In the Absence of Monsters

by Jp Barnaby

  “Yes, your orgasms are mine. Do you want to come for me?” I knew that he must be close too. I only hoped he would grant me permission.

  “Yes! Master Please! I want to come for you!” I pleaded, nearly screaming in my need and his hands both went to my hips and he pulled me against him as he came. Crying out savagely, he held me still against him, filling me. Then, almost as an afterthought, he granted me permission.

  My head came off the table as my back arched sharply. “Master…Master…Oh, God…Oh, fuck!” I cried as my orgasm took hold of me, so strong I could almost see my semen spraying onto the hardwood floor as I found my release. I felt him panting against my back, his forehead pressed against my shoulder blade, as my orgasm started to subside.

  Then, I started to feel other things. As he pulled out of me, I felt the pain and soreness from him taking me so roughly. I felt stiffness and cramping in my arms and shoulders and my legs were starting to ache from my position.

  He straightened up and untied my hands, but I didn’t move from the table. I wasn’t sure I could move, every part of me was stiff and sore. I heard him move to a nearby cabinet and I thought he was going to get something for the pain, but he only grabbed a towel to clean my release from the floor. He returned quickly and knelt next to the table.

  “Master, I…” I started, I wanted to hear his voice, get some kind of reassurance from him, any measure of affection, after what just transpired. I would receive none.

  “You may go,” he said brusquely, cutting me off.

  “Ethan…” I tried again, putting my hand on his shoulder. In my lust-induced haze, I hadn’t noticed that his eyes were still wild, out of control.

  “I said go!” He roared at me and I picked myself up off the table. I could feel his semen trickling down the back of my leg as I shuffled to my room. Not having bothered to grab my clothes, I entered my room and fell onto my bed in a heap, lying on top of my blankets, completely naked.

  I was asleep within minutes.

  It had been three weeks since Lexi’s departure and Ethan had not mentioned another session, but I wasn’t sure if it was because he realized that he may have lost control in the last one, that he did actually hurt me, or because he missed Lexi so much. Since it had been the three of us for the last couple of months, I’m sure that being with me reminded him of her. I wanted to talk to him about it, but how do you approach your Dom and talk about such things? Perhaps I should have emailed Lexi and asked her advice, but I didn’t want to tell her about him having lost control. I couldn’t admit how I felt about it – the pain, the humiliation.

  We had a rare day home together, and we were in the kitchen sitting at the table, both having just finished a light breakfast and I threw a napkin towards the kitchen trash bin. Of course I missed, so I got up and bent over to pick up the paper when I felt Ethan grasp my hips and pull me against him. He ground his hardening erection slowly against my ass and I stiffened, pulling away slightly, a reaction to the last time he had taken me. I had been sore for days after our last session; I wasn’t in a hurry for a repeat of that.

  He sensed my hesitation and wrapped his arms around my waist in a strangely affectionate gesture. His lips came softly to my ear and he murmured, “Come upstairs with me…”

  I hesitated, not sure if that was a command from my Master or not. He rubbed my chest lightly as he covered the back of my neck with gentle kisses. “Please, I just want to make you feel good.” Then I knew it wasn’t a command, it was a request. Turning me in his arms, he stroked my face while I looked down at his chest. “I know I’ve lost some of your trust and that is unforgivable. Please…let me try to make it up to you?” I sighed and nodded, then turned to head upstairs, feeling like a man marching to the gallows.

  I walked into the room and stopped short, not knowing what the hell was I supposed to do. Was I supposed to just wait for him? Was I supposed to be in position? It felt like that first day all over again, only now I knew what was going to happen. Sighing, I disrobed and was on my knees in position when Ethan entered the room in his normal t-shirt and leather pants. Seeing that outfit, I knew that I had chosen correctly to be ready for him like this.

  “Stand.” He walked around behind me, where I felt his lips at the back of my neck and I shivered when his hands ghosted over me – my arms, my sides and my chest. The soft, barely there, touches across my naked body made me tremble. I was excited, in spite of my fear. The effect he had on my body was nothing short of miraculous. When he walked in front of me and began kissing my chest, sucking gently on each of my nipples in turn, my head dropped back and I moaned.

