Rory

by Jordan Marie

  I stretch over him, reaching for the nightstand drawer. That’s not easy because Noah grabs my hips and uses his body under me to thrust his cock back and forth against my now soaking wet pussy. A tremor of need crashes through me, causing me to jerk back, my hands grasping his shoulders and my fingers bite into his skin.

  “You need my cock, Gorgeous?” he teases, dragging his cock slowly against me, pushing against my already throbbing clit.

  “Yes,” I literally growl, lifting up and reaching over to the nightstand yet again.

  Noah bites my nipple and I cry out at the pain and pleasure of it. My hand knocks over the lamp as my body jerks in reaction. Noah lets out a muffled laugh against my breast as his tongue laps at my nipple, trying to soothe the sting.

  “What are you doing?” he mumbles, his fingers going to my other nipple while his tongue continues its torture.

  “Getting a condom. I need you inside of me now,” I groan, groping blindly through the drawer to find one of those foil packets.

  “We’re out, Gorgeous. We used the last one the other night,” he murmurs. “I haven’t had a chance to go out and get more yet.”

  My body goes stiff as disappointment knifes through me.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks, sensing the change in me.

  “We can’t do this, Noah. Not without a condom.”

  Those beautiful eyes of his that I love, instantly lose their relaxed vibe as disbelief sweeps over his face.

  “Are you serious right now?”

  “Very,” I tell him, my mouth suddenly dry, my heart slamming against my chest and I think I could easily be having a panic attack.

  “Rory, I love you. You know that.”

  “I do, but—”

  “I’m not going anywhere. I told you that you and Ryan are my priority. I sure as hell don’t have any other women in my bed,” he growls and he’s seriously pissed off now. I’m still trying to sift through all of the emotions that seem to be hitting me at once. Noah isn’t giving me a chance to do that however. He keeps at me. “Do you not see that?”

  “Yes, I just—”

  “Are you telling me you don’t fucking believe I love you?”

  “Noah, if you—”

  “If I what, Rory? If I just agree to wear a fucking condom for the rest of my life? I get that I let you down, Gorgeous. I get that I made every fucking mistake a man could make with a good woman. I fucking relive it every fucking day, wishing I could change it, but I can’t. All I can do is try to make it up to you.”

  “Noah—”

  “But I can’t make it up to you if you don’t let me, Rory. I can’t.”

  “I just need time,” I tell him, wondering how things changed on a dime, so drastically.

  “Time? Rory, I’m a man who lost months of his life, who thought he had seen the woman he loved and his son for the last time. I’ve been fighting like hell to come back and thankful I got a second chance. I don’t feel like wasting any more time. I want every fucking moment of the rest of my life filled with you and Ryan. That’s it. That’s where I am at here.”

  “Noah,” I whisper brokenly. His words are beautiful, but they stir so much pain inside of me. “I’m not… I mean, I’m not ready for… I could get pregnant.”

  “And I fucking pray you do. I pray for it, Rory. I want it. I want to give you another child.”

  “We can’t replace the child we lost,” I tell him, the pain alive inside of me.

  “I know that. God! Don’t you think I know that? But we could have more children. We could have a good life and Ryan would be surrounded by brothers and sisters.”

  “I just can’t… not right now,” I tell him, feeling raw inside.

  “Fine,” he says, sounding tired.

  He reaches up and shifts my body so I’m lying on my back. I scramble to find the sheet and pull it over me, suddenly feeling way too exposed.

  “Fine?” I ask confused.

  “You don’t want to have another child with me, that’s fine, Rory. I’ll wrap up for the rest of my life. I’ll go have another surgery performed and have them make sure it’s irreversible. I’ll do whatever you want.”

  “You will?” I ask, shock thrusting through me at the speed of light. On the heels of that thought is the one that I don’t want him to fix it so he can’t have children. It’s a crazy thought, since I basically just told him I don’t want to get pregnant again. My brain is a mess… My life is a mess… Shit. I’m a mess.

