Heaven Is For Heroes

by PJ Sharon

  I let out a long breath. The last thing Alex needed was my mother’s pity. He had enough guilt already. From the look on his face he was thinking the same thing. I sat on the edge of the picnic bench and faced him, keeping my expression calm. “You could have told me you were in pain. We could have stopped and taken breaks or something.”

  “You can’t help but take advantage of an opportunity to give me a hard time, can you?” He all but scowled at me.

  Brig grinned, his blue eyes shifting between us. “All righty then. I’ll get the first aid kit.”

  “Let me take a look,” I said. I raised a stern brow in hopes that the assertive approach would gain Alex’s cooperation while simultaneously hiding my nerves.

  He huffed back. “Don’t make a big deal out of it, okay. It looks worse than it feels.” Reluctantly, he removed the towel.

  I had prepared myself for the worst so it didn’t look that bad. I’d seen his leg enough times that it no longer shocked me to find the smile-like scar a few inches below his knee instead of a calf and a foot. I examined the leg without touching it. I knew Alex didn’t like anyone touching his stump. There were four blisters, rubbed raw and still weepy. Alex dabbed at the sites with the wet towel. Sweat beaded along his forehead. At eight in the morning, the sun was hot, the air humid. Today promised to be a blazing inferno. I had to find a way to keep the skin dry and padded. I forced a smile. “No worries. I know just what to do.”

  Brig returned and laid out the first aid supplies on the picnic table. “This is all I’ve got. You should have everything you need there. If not, there’s a store about ten minutes down the road.”

  I looked through the kit. I could make do with what there was. The physical therapist had explained how to treat pressure sores and I remembered pretty much everything she’d said. I’d also spent a lot of time surfing the internet. You can find out how to do anything on You Tube. “Brig, can you get me a rolled up blanket and another clean towel?” I asked.

  He grinned down at me proudly. “I knew I could count on you to take charge.” He flashed a knowing look at Alex whose lip curved into a quick smile that appeared to be involuntary. He let it slip away as Brig disappeared toward the tent.

  “You sure you got this? I can take care of it myself.”

  “I got it. No problem. It’ll be easier this way.” I said reassuringly, arranging and taking note of my supplies.

  Once Brig returned, I had Alex lift his leg. I rolled up the blanket and laid the towel under his knee to bolster it and create a clean environment so he wouldn’t have to hold his leg up. I picked up the antiseptic spray and opened a few gauze pads. “This might sting a little.” I sprayed each wound and dabbed them dry, keeping my attention focused on my task. Alex stayed perfectly still, watching me carefully. I glanced up and gave him a quick confident smile. I found a small pair of scissors and handed him a quarter inch thick neoprene elbow brace Brig had bought two winters ago when he’d had a tendonitis from too much shoveling. . “Here, cut four circles, two inches around, and cut donut holes in the center.” Alex busied himself cutting up the brace as instructed, catching on to my plan immediately.

  When I was sure the skin was dry, I opened a foil packet marked antibiotic cream and squeezed a drop onto a sterile cotton swab. Covering each blister with a smear of cream, I plastered a 2x2 square over each of the raw spots, and placed the circles of neoprene on top—essentially creating a spongy buffer so the sores wouldn’t make contact with the prosthesis. I wrapped a thin layer of rolled gauze around the stump to hold them in place. I taped the end and lifted my hands, “It’s a temporary fix, but it’ll do.”

  “Thanks.” Alex rolled the stockinet over the end and nodded approval.

  “I’m sure it will be fine,” I said, satisfied I’d done a good job and that we had solved the problem for the time being. “We’ll want to check on it every few hours and make sure the sores aren’t breaking down worse. You should leave the prosthesis off as much as possible for the next day or so. Limit your walking and if it hurts, take some of these and get off it.” I handed him a bottle of aspirin.

  Alex took it and eyed me. “Thanks, Doc.”

  We exchanged brief grins, my face growing hot under his scrutiny, my mind spinning with thoughts of the future and all of the questions it brought with it.

