Skating Through

by Jennifer Cosgrove

WHEN THEY’D GOTTEN their schedules right before school started, Ben had resigned himself to not having anyone to talk to until possibly lunch and then the Econ class that he, Ryan, and now Marcus, were in. But with Rachel in two of his morning classes and lunch, and the fact that he and Marcus were friends again, it turned out he had someone to sit with after all.

  He was still a little baffled by her friendship, but it was nice not to have to find a convenient corner desk to disappear to. And it wasn’t as if people didn’t say hi to him or anything. He got head nods and small waves and sometimes a smile from one of the girls, but never anyone who wanted to really talk to him, as a person.

  Which was why Ben could feel eyes on him when he walked into his first class and Rachel flung herself at him, wrapping her arms around his waist. Startled, he automatically hugged her, glad his backpack was still firmly on his back.

  “Rachel?”

  Her voice was muffled from where her face was pressed against his shoulder. “I’m so freaking proud of you.”

  “You are?”

  She squeezed him tighter, and he huffed out a laugh, resting his cheek on top of her bright pink head. Her hair was as soft as Marcus’s, and he distractedly wondered again if they used the same thing in their hair.

  She pulled back and smiled up at him. “Of course I am.”

  Rachel wrapped a hand around his wrist and tugged him toward the back of the room where they usually sat. Ryan had been right, all those weeks ago; being befriended by Rachel was like being adopted by a small, fiercely protective mama bear with bright pink hair. He was now one of her circle, and Ben could get onboard with that.

  Before he knew it—before he could even blink—he was at his desk with Rachel sitting across the aisle, looking at him expectantly.

  “Tell me everything.” She clasped her hands in her lap and leaned forward eagerly. At his stunned silence, she rolled her eyes and glanced around the room before speaking again. “They’re not paying any attention. Give me some credit, I’m not an amateur.”

  He gaped at her for another second before he finally caught up to what she was after.

  “It was surprisingly uneventful.”

  She motioned for more details, and he found himself telling the entire story from beginning to end while she listened closely. Rachel was easy to talk to. He had no trouble telling her his mom had cried, but when he got to his dad’s conversation, he edited some parts out. Just a few.

  “And that was it.”

  She gave him one of her special “friends only” smiles. “Good for you, man.” She reached over and patted his knee.

  He’d noticed that about her and Marcus—they were very affectionate with each other, always hugging or touching. He didn’t mind, but it was something to get used to. Ben also noticed that people had glanced at them more than once, and he could only imagine what the rumor mill would come up with. He almost laughed out loud. If they only knew.

  The teacher walked in, and they didn’t get another chance to talk, but Rachel gave him a small smile every now and then when he looked her way. Ben grinned to himself and felt happier than he had in what seemed like a long time.

  Chapter Fourteen

  THEY ATE LUNCH outside at the same table where Rachel had first confronted him, ignoring the chill in the air. She sat on the tabletop like always, boots planted firmly on the bench, and proceeded to steal some of the fries Ben had allowed himself as a rare but well-earned treat. Maybe it was silly to have celebratory fries, but he deserved them.

  “So, now what?”

  Ben blinked at her and wondered if he’d missed part of the conversation they’d been having. “Now what, what?”

  “You going to make a move or not?” She regarded him seriously before snatching the last fry.

  Ben groaned and buried his head in his arms on the table. “Not you, too.”

  Rachel smirked at him. “Let me guess—Ryan?” Ben nodded without sitting up. “You know”—she sounded thoughtful—“you might want to ask Marcus what he wants.”

  “That’s what Ryan said.”

  “Did he?” Rachel nudged him until he looked at her. “Just think about it, okay? I won’t say anything else. Promise.” She made a zipping motion across her lips, and Ben smiled at her.

  “Okay. If you say so.”

  She pinched her lips even more tightly together and wiggled her eyebrows at him until he laughed out loud. It was almost time for the bell to ring, so they gathered up the rest of their trash and headed inside.

