Totem

  I say nothing. Michelle might be right. It is a possibility that has been running through my head the whole night. With Ty missing from my life these past two weeks, I cannot help but to question things. My mind cannot help but to wonder through the possibilities. If there was no Ty, would I fall for Jake? I don’t think it would be the instantaneous attraction I have with Ty. It would be a type of attraction that grows from getting to genuinely know the person. It would be a type of love fostered from friendship. An even deeper looming question comes to mind; would I still be alive if I had not met Ty? It was that one fateful night that truly brought us together and pushed our relationship to another level. I shudder as I think about the possibilities of him not being there to rescue me. I quickly eject the thought from my mind before I take it to a dark place.

  “Just give me my pillow back.” I state.

  Michelle throws my pillow back at me with just as much force as I threw at her before hopping out of bed to go brush her teeth. I fluff the pillow and place it behind my head. I lie there staring at the ceiling frustrated. Only minutes ago before Jake’s unwelcomed kiss, I was ready to go to sleep. Now my mind will not shut off. I try to push all the thoughts out and make it completely blank, but my efforts are pointless. The wheels have started the locomotion in my mind and I am lost in my thoughts for the next hour.

  Chapter 11: Friends, Drinks, and Gypsies

  I sit on the cool gym floor waiting for soccer and volleyball class to begin. My mind is clear yet my body aches. There is still no word from Ty and it seems Jake has been avoiding me since our awkward parting this past Sunday. The whole thing sends my mind reeling. Sometimes life is just full of little dramas. In these cases, it is causing me to linger on things I would rather not linger on. Thought after thought runs through my mind causing it to spiral out of control, but I found a way to cope. The only way I knew how was through exercise. Any little free time I could get I spent working out at the gym or running. Monday was a long run early in the morning. Tuesday was elliptical and weights in the afternoon. Then Wednesday was both. Now I sit on the floor waiting for class to begin. A dull ache from my muscles calls out to me but it is a good pain. It is the rebuilding and strengthening of my body. It is muscles being pushed to their limits then being torn down. When they rebuild, they will be stronger.

  What takes more time to rebuild is the pain that cannot be seen. It is not hearing from someone you like. That type of pain can eat away at you and leave scars. The pain that hurts the most is the thought that I might never see or speak to Ty again. My fear seems irrational. Whatever has taken him away from me will have to let him come back. True to Ty’s word the vampire has not attacked me again. Nor have I seen him or felt an eerie since that I am being watched. Of course, I have been following Ty’s orders. I have been staying in big groups and limiting my time out after dark, but that has been trying. The days grow shorter and shorter as autumn creeps closer to winter and I can’t continue fitting my schedule into everyone else’s. The semester has been going by relatively fast. One more week of volleyball class and we switch to soccer outside. I am looking forward to starting soccer. It is a sport that I have been playing since I was seven and it is a sport that I love.

  I watch the door as people begin to filter in for class. Unintentionally, I feel myself holding my breath in anticipation of seeing Ty walk through the door. Maybe today is the day that he comes back and for whatever reason, he could not call me. There I sit patiently waiting. Time passes slowly in this brief moment when my hopes are high only to speed back up again when class starts without Ty. I stand up to join my class.

  “You were looking for Ty weren’t you?” Michelle asks in a low voice only audible to me.

  “Yes,” I respond.

  “You haven’t heard from him?”

  “No.”

  A lump in my throat begins to rise. The corners of my eyes feel hotter. No doubt from the tears that are forming and threatening to flow out. I stare straight ahead at a blank wall. All my energy fixes in finding a pattern in the scuffed up white bricks in front of me. The teacher babbles on mindlessly.

  This is stupid, I think to myself. You cannot cry over a guy who you have only known briefly. You need to live your life.

