by Kyle Autumn
“Obviously,” he starts, rising from his seat, “you’re all here because this incredible woman has, for some insane reason, agreed to marry me this weekend.” He smiles at Cadence, who gives him the most loving expression back. With his hand around her shoulder, he continues. “She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I’m honored that you’re all going to be there to witness the best moment of my life. But!”
She gazes up at him and then also gets up from her seat.
“We have some more news,” he says, a grin splitting his face nearly in half.
“More?” Gina asks, holding her husband’s hand and gazing at her sister. “Something you haven’t told me?”
“Or me?” their mom says next to me. She scoots her chair in and intently watches her daughter. Then her face lights up like she’s had an idea. “Oh, is his name not Matthew or Brian?”
Gina, Cadence, their mom, and Matt break into laughter. But I have no idea what’s going on. When I look at Aidan, he smiles and leans toward me.
“I’ll tell you that story later,” he whispers in my ear.
Once they’ve calmed down, Cadence says, “No, his name is Matthew.” Then she places her hand on her belly in a protective gesture. “But we haven’t yet decided on a name for this little one.”
Collectively, the whole table gasps. A round of, “Aww,” circles the group, and a flurry of sincere congratulations flies at the expecting couple.
Except I’m too stuck inside my own head to participate in what’s expected of me. And the first person to notice is the only person who I wish hadn’t. Our gazes meet for a split second, and Jeremy looks like he wants to say something, but he wouldn’t dare ruin this moment for his brother.
When Aidan finally looks at me again, his smile is a mile wide. I give him one back, but it doesn’t reach my eyes like it should. I’m too jealous of the couple who gets to celebrate this. Too caught up in my own feelings about pregnancy and motherhood that I can’t be as happy as I should be for them. I will be, just maybe not right this very second. I need a moment to calm down and clear my head. So I excuse myself and get up to go to the bathroom, and Aidan waits until the last second possible to let my fingers go.
I love that he wants to stay so close to me, but right now, I need to be alone.
In the bathroom, I let myself break down as quietly as I can. While running the sink, I allow the tears to flow, the pain to settle into my bones. That will never be me and Aidan. We’ll never get to announce a pregnancy like that, all happy and in love. Because I have to tell him the truth and it’ll wreck him. Ruin us. Destroy the future I’ve had a taste of these past few days and can’t imagine not having anymore.
Aidan’s everything. He’s absolutely everything to me now. He was back then too, but I let him get away. And the irony of finally having him but being destined to lose him stings like a bitch. It stabs me right in the gut as life twists the knife for the final blow.
I count to ten and then make myself buck up. I can’t spend all night sobbing in here. No, I should go find Aidan, have him take us home, and then rip the Band-Aid off. Just tell him and get it out there so he can break up with me and get it over with. I can’t keep wondering or living on borrowed time with him. I just have to tell him the truth.
Except, when I find Aidan again, he’s staring at me like someone else beat me to it. And, seeing as Jeremy’s standing right next to him, maybe someone did. But I didn’t tell Jeremy what was going on. He just overheard me making an appointment with my doctor.
So what the hell did he tell Aidan?
“That’s not true,” Aidan tells Jeremy. Then he points to me and crooks his finger. “Nic, come here. Tell him that’s not true.”
I don’t even want to ask, but I do anyway as I approach them. Matt and Cadence aren’t far away, but they’re talking with Gina and all the parents. Dani looks like she’s in shock, and Amelia’s narrowed eyes on her boyfriend make her appear like she wants to punch him. I kind of do too, so there’s that.
“What’s not true?” I hesitantly ask.
“Jeremy,” Amelia warns before Aidan can answer. “You should have just minded your own business.”
“Well, Nic here kind of made it my business when she took that call in front of me. Why else does a woman need to speak to an OBGYN if she’s not pregnant?”
Oh, god. I gulp, any rebuttal dying in my throat.
