Christmas at Willowmere

by Abigail Gordon

  ‘Are you looking forward to it?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes, of course I am.’

  ‘Although I’m the one who is taking you?’

  Was he kidding? ‘That’s one of the reasons why.’

  ‘Really! So I’d better not let you down, had I?’ he commented dryly, and her smile faltered, but she didn’t take him up on it, just said goodbye as he turned to go and went to hide the gifts he’d brought.

  ‘I hope that the casserole dish was delivered safely,’ Glenn said as they walked towards the gypsy camp in the winter dusk, and when Anna nodded without speaking he said, ‘So what’s wrong? Has the bubble burst? You were up in the clouds this morning.’

  She managed a smile and even managed to sound convincing as she said, ‘I’m fine. I was just thinking that I won’t be moving far from the fire. There is frost on the trees already. It’s going to be a cold night.’

  In truth, she wasn’t thinking anything of the sort. It was something that Polly had said in all innocence when they’d called after they’d been to the park that had hit her where it hurt the most. Her small niece had been listening to the two adults discussing the wedding and had said, ‘What’s a bride, Anna?’

  ‘It is a beautiful lady in a long white dress,’ she’d told her, ‘who is marrying a man like your daddy because she loves him.’

  ‘Was Mummy a beautiful bride?’

  ‘Yes, she was,’ James had told her gently.

  ‘When are you going to be a bride, Anna?’ had been her next question.

  ‘When I find someone as nice as your daddy?’ she’d said lightly.

  But when she’d met James’s glance it had been grave and he’d said quietly, ‘From out of the mouths of babes, Anna.’

  That had been upsetting enough but Polly still hadn’t finished. She’d had one more thing to say and it had been a corker. ‘Can’t you be Dr Glenn’s bride, Anna? He hasn’t got anybody to love him.’

  ‘I think I hear Jolyon calling you, Polly,’ James had said hurriedly.

  Quite unaware that she’d just hit the nail on the head, the little girl had skipped off to see what her brother was up to, and when she’d gone Anna had said tonelessly, ‘If only it was that simple, James. Glenn wants a family and I can’t give him one.’

  ‘So you haven’t told him?’

  ‘No. I can’t force him into a corner where he has to choose between me and having children.’

  ‘He might just wish you had if he ever finds out,’ he’d warned. ‘You’re not being exactly fair to him.’

  She’d had nothing to say to that and had just shaken her head dejectedly. Of course, Polly had spoken in childish innocence. Of course, James wanted only what was best for her, she’d told herself as she’d changed into her clothes for the wedding, but why did she feel as if she was being badgered from all sides by those she loved? She was quite capable of sorting out her own life…or was she?

  And now Glenn, who didn’t miss a thing where she was concerned, was tuning into her low spirits, asking what was wrong. Not wanting him to think it was anything he’d done, she’d used the weather as a trite reason for being low key compared to how she’d been that morning.

  The warm welcome they received from the wedding party when they joined them wiped away the blues and Anna found her mood lightening with every second as they stood beside a large bonfire and smelt the succulence of roasting meat.

  Glenn was close beside her and every time she felt his glance on her she smiled up at him, the dancing flames of the fire reflected in her eyes. She was wishing that she hadn’t let him tune into her earlier melancholy. The occasion may have belonged to Montrose and Tabitha, but these were special moments for the two of them as well. They were together and in the joy of it she didn’t want either the past or the future to intrude.

  Tabitha was dressed in a wedding gown similar to those Anna had seen in the magazine that time and Montrose was in a black jacket with a cut-away front, white embroidered shirt, a bright neckerchief, and tight black trousers to finish the ensemble.

  As the bridal couple made their vows in front of them all and Marco watched from inside the caravan, there was silence from the onlookers as they each said just a few simple words, declaring their love and promising to be faithful.