  Brig broke the silence. “Nice job, Sunshine.” He patted my shoulder and helped me pack up the first aid supplies. “That’s pretty impressive. You have a knack for this kind of thing. You’ll be a great doctor.”

  “We’ll see,” I said. Alex studied my reaction, probably asking himself the same questions I was asking. What would we do if I went away to college for eight years?

  Leave it to Brig to stay focused on what was important. “I’ll set the table,” he said. He tossed some paper plates and plastic forks at us with some napkins.

  “Breakfast is ready.” Mom dragged a large pan over to the table while Brig filled plastic cups with orange juice. Mom grinned, always happiest while feeding people. “You two must be starved. You missed dinner last night.” She scooped large heaps of scrambled eggs with cheese, mushrooms, onions and bacon all mixed together onto our plates. She sat down across from Alex who had faced forward, his leg now hidden beneath the red checkered table cloth.

  From a distance we must have looked like any other family, no apparent pieces missing. A pang of emptiness, leftover grief, welled inside me. Looks could be so deceiving. I stared into my plate.

  “You made slop,” I said, addressing my mother with a frown, tears flooding my eyes.

  Alex elbowed me. “It was nice of your mom to make us breakfast. Don’t be such a pain.”

  “I’m not!” My mother and I smiled at one another, both of us wiping tears off our cheeks. Alex frowned, confused.

  “Don’t you remember? Jordan and Lee used to ask me to make them slop for breakfast on Sunday mornings. It was kind of a ritual when they were little. I recall more than one Sunday morning that you joined us.” She smiled sadly. “I haven’t made it in a long time.”

  I took a bite. The creamy, salty, eggy flavor burst in my mouth, the bacon just a tad chewy. Perfect. “Thanks, Mom.” I said through a half full mouth, happy memories brought to light in an instant. A warm glow rose to the surface of my heart.

  Alex’s expression changed too. I saw the recognition and the sadness there, but I also sensed something inside him healing, breaking free—as if his own memories were knitting together to form a patch over the holes in his soul. I could only imagine how he must feel, sharing this moment with us—being part of our family again. He took a bite and chewed slowly, a small grin coming across his face. “Excellent. Thanks, Mrs. D.”

  A sudden rush of emotion filled my chest. Mom returned the smile, the first real one I’d seen in months. “I’m glad you’re here, Alex,” she said, her words sincere.

  The awkward moment passed and the mood changed to one of teasing banter between Brig and Mom. Alex and I chowed down breakfast like we hadn’t eaten in a week. After I’d finished my second helping and Alex was polishing off his third, the conversation fell to Brig.

  “See, now isn’t this nice? I knew it would be good for all of us to get away and spend a little time together before Jordan starts back to school.” He wiped his mouth and slugged down his coffee.

  Mom eyed him suspiciously. “You mean this wasn’t some random coincidence, you and Alex ending up here at the campground?”

  “Random and coincidence are not in Brig’s vocabulary, Mom.” I smiled broadly at my grandfather. “You should know by now Gramps always has a plan, and he doesn’t do anything without a good reason.” I ignored Brig’s expected glare, got up, and poured everyone more coffee, and then settled onto the bench next to Alex who was popping a grape into his mouth from the bowl Mom pushed in front of him.

  Brig spoke in his own defense. “I had no ulterior motive other than wanting to spend some quality time with my family and getting in some fishing.” He hid be
hind his mug, taking a slow sip.

  Mom and I exchanged a knowing glance. He was definitely up to something. Mom interjected. “Well, I came here to spend some girl time with my daughter, so you boys can do all the fishing you want, but Jordan and I are going to lie on the beach down by the lake today, and catch some sun. How does that sound, Sweetie?”

  “Um—okay.” Thank God I’d brought a book to read. Hours of lying in the hot sun talking to Mom might as well be a CIA interrogation. Alex shot me a sympathetic glance.

  “Maybe after Brig and I finish catching our dinner, you and I can go to a movie—if it’s okay with you Mrs. D.”

  After a prolonged silence, she flashed a lame smile. “I suppose so. I guess Brig and I can entertain ourselves by playing cards or something.”

