My Soul Cries Out

by Sherri L. Lewis

  My mouth fell open when they switched on the lights and I heard “Surprise!” The sanctuary was set up with a big buffet table and a bunch of tables and chairs. It was filled with my friends from the gym and new friends from the church.

  Alaysia came up and gave me a hug. “How’s this for throwing a little something together?”

  I hugged her. “Laysia, you are the best. I’m sorry for this morning. I didn’t—”

  “Girl, you know best friends are no matter what. You was a trip this morning, though.”

  I laughed. “I’m sorry. I love you, girl.”

  I felt someone putting their hands over my eyes. The cologne smelled like . . .

  “Kevin!”

  He picked me up in a hug then planted a big kiss on my lips.

  “I didn’t think you could be here. What happened?”

  “Come on, now. You didn’t think I would miss this, did you? You almost found me out asking all those questions about California.” He held me at arm’s length. “It’s a good thing I did come. I couldn’t have you out here in this dress with all these men here. I need to mark my territory.” He walked around me. “Baby, you look so good, it’s a . . . you should . . . shoot, I can’t even think straight. You just look good.”

  I laughed and kissed his cheek. “Thanks, Kevin. I’m glad you’re here.”

  “Ahem.” Alaysia put her hands on her hips. “You do have other guests here.”

  I turned around and there stood my parents. “Mommy! Daddy!” I grabbed them both and held them tight. “I can’t believe you came. You guys actually got on a plane?”

  “Monica, look at you. Look at that dress,” Mommy whispered in my ear. “I told you Kevin would come back when you fixed yourself up.”

  I laughed and kissed her cheek. “I guess you were right, Mommy.” Might as well let her believe her version of the truth.

  “Hey, baby girl.” Daddy held me tight. “Me and your momma miss you so much.”

  I kissed his cheek. “I miss you guys too, Daddy.”

  I really did. I felt bad that I hadn’t seen them in so long. We talked on the phone at least once a week and they were real disappointed when I didn’t come home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but said they understood.

  “How long are you guys staying?”

  Daddy said, “I’m sorry, baby girl. We gotta get back for church on Sunday. It’s Pastor Clayton’s anniversary, and all deacons have to be there.”

  I rubbed his bald head. “That’s okay, Daddy. You being here tonight is more than enough. Where are you staying?”

  “Miss Alaysia got us at this high falutin’ hotel up the street. Had that boy pick us up in a limo. I tell you, that girl knows how to treat people. Everything been real nice. ’Cept the food here at the party. I see why you lost all that weight if that’s how she feed you. Ain’t a lick of meat in this place.”

  I laughed and kissed his cheek. Alaysia grabbed my arm and led me toward the buffet table. “Speaking of food, come check out your spread.”

  I walked the length of the table. Alaysia had all my favorite dishes from all my favorite restaurants.

  “And there’s plenty of chocolate soy ice cream in the freezer.”

  “Alaysia, you outdid yourself this time.”

  She wiped her forehead. “Whew, this was a lot to put together from the time you reminded me it was your birthday this morning.”

  Talinda came up and gave me a hug. “Happy birthday, Monnie. Boy, this almost killed me. I’m the worst at keeping secrets, but Alaysia threatened my life.” She saw Kevin standing beside me. “Oh my God! It’s you.” She grabbed his hand. “I love your album. I’m glad you’re here. With Monnie. That the two of you are here together. At least I think you’re together. Well, you look like you’re together, but I guess that doesn’t mean you’re together . . .”

  Kevin laughed. “And you are?”

  “Talinda Gaines. Your wife’s most devoted client and your most devoted fan.”

  “Great to meet you, Talinda.” Kevin kissed her hand.

  Talinda whispered in my ear. “Since you guys are back together, that means you can hook me up with your boy over there.” She nodded toward Alex. I smiled and waved him over.

  He gave me a big hug and kiss on the cheek and then held me at arm’s length. “Dang, girl. You look good. I told you about wearing those dresses.”

  Kevin took a step closer to me and put his arm around my waist.

  “Kevin, this is Alex. Alex, this is my husband, Kevin.”

