The Bucket List

by Skyla Carter

  She'd cheated on him. Hell, he'd expected that from the beginning but just not so soon. He had known that eventually she would fall into Corey's bed. He'd known that he never stood a chance. She'd been in love with Corey from the start; he'd been stupid to let his guard down. He lived his life on pure emotion; he should have known there was no such thing as letting her in just a little bit. When he fell, he fell hard. Everyone knew that. Opening the door just a crack had forced a full scale invasion. She had left none of him untouched and he had let it happen.

  So could he really blame her for what she had done when he had known it was inevitable?

  A crash at the end of the hall caused him to look up and he saw the reason for his pain apologizing as he stepped over the cables and tools he had knocked down. Then he saw the completely lost look on the other man's face as he continued towards him, tears falling unchecked down his cheeks as he came to stand next to him. He looked like a completely broken.

  He knew then that she had finally told him.

  "Hey," he said.

  Corey looked up as if only realising there was someone standing next to him. He only managed a little nod of acknowledgement before dropping his eyes to the floor again.

  "I'm sorry about Rae."

  Corey looked up, a frown on his face.

  "You knew?" he asked.

  "She passed out on me the day we met," he explained. "She had no choice but to tell me."

  "Passed out?"

  "Yeah. She wouldn't let me get you, she wanted to find the right time to tell you herself."

  The other man's eyes dropped to the floor again. It was obviously hurting him too much to talk about it but he had one more thing he had to get off his chest.

  "About last night," he started, "I wanted to hate you so bad but I've had a bit of time to think about it."

  "What?" Corey frowned.

  "She told me what happened," he explained. "I know you're in love with her, Corey. I know you're what she needs right now. I won't stand in your way."

  "What the hell are you talking about, Nate?" Corey frowned again.

  Nate looked at the younger man and saw the utter confusion in his eyes. He probably wasn't thinking straight. It was understandable, considering what he was going through.

  The door opened and he decided to leave it as it was. His assuring Corey that he wouldn't come between them at this time wouldn't mean a damn thing.

  "Nate, you can come in now," Vince said as he opened the door wider. Then he noticed Corey standing there and his demeanor became sympathetic. "Corey... I spoke to Irving earlier. I assume you're here for the same reason?"

  Corey just nodded without even looking at him.

  "Take the rest of the week off, son. Call me over the weekend so we can come to some sort of formal arrangement," Vince said. "I'm really sorry, Corey."

  Corey just nodded again before whispering a small, "Thanks."

  He didn't even look up when he asked, "John, too?"

  "Yeah," Vince answered, even though he knew he was losing his three crowd pullers.

  Corey nodded again before walking away.

  Staring at his retreating back, neither Vince nor Nate had ever seen a more sorry sight.

  "She's your girlfriend, isn't she?" Vince asked Nate as he stood aside to let him in.

  "Was," he corrected sadly as he walked into the office.

  "Oh. Sorry to hear that. Anyway, I called you down here to discuss your match tonight, but that was before I heard what was going on. News like that about someone you're close to is bound to mess you up. I can't offer you time off, not with Irving, Corey and John out of the picture for a bit, but I do have your renewal contract for you to look over and sign."

  "I'll make you guys something to eat," she said when they walked into their house.

  "I couldn't eat anything right now," Corey said sadly, pulling her back into his arms. He hadn't really let go of her since they'd left his locker room. And John hadn't let go of her hand.

  John hadn't cried yet, not really, not like Corey. She could tell he was trying to be strong for her. After she'd told him the news, he'd let a few tears fall while he held her tightly in his arms. A quick glance at Corey had revealed that the news had released another uncontrollable dam of tears. Mandy had been at his side straight away.

  John hadn't said a word. Even when Corey had gone off to find Vince, he'd said nothing. He'd just held her. The only indication she'd had of how hurt he was, was how tight he'd held her, and the slight tremble she felt through his body as he tried to hold it all in. He would break down eventually, she knew that. But it was just like John to want to be strong for everyone first. Mandy had had no such problem. For that moment, something as small as sleeping with the man she was in love with wasn't important at all. She'd sat next to John and held them both, bawling her eyes out, hurting for her friends.

  "Me either," John agreed as he dropped the car keys on the table.

  "Okay. Beer and a movie in bed then?"

  They both nodded their heads and she freed herself from the protective arm around her.

  "You guys pick the movie, I'll be up in a minute with the beer," she told them.

  The truth was she just needed a bit of space. She'd had nothing but death on her mind that day and looking at her friends' faces was just breaking her heart. It would be a while before they got used to it, a while before she saw anything resembling a smile on their faces. It got her wishing she hadn't messed things up with Nate. At least then she would have had some sort of normality in her life, if you could call Nate normal.

  Her phone buzzed and for a second, she thought it was Nate. Maybe if they talked, really talked, he would overlook her little indiscretion and they could start over and this time just as friends. She needed him so badly, needed him to take her mind off everything.

  But it was a message from Irving, letting her know he would be with them for breakfast. They had agreed he would stay a few days. With the three of them walking around like they were already in mourning, she didn't know how she would get through that. That and the fact that she still had to face Corey's family...