  I knew she wasn’t as happy about Alex being here as she’d said. She was probably even less happy about us spending time alone together. I wasn’t sure if it was because it made her think about Levi and made her sad, or if there was more to it. As far as guys I could be going on a date with, Alex Cooper was far from a bad idea in my book. Then it dawned on me. OMG! He’d asked me on a date. Hadn’t he? Our first actual date!

  Chapter 25

  “I’m just worried about you. I don’t want to see you get hurt.” Mom handed me two ends of a blanket and we laid it out on the white sandy beach, the expansive lake only ten feet away. The commotion of kids swimming and splashing, parents chit-chattering, and the lifeguard whistle signaling a rebel camper to stay inside the buoys, filled the air around us.

  I tossed my copy of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter onto the blanket and kicked off my flip-flops. “Alex is not trying to hurt me. He’s just confused. He needs a little time, that’s all. Stop worrying.”

  “It’s my job to worry about you.” She settled herself onto the blanket and slathered sunblock up and down her arms and legs, handing me the tube of SPF 45.

  I sighed and took it, half-heartedly repeating her procedure, knowing she would point it out if I missed a spot. “I hate to keep reminding you, but I’ll be eighteen in two months.” I watched Alex and Brig rowing a small boat away from shore, rods and tackle boxes packed for a day of bass fishing.

  “So you keep saying, but you’ll be living at home for at least another year and Alex…he has no direction right now. He doesn’t seem to be able to focus on his future. Not that I blame him,” she added hastily. “He has a lot of adjusting to do. I just think it would be best for you if you didn’t get overly involved and attached.” She lay back on the blanket, her one-piece bathing suit covering the C-section scar she’d gotten while giving birth to me—a fact she often used to remind me that I owed her.

  I stared out at the lake. Brig and Alex grew smaller on the sun-splashed water, sparkles dancing around them as if they were merely a mirage in the distance. “Coop just wants to take it slow,” I said remembering his words from last night and wondering how slow he meant to go. The knot that formed in my gut told me it would be way slower than I wanted. There was a niggling doubt as to whether we wanted the same thing or not in the long run—which for me, was for us to be together. I wasn’t so sure Alex really wanted us to be together. He kept pushing me away. But then he would kiss me and say something sweet and my heart would fall all over itself.

  “As much as I hate it that you might be all the way out in California next year, maybe an acceptance to Stanford would be best for your future. It would give you both some time and distance to figure out what you want.” Behind her sunglasses with her face lifted to the rays, Mom could have been talking to the five year old making mud pies three feet from our blanket.

  “Or I could get accepted at Harvard and be only two hours away.” The thought of coming home on weekends and seeing Alex gave my heart a little jump. Weekends wouldn’t be enough for me, though. I could tell already. Something about him drew me like a wave to the shore, an inevitability that left me helpless to change the force of it. Maybe it was our shared childhood, a thousand memories of laughing together and the interwoven experiences of growing up side by side. Or maybe it was Levi that strung us together and I didn’t want to let go of the tenuous thread for fear of losing the connection to my brother that still lived in my heart. All I knew was that whatever switch had been turned on after that one moment back in ninth grade, I couldn’t turn it off, and now all I could see was that without Alex, it felt like I had no future at all.

  “Are you even listening to me, Jordan?”

  “What?” I’d been daydreaming and she was still talking about colleges.

  “Your father insisted you were born for greatness. He dreamed of you going to an Ivy League school, becoming a doctor and doing amazing things with your life. He would be so proud of you, honey.” Her glasses were tipped down her nose and she had her full attention on me, her eyes misty.

  Talking about my father’s great expectations for me made me uncomfortable. It seemed like a lot of pressure coming from someone I barely remembered. “I know we’ve been planning on Medical School since I was ten, but…I’m just not sure it’s exactly right for me now.” I knew I was risking a scene with this topic, but I wanted her know about my doubt.

  She sat bolt upright. “Of course you’re going to medical school. It’s what you’ve wanted forever.” She followed my gaze out across the lake, her eyes narrowing. “This is exactly why I don’t want you so involved with Alex. I fell for your father my senior year of high school and before I knew what happened, I was an eighteen year-old wife and mother with no opportunity to go to college and get a degree.”

