Totem

  It’s only a kiss, I think to myself as Jake leans in. We are standing on the balcony of some cozy little night club off of Frenchman Street. The downstairs bar area is packed but a small staircase to the side gives way to a relaxed little bar with a band above. Daniel and Michelle are inside dancing on the wooden floor in front of the stage completely oblivious to the conundrum I face out on the balcony. I look down on the street for help. People below walk merrily fueled by alcohol. I look down the street further to take in the unique buildings that help define an entire culture of a city. The music mixed with the balcony and the backdrop of a city I love seems like the perfect place for a kiss. So why does it feel so wrong? It is wrong to me because it is not Ty. I choose not to lean forward into Jake’s kiss. I leave him hanging. I can’t lean forward.

  He opens his eyes revealing the look of disappointment and embarrassment. Immediately he plays it off by taking a swig of beer. He looks off into the distance avoiding eye contact with me. Oh no! I’ve hurt him.

  “Jake, I’m sorry.”

  I hear myself say the words but I cannot feel them. He is not the guy I that want to kiss and my heart knows. It is my mind that is confused. I wait for Jake to look back at me. I know I don’t want him to kiss me, but I also know that I want him in my life. Is there a way to have both with a guy? Can he just be my really good friend? I wait for him to take me back. Not as a lover, but as a truest of true friend.

  “It’s Ty isn’t it?” Asks Jake

  I look at him surprised he remembers the only few times I have spoken of Ty in conversation. I nod my head.

  “I can tell by the way your eyes light up when you say his name.” states Jake.

  “I know. I just don’t know where Ty and I stand.” I confess for the first time out loud.

  “If he weren’t in the picture, would you be interested in me?” asks Jake

  His eyes finally meet mine. I look into them. I did not know what to say. Words sometimes can hurt a person more than weapons. They can cut deeper than any metal and the last thing I ever want to do is hurt Jake. He smiles revealing his boyish dimples coercing the truth from me. So I give it to him. Jake deserves the truth.

  “I would want to say yes, but I don’t know if it would be true or not.” I reply. “I like you a lot Jake. You mean so much to me. You have become a good friend and even a part of my family here in New Orleans. I don’t want to lose you. It would be like losing the older brother I never knew I had.”

  “So you see me like an older brother type?”

  “In a way… yes.” I shrug. “I would not want to do anything that would jeopardize our friendship because I would want you around forever just like true family.”

  I pause. Jake takes another swig of beer and then watches me for a while. I break our locked gaze to look out over the street. It is funny how one little moment can change a whole friendship. Now here I stand helpless to the outcome knowing we can’t retreat back to what used to be. That path has too many bumps. Now we must push forward either growing closer as friends or separate eventually becoming strangers.

  “So I guess it would be kind of weird if you made out with your brother.”

  I turn and look at him. A huge, dimple filled smile crosses his face as he beams at me out from under his baseball cap and floppy hair. I smile back.

  “Yes, it would be weird.”

  “Then I guess it would just be best to be really good friends.” Jake replies holding out his arms. “Friends?”

  “Friends,” I agree as I walk into his open arms. We hug allowing all the rocky events of the past week to fall away and spring to life what hopefully will be a new, closer type of friendship.

  Relief washes over me as I get lost in his hug. It is hard to put into words my feelings for Jake. It is as if I have known him all my life. In him, I find the unfaltering acceptance that can only be found in a true loving family. There are very few things I can do wrong in Jake’s eyes because he cares for me. He has touched a spot inside my heart reserved only for my family. The truth is he has become a part of the family I have made here in New Orleans. I am a hundred miles away from my biological family but here in this city, I am creating my own and I am excited that Jake still wants to be a part of that even if it is not in the exact way he wants to be.

  I pull away from his embrace in time to see a very agitated Michelle bustling towards me. Her brow is furrowed and her lips form into a pout. She is clearly upset about something that has just happened. Immediately I release my hands around Jake’s waste and face her.

  “Are you ready to go?” asks Michelle.

