Christmas at Willowmere

by Abigail Gordon

  Feigning puzzlement she asked, ‘Why, are we going somewhere?’

  There was a glint in the dark blue gaze looking into hers that told her he’d got the message, and unperturbed he said, ‘Surely you haven’t forgotten. You are going to the ball, Cinderella.’

  ‘Oh, that. You got the tickets then?’

  ‘I would have said if I hadn’t,’ he informed her dryly. ‘So what time shall I call for you?’

  The low-key approach wasn’t working, he thought. It was something he’d decided on after the gypsy wedding in the hope that a lack of response on his part might bring what was in Anna’s mind out into the open. The wedding had been the sort of occasion that dreams were made of, but there was still that same caution in her manner whenever they got close, and he wished he could get to the bottom of it.

  The more he saw of it the more he felt that James and the children weren’t the cause of it. Maybe it was just him who didn’t fit into her permanent scheme of things. That he was all right to have around but that she hadn’t changed her mind about what she’d said to him when she’d told him it was over.

  But it was agony being aloof and it certainly wasn’t bringing Anna flying into his arms. He’d probably blown it and she’d decided not to go. So where did they go from this point?

  But she was saying, ‘Eight o’clock, if that’s all right with you.’

  ‘Fine,’ he said with assumed easiness. ‘I’m looking forward to giving the dress suit an airing,’ and went back to his patients.

  It being Christmas and the last day of term, the children came out of school holding Christmas cards that they’d made for James and herself and clutching the presents they’d been given by Santa, the elderly school caretaker who had dressed for the occasion. Suddenly the realisation of how near it was hit her.

  All the things that she loved about this time of year in Willowmere were about to happen. The ball tomorrow night was the first and there was no way she wanted to put the blight on that for the two of them because of her confused feelings about Glenn.

  James had the chance to go with them now that Jess was available and she wished he would. His social life was almost non-existent. She suggested it when he came in at the end of the day but he said, ‘No. I haven’t got a partner, for one thing. I had some offers but didn’t take them up. All I want is for you to enjoy yourself with Glenn.’

  There was a dress in the wardrobe that she hadn’t yet worn with a cream strapless bodice and a full black skirt with cream flounces around the hemline. She’d been saving it for something special and couldn’t think of a more fitting occasion than the Mistletoe Ball.

  It would be another time when she was pretending that all was right between them and she knew it couldn’t go on. That sooner or later Glenn would want to know where they were heading, but not tonight, she prayed. Please, not tonight.

  When Glenn came for her he was carrying an oblong box and as she stepped back to let him in he said, ‘I took the liberty of bringing you a corsage. I didn’t know what you’d be wearing so thought that cream roses would be the safest thing. Now I see that it was an inspired guess.’

  As she opened the box and looked down at the flowers inside, the uncertainties of the last few days disappeared, and when she raised her head and met his glance she was happy to see that his coolness of the past week had gone.

  ‘The dress is stunning,’ he said. ‘Is it new?’

  ‘I’ve had it a while but never worn it,’ she told him. ‘I’ve been waiting for the right moment. And by the way, the suit looks all right.’

  He looked more than ‘all right’, she thought. There would be a few heads turning when they presented themselves at the ball, and they would be aimed in his direction rather than hers.

  When she lifted the corsage out of the box he said, ‘Shall I fasten it on for you? I’ve got some large pins.’ When she nodded, overcome by the unexpectedness of the moment, he pointed out, ‘We do have a problem, though. There are no straps or shoulder pieces to fasten it to. Shall I fix it horizontally across the top of the bodice?’

  ‘Yes, whatever you think best,’ she agreed, as if she was incapable of fixing it herself, and as he did as he’d suggested, she tried to ignore his touch against the top of her breasts as he pinned it from the inside.

  ‘Sorry about that,’ he said, as if her awareness of his hands against her body had been noted. ‘Another time I would need to check out the dress before I order the flowers.’