  Once it was over the men blew their noses, the women wiped their eyes and the musicians struck up from behind as the festivities began. A roasted pig had been lifted off the spit and large platters of fried potatoes and vegetables stuffed with meat and herbs were passed round as the pork was carved by two of the men.

  When Anna and Glenn went to congratulate the newlyweds, Tabitha smiled shyly and Montrose thanked them for the gift and said to Glenn, ‘Thank you also for taking care of my father.’

  He smiled. ‘I was only doing my job.’

  Anna and Glenn had enjoyed the food and drank the wine and now they were dancing a lively jig around the fire with other energetic members of the wedding guests. The frosty night on the edge of the warm circle that encompassed them was forgotten, Everything was centred on the fire and the music and as Glenn held her close while they danced he knew that he could never contemplate a life without her.

  But he was aware that she wasn’t prepared to take up where they’d left off when he’d first gone to Africa. She had been the one to end their relationship on that ghastly day when he’d come to find out why she hadn’t kept to her promise to join him, and now that he’d come to Willowmere for one last time and seen what her life was like it seemed obvious that it was the children that had kept her there.

  She’d told him at the time about the accident where she’d been injured and James’s wife had been killed, but she had seemed to have made a full recovery and he’d taken it all at face value. Maybe he shouldn’t have, but Anna’s determination to end their relationship had been unmistakable and he’d left with the future a bleak and empty place.

  ‘Hey!’ she said laughingly, bringing him back to earth. ‘What are you thinking about? You’ve gone all serious.’

  ‘Sorry,’ he said. Quickening his step he smiled down at her and whirled her round and round in the firelight until she was breathless. When the music stopped he said softly, ‘Are you happy, Anna, really happy in the life you lead?’

  ‘Yes. Most of the time,’ she said slowly, resisting the desire to tell him that happiness came in different shapes and depths, and if he was asking if she ever reached the heights of it the answer was no, not for a long time anyway.

  They were coming round with the food again and their glasses were being refilled, and to her relief the moment of questioning passed.

  The wedding celebrations were still in full swing when they left at just before midnight, and would go on for a few days until someone called a halt. At that point Tabitha’s womenfolk would unbraid her hair before her new husband took her to live with his parents in their caravan, and her mother-in-law would cover her head with the scarf that she must now always wear in public.

  ‘That was fantastic,’ Glenn said as they strolled home beneath the same winter moon that had been reflected in the lake on the night that he’d found her there in solitary contemplation.

  ‘Mmm, it was,’ she murmured dreamily. ‘The gypsies have some lovely customs, don’t they?’

  ‘Such as this,’ he said laughingly as he took her in his arms and danced her along the main street of the village, past the fairy-lights in the windows of the cottages, past the giant Christmas tree in the square where the surgery was, and up the path of the place she called home.

  As they faced each other breathlessly at her door Anna wanted to stay in his arms for ever, with everything open and truthful between them. But it was still there, the fear that he would want to marry her out of concern rather than desire if she ever told him what had happened to her.

  Sensing that she was retreating behind the wariness that never seemed to go away, he kissed her just once with a tenderness and passion that made her bones melt and then, releasing her,
said, ‘Love and marriage are so simple for the people we’ve just been with. I wish it was that easy for you and I.’ And she thought he had no idea how near the truth he was.

  Taking the door key out of her hand, he unlocked the door of the annexe and as she stepped inside he said, ‘Thanks for a wonderful experience.’ And went striding off to where Bracken House stood in the darkness of the midnight hour.

  As she bolted the door behind him Anna thought that Glenn had made no attempt to follow her into the place where they could have been alone and private, but perhaps it was just as well. When he’d danced her home the night had been charged with romance and desire and it would have been so easy to forget everything but their need of each other.

  Releasing the clasp of the bright shawl she’d worn, she draped it over the back of a chair and went into the kitchen to make a hot drink, and when she looked out of the window he was standing motionless beneath the streetlamp as if reluctant to go into his temporary accommodation. When she looked again he’d gone and, taking the drink with her, she went slowly up to bed.