  I search her face but it is stone. I chance a quick glance behind her to Daniel. His chest is slumped down with his hands resting in his pockets. He makes eye contact with me, shrugs his shoulders then drops his eyes to the floor.

  “Is everything ok?” I ask turning my attention back to Michelle.

  “Yes, fine,” responds Michelle. “I’m just ready to go.”

  “Daniel and I can walk you back to your car.” Jake offers.

  All three of us glance over to look at Daniel who meets our gaze. Like a puppy who has just been reprimanded, Daniel looks toward us for satisfaction that everything is going to be okay. Michelle in response shoots daggers. He averts his eyes letting them fall anywhere but on her. She turns around with sparks flying in her eyes ignited only by Daniel.

  “No thanks.” Anger etches in Michelle’s words.

  “Are you sure?” asks Jake

  “It might be safer to have them with us.” I add.

  “I’ll take my chances out there.” Her tone and eyes soften a bit as she looks at me. “If that’s ok with you, I would like to leave really soon.”

  In her eyes is a bit of sadness despite her anger and frustration. Perhaps a little bit of hurt from something that Daniel had said. I look at her briefly studying this unique moment. It is the first time since I have met Michelle that I have ever seen her show sadness. It is a small amount but it is there none the less. I nod my head in acceptance of Michelle’s plea to escape the situation. She gives me a nod right back her moment of vulnerability completely replaced by determined anger. She gives a quick nod good bye to Jake before turning on her heels. Her hair flicks with the motion as she purposefully walks past Daniel. He attempts to wave good bye but his efforts are futile. At that moment, he is invisible to Michelle. All she sees is her way out.

  “I’ll talk to you later.” Jake states.

  I smile at him giving him one more giant friend hug good bye before turning to follow Michelle out the door. I look at Daniel apologetically as I walk up towards him.

  “Can you do me a favor and text me or Jake when you two are back at the dorms safely? I just want to make sure the two of you are safe.” Daniel waits for a response.

  “What happened?”

  “I’m sure Michelle will fill you in as soon as you are out the door. Please let me know when you are home safe.”

  Daniel gives me a hug good bye. He is clearly worried about Michelle and whatever has happened between them has not changed his feelings for her. I take the door to the hallway and walk down the stairs. Michelle is outside waiting for me by the bouncer. As soon as she sees me, she begins walking. I catch up to her and fall in with her brisk pace. We walk a block or two without talking. The little clicks of our shoes become the steady rhythm of the night broken only by trickles of people passing by. Their party shouts of jubilation following them to their next destination.

  “Can you believe him?!”

  Confusion riddles my face as I process this brief outburst. She is still fuming. Her steps are purposeful as she tries to walk off her anger.

  “Michelle, I need you to elaborate if you want me to agree with you. What happened?”

  “He told me that he did not want a serious relationship. He said he cares about me very much but doesn’t know if he is ready to settle down.”

  “Is he seeing other girls?”

  “I thought the same thing
from his answer! So I asked him and he said no.”

  “Well, that’s good news, at least, isn’t it?”

  “Yea… but what is the point?” Michelle exclaims throwing her hands in the air. “He is not seeing anyone else. We get along great. He comes over to see me all the time. We text message back and forth. He says I’m pretty. I mean we are always talking and he does all these sweet things. Then he doesn’t want to claim me as a girlfriend. I don’t get it.”

  “Well, maybe he is scared. Maybe he hasn’t had a girlfriend in a while and doesn’t know what to do.”

  I begin running through all the reasons and scenarios as to why a guy would not want a girlfriend. I spout them off to Michelle as they come to mind. Of course I omit the ones that she wouldn’t want to hear or that sound too cruel. This little pep talk seems to cool her off a bit.

  “Besides, you are the one who is dating around. Why settle on just one?”

  “You seem to be doing that, too.” Michelle snickers. “What’s up with you and Jake?”

  “We’re just friends.” I state defensively. “He definitely wants to be more, but I just see him as a friend which was what we were discussing until I was rudely interrupted by a little blond.”