  “If it means I can have you for the rest of my life, Rory, I’ll make the damn appointment today.”

  “Noah, I don’t—”

  “I just need one small thing from you,” he adds, interrupting me.

  “What?” I ask, the word barely more than a quiet breath you have to strain to hear.

  “Do you love me?”

  “I… What?”

  “It’s a simple question, Gorgeous. Do you love me? Is it too late? Did I kill whatever you had inside for me? Or…Do…You… Love… Me?”

  My mouth goes dry and my heart literally turns over inside of my chest.

  “Noah—”

  “Yes or no, Rory. That’s all you have to say.”

  “It’s complicated,” I start, trying to figure out how to make him understand the fear inside of me.

  “It’s not,” he says, getting out of bed. I watch as he walks to the dresser tagging his jeans off the top of it and then stepping into them. “It’s not complicated at all and it just got a fuck of a lot clearer,” he says.

  “Noah,” I cry as he walks away, but he doesn’t respond, even though I see his body jerk when I say his name. He doesn’t stop walking and I jump as the door slams loudly behind him.

  51

  Diesel

  “You think maybe we ought to hold back, Hoss? Get the lay of the land and see what King is doing before we go rushing in?” Crusher questions.

  I look around at my men and they’re all staring at me like I’m crazy. Fuck, I am. I lost my head with Rory. I promised I’d go slow and not rush her and then I acted like a fucking Neanderthal. I stomped out of our room without shoes or a shirt and I’m standing in front of my men looking basically the same. There’s no way I’m ready to go back to our room to finish getting dressed though and I need to get shit handled. If Rory doesn’t want to stay with me then I have to make sure she’s safe. The only way I know to do that is to kill the motherfucker and I’m not going to delay in doing that.

  “Fuck no, I don’t. I’m taking that motherfucker out and I’m doing it quickly. He bought this war and if any of you have a problem with me delivering it, you need to leave now.”

  “If we leave are you still going to storm in like a loose goddamn cannon?” Devil growls.

  “Yes,” I tell him. I’m not about to explain that I have to do it so that Rory is safe. I can’t explain that to anyone just yet—even myself. “Is Gunner in place with the men?” I ask.

  “Yeah. He got there last night. He’s got five men with him. He’s good.”

  “I want to know the minute that fucker gets there. We’ll go in that same night around three a.m. and hopefully catch him with his pants down.”

  “I want to go on record, since I am your Sergeant of Arms, that this is fucked up. We need to wait and get some intel so we don’t go in fucking blind,” Fury growls.

  “The rest of you feel like that?” I look at my closest brothers and wait for their response, hate burning inside of me like a fucking white-hot flame. I need King to not breathe free air another night.

  “I think it would be smarter,” Devil says leaning over the table. “I’ve been where you are and I paid the price for acting without thinking and checking things out. I’ll support your decision Diesel, you know that, but I’d vote for you to use more caution.

  “Crusher?” I growl.

  “Been where you are, Hoss. Never going to question your decision. I’m with you,” he responds.

  “You have twenty-four hours after King gets there b
efore we move in. You get what intel Gunner and Scorpion can get together.” I tell them. “If we can use it, fine. That’s great, but either fucking way we go in,” I tell them compromising a little, but not fucking much. Even giving in this much feels wrong.

  “For a man who just got his family back and almost died, you sure are intent on going to war,” Devil mumbles.

  “That’s what I think,” Rory announces pushing open the door.

  “You need to leave,” I order her. “Women aren’t allowed in church.”

  She does need to leave. I can’t see her right now. I can’t see everything I ever wanted and know that I’ll never truly possess it again. Just having her near me right now is torture.

  “That’s too damn bad. I’m not leaving, you and I have things we need to talk about,” she announces.

  “Now you want to talk? That’s a little late don’t you think?”

  “I tried to talk before, you were just too busy talking over me. Now you’re going to listen to me.”