“But you’re not.” Aidan implores me with his eyes. “You can’t possibly be pregnant after that one time we—”
“Dude,” Jeremy scoffs. “This conversation happened when she was here the first time. I tried to tell you that. So this baby wouldn’t be yours.”
“Jeremy!” Amelia scolds.
“What?” He lowers he eyebrows and squints. “I just want my friend to know what he’s getting into. This woman crushed him before, and I won’t sit here and let it happen again.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, man,” Aidan spits at him. He’s angry, but the anger is only there to mask the hurt. I can see that written all over his posture.
“Well, maybe I would if you’d opened up and said anything! And I wouldn’t have to do this if she’d just tell you the truth!”
This is when everyone goes silence and turns to me. All four sets of eyes focus solely on mine, and all I can do is blink. And wish I could disappear. This is not how I wanted to spill my truth to Aidan, and if I’ve learned anything from my entire life, it’s that I can still control how, when, and where I do things. I won’t be bullied into a confession in front of everyone.
“Can we talk in private?” I ask him quietly, hoping like hell he’ll go back to his usual self who doesn’t want anyone else in his business. “Please.”
With my mind, I will him to come over to me, gather me in his arms, and whisk me out of here so we can figure this out together. But that’s not at all what he does. Instead, he takes a step back and covers his mouth with his hand.
It’s muffled, but I hear, “Oh my god,” come from under his breath.
“Aidan, please.” I step forward to close part of the gap between us but freeze when he flinches away.
“You have got to be kidding.” He twists his head toward Jeremy. “This is what you were talking about?”
“I didn’t know. But the way she looked when Cade announced that she’s pregnant? And when she turned the wine down?” Jeremy shakes his head and shrugs. “It’s what made sense.”
My knees feel like they might buckle, and I’m suddenly chilly in my dress as all the warmth Aidan usually brings vanishes. “Aidan. Please, can we go home? I’ll explain there.” My heart pounds against my rib cage as I wait for him to answer, and my fingers shake as I reach for him.
He does nothing but burn a hole through me with his gaze. “Mason always fucking wins. I finally get everything I wanted and he has to steal it yet again.”
“No, it’s not like that.”
“It’s like what, then?” He maintains eye contact, the pain there so plainly visible that it breaks my heart. “You thought you would wait until you knew I love you too much to walk away from you? You thought I’d be okay with raising my brother’s baby?” Then he scoffs. “And you think my brother would be okay with living this far away from his kid?”
“You don’t… That’s not…” I’m flustered. I’m irritated that he’s jumped to the wrong conclusions and crushed that he’s not hearing me out.
But that’s how this intense Aidan works. He’s hurt, so he retreats. And this was so public. Neither Aidan I’ve known has liked such public displays of private details. So why won’t he just let me talk to him without everyone watching?
Did he always know this would end somehow? Did he feel like this was too good to be true? Is he taking the easy way out? Could this be some kind of defense mechanism?
Whatever it is, it sucks. And it’s painful in a way I’ve never experienced before. Because, yet again, I’m forced to watch the man I’ve loved from afar fo
r years walk away from me.
And I have to wonder how many times I can witness this before I need to give up entirely.
***
Aidan
“It’s not Thursday,” is the first thing my mom says to me when she picks up the phone. “Is everything okay?”
“Did you know?” is the first thing I say to her instead of answering her question.
“That Veronica left?” she asks. “Of course. I was the first person she told about the move. After Mason, of course.”
“No.” My jaw aches from gritting my teeth for the last two hours, and I’m about to wear a hole in the carpet of my bedroom—the same one I’ve been sharing with Nic for the last several nights. “About the…”
I can’t say it. Saying that word will make it a thing, and it can’t fucking be a thing. There’s no way this is happening. I just can’t believe it.
“About the what, Aidan?” my mom asks. “You’re scaring me right n—”
“The baby!” I roar it across the room like if I say it loud enough it’ll make it not true. “Did you know she is having Mason’s baby?”