  Rachel linked their arms after they’d dumped their trays, walking with him most of the way to his last class. He knew she was walking with him to see Marcus, but he was glad of the company. Just before they got to the classroom, Rachel pulled him to the side.

  She still had her hand curved loosely around his elbow, and he glanced down at it in surprise. He stood still when she leaned closer, not sure what she was going to say. Her face was serious.

  “You’re a good guy, Benny. A nice guy. Who deserves nice things.” He gaped at her as she stepped back and made the same zipping motion across her lips that she’d done earlier, this time miming throwing away a key.

  Rachel winked at him and then turned to where Marcus was coming toward them. Rachel slipped an arm around his waist, and he automatically put an arm around her shoulders. They made it look practiced and easy. Marcus gave Ben a smile that put a blush on his face.

  “Hey.” Ben scuffed the toe of his sneaker on the carpet and saw Rachel look away, trying not to laugh. He found himself grinning back.

  “Hi.”

  Rachel snorted, and Marcus must have poked her in the side because she squeaked and wriggled away. She walked backward and rolled her eyes at both of them. “I’ll leave you boys to it, then.” She pointed at Marcus. “Later.”

  Marcus stuck his tongue out at her, and she laughed her way down the hall. “She thinks she’s hilarious.” He said it with a kind of fond resignation.

  Ben shrugged. “She kind of is.”

  Marcus bumped his shoulder with a grin, and they walked into the classroom. Ryan slipped in behind them at the last second, just before the tardy bell rang. He was flushed, and Ben knew he’d run into Rachel on his way.

  They took their seats, and Ben couldn’t resist a little gentle chirping. “Cutting it close?”

  Ryan grinned at him unabashedly. “Totally worth it.”

  Ben rolled his eyes, and as he turned to his books, caught Marcus watching them both. His hair had fallen into his face, and it brought back the memory of the picture he’d sent Ben last night. Ben cleared his throat and looked away, cheeks pink. Not a good thing to think about in class, that was for sure.

  He wondered if he’d get another picture that night, and the thought left him still a little confused but definitely interested.

  PRACTICE WAS THE best it had been in a long time. Ben felt dialed in for the first time in ages, and he was playing better than he had since the season started.

  Even Coach Jordan noticed. “Good work, Lewis. Keep it up.”

  Ben nodded at him, breathing hard but smiling around his mouthguard. He felt good. A small part of the stress he’d been carrying with him for years was gone. His family knew. He’d told them and survived.

  Ben’s good mood lasted all the way through practice and into the locker room. He didn’t think twice before checking his phone right after stripping out of his pads. A text from Ryan: he’d been able to swap shifts with someone at the last minute, so he’d be outside to give Ben a ride home.

  And there was a squabble in the group chat about It—the book vs. the movie—that made Ben shudder, so he immediately clicked out of it. He’d check back after they finished arguing.

  The last text was from Marcus, wondering if Ben wanted to get together on Wednesday night to work on their Econ homework together. Ben almost suggested that Ryan join them, since he was in the same class, but he remembered Ryan was working that night. It would be only him and Marcus. Alone again.

/>   He then remembered what had happened the last time they were alone together.

  God, maybe he should take Ryan’s and Rachel’s advice, and just ask Marcus what he wanted.

  Ben: ok

  Ben: My house?

  Marcus: Y

  Ben: Gotta go shower ttyl.

  He got an immediate text back of a wide-eyed emoji and snorted. Ben scrolled back up to the picture from last night for a second before someone spoke into his ear, and he fumbled the phone before managing to lock the screen.

  “Get it, Cap!”

  Smithy was way too close, and Ben thought for a horrifying second he’d actually seen the picture. He could have kicked himself for forgetting where he was and letting his guard down.

  “Shut up, Smithy.”

  The D-man elbowed him good-naturedly, and Ben did his best not to react. Smithy always seemed to know everyone’s business, so it wasn’t surprising he was interested. Ben knew his never having dated anyone was a subject of conversation—to this group, anyway. There’d even been a few awkward offers to set him up that had been mortifying. And Smithy had made enough comments that he didn’t even acknowledge them anymore. It was annoying.