  “You wanting to use my cock again? I’m sure Fury has some condoms we can borrow,” I shrug.

  “Fuck, dude. Keep me out of this shit,” Fury mumbles, rubbing the side of his face. “I need to head out after Torrent’s sister so I can try and be back for your damn war,” he grumbles. “Sorry, Rory,” he tells her as he leaves. “He’s not usually such a fucking ass.”

  “Come back here and say that to my face you sack of shit,” I growl.

  “You got enough of a battle on your hands, Diesel. We can settle our shit when I get back,” he calls out—leaving.

  “I can’t believe you,” Rory says and I struggle not to look away from her face.

  “What? That’s the deal, right? You want my cock but only if it’s wrapped up so you don’t have to worry about putting down roots and making a fucking life with me.”

  “I wondered how long it would take,” she says with a sigh.

  “What would take?”

  “How long it would take for the old Diesel to rear his head. Seems no matter what changes between us you’re always going to end up being a fucking asshole. I really need to remember that.”

  I rub the back of my neck, knowing she’s right. It’s just… fuck her reactions earlier hurt. They fucking cut like a knife.

  “Say what you want, Rory. Say it and just go.”

  “To start with, I don’t want you to go to war with King.”

  “I can’t believe you’d say that shit to me.”

  “I can’t believe that you just got your life back and are already trying to throw it away,” she says.

  “That’s not what I’m doing,” I growl.

  “It sure seems like it to me. Every single one of your men that you look to for council sat here and told you it was a bad idea. They suggested you take time to plan and yet here you are ignoring what they are saying and moving forward.”

  “Maybe I’d take my time and plan if my fucking woman would stay here where I can protect her,” I growl.

  She blinks, her body jerking like she was slapped.

  “I never said I was going anywhere, but if you insist on going to war and not being ready for it, I will.”

  “You sat outside my office door and listened in on a conversation that you aren’t supposed to be a party to and now you’re giving me a fucking ultimatum in front of my men?”

  “I guess that’s exactly what I’m doing,” she says boldly. “So, am I going back to our room and packing or are you going to have an adult conversation with me so we can work this out.”

  “I was under the impression there was nothing to work out,” I mutter, refusing to let hope creep back in.

  “Probably because you’re a fucking asshole who never lets anyone talk and just hear what you want.”

  The men start laughing and I slap my hand down on the table.

  “Get the fuck out. All of you,” I growl.

  They get up and leave, all but Crusher. He gets up and comes to me, slapping a hand down on my shoulder.

  “Don’t cut your nose off to spite your face, Hoss.”

  “What in the fuck does that mean?”

  “It means, you have what you want in front of you. Don’t fuck it up. Listen to her,” he mutters. Then he walks out. I watch as the bastard winks at Rory as he leaves, closing the door behind him and leaving me alone with Rory.

  Christ.

  52

  Rory

  I watch as Noah leans back against the table, his arms crossed at his chest, and his face unreadable. My first thoughts shouldn’t be that he looks impossibly sexy, but it is. He’s wearing his faded blue jeans, the ends worn and frayed. No shirt, and his hair rumbled from this morning and not pulled back as normal, instead falling down around him like a halo of beauty. His face is a mask, giving me nothing, but that’s okay. I can think he’s sexy and still be pissed at him.

  “You’re new to the club life babe, but there are rules. First and foremost is that the meetings with my men are sacred. It’s called church for a reason. You don’t eavesdrop, you don’t fucking listen.”

  “I’d write that down, but since you seem intent on pushing me away, I doubt it’s a lesson I need to learn.”

  “Second, you don’t fucking disrespect me in front of my men. It undermines my authority,” he says, ignoring anything I said about pushing me away.

  Fine. Two can play that game.

  “You’re new to being my boyfriend, babe, but there are rules. First and foremost is that you don’t demand things from me without giving me time to process them and talk to you. You don’t speak over me and refuse to let me get a word in edgewise.”