She’s quiet for a few moments. Too quiet. And I can’t tell if this is news to her or if she’s deciding how to spin it.
“If that’s so, she didn’t tell me. And Mason doesn’t know,” she finally answers. “He would have told me, and he sure wouldn’t have let her move across the country so easily.”
Some of her words cut through the rage pouring out of me. Even in my fog of anger, she has a point. Would she really have left without telling the father of her child that she was having his baby? I guess I wouldn’t put it past her if she wanted to be gone badly enough. But it’s not feasible. I’d know. It’d get back to him somehow.
Honestly, I don’t know what the hell she’s up to or what’s going on. None of this makes any sense. The only person who can tell me the truth is the person I walked away from two hours ago. She sure as shit won’t want to tell me right now.
But I can’t keep that from letting me try.
“Is she really pregnant?” my mom asks. She’s not being nosy. She’s genuinely concerned. For me, for Mason, and for Nic.
I sigh out long and loud, my shoulders deflating. “I don’t even know right now. It made sense after what happened tonight, but you’re right. She’d have told Mason and she wouldn’t have left. Or he wouldn’t have let her. Something doesn’t add up.”
“You should probably ask her.”
Of course I should ask her. “I don’t think she’ll want to see me. I didn’t let her explain when I should have.”
“Well, you might as well try,” she tells me. “Then call me back. Okay?”
After huffing out a breath, I start for the stairs. “Okay.” Then I go to end the call, but I hear my mom call for me. “Yeah?”
“It’ll work out. You two are supposed to be together. So, if she’s really having his child, you’ll have to figure out how to make this work between all of you.”
I can’t even think about that right now. First things first: I need to hear the truth. From her.
It’s a fast, borderline-dangerous ride to Jeremy’s place. I hastily park the Jeep in his driveway and hop out before dashing to the front door. I should have let her give me the answers earlier, but I’m here now, and I hope that counts for something.
However, after a few pounds on the door, someone else answers the door.
“The fuck are you doing here?” I ask him.
“Uh, it’s my house,” Jeremy says as if that explains everything.
I roll my eyes at him, impatient to get to the bottom of this. “I fucking know that. But you live there.” I point to Amelia’s house. “So I repeat: What the fuck are you doing here?”
“You know…” He leans against the doorframe, folding his arms over his chest. “I liked the nice Aidan better. The one who whistles and doesn’t get mad at me for trying to look out for him.”
My body temperature rises with every word that comes out of his mouth. “I swear to god—”
“She’s over there,” he answers, hooking his thumb toward Amelia’s house. “But I don’t think she wants to see you. She’s pissed off at me, of course—as are my girlfriend, my brother, and his bride-to-be—but she’s really mad at you too.”
He has to shout so his words will carry toward me in my mad dash to speak to my girlfriend—if that’s what she is to me anymore. I’m at Amelia’s door before he’s even done speaking. And all it takes is one knock before Amelia storms out of the house and closes the door behind her.
“Nope. We’re not doing this tonight,” she informs me.
“Told ya,” Jeremy mocks, laughing as he makes the trek over here too.
“You”—I point at Jeremy—“stop talking. You”—I simply aim my gaze at Amelia instead of pointing at her—“explain.”
She sighs, tying her robe tighter around her waist. “There’s nothing to explain. You know exactly what happened, and she isn’t coming down right now. She just got to sleep.”
I tear a frustrated hand through my hair before bending at the waist and putting my hands on my knees. “Just…” After a few deep breaths, I feel like I have a handle on all the emotions swirling around my head. “Did she explain what’s going on to you?”
Curtly, Amelia nods. “She did.”
It takes several blinks for me to get my point across. “And?”