  “Aw, Cap. Don’t be like that. Who is she, anyway?”

  Ben ignored him and started peeling off his Under Armour. If he was lucky, Smithy would lose interest and go find someone else to gossip to or about.

  He wasn’t that lucky. Smithy had the stall next to his and wasn’t moving on. He could be a patient little shit when he wanted to be; that’s what made him such a good D-man. He knew how to wait to make his move.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Ben wrapped a towel around his waist with jerky movements and hoped Smithy would get the hint.

  “She goes to another school, doesn’t she.” Smithy gave him a wide grin. “I bet she does! Did you pick up a puck bunny?”

  “Don’t be a shit.” Ben took his toilet bag out and started toward the showers, shoulders tense. All he wanted to do was rinse the stink off and go home. Why did everything have to revolve around who he was dating or not dating or whatever? What did it matter?

  “Sorry.” Smithy’s voice was quiet, and Ben looked back at him. “You just look happier than usual.” He shrugged. “That’s all. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

  And now Ben felt like a shit. It didn’t change the fact that Smithy would be shocked to know Ben’s whatever was a guy. Or would he? Smithy gave off a big and dumb vibe, but he was smart and fast, and while he said some stupid things, Ben never heard him be intentionally cruel. Smithy just didn’t think before he spoke.

  “It’s fine.” Ben didn’t know what else to say. “Don’t worry about it.” He fled to the showers and stayed until he was fairly certain Smithy would be gone.

  In fact, by the time he was done, nearly everyone was gone. He could see Coach Jordan in his office and, for a split second, considered getting it over with and talking to him. Ben got dressed as he mulled it over.

  He’d taken three steps toward the office before he stopped himself, went back to his stall, and tugged on his sneakers instead. He didn’t think Coach would say anything to the team without Ben’s permission, but he wasn’t ready. He’d let the knowledge that his family knew sink in for a while before making the next jump.

  HE SHOULD HAVE expected Beth to pounce. She hadn’t talked to him since his big revelation, and that wasn’t like her. He would give her props for waiting until he was tired and not on his guard before her interrogation.

  She didn’t knock, pushing open the door and flopping down on the bed next to him. He yawned. He’d been trying to stay awake long enough to finish his reading for Lit and hopefully a goodnight from Marcus. Not that he would ever tell her that.

  “So. You like boys.” Blunt and to the point, that was his Bethy.

  He shrugged. “Yeah. So do you.” Beth gave him an exasperated look, started to say something, and then stopped. “What?” He rolled his eyes. “Go ahead, get it over with.”

  “Fine.” She thought for a moment. “Have you ever had a boyfriend?”

  “No.”

  “Kissed a boy?”

  He hesitated. “No.” He didn’t want to get into that at the moment.

  Beth narrowed her eyes. “You’re lying.”

  Ben sighed. He didn’t have to name names or explain. “One boy.”

  “Who?”

  “Not telling.”

  She chewed on her lip, considering. “Was it Ryan?”

  “What? No!” He made a face. “Ryan’s my best friend. And straight.”

  She shrugged like that didn’t matter. “Kissed anyone else?”

  “Yes.”

  “Who?”

  “None of your business.”

  “No, really. Who?”

  “Tracy Martin at her birthday party last year.”

  “Ew. Why?”

  “Someone thought it would be fun and retro to play Spin the Bottle.”

  “Okay. But no other boys?”

  “No.”

  “But you want to?”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “Okay.” She rolled up to sitting and gave him a look. “This stays in the family, right?”

  “For now. I mean, you know that Ryan knows.” He didn’t mention the other person. Or that person’s best friend.

  She wrinkled her nose. “Of course Ryan knows. He’s family.” The duh was implied. “You can trust me, you know. It’s kind of a dick move to out someone. I would never do that. Especially to you.”

