The Bucket List

by Skyla Carter

  Judging from the intense anger coming from the younger man, he guessed she hadn't got around to talking to him yet, either. Did he even realise that the only reason he was so angry was because he was in love with Rae?

  "Corey... I'm sorry," he started when he finally stood next to him.

  "It's not me you should be apologizing to," Corey snapped without even looking at him.

  He could smell the alcohol on him a mile away. It didn't take a genius to figure out what he had been doing all night.

  "I know. I'm going to find Mandy after the show. She's been ignoring my calls."

  "Can you blame her? She was crying all night because of you. You're a lot of things John, but I never took you for stupid."

  "I'm sorry," he repeated. "I honestly can't tell you why it happened. I was so angry with her one minute, then the next minute... .."

  "At this moment in time, I couldn't give a flying fuck. Save your talking for Mandy. We have a match on."

  Corey's music started playing then, and as John looked on the monitor next to him, he knew that cold, evil look that the Legend Killer wore as he walked down that isle was no joke. It was meant for him. Something told him this match was going to hurt. A lot.

  Rae watched Corey and John's match backstage. She knew she looked like shit; her hair was in an untidy mess on top of her head, she wore no make up and her eyes were red and puffy from crying. But she was sure that was not what the fighters in the room with her were snickering about. Obviously, the people who'd been at her party had gossiped like little bitches. She wasn't bothered about that then. She was more worried about the task ahead of her. And still thinking about the broken men she had left at the hotel.

  Irving had begged her not to leave him. He'd broken her heart over and over again that afternoon. She'd always seen him as a man who could take whatever crap life threw at him but that afternoon her statement had brought the big man to his knees. She'd seen a grown man cry. Even as he'd held her and told her that they were going to get through this, she had seen the tears he had tried to hold back. She had seen the fear in his eyes. That was when it had all finally hit home. She was really going to die.

  She had spent the afternoon in the arms of the man she had come to love very much over time. She realised as well that, that wasn't because of the past few days. Over the years, she had got used to him watching her back. For ten years, he had been there for her, just as he'd said he would, even if he'd only been in the background. She'd just been too stubborn to let go of her anger and let him in. And now it had taken this tragedy to make her admit she had loved him all along.

  She'd had to make up a few lies about the treatment, something she had read on the net before she had gone to the hotel. She'd told him that in a week her results from the tests would be back and the doctors would have decided on the best treatment for her. She'd also lied that they had said she would most likely go in for both chemo and radiation treatment so the tumor would shrink enough to allow surgery. She'd felt like a bag of shit for lying, but what other choice had she had? How could she have told him that she had already given up on the fight before it had even started?

  He hadn't wanted her to leave his sight. She knew his instincts were to protect his little girl, but they both knew he could not protect her from this. Understandably, he had let Vince know he would not be making an appearance at the arena that night and the next few. He'd even tried to get the next few months off so he could see her through her treatment but she had talked him out of it, told him to take each day as it came. And she was sure she would have to talk Corey and John out of it as well.

  Things would change from now on, there was no avoiding that. That was the reason she had wanted to wait as long as she could. The laughter wouldn't come so easy once they all knew and they would all walk around like she was already dead. She hadn't wanted that.

  "Hey."

  The voice of the man standing next to her brought her out of her reverie.

  "Hey, Dave," she sighed.

  She was too tired to fight him.

  "You all right?"

  "I could ask you the same thing," she said as she took in his face. He had a black eye, a bruised nose and a cut lip. "What happened to you?"

  "Nothing," he answered quickly before turning his attention back to the screen. "Whoa! That is one angry young man."

  She had noticed that Corey seemed to be fighting a lot harder than was necessary. She knew why just as John did.

  "Yeah," she sighed.

  "Anything to do with why you're standing here looking like someone just died?" he asked. "What's happened, Rae?"

  She let out a little laugh at his choice of words. Then from nowhere, they speared her right in the heart, reminded her yet again that this was the beginning of the end.

  "I... I'm going to wait by the Gorilla for the match to finish," she said as she looked the Animal in the eye. "You're a good guy, Dave. I'm sorry about how things turned out between us. I'll see you around."

  She put the hood of her baby doll jacket up and stuffed her hands into the pockets of her baggy hipster jeans before she slowly started to make her way down. Her head was down so she couldn't see anyone's faces. And most importantly, they couldn't see her tears. But it also meant she couldn't see where she was going. Halfway to her destination she bumped into a hard wall.

  "Hey, watch where you're... Rae?"