  Nate would have helped her through that...

  On an impulse, she took her phone out again and quickly sent a simple text before her guts deserted her.

  I'm so sorry Nate. Please forgive me. Can we still be friends?

  Would he read between the lines and realise she needed him? She hoped so.

  "Rae?"

  She turned round to smile at Corey.

  "I've got the beer," she said as she picked the two six packs up.

  In her room, she knew the men didn't even know what the hell was going on in the movie. She lay between them, secured with Corey's arm round her shoulders and John's round her stomach. Her eyes were on the screen, but their eyes were on her. Every once in a while, one of them would run a finger down cheek or play with a lock of her hair in silence. And every once in a while they would both wipe the tears from their cheeks. None of them said a word.

  Wryly, she thought how they probably wouldn't mind the stuff they'd flushed down the toilet right about now.

  Her phone buzzed and she had to move John's hand a bit to get to it. A sad smile formed on her lips when she read the message.

  Yes, friends. You know where to find me if you ever need to talk.

  She should have known he would never have shut her out, just as he hadn't shut Beth out. He was a good man.

  ***

  She'd been up for hours, having escaped her bedroom the minute both Corey and John had fallen asleep, when Irving rang their doorbell. He looked like he hadn't slept all night either. He followed her silently to the kitchen where she offered him a strong cup of coffee before sitting across him at the table with her own.

  "How are the boys?" he asked softly.

  "Devastated. I don't know how they're going to get through this, Irving," she replied sadly.

  He put his hand over hers and squeezed it gently.

  "They wil
l. We all will," he assured her.

  She didn't know how far true that was. She knew if the shoe had been on the other foot, if she was losing one of them, she would never recover at all.

  After making some breakfast, she left Irving to go and wake the boys. Before she could go up the stairs, the doorbell rang.

  Who the hell would be visiting at six in the bloody morning? She would just have to tell them to come back another day. She and the boys had a lot of talking to do.

  "Alyssa!" she exclaimed when she opened the door. "Um... hi. Come in."

  The other woman looked like she'd battled with herself to bring herself to their door. Could this mean she stood a chance in earning this girl's forgiveness?

  "Um... how's Corey?"

  Obviously not. She'd only come to check on her friend.

  "He's still sleeping. I was about to go and wake them up for breakfast. Come and sit down," she said as she led her into the den.

  "I've got a pot of coffee on... ."

  "I'm fine... I'm not stopping long, I just... I wanted to see Corey before I catch the plane."

  Rae bit her lip and sat on the chair opposite.

  "Mandy... I'm really sorry," she started. "You and I... we clicked and I messed that up. I never meant to; you've got to believe me. I've been trying to deal with this by myself for weeks, then that night John made me feel so safe. He wouldn't have slept with me if I hadn't scared him so much. He's a good guy, Mandy. You know that. And with this out in the open now, he's going to need you so much. He hasn't even cried yet because he feels like he has to be strong for me. And knowing him, he'll probably feel too guilty to try and work things out with you, to try and find a little bit of happiness while I'm suffering. You need to let him know it's okay. It's okay to cry, okay to laugh and smile."

  "He hurt me, Rae. Both of you did," Alyssa whispered. "I'm hurting for you, I really am, but I don't know if I could forgive him."

  "He's in love with you, Mandy. What happened was entirely my fault. If you want to hate anyone, hate me. John needs you," she pleaded. "I need you. I know you think I'm being selfish and haven't thought about your feelings at all but I have. You love him, too. This wouldn't have hurt you so much if you didn't. Once you guys talk about this you'll find a way round it. That man upstairs... he's the sweetest, kindest man I know and he's my good friend. I can't... I can't deal with this knowing I've cost him his happiness."

  Irving chose that moment to walk in.

  "Hey, Alyssa," he smiled sadly when he saw her. "You're just in time for breakfast."

  Rae looked at the other girl, pleading with her to stay. She didn't even realise she'd been holding her breath until the brunette gave her a little nod.

  "Thanks," she whispered.

  "Come through to the kitchen, then," Irving said as he helped her up. "Rae was just going to wake the boys."

  She watched as the two left the room and hoped that John wouldn't be a dick and not talk to the girl. With a weary sigh, she got up so she could get the boys up and get on with the day. Which, at that moment, seemed like it would stretch forever.

  She shook John gently but he woke up with a start anyway, indicating he hadn't had a restful sleep.

  "Hey," she smiled at him. "Breakfast is ready."

  "You didn't have to do that," he said as he sat up and stretched. "I was going to do it while you put your feet up."

  "Yeah? Are you going to do that every single day?" she chuckled.

  "If I have to," he answered seriously.

  "Does that mean you won't even consider talking to Mandy?" she asked, the smile leaving her face.

  "I can't think about that now," he replied.

  She let out a sigh and took his friend's hand.

  "John, you're trying to be strong for me, I get that," she said, "but you need her. She'll help you get through this."

  John pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head as he got off the bed. He was dressed in just his shorts, and as he walked to look out the French doors to the back yard, she could see by his tense shoulders that he didn't even want to talk about it. Slowly she walked to stand behind him.