“And,” she starts, cocking her head, “you of all people can understand that it’s her story to tell, Aidan. She has to be the one to tell you, but it’s not happening tonight. Just give her some space, okay? She’s safe here, so you don’t have to worry. Go home. You can try again after work tomorrow. I’m picking her up from Cade’s office at five.”
“I’ll pick her up,” I’m quick to correct.
“No.” She adamantly shakes her head. “You won’t. You’ll give her the space she asked for before. The space she didn’t get because she cares too much about you. She needs it now, so let her have it.”
When I open my mouth to respond, Jeremy steps between me and his girlfriend.
“Don’t.” He puts a hand on my shoulder and starts to guide me away from the house. “Just let it go for tonight, man. Figure it out tomorrow with a clear head. For now, go home and get some sleep.”
Sleep? He wants me to sleep? As if he’d even close his eyes if he were in my shoes.
When we’re at my car, he keeps his voice low. “Look, I understand. I’d want to do the same thing. And, if I knew, I’d tell you. But the girls are keeping it a secret, so don’t even ask.”
I open the Jeep door and hang my head. After a deep breath in through my nose, I exhale, trying to get rid of the buzzing between my ears. But this shit is so fucked up. I just said I’d do anything to make her smile. Anything to make her dreams come alive. Anything.
Tonight, that includes backing the hell off and letting her rest. Because, if she’s really pregnant, she’s going to need it. But, if she’s really pregnant, I’m going to need it too. Because I remember what I said. It’s just taken me two and a half hours too long to remember it.
She’s all I’ve ever wanted. So does it matter what’s part of that package deal? I have no idea how the hell any of it would work. But I do know one thing. I said I’d do anything for her.
Does that include helping raise my brother’s child?
A small voice in my head reminds me that the baby would be her baby, and I’ve wanted to have a family with this woman since I met her. This would be just the thing to get that started. We could have our own in the future. So, in the end, would this really matter?
If she’ll still speak to me when the sun comes up, we have a lot to talk about.
Chapter 17
Aidan
I’ve now spent two excruciating nights without Nic in my bed. Two shitty days at work messing everything up as my mind spins and I try to figure out how to reconcile this. At this point, I’m more mad that she lied to me. That she didn’t tr
ust me enough to tell me this huge news. That she moved so far away from the father of her child, who deserves to be in his kid’s life. That she couldn’t tell me that the no-condom thing was okay because she was already pregnant.
Okay, maybe I’m not more mad that she lied. I’m furious with the universe for giving me exactly what I wanted and then taking it away from me just as quickly. I’m not furious with her though. I just wish she’d talk to me. But it’s been radio silence since Wednesday night. And I can’t say I blame her.
I didn’t even hear her out. Instead, I bolted at the first sign of “this was too good to be true.” But I did try to make it right as soon as I could, and Jeremy told me that he let her know I stopped by. But she still hasn’t reached out. So I’ll give her that time she wanted and hope like hell it’s what she needs.
And then what? I have no idea. I’m too exhausted to keep playing scenarios that may never happen out in my head. I need a damn break.
When I get home and Mason is on my front porch, I realize I won’t get one.
Does this mean she made some kind of decision? Is he here to take her home? Will I even get to say goodbye? Does she want to say goodbye to me? Too many questions fly at me, and getting out of my Jeep is almost impossible with the weight of them nearly suffocating me.
The first thing he notices is that I’m alone. Nic’s nowhere to be found and he clearly makes note of that. But he’s polite enough not to ask. For now. It’ll come up. It can’t not. Not with us.
“Hey,” he says as I approach my front door. “I hope it’s not a bad time.”
I shake my head and unlock the front door. “Not at all,” I say mostly under my breath.
“We didn’t get to see each other much the last time I was here, so I thought I’d stop by while I’m in town again for business.” He follows me inside and unbuttons his suit jacket.
“Can I get you something to drink?” I ask, recalling how I asked Nic the same thing when she randomly showed up at my door too. My mom raised me to be polite, after all. Even when I want to burn the world to the ground.