  My inner self is giving my external self a pep talk. It works. The lump slowly shrinks as the hot sensation in the corner of my eyes disappears. This is not the end of the world, but why did I feel like it was? Maybe I am about to start my period. I always get a little hormonal right before my period. I roll my eyes at myself. When I was younger, I did not recognize the affects hormones played on a person. I was that moody little fourteen-year-old who probably came across as the biggest brat ever. As I got older and read up more on the subject, I came to recognize the differences. There is a difference between being upset at a situation with just cause and being upset because you have an influx of hormones. Although my situation is not ideal, there are a lot of things that are great in my life right now.

  My grades are great. I am getting back into shape. I have incredible support from Michelle and I have a family who loves me. I have a family who loves me so much they sent me to college to better myself. No amount of sulking after a boy is going to change those facts. I sigh deeply and loudly causing Michelle to smile at me.

  “Feel better?”

  I smile back at her. Some of our classmates turn and give us a weird look and by some students, I mean Evan. I can’t wait until soccer. I have a feeling he isn’t very good at it. This will give me an advantage over him. All I can say is payback is a bitch. The thought of pegging him with a soccer ball brings a smile to my face.

  “So are we on for going out tomorrow night?”

  Michelle says it loud enough for everyone around us to hear. She is in one of those flaunting moods where she shows off how great her life is. Is this pride? Probably, but we are young and now is the time to be fools. I can’t help but to smile at this thought.

  “Heck yeah.” I respond. “I could really use a drink… or five.”

  Michelle’s eyes get slightly wider. Although she knows I like to drink, she has never heard me flat out express that I need a drink. She looks at me inquisitively.

  “Daniel invited us out tomorrow night.” says Michelle.

  “Does that include Jake?”

  “Yes,” responds Michelle.

  “Great.” I say not very enthused by the idea.

  “You don’t want him to try and kiss you again?” Michelle has a sly smile on her face.

  “Not really.” I reply.

  “Why not? He is a cute guy!”

  “Well, there is this other guy that I’m really interested in…” I say with sarcasm oozing all over my words. Michelle rolls her eyes.

  “You know, you two have not discussed exclusivity with each other. Plus, where is he now? Have you heard from him yet? Changing subject quickly! But what is so bad about Jake?”

  “Nothing really. I think he is cute and I love how nice he is, but I don’t know if I can like him like that.”

  It is a tough thing to explain. Jake is a great guy that any girl should fall for, but something inside of me makes me feel like it is not right. It actually feels kind of strange.

  “You know you just added more positive data to my theory.” Michelle states as she reflects on some unspoken thought.

  “And what theory is that?”

  “Girls like guys who are jerks.”

  “What?”

  “I’m not saying that Ty is a jerk, but he mysteriously disappears. He is quiet. He has that bad boy look and it drives you crazy. It makes you want him. Jake is the nice guy. He is the lovable guy but that is not what women want. Women want a guy that can dominate them.

  Take me for example, I go on dates with all these guys, but all I want is a guy like Daniel. He is unattainable. He obviously is too busy to fit me completely into his schedule and can’t commit. Not only that, but he made a move on the first date. Who does that?! Yet, I like this. Let’s f
ace it. Girls need a guy who can be a bit of an asshole.”

  “Are you ladies done being chatty Kathy’s? We got some volleyball to play!”

  My eyes tear away from Michelle and land on the one singular person that I dislike completely right now. Evan grins down at us through perfectly white teeth. I roll my eyes at him.

  “First off, who uses the phrase ‘Chatty Kathy’s’? Second, butt out of our conversation!” Michelle yells.

  “Whatever, you two are on my team. Hit the court whenever you are done.”

  With those final words, Evan runs onto the court away from us. I give Michelle an exasperated look that she returns.

  “I fully intend to hit him with a ball every day when we play soccer.” I state.

  Michelle lets out a laugh.

  “Oh and if your theory is correct, that will mean all girls want to date Evan.” I reply. “And that is one asshole I will not be dating.”

