said. “Aigis are trained to fight and protect, along with help societies grow. You are part of this legacy and you must take on a foe no Aigis has faced in a long time. Always remember, your task is not impossible.”

  “How did those who fought gods beat them?”

  Ron had three-fingered hands shaped like a chameleon’s, along with a hook-shaped fourth digit near his wrist, serving more as a claw. He curled his hands into fists with the middle digits pointing towards Roxie. “There is one you should meet on your journey through the spirit realm. That Aigis is best suited for passing on such knowledge.”

  Sekiro said, “We’re seeing him once we’re done here, Roxie.”

  Should be interesting. “Why didn’t he come with the others?”

  “He doesn’t have a Numina. You’ll see when we get there.”

  “Now hold still,” Ron said. “We’ll see how long this knowledge sticks. We’ll keep giving it to you until you’ve learned enough.”

  Like Aerigo had done back on Phailon, Ron touched a finger to both her stomach and forehead. She felt static electricity coming from his fingertips, and her eyes began darting back and forth as if in REM sleep. Martial art skills poured into her. Forms, techniques, weapon skills, meditation rituals, and basic self defense moves. It was like someone was fast-forwarding through hundreds of years of practice and she was watching it all.

  Eyes stilling and Ron’s face coming back into focus, Roxie took a deep breath and he pulled away. “And now for a few extended reality skills that should help you stay alive.” He closed his eyes, concentrating, and touched her forehead and stomach again. Knowledge of healing and defensive magic poured into her, some healing chants to repair injuries between fights, and defensive magic that used her blood, altering its composition to make parts of her body tough as iron for short periods of time. It was complicated stuff but both magics could be used with ease after much practice. Both things would come in handy, since Aigis were far from invincible.

  Ron stepped back and another Aigis took his place, passing on sword fighting techniques. Longsword, short sword, saber, bastard sword, rapier, hook blade, and more odd-shaped ones meant to keep opponents guessing where the next blow would fall. When the second Aigis let go, Roxie grabbed the hilt of her sword, eager to test what she just learned, but she stayed put for the next person in line. She would get to exercise her new skills soon enough.

  Every Aigis passed on magical and/or fighting skills. Roxie thought all this knowledge would make her brain feel like it was being overloaded; instead, her mind collected all the information without so much as a headache. She gratefully absorbed every last scrap of knowledge.

  What felt like fifteen minutes later, the final Aigis finished passing on magic that further enhanced how fast she could move and joined the others back in their semicircle. Many of them watched Daio, holding themselves ready for a fight. Hopefully they’d control themselves until Roxie was gone. At least now she had so much fighting knowledge. She wondered if she temporarily knew more than Aerigo now. Sure he’d still be more skilled because he’d practiced all he knew, but she now had the potential to catch up in a hurry with lots of practice of her own. She understood that she had all this knowledge but not the wisdom on how to optimize its use. She had been shown how to do tons of things, and now she needed practice to get good at them.

  Eager to try her new sword fighting skills, Roxie drew her sword and focused on a series of moves compiled into a form meant to be practiced both fast and slow. Bringing the flat of the blade to her forehead, she took the hilt in both hands and, inhaling, began.

  Each swing and parry, all the footwork flowed into each other as she pretended to fight a series of invisible opponents coming at her with swords of their own. The form focused on deflection and conserving energy, letting her opponents tire themselves out with their own attacks. It felt like a dance, and like no one could touch her.

  She had just a few moves left when she couldn’t remember what came next. She paused with her sword guarding the left side of her face and tried to backtrack through the sequence, but couldn’t remember much beyond starting with the sword touching her forehead.

  “What’s wrong?” Ron said. “You look lost. You shouldn’t be. All that knowledge should stay fresh for twenty four hours before fading.”

  “I don’t know. It’s like it’s fading already.” Roxie sheathed her sword, figuring she could come back to that later, and took in the vaulted space. It has to be at least a mile wide, and enough miles long to not be able to see one end or the other. Roxie cast the very last spell she’d learned, the one that enhanced her movement speed, and her feet felt like they were standing on a vibrating trampoline. The ground surrounding her feet shimmered like rippling water. Bending into a runner’s starting position, Roxie plotted a path across the space that avoided running Numina over. It didn’t matter that they were moving. She’d be running too fast for them to get in the way.

  She sucked in a deep breath and sprinted, hearing a thunderous boom after just a few steps. The world around her came to a complete standstill as she darted among the Numina, oblivious to her movements, and she came to a halt before a stone gate on the other side. The energy sprites and Numina fell back into motion and the boom echoed. Had she just broken the sound barrier? Wow. All the Numina jumped and looked around. “That was me. Sorry.” Well, that bit of extended reality came to her just fine, so why had the sword form slipped from her memory so fast? She sprinted back, filling the chamber with another echoing boom, and stopped by Aerigo, Ron, and Sekiro. Hopefully she hadn’t terrified anyone too much.

  Sekiro gaped at her, eyes wide. “That was crazy. One second you were standing there, ready to run. The next second you were gone. That boom made me jump!”

  “Now that’s fast,” Daio said lightly. “Aigis can’t break the sound barrier without the help of extended reality.”

  Roxie dismissed her speed enhancement with a wave, then held a hand over her shield arm and tried to recall the bit of extended reality Ron had taught her, but the knowledge wouldn’t come, beyond how to hold her hand.

  “Now what’s wro
ng?” Ron said.

  “I’m trying to practice the iron blood technique you taught me but I can’t remember it. The first stuff is fading already. I don’t get what’s going on.” She let her arms hang at her sides. “Was it too much information all at once?”

  Sekiro said, “Hold on. I think I might know.” She touched Roxie’s forehead and closed her eyes.

  “I’m puzzled,” Ron said. “Knowledge is knowledge. Our being dead should make no difference to the longevity of the information.”

  Roxie’s heart pounded out beat after beat as she felt more knowledge slipping away like memory of a dream. She wanted to clamp her head, but not even reviewing the information over and over was committing it to memory.

  Opening her eyes, Sekiro removed her hand and sucked in air through her teeth. “Roxie...” Her voice was full of shock. “You’ve... you’ve been here a year already.”

  Roxie’s stomach dropped to her feet. “Oh god.” A year? How could that much time possibly slip by without her noticing? “What do I do now? I thought time had no meaning here.”

  “It still doesn’t but I think your body is connected to Earth’s time flow. That would explain your needs to eat and rest. Your body is feeling time pass.”

  “So what about Nexus and his war? If a year has gone by, then I’m way too late. The war has to be over already.”

  Both Ron and Sekiro started talking at the same time. They looked at each other and Sekiro motioned for him to speak. He said, “Gods live outside the mortal strictures of time. The rules we live and die by don’t apply to them. I caught a glimpse through Aerigo that the war is taking place on a realm; not a world. That works in your favor, Roxie.”

  “How?” She wanted to scream. How could have any time left to make a difference or save anyone? Her feeling like she was wasting precious seconds had been right all this time.