  Ben stared down at the book still in his hands, because if he looked at her, he’d lose it. “Thanks, Bethy.”

  “Anytime, loser.” She patted him on the head and left, closing the door behind her.

  Ben leaned back against the headboard and laughed. He could always count on his sister to get right to the point. She’d had questions, and she’d asked them, accepting his answers without a doubt in her mind.

  Ben was a little worried about the discussion with his parents that was looming on the horizon. It wouldn’t take long for them to realize their birds and the bees talk might need a little revising. And that was going to be mortifying. His mom had tackled the first one a year or so ago, and at the time, he’d been certain he wouldn’t survive. She’d handled it like a pro, though, and he wasn’t sure if that was amazing or a little worrisome. It was clear exactly where Beth got her bluntness.

  He looked back down at his Lit book and sighed. There was no way he was going to get through the rest of the reading without falling asleep. When he checked the time on his phone, he saw a few missed texts on the screen. He must have forgotten to turn it off silent after practice.

  Marcus: hey

  Marcus: you’re prob still at practice

  Marcus: see you tomorrow

  Marcus: goodnight

  Another picture. It was similar to the one Ben had taken that morning— Marcus was lying back in his bed, framed by a dark grey pillowcase. He’d dyed his hair again, a deep blue that made his skin glow. He was wearing a shirt this time; Ben could see where the collar of the T-shirt stretched while he’d taken the picture. Ben clicked to save it to his phone and scrolled back to the first one to save as well. He still wasn’t sure why Marcus was sending them to him, but if he wanted to keep them, no one needed to know.

  ONE MORE DAY of school and one more practice before his study time with Marcus. Ben had sent him another picture that morning, more bedhead and a crooked smile. It felt like they were playing a game, and he didn’t quite know the rules. Maybe he was reading way too much into it. Maybe it was just something Marcus did. Ben doubted it, but maybe.

  He shook off his obsessing in third period. He needed to concentrate on other things, like school and the line change Coach Jordan wanted to try that night. It wasn’t his line, but any changes like that would affect how they played.

  He managed to make it through lunch without Rachel noticing anything weird. They talked as usual, which consisted o
f her chattering to him and his answering when required. She made him laugh, and then looked surprised when he did. After what Smithy had said the night before, Ben was beginning to wonder if everyone saw him as scowling and miserable all the time.

  The day was completely normal. And it bothered him because he was so not normal. Everything felt like it was too much. He was moving toward something, but he wasn’t quite sure what that something was. At least hockey was proving to be the constant at the moment.

  Practice was even better than the day before. The team was working together, and it felt great. Their first home game was coming up on Saturday and would be an especially nice one to win. Everyone was coming, even Gran, and Ben was weirdly nervous about that.

  And, not to mention, his study date with Marcus. He really needed to talk to someone about it, and Ryan would probably be his best bet. He still didn’t know Rachel well enough, and she was far too close to Marcus to give him the kind of objective input he needed.

  Showered and dressed, Ben shoved his Flyers beanie on instead of worrying over his hair and marched out of the school with his stuff over his shoulder. He was determined to actually talk about what he was feeling for once. When he yanked the back door of the car open, he scared Ryan half to death.

  “Shit!” Ryan turned down the music he’d been listening to and stared at Ben as he dropped into the passenger seat, one hand pressed to his chest. “What the hell, dude?”

  Ben pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked at the dark screen for a second before deciding what he wanted to say. “What does it mean—” He kept looking down and away from Ryan, not sure if he could get it all out otherwise. “—if someone sends you pictures and tells you goodnight every night?”

  “What?” Ryan sounded so confused Ben finally glanced over at him.

  Ben sighed. “Promise me you won’t make fun of me, because I really need your help right now.”

  “You know I can’t possibly promise that.” Ryan still hadn’t backed out of the parking space, instead turning toward Ben who was determinedly looking out the window. “I’ll do my best, though.”

  Ben decided he didn’t have a choice. He’d have to deal with whatever amount of teasing that came with Ryan’s usual surprisingly astute insight.