  “I’ll revise my theory with limitations on how big an asshole a girl is willing to date just for you, Kimber.”

  “Daniel and Jake ask us to meet them out in the quarter. They had some fraternity business to attend to.” Michelle comments as she flat irons her hair straight.

  “Are you ok with driving?”

  I feel bad always asking Michelle to drive, but my car is an embarrassment. I love it, but it is over ten years old and in the shape of a boat. Luckily, I have Michelle. She and I are always together anyway. I offer to drive her car every once in a while, but she is so short that she had to make permanent alterations to her driver’s seat just so she can drive. I tried to drive it once, but my knees barely fit under the steering wheel. Not just that, but the lack of room makes working the pedals impossible!

  “I am fine with driving.” Michelle replies.

  I give Michelle an appreciative smile through the mirror. I check my hair and makeup one more time before heading out of the bathroom to pick out a pair of shoes. We will be doing a lot of walking so flats are probably the best option.

  We decide to park in the pay lot behind Jax Brewery. It is not our first choice to pay for parking but after an hour of driving around the French Quarter looking for a spot, we decide it best just to pay and park. I look at the clock on the dashboard. It reads 10:30. I look out the window. A group of young people about our age are beginning their night as well while the older crowds are somewhere in the restaurants finishing off their late weekend dinner. Michelle finishes pulling into the parking spot and switches the car in park. I open my door. There are enough people around us to make me feel safe.

  As my door flies open, the night air pushes inside the car. I close my eyes and take in the smell. The temperatures during the days have been more bearable leading into cooler nights providing relief from the heat. It is a typical New Orleans autumn night. The heat of the day clashes with the cool of the night blanketing the city with a thin fog-like haze of humidity. I inhale taking in the brackish scent of the Mississippi River which runs its course mere steps away from our car. I open my eyes and stare at the lamp posts. The light filters through the haze, dampening it and causing a soft amber glow to reflect on everything it touches. In the distance, I hear the bell from a boat as it lazily floats down the Mississippi. It is beautiful. This is New Orleans and slowly in this moment, I fall more in love with the city.

  “Are you ready to go yet? There are plenty of people around so we should be fine to walk and meet the guys.”

  Michelle interrupts my brief love affair with my city shooting me back into the present. She smiles a knowing smile. There is a magic about the city that captivates all who set foot in it. Like a siren crying out to the sailors, the city calls to me. The city calls to Michelle.

  “Did they text you back yet?”

  “Yes. I told them where we parked. So they started walking towards us. They are on Frenchman Street so we can start walking and meet them somewhere in the middle. My guess would be somewhere in Jackson Square. Perhaps we will meet in front of the Cathedral.”

  “Sounds great,” I respond.

  We begin our walk cutting down the stairway through Jax Brewery. Michelle and I walking through the streets and shops of New Orleans is a dangerous combination. Each shop window display on the bustling street warrants a stop from one of us and opens up a new topic of conversation. I glance around at the people walking. Excitement from each individual permeates infecting others around them. It continues to grow until there is a mass of happiness anticipating the possibilities that the city will bring. Most of these people are tourists, but even if you are a local, you cannot help but catch their excitement. The energy is intoxicating.

  Finally we make it to the famous square in front of the cathedral. We cross the street on the corner by the Ripley’s Believe It or Not Museum. I look down the bustling street of Decatur as we cross. A few horse drawn carriages still linger hoping to get the last ride of the night. In the distance, I see the famous twinkling lights on the terrace of Café Dumonde.