  She only looked up long enough to see who she'd bumped into, but he had already seen her tears.

  "Sorry," she muttered before walking around him

  "Rae, wait. Are you all right?"

  "Yeah," she said, even though that was obviously a lie.

  "It's Nate, isn't it," Matt asked. "He told me you broke up with him."

  "You got what you wanted, Matt," she stated miserably before turning to walk away.

  "I thought it was what I wanted. But he's more miserable now than I've ever seen him," Matt said as he fell into step with her. "I thought if I got Beth here he'd realise he was still in love with her, but I was wrong. I shouldn't have interfered and I'm sorry. Please talk to him, Rae. Don't break up with him over this. He's really cut up about it."

  Obviously, Nate hadn't told him the whole story. But why? Was he trying to protect her already shot-to-shit reputation? Or had he been trying to protect himself?

  "I can't deal with this right now."

  "This is obviously hurting you, too. Please talk to him, Rae."

  Boy, did he have the wrong end of the stick! Nate didn't want her anywhere near him.

  "Okay. I'll talk to him later," she lied. "I just have to do a couple of things."

  "Thanks, Rae. He's a good guy. Please don't break his heart."

  A bit too late for that. But she nodded anyway just to satisfy him before he walked off. She would eventually have to talk to Nate, but not to make up with him. She had to let him know how much she appreciated what he had done for her.

  She got to the position just as Burn In My light started blaring from the speakers signaling the winner of the match. She had to fight the urge to just run again. It wouldn't do her any good, not this time.

  When Corey angrily burst through, he stopped in his tracks when he noticed her. For once in her life she couldn't understand what was going through his mind. Besides the anger, she couldn't make anything out in his eyes at all.

  "Hi," she started weakly.

  "Hi," he replied before he started walking again and shot right past her.

  She had to almost run to keep up with his huge strides.

  "You can't avoid me forever," she pointed out.

  "No, but I can try my best," he muttered.

  "Corey, I'm sorry about last night, okay? I know you told me to stay away from your friends, I know I hurt Mandy, I didn't mean for that to happen. It's just been a really weird weekend," she said as she followed him down the hallways.

  When she got no answer, she tried a different angle.

  "I'm sorry I got high. I was just feeling a bit sorry
for myself. Nate was running off to be with Beth, you were acting all weird and John was busy with Mandy. And I'm sorry I took your car. I'm sorry I ignored your calls. I'm sorry, okay?"

  "We can't do this right now. I need a shower, then I'm going to get Mandy out of here. She needs me."

  She rushed ahead of him so she could block his path, forcing him to stop and look at her.

  "What about me, Randall? I need you, too," she said in a small, pathetic, broken voice.

  He must have seen the desperate look in her eyes or noticed the tear streaks on her cheeks because he let out a weary sigh before he took her arm and half pulled half dragged her the rest of the way to his locker room.

  "I don't know what's going on with you, Rae," he started as soon as he had closed the door. "And every time I ask you, all you do is pile on the crap. All the lying, all the avoiding my questions, the getting high, the stash you had in your room... And the shit you pulled last night... Do you even understand what you've done? You've cost me two friends."

  "It's not that bad... ."

  "Yes it is," he argued. "You slept with John. The guy's been crazy about you for years. And he doesn't do one night stands. You think you can just fuck him and wake up the next day like nothing's happened? He's going to want a relationship and you're only going to fuck that up, just like you fucked Nate over by sleeping with John. Did you even think of Nate last night? What happened to all your relationship bullcrap?"

  "I've already talked to Nate. I told him," she sighed. "And John's not crazy about me."

  "Of course he is, only you're too self absorbed to notice that. Whatever you decide to do about him will break his heart one way or another. Then I'll be forced to choose, and stupid old me, I always choose you, don't I? That's one good friend gone. Then there's Mandy. She's talking to me now, but how long do you think it will be until she wants to distance herself from all of this bullshit? Friend number two, gone."

  "I'll talk to her..."

  "Trust me, I don't think she wants to see you right now," he muttered as he pulled his clothes out of his bag.

  She sighed as she dropped herself into a chair.

  "I'm sorry, Corey. I've done a lot of stupid things before but this weekend... I never meant to hurt anyone."

  "You never do."

  "You're one to talk. You and I were cut from the same piece, Corey."

  "Yeah, but I'd never hurt my friends the way you have done."

  "If you just let me explain," she started. "The things I did... all I managed to do was push you away and I can't stand that. Please don't shut me out."