  Alex’s eyes widened. “Your husband? Oh.” He shook Kevin’s hand. “Good to meet you.” Alex looked at me with a mixture of surprise and joy and then back at Kevin. “Good to meet you.”

  I held Kevin’s hand. “Alex is the business consultant I told you about that helped me and Alaysia get the gym going. He’s also a good friend.”

  Kevin shook his hand warily as if he should worry about how good a friend Alex had been.

  “Alex, this is my friend, Talinda. She’s one of my clients at the gym.”

  Alex kissed her hand. “Nice to meet you, Talinda.” Alex kissed Alaysia’s cheek and hugged her. “And how have you been?”

  “I’m good, Alex. It’s good to see you.”

  “Thanks for inviting me.” He winked at her.

  Talinda linked her arm through Alex’s. “Alex, Monica tells me you’re a business consultant. I wanted to talk to you about an idea I’ve been tossing around.” She led him off into the crowd. I wanted to warn her, but I knew Alex would disclose things soon enough.

  Kevin leaned in close to me, looking around the room. “You got any more ‘friends’ I need to be worried about?”

  I laughed and punched his arm. “No, Kevin.”

  David and Nakia walked up and gave me a hug.

  “Nakia, you’re here. I didn’t think you were in town this weekend.”

  “I wouldn’t miss your thirtieth.”

  David and Kevin gave each other pounds. David said, “Man, it’s good to see you again. You gonna be in town long enough for us to do some music?”

  “I wish. I gotta fly out first thing in the morning. Got a concert tomorrow night.”

  The crowd grew thinner as the night wore on. I kissed my parents goodnight as Nathan ushered them to the limo. Finally, it was just me and Kevin, Alaysia and Khalil, and David and Nakia. We sat around a table, nibbling on cake and ice cream, and talking.

  Nakia took David’s hand. “Not to steal the attention from Monica’s birthday party, but I have some good news. I got a call today at work from the district manager here, and my transfer has been approved. I’ll be starting here the end of next month.”

  David jumped up and swung Nakia around. She squealed.

  “I guess you guys can set your wedding date now,” Khalil said. “You should go ahead and put in for your dates here at the church. There’s a lot of weddings coming up.”

  “I can’t believe we actually get to set a date. I was starting to believe I was going to be engaged forever,” Nakia said.

  “A spring wedding would be great,” Alaysia said.

  “Spring of next year?” David frowned. “I can’t wait that long to get married. Having you here in the same city every single day of the week? Naw, man, ain’t no way I can make it a year.”

  Nakia laughed. “You so silly. How long do you think it takes to plan a wedding?”

  David shrugged. “What’s the big deal? You get a preacher, you get a dress, you rent a few tuxes, walk down the aisle and boom, that’s it. You’re married. I never understood why you women get all stressed out over a wedding.”

  I sighed. “Spoken like a true Y-chromosome bearer. Don’t worry, Nakia. Men have no clue about these things. All they do is show up. They must think some magic wedding fairy does all the work.”

  “What are you trying to say?” Kevin frowned. “I helped with our wedding.”

  “Yes, dear, but you’re not the average Y-chromosomer,” I said.

  Kevin cl
enched his jaw.

  God, help me get my foot out of my mouth. I turned to Nakia. “I happen to have the most helpful, wonderful, thoughtful husband on the face of the earth. Not every woman can be so blessed.” Kevin’s jaw relaxed.

  “Hey, I resent that. I think.” David furrowed his eyebrows.

  “Yes, think hard, David dear,” I said. “Because if you resent it and say that you’re equally wonderful, thoughtful and helpful, you’re stuck planning a wedding. If you agree, then you’ve admitted that you’re the average macho boob.” I winked at Nakia.

  “David, man, this is one of those situations where it’s best not to answer. You can never outthink a woman. Learn that before the wedding and you’ll have a much happier marriage.” Kevin looked at his watch. “Yo, man. It’s almost two in the morning. I gotta get some sleep.”

  David took Nakia’s hand. “I better get you to your momma’s house. I’m sure with you being out this late, she must think I got you somewhere ‘having my way with you’.”