  Would there be another time? she wondered as he took the stole that matched the dress from her, draped it around her shoulders, then swivelled her round to face him. As their eyes met, his guard was down. She saw what she wanted to see there.

  But as if on cue the doorbell rang once more and this time it was James and the children come to wish them a nice time at the ball, and when they’d gone so had the moment that they’d broken into.

  As soon as they stepped out of the door Anna and Glenn could hear the music coming from the marquee on the school playing fields, and as they walked the short distance along with others going in the same direction, she was smiling at the thought of how different the music would be the following night when the band struck up with the age-old carols that people loved so much.

  Glenn had seen the smile and asked, ‘What’s amusing you?’ He’d placed her hand in the crook of his arm in case it was icy underfoot, and as he looked down at her he was wondering just how long he could keep up the pretence of being content to be on the edge of her life when he ached for her so much.

  ‘I was thinking that tonight the music is going to be for ballroom and modern dancing,’ she explained. ‘In sharp contrast tomorrow night, we’ll have the brass band playing carols.’

  ‘I am really looking forward to that,’ he declared. ‘If I hadn’t lost my trumpet, I’d be asking if I could join them.’

  ‘Yes, it’s a shame,’ she said. She’d been late-night shopping on her own the other night and had bought a trumpet that was as near to the one he’d lost as she could get, and once that had been done had asked Jack from the post office, who was in charge of the band, if Glenn might join in the practice they would be having in the afternoon before the carol singing.

  ‘Aye!’ he’d said. ‘We’re short on trumpets since the Belshaw brothers retired to the seaside.’

  ‘I’ve bought him one as a gift,’ she’d told him. ‘It’s going to be a surprise. His original instrument was lost while he was abroad.’

  ‘Eh, up!’ he’d exclaimed. ‘That’s some present. How did you know what to get?’

  She’d laughed. ‘We were a threesome once—Glenn, me and his trumpet.’

  ‘Ah, I see,’ he’d said meaningfully, and she’d become serious.

  ‘Don’t read anything into it, Jack. We’re just friends from way back.’

  ‘That’s a pity. The wife thinks he’s a big improvement on the male talent in the village and says if she was twenty years younger…’

  ‘Although he’s enchanted with Willowmere, Glenn is drawn to working abroad. He may not be with us long.’ She’d said it lightly, yet the mere thought of him disappearing out of her life again was unbearable.

  If the accident hadn’t happened, Julie would have been there for her children and she, Anna, would have been able to give Glenn the family that he longed for. She would have joined him in Africa as arranged and they would have been married by now, maybe already with children of their own.

  Why was nothing ever simple? she’d wondered as she’d gone home to gift-wrap the shining instrument.

  This time as they danced it was a more sedate exercise than the jigs around the fire at the gypsy wedding, and as the evening progressed, with friends and acquaintances all around them, Glenn thought that, apart from her feeling of responsibility towards the children, there was this closely bound community that Anna would never want to leave to work in a foreign country. He didn’t set such store on himself as to imagine she would give all this up for him.

&n
bsp; He knew that eyes were on them, that people must be wondering what was going on between Anna and the new doctor, and if they should ask, the answer was not a lot.

  Georgina was there with a blond guy that she seemed to be on good terms with. Beth and her husband had just swayed past, doing a tango, and Bill Bradshaw, the farmer who’d sold Anna the tree and had since been to consult him about a prostate problem, was there with his wife. And everywhere amongst the festive gathering was mistletoe, the kissing bough.

  Lots of folk were laughingly taking advantage of the opportunity to exchange Christmas kisses beneath the smooth green leaves with their clusters of white berries, and to his surprise Anna reached up and kissed him fleetingly when they passed beneath them while dancing.

  ‘What have I done to deserve that?’ he asked in a low voice.

  ‘It was just to say merry Christmas,’ she said lightly.

  And he thought wryly, In other words, don’t get any wrong ideas.

  He didn’t dance her through the village as they returned home this time. They moved sedately amongst the homeward-bound throng and when they reached her door she said, ‘Would you like to come inside for a moment?’