  Clare Halliday’s results from her blood tests were back on Monday morning and Anna thought if Georgina’s expression was anything to go by as she studied them there was distress ahead for the owner of the art gallery. As if to give substance to the premonition, Georgina asked one of the receptionists to ring Clare and ask her to come in as soon as possible.

  The two nurses exchanged glances and when they were alone Beth said, ‘Whatever it is that’s wrong, Clare can do without it at this moment in time. Her mother is very demanding and difficult to deal with. If she has a serious health problem, I don’t know how she’ll cope.’

  They were getting ready for the antenatal clinic at the time and Clare’s problems were shelved for a while as the young mothers and a radiant Maggie Timmins came to be checked over by Georgina and helped by the nurses with any worries they might have.

  When Anna told the poultry farmer’s wife that her blood pressure was up, she groaned in dismay and asked, ‘So what do I have to do to bring it down?’

  ‘Rest, rest and more rest,’ she told her firmly.

  ‘All right,’ she agreed, ‘but it won’t be easy. There is always so much to do on the farm.’

  ‘Yes, I know,’ Anna said, ‘but you’ll just have to ignore it. If your blood pressure goes any higher, we might have to admit you to hospital for complete bed rest until the birth. Hypertension later in the pregnancy is one of the causes of pre-eclampsia, which can be life-threatening.’

  ‘But I’m only four months,’ she protested.

  ‘Yes, I know, but we still can’t ignore high blood pressure, even at this stage. You don’t want anything to happen to your baby, do you?’

  ‘Heaven forbid!’ she exclaimed. ‘Josh is thrilled at the thought of having a baby brother or sister, and Bryan is falling over himself to make a nursery out of the smallest bedroom.’

  ‘So feet up,’ Anna told her. ‘We are going to make sure they aren’t disappointed.’

  As the last of the mothers-to-be was leaving, Glenn was coming back from his home visits and he waved as he went into his room. They’d met briefly first thing during the breakfast rush but neither had referred to Saturday’s events.

  Anna because every time she thought about how he’d danced her through the village and his farewell kiss she went weak at the knees, and he had the sort of look about him that said that had been Saturday and today was another day.

  She wasn’t to know that he too hadn’t stopped thinking about the wedding and afterwards.

  When she’d gone in at breakfast-time to get the children ready for school he’d been in the shower and she’d asked James if Glenn had mentioned the wedding. ‘Only briefly,’ he’d said, ‘but I took it that it had been quite something. We’ve been discussing the practice mostly over the weekend and Glenn has been telling me about his time abroad. He mentioned that you were just as keen as he was at the time. I do wish I’d known. You should have told me.’

  ‘It didn’t matter,’ she’d said flatly. ‘I was needed here, in case you’ve forgotten.’

  He’d smiled apologetically. ‘Of course I haven’t forgotten. Having you here saved my sanity, but you deserve to fulfill your dreams just as much as anyone else. If you just said the word, maybe it would be your own wedding you’d be going to, and people in need of medical aid around the world would welcome the two of you with open arms.’

  She’d been uptight then. ‘There is a certain matter of a major operation I had to have at that time, which is one of the reasons why I can’t do that. And what about the children?’ As he’d stared at her in dismay because he’d upset her, she’d asked, ‘Is their dinner money ready?’ Then, regretting her momentary annoyance, she went on, ‘I’m sorry, James. It must be the Monday morning blues that are getting to me.’

  ‘I’m sorry too,’ he’d said mildly, ‘but all I want is that you should be happy, and how do you know that Glenn won’t be able to cope with you being unable to give him children?’

  She’d sighed. ‘You have your answer to that in the way he is with yours. Can you imagine what he would be like with children of his own?’

  And now as she and Beth cleared away after the clinic and Clare came hurrying through the main doors with her face a white mask of anxiety, the memory of what James had said was still there in her mind.