  Nakia giggled. “Yeah, you’re right. We better go.”

  As they were leaving, I turned to Alaysia. “Do we need to clean up all this stuff?”

  “Girl, you know me better than that. I’m gonna pack up whatever food is left and then I have a cleaning crew coming in first thing tomorrow.”

  “Wonderful. Leftover rabbit food. I’ll start packing it up.” Khalil walked over to the buffet table.

  “I know Nathan is gone, so I guess I’m riding with you,” I said to Alaysia.

  Kevin took my hand. “I kinda thought you’d be going to the hotel with me. I wanted to spend more time with you before I fly out.”

  “Oh . . . yeah. That’s cool, but what about clothes? I don’t have my car, so I don’t have my gym bag.”

  Alaysia pointed to the table filled with my birthday presents. “Somewhere in that stack over there is a box with some new exercise clothes in it. Be right back.” She walked over to the table.

  “Don’t worry,” Kevin said. Same rules as last time. I’ll just hold you and we’ll go to sleep. I won’t try anything.”

  “Okay.” I took off my pumps. They were cute, but my baby toes had enough.

  Kevin looked around the room. “Great party. You have a really nice life here—your friends, your church, your business. I’m glad God worked things out for you. I was worried when you first left, but I guess He knew what He was doing.”

  “I know. Every day when I wake up, I thank Him for my life right now. I never thought I would be happy again.”

  Kevin’s face fell.

  “I didn’t mean . . .”

  “Yes, you did. It’s okay. I’m sorry I ever made you feel that way.”

  “I know, Kevin. Let’s not focus on that, though. Let’s focus on moving forward.”

  “How, though? You have your life here. I can’t ask you to leave that. And I have my life at Love and Faith with the choir and Bishop and . . .”

  I winced when he said “Bishop.”

  “I don’t know, Kevin. But God knows. Let’s let Him work it out.”

  52

  Alaysia picked me and Kevin up at the hotel and we dropped Kevin off at the airport. He held on to me extra long and extra tight, like he wished he could squeeze away the pain he had caused me.

  “I love you, Monnie. God’s gonna have to work this thing out soon. I want to spend some more time with you.”

  I laid my head on his chest. “I know. He will.”

  We couldn’t linger too long because a policeman came and told us we had to move the car.

  Alaysia patted my arm when I got back in the car. “You okay?”

  I nodded. “Yeah.” I watched Kevin until he disappeared into the airport terminal.

  “I’m gonna let you drop me off at the house and then you can go pick your parents up at the hotel. What are you guys doing today?”

  “I’m taking them to brunch and then on a tour of Atlanta. They’ve never been here before and want to do the Coca Cola museum, the King Center and Underground, Stone Mountain, you know—the works. It’s gonna be a long day.”

  “Girl, I haven’t done most of that stuff, and I’ve been living here how long?”

  “I know, right? Me either.”

  “Maybe me and Khalil should schedule a sight-seeing day. I don’t think he’s done the tourist thing either.”

  “Speaking of Khalil, he seemed all shifty and nervous during the marriage conversation last night. Are you guys talking about it?”

  Alaysia looked over her shoulder to check for traffic and merged onto the freeway. “No. Not even in casual conversation. Do you think he doesn’t want to marry me?”

  “Dang, Alaysia, cut the man some slack. You guys have only been together for six months.”

  “This time. We were together before off and on for three years. We lived together for eight months. It’s not like we’re just getting to know each other. And he talked about marriage all the time then.”

  “Yeah, but you’re a whole different person and he’s a whole different person. Give him some time.”

  “You think he doesn’t want to marry me because I’m not saved?”

  “No, because if that was the case, he wouldn’t be with you at all.”

  “Then what is it? Why hasn’t he even mentioned it?”

  “What’s the rush? Why are you so anxious about it?”

  “You’re right. I guess I’m not walking in faith, huh? Are you supposed to have faith when it comes to love and matters of the heart, though? Does God get involved in that too?”

  “Of course. He cares about every area of our life. Especially that one.”

  I was counting on it.