  As we cross completely to the other side, the street gives way to sidewalk which in return quickly gives way to cobblestone surrounding the gardens of Jackson Square. The focal point of this grandiose set up is the intricate cathedral towering up among all the buildings. Lights cascade up towards the heavens creating the allusion of power. The artists that usually fill the sidewalks leaning their paintings for sale against the wrought iron fences have disappeared with the sun. In their place have risen small little tables with a singular candle. Beside these tables sit women and men dressed like gypsies hoping to entice tourists into reading their future. Some have tarot cards. Others read palms. I watch as a few cry out to people passing by, trying to rope them in to read their fortunes. The scene is very dramatic. As soft as a whisper they call out to the tourists, their one hand lifting out from under the colorful robes beckoning them to take a seat. One couple takes the bait. The woman sits in the seat intently listening as the fortune teller reads her palm. The man stands back behind her, slightly less amused shaking his head.

  “We should do that sometime.”

  “I don’t know if I believe in fortune tellers.” I reply as we turn the corner and walk in front of St. Louis Cathedral. “It just doesn’t seem real.”

  “Yea, well it would still be fun.”

  “Perhaps,” I shrug. “So where are we meeting the guys?”

  “They said on the corner of Jackson Square closest to Frenchmen by the cathedral. So that would be just over there.”

  Michelle points toward the meet up spot as we advance. I do a quick scan of the area and the guys are nowhere to be seen. Finally, we get to the spot. I look at Michelle who shrugs back.

  “I’ll text them to see where they are.” Michelle states.

  She whips out her phone and begins texting. I look around for a place to sit. The only bench open is the one next to a fortune teller. I begin to walk over to the bench with Michelle following. The old woman looks up through the shawl draped over her head. She sits behind a small circular table decorated in black gossamer. A single candle sends little flits of light dancing across her face etching deep shadows through her wrinkles, revealing her age. Beside her is a little wagon with a bag sitting inside. Perhaps the wagon is to help her move her belongings night after night. In my head, I begin to picture the old lady wheeling the little cart to and from this very spot each night. My daydreaming is startled as I become all too aware of her gaze upon me. I make eye contact with her. She smiles a half toothed smile. The flitting of the single candle makes her seem that more surreal as I return her smile.

  “Would you ladies like your fortunes read?” Her voice crackles but is sweet with the hopes that we will take a seat and pay her for our fortunes.

  “No thank you.” I state as I take a seat on the bench trying to get as far away from her as I can. Michelle takes the seat beside me. She is distracted by her phone as it beeps to life with another message no doubt from Daniel. I sit waiting for a response from Michelle while checking our sur
roundings. As I skim over the walk way, I notice out of the corner of my eye that the old lady is still looking at us. I make eye contact with her once more and give her a weak smile with a wave. This she welcomes freely as invitation to speak.

  “You are so young to be with one so old.” She states searching my face. “The raven…”

  Confusion fills me as I stare back at the little old woman. She hunches over and for the first time I notice the cane. She smiles warmly at me letting her eyes drift up to the skies and the rooftops that surround us. What did she mean by the raven? Can she really tell my fortune or read my mind? Maybe this is all just coincidental luck. Maybe, but then again there is wisdom in the old. Her gaze lands back upon me. Her smile drops slightly revealing almost a grave expression in her eyes.

  “There is a darkness that follows you isn’t there my child?”

  “If you mean Michelle, then yes.”

  I crack a joke to make light of the situation. I cover the fact that my heart is beginning to pick up speed as the vision of my vampire pursuer rises in my head. The old crone looks at me slightly unhappy with my response. Immediately I regret the joke.

  “No, your friend is surrounded in light. She is happy.”

  Michelle smiles at the compliment. I meet her gaze and she gives me a shrug. After all, anyone would take that compliment.

  “I see the guys!”

  I follow Michelle’s little finger to see our two friends walking up the side street towards us. Relief washes over me as I thankfully rise from my seat and straighten my shirt. Daniel and Jake see us and wave. I begin to walk to meet them.

  “If you ever need your fortune read… or other help,” chimes the old lady. She hesitates. “Be very careful of the darkness.”

  “Thank you.” I respond politely.

  Her words ring in my ears as the moment left me more than shaken. I am ready to go relax and enjoy the night, but I know there is a whole other set of problems I am willingly walking into with Jake.