  “That’s it…Does that feel good, my Jayden?”

  I hummed quietly. Then he stopped and it took me a minute to realize that he was no longer touching me. I brought my head back up to look at him, startled to see tears in his eyes.

  “Master?” I asked gently and, for the first time ever, broke my position, taking my hands off my neck and putting one on his cheek. He didn’t look up, but I heard his whisper, his voice was clear, but unmistakably broken.

  “Please don’t leave.”

  I was stunned.

  “Master, I’m not leaving. I’m right here.” He continued to speak to the floor.

  “I lost control with you. I’ve never lost control with a sub before. Control is the whole fucking point,” he growled and then his voice was apologetic. “I wouldn’t blame you if you left. I…I hurt you. It was almost…almost…” He stopped short and I heard him take a deep agonized breath. Then he finished in a whisper, “It was almost rape.” His knees buckled and he hit the floor hard. “I couldn’t…I mean, I can’t…” He was grabbing handfuls of his own hair as he curled in on himself. I couldn’t even imagine what was making him act this way. He was always in control, always so composed.

  “Ethan, stop,” I said kneeling down in front of him and he finally raised his eyes to me. They were wet and fearful. “If I’d have wanted you to stop, I could have used my safe word.”

  “But would it have stopped me?” His question caught me off guard. Would he have stopped? I think that he would have. No, I know that he would have.

  “Yes,” I said confidently. “It would have.”

  “All of a sudden, after all of these years, I feel so out of control,” he said, as if it were something shameful, putting one shaking hand over his eyes. I was utterly at a loss for words. I had never seen Ethan lose control like this. He’d trained dozens of subs, had other subs, why was this so different? I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but it hurt that he was acting like he’d lost everything when he still had me.

  “Is it because Lexi left?” I asked him gently, stroking his hair. God, all I wanted was to comfort him…he looked like a lost little boy.

  “I don’t know. I wish I did. I’ve trained dozens of subs, all short term, and let them all go on to other Doms without another thought. But I want her here, where I can control her and pleasure her and keep her safe. Anything could happen to her in New York, so many variables. I have no control…” He finished in a whisper and put both hands in his hair, grasping handfuls of it again.

  “You still have control over me, Master,” I said, trying to re-engage him. It was obvious that Ethan needed to regain control, he needed to have control to feel in control and I would give him that power. I knew that I was taking a risk here, that he could really hurt me if he were to get any farther out of control. “And you said that you wanted to make me feel good,” I said with a slight smile. He looked up at me then and the vulnerability in his face was staggering. Taking his hand, I pulled it up, indicating that I wanted him to stand. Then I pulled the panel from the front of his pants with my teeth and pulled out his partially erect sex with my tongue. Nothing, I repeat, nothing, makes a man feel powerful like a good blow job.

  Running my tongue along the underside of his hardening erection, he moaned low and deep in response, his fingers playing lightly against my hair. I knew he was thinking about how rough he’d
been and was trying to make up for it. I pushed my lips to the thick base, encasing him in my warm mouth. The swollen head hit the back of my throat and I held myself there, sucking hard.

  “Yes…” he whimpered. “God…” I bobbed my head, taking him in and out of my mouth in long lurid strokes as I hollowed out my cheeks, trying to draw away the vulnerability, the fear from my Master. He was so strong, so disciplined; I just needed to help him find that again. My fingers went between his legs, stroking softly. My sucking and stroking teased his climax from him, his entire body tensing as he filled my mouth with a deep moan. Trembling slightly, he stepped back and pulled me to my feet gently. I felt both his hands on my face just before his lips met mine. I knew that he could taste his own semen in my mouth, but I kissed him fervently. Desperately, my erection rubbed against his hip as his tongue penetrated my eager mouth. When he finally pulled away, he placed two chaste kisses on my closed lips and then rested his forehead against mine. “Thank you,” he whispered.