  By the time my parents and I got through with the Coca Cola museum and the King Center, I was tired. When we got into the car, I asked them, “Are you sure you guys want to go all the way out to Stone Mountain? It’s just a big rock with some men on horses carved in it.”

  Daddy pulled his souvenirs from the King Center out of his bag. “I don’t know when we gon’ get back down here. I want to see everything in one trip. I ain’t gettin’ on no more planes after today, and I can’t drive that far with yo’ mama. She got to stop and pee every three hours.”

  “We ain’t been on a trip since your prostate started actin’ up, Hershel. I bet you’d be the one having to stop all the time.”

  “Why you got to tell all my bidness?”

  “Monica’s a nurse. She understands all that stuff.”

  I had to laugh. It had been a long time since I’d seen Mommy and Daddy, and I missed these little interactions. “Stone Mountain it is. Then we’ll go to the mall out at Stonecrest.”

  “Naw, now. I ain’t trying to be shoppin’ all day. You can drop me off after the mountain.” Daddy folded his arms across his chest.

  “But the mall is out there near the mountain. It doesn’t make any sense for me to drive all the way back into the city.”

  “I ain’t goin’ to no mall wit’ two women. I love y’all, but ain’t that much love in the world.”

  “Okay, Daddy. Me and Mommy can go to a different mall.”

  “We don’t have to go to the mall, Monica. You see one mall, you seen them all,” Mommy conceded.

  We drove in silence for a while.

  “So you and Kevin back together?” Daddy asked.

  I knew it was coming. I was surprised it took this long for one of them to ask.

  “We’re working on it, Daddy.”

  “Working on it? Does that mean you’re moving back to D.C.? Y’all young folk don’t make no durn sense these days. Working on it. What kind of—”

  “Hershel, don’t trouble Monica.” My mother turned toward the back seat and undoubtedly cut her eyes at my dad.

  “I ain’t troublin’ her. Just don’t make no sense to me. Married woman up and move to another city and leave her husband. Y’all watch too much of that Oprah and that Lifetime TV. Give you all kinds of crazy ideas.”

  “Hershel,” my m
other said in her warning tone.

  “Don’t ‘Hershel’ me. I can talk to my daughter if I want to. That’s what parents supposed to do when they concerned. Leave your husband and move to a whole new city and starve yourself to death so you can look like those skinny women on television. Ain’t nothing wrong with a black woman having some meat on her bones. Black men don’t like no skinny women. They need some meat on them hips and them thighs. Then you wearing a dress with the back all out and split up the side, showing your tail. You done come down here and lost your good Christian upbringing. I hope you been remembering you married while you down here.”

  He muttered under his breath for while, probably realizing me and Mommy were ignoring him. Suddenly, my dad shouted out a spray of cuss words. “What the—?”

  Mommy and I looked out the window to see what he was looking at.

  “OhLawdJesus.” Mommy obviously caught sight of what set him off.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw two men holding hands at the corner of 10th and Piedmont. They leaned in to kiss one another on the lips.

  Daddy yelled, “What is this? Sodom and Gomorrah? Where you done brought me? Two men kissing on the street? Outside? In broad daylight?”

  I guess they were only supposed to kiss inside, at night.

  Daddy continued to rant and rave in the back seat. “They better be glad I’m in this car. If one of them punks ever got close to me, I’d . . . I’d have to kill ’em. They better not ever come up to me.”

  “Daddy, they don’t want you.”

  What’d I say that for? Daddy wasn’t even making full sentences anymore. Mommy and I just got an earful of cuss words from the back seat. He cussed all the way out to Stone Mountain.

  Even though I missed them, by the time I dropped them off at the airport, I was ready for them to go. Daddy swore he was never coming back to Atlanta. I didn’t bother to remind him there were homosexuals in Baltimore.

  When I got in the house, I plopped down on the couch.

  Alaysia came bouncing into the living room. “Have fun with your parents?”

  “Daddy drove me crazy, harassing me like I was some common whore, then I made the mistake of driving them through Midtown and he saw two men kissing. He was done. Cussed and fussed the whole rest of the day. My last nerve is long gone.”