  "Don't feel guilty about falling in love right now, John," she whispered as she put her arms around his naked torso and kissed his back. "If you have a chance at any sort of happiness, take it. Live your life, John. Live it for me."

  She felt him shake and knew he was crying.

  "Don't..." he said hoarsely. "I can't think about that right now. I can't think about Mandy, not when I might be losing you."

  She held him tighter. No, now probably wasn't the best time for him to think about it. He was still in shock.

  "You don't have to speak to her about it today, but she's downstairs. She's come to see how you guys are doing. Don't shut her out," she told him softly as she gave him a final squeeze and walked back to the bed.

  Corey's eyes were open, trained on both her and John. She smiled down at him as she dropped herself down next to him.

  "Morning, gorgeous," she smiled down at him. "Ready for breakfast?"

  He shook his head and pulled her into his arms.

  "You need to eat something," she urged.

  "Lets go and see Dr. Harvey," he said instead. "I need to know everything. I need to know what we should do. I don't know much about this type of cancer but I know we need to move fast."

  Shit! Obviously, his shock was wearing off and he was starting to think straight again.

  "I'll... I'll make an appointment," she lied. "But come down and have a cup of coffee or something. Mandy and Irving are here."

  He looked down into her eyes when she mentioned that.

  "Have you spoken to her? You know... about the other night?" he asked, nodding in John's direction. "She'll understand, now that... you know... "

  "I spoke to her. I still have a long way to go before I earn her forgiveness, though," she sighed. "The question is do you forgive me? I really didn't mean to hurt anyone."

  He kissed the top of her head and squeezed her.

  "I understand your motivations. You're scared, you did what you had to do to try and keep this to yourself a bit longer," he murmured sadly.

  "That doesn't answer her question, though," John said as he turned from the doors to look into his friend's eyes.

  Rae didn't miss the slight coldness in Corey's eyes as he held John's gaze.

  "Rae knows I'd forgive her anything," he bit out.

  Rae closed her eyes for a second at his words. She was the cause of this rift between the good friends and she hated that. Corey would forgive her anything, but John... he had a long way to go. She couldn't say she understood why. If John understood what happened had only been a one off, why couldn't Corey let it go?

  When she thought about it, a lot of the things he had done the past weekend hadn't made sense. What was going on in his head?

  "Mandy and Irving are waiting," she said as she got off the bed. "I'm giving you five minutes before I throw your food in the bin."

  They'd have to sort this some other time.

  She felt like they were suffocating her. Every move she made someone was watching. Anything she tried to do she was told to sit down and put her feet up. Every time she turned a corner, someone was waiting to put their arms around her. They meant no harm, they were hurting, she knew that. But it was like she was already dead. With their long faces and hardly a word spoken between them, she saw death everywhere.

  And even though there was so much tension between them, so much bad blood over the events of the weekend, none of them said a word out of place. They were all pussy footing around her and each other. John hadn't spoken to Mandy yet except for a few polite words here and there. And even if he'd wanted to, Mandy had hardly left Corey's side. Since Corey hadn't left her side, that meant the two of them had been in her shadow all day. Irving had used his nervous energy more productively, making them food every now and then and tidying up after them, but there was only so much food one could eat, and only so much dust on
e could polish off.

  The last straw came when they were sitting in the game room listening to some music. She'd chosen to sit on the floor right by the stereo just so none of them would sit by her. She wasn't being nasty, she'd just wanted a bit of space. Only it had worked out that she'd then had to sit facing them.

  And her music choice didn't help. She'd found a collection that John had bought called Midnight Soul of various old school artists and thought it would be cool to listen to some classic make-out music. But it hadn't worked out like that.

  Like when Kelly Price sang,

  She was a friend of mine, she left with my man

  She lied, cheated, took all I had.

  She was a friend of mine; she used what she knew,

  She lied, cheated, and left me confused.

  Her eyes had immediately flown to Mandy's and she'd realised the lyrics hadn't gone unnoticed by the brunette. She'd seen the flash of pain as the girl looked down and realised she had done more damage than she'd originally thought. Would Mandy ever get over this? Even with her gone, would she use this to keep herself from the man she loved and who loved her? Because John did love her, she knew that for a fact. The way he acted around Mandy was different from the way he'd acted around all those other girls he'd claimed to love in the past.

  She'd changed the song over quickly only to hear Az Yet's panty wetting harmony.

  She'd caught John's eyes then, and for a moment remembered Corey's revelation. Did John really have a thing for her? Was that why that night had been so beautiful? Well, beautiful till it had been interrupted. She had not thought about it at all because the terrible repercussions, but the moments she'd spent in John's arms had surprisingly been almost like being with Nate. There had been a deep connection. It could have been because they were such good friends. Surely, Corey was wrong. Wasn't he? She'd frowned a little bit as she continued to hold John's gaze, trying to work it out. Then he'd looked away and she'd almost gasped as the truth hit her. It was true...

  She'd looked over at Corey and realised he hadn't missed the look that passed between them. When she'd noticed his jaw clenching, she'd quickly changed the music again.