  Then he looked at me and I saw that mischievous glint back in his eye, so I smiled at him and laced my fingers behind my neck.

  “No,” he said with a wicked smirk. “Hold your hands in front of you.” As I complied, he went to the wall and got two lengths of rope – one long, the other short, using the short length, he bound my hands in front of me. He tied the other to that binding and led me over to one of the wide tables where he helped me up onto the table, onto widespread knees, and threw the long rope over one of the ceiling beams. When he pulled it down sharply, my bound hands were lifted above my head. Then, he tied the rope to the table leg, holding me there before climbing up on the table in front of me.

  “You look so hot like this, helpless for me,” he said as he ran his hand down my chest, over my painfully hard cock and between my legs. His hands went to my chest and I felt him trace my stiff nipples with this thumbs. Moaning, I closed my eyes while he leaned forward, kissing my neck and my shoulders. Then I felt his lips at my ear, “I want you to ride me, my Jayden. Would you like that?” I moaned and nodded. He was letting me set my own pace, not wanting me to be afraid that he would lose control and hurt me again.

  Then he turned around on the table and lay down. I gasped when his head fell between my spread legs and I felt his hot breath along my inner thigh, over my balls, making me shiver violently. Then, he took me into his mouth and I whimpered, grasping at the rope binding my hands above my head to gently move my hips. His lips slid lasciviously up and down my swollen cock until I was panting with need. I looked down and movement caught my eye; he was slowly stroking himself, making himself hard so that I could be impaled upon him. The thought made me all the more aroused.

  Sliding in and out of his hot mouth, I felt his fingers probing me, applying the lubricant. He fucked me gently with his fingers, moving them in time with his lips. Then, as he pulled back, letting me fall from his mouth, I felt him applying some lube to my pulsing erection as well. He was going to stroke me while I rode him. I felt his hands move swiftly to my hips, grabbing them gently as he got into position beneath me and pulling me down toward him. One hand left my hip to grasp his erection and guide it into me.

  “Lower yourself onto me – take it slow,” he said, as I felt the head of his cock nudge against me. I closed my eyes and used my leg muscles to spread myself wider and impale myself onto him. Sliding into me slowly, I relaxed, taking him in. Then, using the rope above my head and my legs, I lifted myself and sank down again. It felt so luridly decadent to ride him like this. Looking to his face, I saw him watching me with a soft, genuine smile on his face; he was enjoying my pleasure. His hands came up and he began to stroke me in a different rhythm to how my hips were moving. My head dropped back and I almost growled with the feeling of his hand on me. Then, his hips came up gently to meet mine. I slammed myself down onto him, it felt so fucking good.

  “Come for me, Jayden. Let yourself go, I want to feel it all over my chest.” He quickly stripped off his t-shirt as I moved my hips faster and he gripped my cock harder as he stroked me. I could think of nothing but the pulsing need. A low, keening whimper escaped my lips as I felt my orgasm start. It grew to a full blown wail as I exploded over his hands and chest.

  From his position below me, he thrust up into me as I hung from the rope binding my hands. He came just after I did. I could feel him filling me and see the expression of pure joy on his face as he did so. Letting his orgasm subside, he lay there for just a moment and then he slid from under me, rubbing my legs and then rubbing my arms and shoulders after he untied my arms. He leaned up and kissed my cheek gently. “Thank you for trusting me. That was beautiful, Jayden,” he murmured softly into my neck.

  I smiled…delighted that he was pleased with me.

  Chapter Ten

  Over the next few months, we fell back into our comfortable arrangement, even without Lexi. We had webcam sessions with her, but for all intents and purposes, she was gone and it wasn’t the same. Master Ethan and I became a Master and his sub rather than a Master and just one of his subs. Now that the responsibility was solely mine, I was more determined than ever to fulfill his needs. I would not let him find fault, or be disappointed in me. This afternoon, he had sent me a text message from work telling me that we weren’t having our normal Friday session tonight. I had been instantly dismayed, wondering if he had found some fault with me. So, with little to look forward to, I headed downstairs. I found him in the kitchen, trying to decide what to make for dinner, so I sat down at the table quietly and watched him in his fruitless search. Finally, he noticed me sitting there.