  “I’m not you, Mom. Besides, you could have gone back to school at any time. You still could. Why don’t you stop using me and Lee as an excuse for not living your dreams…”

  “That’s not fair, Jordan.” We faced off on the blanket, our voices rising and drawing attention from a few parents who corralled their children to another spot on the beach. Mom’s face had the hurt look of a puppy who’d been scolded. “I sacrificed a career so I could be home to raise you and your brother and support your father in his law practice. I always thought there would be time for me to go back to school once you were older, but then…your father died and I had to work to support the family. I just don’t want you to make the same mistakes I made.”

  “Thanks for pointing out what a mistake I was,” I said, more harshness in my tone than I’d meant to use.

  “I didn’t mean it that way,” she huffed, clearly exasperated with me. “I meant that you have the opportunity to have an amazing future—a career. You should see the world and do all of the things you want to do before you settle down with a guy.” Her tone softened. “I understand how you feel about Alex, but you have to know…he will never be able…people who have been through wars never get over what they’ve seen. It changes them, and Alex has had an especially difficult experience. It’s going to take him a long time to recover fully. You going away to college will be the best thing for both of you.”

  A lump formed in my throat and tears burned behind my eyes. “Do you regret marrying Dad?

  “Of course not,” she said softly. “I wouldn’t trade one minute of my life with your father—or with you and your brother. I loved my family—I love you.” We exchanged a long look until she gazed out at the lake. “But I hadn’t planned on being a widow at twenty-five. Life would have been different if I had gone to school, gotten a degree.” She lay back down on the blanket, slid the sunglasses over her eyes, and turned her head away, signaling the end of our conversation with her having the last word, as usual. “I don’t want you to find yourself alone with no options if your relationship with Alex doesn’t work out.”

  I wanted her to be wrong, but what she said struck a chord. Maybe Alex had been trying to tell me about his doubts about his future and I hadn’t wanted to hear it. From here on the beach, he and Brig looked like tiny action figures, poised in a row boat, fishing rods in hand. I had to believe that Alex would find his way—that he would see a clear path to h
is future and that his plans would include me. After all he had been through, and now I wondered if I wasn’t the person holding him back.

  Chapter 26

  As promised we ate fish for dinner. Three trout, two large-mouth bass and an old boot made up the day’s catch. The old boot was thrown back along with a dozen sun-fish, and both Brig and Alex were a deep shade of red-brown like native warriors. I was a lobster. Red stripes marked all of the areas I’d missed with the sun block, and I’d forgotten my face entirely. My cheeks and forehead felt hot and tight, my nose stiff.

  “Are you sure you still want to go to the movies?” Alex looked on with sympathy as Mom spread after sun moisture lotion onto my skin. It smelled of mint and had some kind of numbing agent that tingled over the burned areas of my shoulders.

  “Absolutely. I’m fine.” I rubbed the lotion on my nose and cheeks, and winced at the sting.

  Alex looked doubtful. “We can do it another time.”

  “No. This is great. I’m fine,” I repeated. I pushed Mom away, giving her an impatient glare. I was going to the movies if I had to bring a cooler full of ice to stick my face in. The only movie theatre in a thirty mile radius was an old Drive-In that had been open for decades. I couldn’t wait to be alone in the CR-V with Alex. Then we’d see if he was interested in me.

  Another shiver ran through me. Great, now I had the chills to alternate with the flames of hell. The thought of Alex touching me suddenly didn’t sound so appealing. Crap.

  “Take it with you,” Mom said, a mild look of satisfaction on her face as she handed me the lotion.

  Contrary to fearing the movie would be a disaster, I had an amazing time. Throughout the eighties double feature horror fest, I screamed, squealed, and nearly jumped into Alex’s lap. We ate popcorn and laughed out loud at the stupid hair styles and funky clothes. We lay out on the hood of the CR-V on top of a blanket, leaned against the windshield, and looked up at the stars.