  ‘Why would you want me to do that?’ he asked.

  ‘You’ll understand when you do.’ Taking his hand, she pulled him into the lighted hallway and through into the sitting room, where he stood observing her questioningly.

  ‘I have something for you,’ she said. ‘If you’ll excuse me for a second, I’ll go and get it.’

  ‘Er, yes,’ he replied, taken aback. ‘Though I can’t think what it could be.’

  She was smiling. ‘That is how I want you to feel. Close your eyes and don’t open them until I say so.’

  He heard her leave the room and seconds later she was back and telling him, ‘You can open them now.’ As he did so she thrust a bulky package into his hands and said, ‘Happy Christmas, Glenn.’

  ‘Thank you, Anna,’ he said slowly, ‘but why so soon?’

  ‘Open it and you’ll find out why.’

  When he saw the trumpet shining brassily up at him in its case he was dumbstruck and for a few seconds there was silence until, finding his voice, he said huskily, ‘You bought this for me, and gave it to me now so that I can play tomorrow if they’ll have me.’

  ‘They’ll have you all right,’ she assured him. ‘Once they hear you play, the band with think that Christmas has come early for them as well.’

  He was stroking the shining metal with loving fingers. ‘This is the nicest, kindest thing anyone has ever done for me, Anna, and I assure you that wherever I am, this will never get lost because you gave it to me.’

  ‘So you really aren’t intending to stay?’ she asked, tears pricking as the moment lost its magic.

  He bent and kissed her brow. ‘Whatever happens I want us to have this Christmas together, and when, or I should say if you hear me play with the band tomorrow, I will be playing for you alone.’

  He called late on Sunday afternoon and said triumphantly, ‘I’ve just been to the band practice and will be playing with them tonight. They’ve accepted me on a temporary basis after I explained that I wasn’t sure how long I was going to be around. Great stuff, eh, Anna?’

  ‘Yes, if it makes you happy,’ she told him, touched by his enthusiasm but with a heavy heart. ‘Are you going to the candlelit service first?’

  ‘Yes, of course. What about you and the family?’

  ‘We’ll be there. The children are going to stay up late for once, but James will bring them home after the service. It will be a few years before they’re old enough to go carol singing.’

  He turned away. She was referring to the future, a future that wouldn’t include him, and he couldn’t face the role of onlooker for the rest of his life.

  When he’d found Anna still living in Willowmere and leading a very different kind of life to his, he’d thought he would be able to wait until she turned to him even if it took for ever. But it wasn’t turning out as easy as that and he’d decided that he was going to live for the moment and if that and the trumpet were all he had to take with him when he left, it would have to be enough.

  The old stone church was packed for the special service that always filled its pews and as the five of them sat together, waiting for it to start, Anna thought that everyone she loved was there beside her.

  There was James, patient and loving, next to Pollyanna, who was wide-eyed and excited to see the crib in front of the altar and the many candles flickering. Beside her was Jolyon, trying to keep awake, and on Anna’s other side was the man who had come back into her life and given it meaning. Glenn, strong, caring, needing her, wanting her, yet she couldn’t say the words in her heart.

  ‘There’s Jess waving to us,’ Polly said, bringing Anna’s thoughts back to the moment, and as they waved back she saw Clare and her mother seated nearby.

  When she smiled across, her mother nodded graciously and Anna wondered how she would cope if her daughter’s fears were realised. But tonight was about happier things than that, and as Clare’s voice rang out amongst the carol singers later in the evening, maybe she would be able to forget everything but the pleasure of singing.

  As the service progressed, Anna turned to look at the man by her side and there was such warmth in the glance meeting hers that she felt like weeping for all the time they’d lost.

  ‘What?’ he asked in a low voice when he saw that her eyes were moist.

  ‘Nothing,’ she whispered back. ‘I was just thinking about us, that’s all.’

  ‘And it makes you cry? That is the last thing I would want.’