  Michelle lets out a sigh as she releases some of her anger. I can see her begin to relax physically. My small comment at her expense lightens the mood.

  “Yeah, yeah.” She begins. “I’m sorry. It’s just Daniel gets under my skin and I don’t know how to get him out. I could go on all the dates in the world but truth is I keep coming back to him. I have no idea why.”

  “I feel yea.”

  I smile at her. She returns the smile then comes in for a side hug. If Jake is like a brother then Michelle is my close sister. I already have one, but there is always room for more. I could not be happier to have her as a friend and be a friend in return.

  “Screw boys.” Michelle states. “They are nothing but trouble.”

  I laugh at her comment. We continue to walk arms around each other as Michelle’s worries melt away. My arm rests comfortably on her shoulders while hers wraps around my waist. The side walk gives way to the distinctive cobblestone of the quarter as we step down the small steps in front of the St. Louis Cathedral and into Jackson square. The little flitting candles that speckled the walkways earlier have disappeared along with their owners. The tarot card readers and fortune tellers must have turned in for the night. Even the old woman who spoke to us earlier is gone. Their absence brings even more darkness. I tread lightly through the night as a weary feeling begins to rise up in my chest. My senses become heightened as I remember the gypsy woman’s words. There is darkness. I look around as reality sets in. There is no one to be seen. We are alone in the square. Ty’s words of caution rise up into my thoughts. I quicken my pace as my heart begins to beat faster.

  “Are you ok?” Asks Michelle

  “I’m just ready to go back to the dorms. Being out here in the darkness is giving me the creeps. I am ok though.”

  I lie. I am not ok. WE are not ok. A queasy feeling rises in my stomach. A few steps more and we are turning the corner walking away from the church and closer to the Mississippi River. I look forward into the light afraid to look at the darkness around us. Speckles of people flit back and forth under the street lights on Decatur. My hope rises. Their little figures in the distance are a beacon of light surrounded by darkness signaling to us our way home. I begin to walk faster. The specks begin to take human form with each closing step we take. The light is growing in my chest.

  Out of the corner of my eye flits a shadowy figure. Naturally, my eyes gravitate toward the motion and I halt in my tracks. A pair of glowing red eyes greets us from the shadows. In that split second, I know it is a vampire and running would be futile. Slowly he steps out of the shadow revealing the guise behind those haunting red eyes. I gasp as my heart stops in my chest. Like the gypsy said, darkness follows me and it is in the form of a vampire. Not just any vampire but the one who stalks me. He is the one who followed me from the library and he is the one Ty swore to protect me from. It is the one who knows what Ty is.

  The vampire steps closer out of the hiding spot created by the shadows. Michelle notices the man and I see her body stiffen in response. Her grasp around me gets tighter. I hold on to her as I begin to back up taking her with me. He moves slowly with calculated steps as he takes in the sight in front of him. My heart makes up for lost time revving back to life beating faster and faster as he comes closer.

  “I knew I would get you alone eventually.” The vampire hisses. “Well, almost alone.”

  He gestures a slender hand towards Michelle disregarding her as nothing more than a pesky gnat. To him she is an incessant bug flying around his head. She is something to be tolerated or even killed then discarded on his quest to me. I glance down at my roommate. Her eyes are fixated on the gaunt man in front of us. I pull her tight to me. As I move her, I place myself between her and him in hopes of protecting her with my body should it come to that. My simple protective act only bemuses the brown haired vampire whose lips curl into an unsettling smile.

  “Come now, Kimber.” He says rolling his red eyes. “Do you really think that will protect your friend?”

  Shit! He knows my NAME. I feel the blood draining from my face. How does he know my name?

  “I know a lot of things about you.” He replies as if reading my very thoughts.

  This time, I keep my face still making sure it is unreadable. I do not want to give him the satisfaction of an expression. Carefully he scrutinizes me. I hold still like stone unwilling to show emotion. A smirk rises on his face. He looks at his fingernails in mock boredom or perhaps real boredom.

  “I was kind of hoping your little boy toy would be here to watch me kill you.”