  “Funny, I thought to be your man, you had to have feelings for me,” he growls, stressing the word man and making it clear he didn’t like the term boyfriend. Whatever.

  “If you don’t realize I have feelings for you, Noah, then you’re not only stupid, you’re blind,” I tell him.

  I’m feeling guilty. I know what hurt him the most is that I didn’t tell him immediately that I loved him. I have so many emotions and the biggest one is fear. I have no idea how I’m supposed to make Noah understand when I’m not sure I do myself.

  “How long will you hold it over me, Rory? How long will it affect what we have?” he finally asks, sounding tired. “Will I have to pay for it the rest of my life?” he asks. “I get it, Gorgeous. I even fucking admit I deserve it, but I’m not sure I can live like this.”

  “I don’t understand, Noah. Live like what?” I ask, so confused and feeling completely clueless.

  “I don’t know if I can live our new life together and remember what it was like with you before. It’s not fair, I get that, but I… Fuck, Rory. I miss what we had.”

  “What we had? Noah how is what we had any different from what we’re sharing now?”

  He looks at me and for a second his face looks like I just slapped him.

  “How about for starters you refuse to make love to me without a condom?” he growls.

  “Uh…Hello? You demanded condoms before. Are you getting pissy now because I’m the one demanding them? If they cramp your damn style that much, lift your lockdown long enough for me to go get on the pill and the problem will be solved.”

  He stares at me, and I get the distinct impression that my answer didn’t make him any happier.

  “What?”

  “How. Fucking. Long?” he growls, using each word like an accusation. The only problem is, I have no idea what he’s accusing me of.

  “I don’t understand,” I tell him, starting to believe no matter what I say, it’s not going to make anything better.

  “How long are you going to hold my failure over my fucking head? How long will you let it affect our relationship? How we communicate with each other? How we fucking sleep with each other?” he growls.

  “Your failure?”

  “You said I let you down, Gorgeous. You admitted to it. The other night when you were drinking. I told you I was sorry that I let you down and you
said you were too. You can’t go back and pretend those words weren’t said now. I apologized and I know that doesn’t make it all better, I’m not stupid. But, will you ever be able to look at me and not hate me? Will we ever be able to get past the fact that I’m the reason we lost our child?” he asks, his voice tortured, his face a mixture of pain and misery.

  “Will we ever be able to get past the fact that I’m the reason we lost our child?”

  Is that really what he believes? Is that what he thinks I feel?

  “Noah,” I whisper. I walk to him slowly, hating the misery I see on him—and probably because it reflects what’s inside of me. “Sweetheart, I don’t blame you for the loss of our child,” I add gently, sliding my hand under the fall of his hair and holding the side of his face.

  “You agreed I let you down, Rory, and I did. I let everyone down,” he says, his voice agonized.

  “Not about me losing the baby, Noah. You let me down by not believing me when I told you I was pregnant, but I’m past that now. I told you after talking with Dani, I could understand that your reactions are your own—colored by the experiences you’ve been through. Just like mine are now. Things change us, we can’t help that,” I stress to him.

  I thought my words would help. I thought that maybe they’d make him feel better. One look at the pain on his face and the tears that are unshed, but glowing in his eyes proves that I am wrong.

  How do I fix this?

  “It’s fine, Rory. It’s okay,” he says, but he’s wrong, nothing is okay.

  “Noah, you have to listen to me,” I plead, needing to erase the pain on his face. It hurts to see it.

  “Just go, Rory,” he says turning away from me to look out the window. “I know what I did. I know nothing can change it. If it wasn’t for me we’d be welcoming our child into the world like Torrent and Devil. It’s all my fault. I was stupid to think you could let that go.”

  “It wasn’t you, Noah!” I tell him, hating that he feels this way. I hate that he’s making me relive it all too, but I push through it. I push through it because at least one of us should have that weight lifted away.