  “Good evening, Jayden.” I might have missed that his calm demeanor was a façade, but then I noticed that his hands were shaking.

  “Hello, Ethan,” I greeted, not knowing exactly what to say. Something was bothering him and I wanted to be there for him…I only hoped he would open up to me. After a few minutes of awkward silence in which Ethan stared blankly out the back door, I decided to go for broke. “Hey, I’m going to head out and get a beer and some pizza – want to join me?” He looked at me as if he’d never seen me before.

  “I think a beer would be a good idea,” he answered, rather absently. “Let me grab my jacket.” As he left to get his coat, I thought briefly about calling Lexi about his quiet behavior, but there was no reason to worry her without knowing what the problem was and I wanted to see if he’d talk to me first. Ethan and I hadn’t been out of the house together very often since I’d lived there, but when we did, he always drove. Tonight, he just ambled to my truck completely docile, without a hint of his usual confidence or arrogance and waited for me to unlock it.

  On the way to the restaurant, Ethan was silent, looking out the passenger window with a vacant expression. However, I noticed that he continually toyed with a button on his jacket, seemingly unaware of it. The breeze from his open window ruffled his hair, but his face was just…empty. I couldn’t begin to fathom what could be wrong. Pulling a bit out of his reverie when we reached our destination, he sat up straighter, composing his clothes and his expression, almost like he was trying to become a different person, but his eyes gave him away. They were wide and almost fearful as we approached the door. I gave the hostess a fifty-dollar bill to seat us in a back booth as I didn’t want him to have to be around too many people. Maybe, if we were isolated, he would open up to me.

  “Hi, can we get two shots of your top shelf tequila, two drafts and a large sausage and mushroom pizza?” I said to the server, looking to Ethan who nodded. I had decided to wait until he had some alcohol in him before initiating conversation. His eyes darted around the room, as if he was nervous while we waited for the server to return with our drinks. Finally, we had our shots and beers. Ethan didn’t seem like a shot and beer kind of guy, more like expensive wine and scotch, but he downed the shot and chased it with half of the beer.

  “What happened, Ethan?” I encouraged gently, not wanting to give him a chance to decline if I asked him if he wanted to talk abou
t it. Pushing him into it a little seemed to be the best course of action. There was something bothering him and it was obvious that he needed to work through it.

  Sighing, he looked around again, almost as if he were looking for a way out, then he looked at me. “I lost a patient.” Nodding, I waited and he looked down at the table, studying it before continuing. “Some kind of construction accident. He was pretty far out, but had they gotten him to me faster, I might have been able to save him.” He shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “But, I couldn’t.” His eyes met mine as he continued in a whisper. “The worst part was his wife. She looked just like Lexi and after I told her that he was gone, she screamed at me, begging me to help him. They have an infant son, and she just kept saying that he would need his daddy.” He shook his head in disbelief.

  “I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you,” I sympathized. Just then, the server came back with our pizza and we ate in silence. He had just opened up to me for the first time ever and I had no idea how to help him, all I really could do was to be there for him. The death at the hospital certainly wasn’t his fault and he seemed to recognize that fact; it was the notification that seemed to have really shaken him up.

  Once again, he was quiet in the truck on the drive home. I was sure his thoughts were occupied by the woman and her son; it can’t be an easy thing to tell someone that their loved one is gone. I felt a pang in my chest as I thought of Kimberly. What would I do if someone like Ethan had to tell me that Kimberly was dead? Or Lexi? Or…or Ethan? What would my reaction be? Anger? Screaming? Of course it wouldn’t be the doctor’s fault…some injuries, some illnesses, just weren’t fixable. I pulled into the drive and then we walked up to the house side by side. I stopped to let him through the door first. After I turned from closing the door, I looked up to see Ethan standing in the middle of the foyer looking at me. I didn’t speak, I just looked back.