  Keep your face straight. I tell myself. Don’t give him the benefit. I feel Michelle shift her weight behind me. I quickly glance down. Her eyes are big as she stares at the man in front of us. I can’t tell what she is feeling. Is it shock? Is she scared? Either way, she will not be the first to go should this be our fate. I look at her once more. She catches my eye but does not speak. A slight look of panic crosses her eyes. It is the first sign of fear I have ever seen from her. I hold on tighter keeping her behind me.

  “It does not matter.” The vampire states biting his nail and spitting the excess out of his mouth. “I shall enjoy it just the same.”

  This was it. I see the determination in his eyes. This is the end. Adrenaline courses through my body. I push myself completely in front of Michelle pressing her against the wrought iron fleur de lis fence lining the garden to our backs. My attacker barrels upon us with speeds my eyes do not register. I close my blue eyes for the last time in my life not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing my fear. I hold my breath savoring the last bit of sweet New Orleans air my lungs will ever feel again.

  I feel the wind move as he comes in for the kill. I brace myself for impact… but the impact never comes. Instantly I hear a guttural growl of an animal then a bone crunching thud on the stones in Jackson Square. The ruffling of clothes and movement heard by my ears registers late in my mind. After a brief moment of processing the fact that I am still alive I chance a look and open my eyes. I let out a gasp releasing the air from my lungs as I take a short sweet intake of breath at the site before me. I release Michelle from the fence and we slowly move away. The vampire is pressed down to the concrete. On top of him is a big dog or wolf like creature pinning him down and snarling.

  Chapter 12: Take me home

  I cannot believe my eyes. The man who had only attacked me weeks ago is pinned to the ground. On top of him is a larger than life dog. Maybe it is a wolf. Its sleek white muzzle opens up revealing jagged teeth as a low growl rises from its chest. The man with red eyes looks up at the beast with a bemused sneer across his face.

  “I knew you wouldn’t be too far away from your bitch.”

  His words are menacing. He points a thin
white boney finger at me. I do not understand what he means. All I know is that he is targeting me. The eyes of the wolf flit briefly to meet mine and for a split second I think I see regret flash through those brown eyes. The attacker seizes the miniscule moment to push the beast with his hands sending him flying. The wolf hits the black wrought iron fence. I hear what I think to be the crack of bones as a small yelp sounds out from him.

  Advancing with lightning speed, the vampire seizes the moment once more lunging at the animal on the fence. The wolf quickly moves out of the way causing the red eyed man’s fist to land square in one of the iron poles. The pole bends under the demons pure strength melting like butter around his arm holding him captive to its metal grip. With moves just as quick, the wolf repositions around the demon and sinks his teeth into his shoulder. A blood curdling scream rises up from somewhere deep inside the vampire. I look around for people. I look for anyone who can possibly help. Much to my displeasure and for the first time that I can ever remember, there is no one. The lights of people beckoning me earlier seem miles away as I hope against all odds that someone will be here to help the wolf in his pursuit to save us, but the plaza outside the cathedral is completely empty. I feel Michelle tug on my hand.

  “Come on Kimber.” She whispers. “We can run.”

  She finds her voice once more. I know we should, but I cannot move. I am glued to the spot as I watch these two unnatural creatures duke it out. Blood cascades down the shoulder of the red eyed man as he frees his hand from the fence. Reaching behind him with the arm the wolf was not clamped on, he pulls its scruff. With incredible strength, he hoists the beast over his head by the neck. The man’s screams turn into rage as the wolf stays clamped to his shoulder. The unwillingness of the beast to let go fuels his rage further for as soon as his shoulder is free, he throws the beast over the fence and into the garden. I hear the rustle of the bushes and harsh thud as the wolf hits one of the trees.

  Fear begins to rise up in me again as our only savior was tossed carelessly aside. I look at the man and gasp. His back is turned to us and he is missing a whole shoulder. Not just the shoulder is gone, but the whole arm as well. The guy touches the area with the missing appendage and lets out a scream.