  It wasn’t until the children came out of school that reason asserted itself. Their faces lit up as they always did when they saw her waiting. Life was good, life was normal, she told herself as she hugged them to her and, as sometimes happened, she had a sense of Julie’s presence nearby, gentle and reassuring.

  She wished they could have a chat, she thought sombrely, so that she could tell the sister-in-law that she’d loved so much how her heartstrings were being pulled in so many ways.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  WHEN Anna and the children arrived at Bracken House, Clare was leaving the surgery after her consultation with Georgina, and with head bowed and shoulders drooping she was the picture of dejection.

  She looked up as the children’s chatter drifted across and managed a smile as the three of them approached.

  ‘So how did it go, Clare?’ Anna asked in low-voiced concern.

  ‘Dr Adams is arranging for me to see an oncologist,’ she said in flat tones. ‘There are indications that I might have ovarian cancer. I hope they don’t keep me waiting too long before I get a diagnosis.’

  ‘Oh, dear, that is upsetting news!’ Anna commiserated. ‘But try to think positive until they have something definite to tell you, and if it is what they think it might be, cancer treatments are improving by the minute. What are you going to tell your mother?’

  ‘Nothing, I think, until I know for sure. I brought Mum to live with me so that I could look after her. A lot of use I’m going to be if I have to have surgery and chemotherapy.’

  ‘Clare, you have friends here who will want to be there for you, me for one, so take comfort from that, and as Christmas is so near, try to put every other thought from your mind but the pleasant ones. You have the best voice of all of us when we go carol singing, we can’t manage without you.’

  The off-the-cuff therapy seemed to be working as Clare’s expression brightened at the compliment. ‘I won’t let you down,’ she promised, ‘and, please, don’t mention my problem to anyone, will you?’

  ‘No, of course not,’ she assured her, and as they each went their separate ways she thought that ill health and sadness didn’t disappear just because it was Christmas.

  That was the downbeat part of the day. When Anna answered the doorbell shortly after they’d eaten their evening meal, she was delighted to see Beth’s daughter, Jess, standing in the porch, smiling at her.

  Jess had a carrier bag with her and whispered, ‘Presents for Polly and Jolly. Where shall I put them?’

  Anna opened the door of a nearby cupboard and said, ‘In there. They’ll be here in a moment if they’ve heard your
voice.’

  The children were thrilled to see Jess again, and while she played patiently with them she brought Anna and James up to date with what was going on in her life.

  ‘I’m still looking for a job,’ she told them, ‘and have had a few offers, but none of them are local and I don’t want to move away, so I’m leaving it until after Christmas now, which means if you need a sitter I’ll be available.’

  ‘What about next week when the children have finished school for the Christmas holiday?’ James suggested. ‘It would allow Anna to be at the surgery instead of having to take time off, and would help your finances, Jess.’

  ‘Yes!’ she said immediately. ‘That would be great. I could cover the week after Christmas too if you want, and then I really will have to get organised on the job scene.’

  While Jess was upstairs with the children James said, ‘I hope you didn’t mind me snapping Jess up for the next two weeks and bringing you into the surgery. It seemed a shame not to take advantage of her being free.’

  ‘No, of course I don’t mind,’ she told him. ‘It will be some extra practice for Jess before she starts work. And like you said it means some extra money for her over the holiday.’

  He nodded. ‘When she finds herself a job, some children somewhere will be very fortunate.’

  As the night of the Mistletoe Ball drew near, Anna thought it was turning out to be a strange week full of highs and lows. Clare’s worrying condition and Glenn’s restrained manner every time they met at the surgery or during the breakfast rush were amongst the lows, while Jess’s appearance came top of the highs.

  When she was about to collect the children on Friday afternoon he said, as if it had been the main topic of conversation between them during the week, ‘What time shall I call for you tomorrow?’