  ‘Maybe,’ she parried, ‘but we don’t always get what we want, do we?’

  James had taken the children home, the hot mince pies and coffee at the vicarage had been enjoyed, and now Glenn had gone to join the band assembling outside in readiness for the march around the village to play for those who hadn’t been able to get to the service.

  The carol singers were carrying lanterns to light up the hymn sheets they were holding and as a waning moon shone down onto the brass of the instruments and cast shadows along the way, the spirit of Christmas was all around them.

  Every time they stopped outside a house Anna’s glance was on Glenn, with the trumpet to his lips, and she smiled. At least she’d done one thing to bring him joy.

  As the words and music sounded out on the frosty night air she knew that the only thing she would ever want to leave this enchanted place for would be to fulfill her dream of going to help the less fortunate people of the world with Glenn by her side, but that was not on her agenda, it couldn’t be, though it might be on his.

  They’d been asked to sing at one of the farms and had been plied with mulled wine and hotpot, and Glenn’s continuing introduction to country life had once again had him amazed. ‘I can’t believe how hospitable the people in Willowmere are,’ he said as they walked home after the singing was over.

  ‘You should see the show of strength when one of us has sickness or sorrow to contend with, or is lonely or hurt,’ she told him. ‘As soon as the news gets around, everyone rallies, anxious to do all they can to make life more bearable. So you see what you’ll be missing if you don’t stay,’ she said lightly.

  ‘I know what I’ll be missing,’ he told her, ‘and it won’t just be the community spirit that I see everywhere I go. But let’s not get onto a taboo subject. Tonight has been another fantastic occasion. Everything about it has been great, and I owe it all to you, Anna. Not only that, I’ve played the trumpet again for the first time in ages, and you were there to hear me play. What more could I ask?’

  They were home. Any moment Glenn was going to leave her again and she didn’t want him to, but he surprised her by saying, ‘How about inviting me in for a hot toddy or something similarly warming?’ As she stepped back to let him in he said, ‘The frost tonight is intense. Do you think the lake will freeze over this winter?’

  ‘It might. I’ve skated o
n it a few times and it’s exhilarating, but one has to watch out for a sudden thaw, it can be dangerous then.’

  ‘I wouldn’t mind having a go if it does freeze,’ he said.

  ‘James has some spare skates you could borrow.’

  ‘I’ll bear that in mind.’

  They were chatting easily enough, Anna thought, in these intimate moments together as they sipped the warming liquid and she said, ‘You know the band won’t let you go now that they’ve heard you play. It was like old times, watching and listening to you.’

  He was smiling. ‘I don’t know how you put up with me in those days.’

  ‘Rubbish! It was great,’ she told him, and didn’t confess that ever since she’d sent him away, she’d wanted to weep buckets every time she heard a trumpet played. Until today, that was.

  Glenn was getting to his feet and the magical night was about to end. Anna knew she had only to say the word and he would stay. They would make love and it would like it used to be, passionate and tender, but it would be giving him hope where there wasn’t any, and she couldn’t do that to him.

  When she arrived at the surgery on Monday morning, he observed her questioningly. ‘Who have you left the children with?’ he asked.

  ‘Jess,’ she told him. ‘James asked her if she would mind them for this week and next so that I could be here, and she was keen to do so.’ She was taking in the scene before her. ‘What’s happening here? I see that we have a very full waiting room.’

  ‘Georgina has booked a couple of days off to do some Christmas shopping, so that is slowing things down, plus coughs and colds seem to be the order of the day, which makes your presence most welcome.’

  It was welcome any time, he was thinking, but even more so today. He’d resigned himself to not seeing much of Anna in these last few days before Christmas and here she was, already calling in her first patient from outside the nurses’ room, and he returned to his own duties with a smile on his face.

  When he went outside to start his home visits the sky was grey, clouds were lower over the peaks and the cold was intense. He’d strolled down to the lake first thing before presenting himself at the surgery and had seen that there was still some slight movement of the water, but if the cold increased there was a chance that it would freeze over.