  "I'm not shutting you out," Corey sighed. "I'm pissed off, I just need some time to think. I can't understand why you would hide things from me when I'm your best friend."

  "I was just trying to protect you."

  "From what?"

  She let out a shaky breath. This was it, the moment her friend's life turned upside down.

  "Remember when mum got sick? Remember how, when she told us, it was like the whole world just crumbled at our feet? I felt guilty if I so much as smiled at anything, I felt guilty for living," she started. "And then I had to watch her waste away for three years. A lot of times, I used to wish she'd never told me, that she'd let me just wallow in my ignorance for a little while longer. Everyday, with every useless drug she took and every useless chemo session, I died a little bit, too."

  She saw the confusion in his eyes, mixed in with a bit of fear as he turned from his clothes to face her. Poor Corey.

  "I don't understand... What does this have to do with your mum?"

  A tear escaped as she held his eyes. He was about to die a little bit, too.

  "I've got cancer, Corey."

  Corey clutched his chest as his heart felt like it was being diced and ripped out of his chest. His other hand shot out to grab the back of the chair for support so he wouldn't crumple to a heap on the floor. Her revelation had sapped the strength out of his body, rendering his limbs useless. Everything he had been feeling before... anger, frustration, the unwanted desire to nail his best friend... It all disappeared when he heard that one little word. Cancer.

  Cancer? His Rae? She was his whole reason for living, his yin to her yang. He couldn't be Corey without Rae. Now he had to face the prospect of a whole lifetime without her? Twice he'd had to watch people close to him fight the disease, Greg and Rebecca, and twice the disease had won. How could fate throw this at them a third time? Where would they get the strength to fight it again? And why Rae? Hadn't she had enough heartache in her lifetime?

  He slid down to the floor, his hand still over his heart as his emotional turmoil became a physical pain.

  "That's what I was trying to protect you from," she whispered as she came to kneel by him.

  "Cancer?" he asked in a hoarse whisper, just in case he had heard her wrong.

  "Brain tumor," she answered.

  His breath caught in his lungs as tears streamed silently down his cheeks. His whole world had just come crashing down at his feet.

  "How... when...?" he stammered.

  "I found out three weeks ago. I just couldn't bring myself to tell you," she explained softly. "I wanted to, so bad. I couldn't handle it by myself. That's why I did all the stupid things I did over the weekend. I just wanted as many happy memories with you as possible to take with me."

  He pulled her into his lap and held her in a tight embrace at her words.

  "Don't say that. I'm not going to lose you. You're not going anywhere," he said through her curtain of hair. "I can't lose you."

  She lifted his head up and met his teary eyes with her own.

  "Listen to me, baby," she started, her voice below a whisper. "We got dealt a really shitty hand, there's nothing we can do. You need to prepare yourself for the worst."

  "No..." he said, his voice broken as he held her eyes.

  "We have no choice," she whispered back.

  "No," he said again, this time strongly. "We're going to beat this. We'll get the best doctors... the best drugs... I'm not going to lose you, Rae. I can't... "

  He buried his face in her hair in another hard embrace, completely missing the guilty look on her face at his words. No, she couldn't die on him. He would have nothing left to live for.

  ***

  Rae watched Corey from across the room as he stared blindly ahead of him. She'd had to literally drag him to the shower and leave him under the hot spray for a bit before pulling him out again. He had just stood there and cried. It had been heartbreaking. In all the time they had been friends, he had always been the strong one. Even as a child, he'd been the one to hold her hand through her numerous injuries, the one who'd beat her bullies up for her, the one who never cried. He'd always been her rock. Now he looked so lost.

  He was dressed now and was sitting on one of the chairs while she paced the room, brushing away her own tears. Poor man. It would take him a while to get his head around what she had told him; then she knew the questions would come. She would have to put on the best performance of her life.

  "I'm going to talk to Vince. I'm taking some time off," he stated lowly.

  She didn't try to dissuade him. It was probably for the best, just until he'd had time to digest it. He wouldn't have listened to her anyway if she'd told him he needed to work to keep his mind occupied.

  There was a tentative knock on the door and she knew straight away who it was.

  "It's open, John," she called out.

  She had called him to come to Corey's locker room and sent Mandy a text from Corey's phone. She knew she wouldn't come otherwise.

  "Hey," she smiled weakly when John poked his head around. "Come in."

  She saw the way he looked over at Corey as he walked into the room.

  "Rae?" he questioned, coming to stand in front of her. "What's going on?"

  She took his hand and led him to the unoccupied chair.

  "You need to sit down for this," she said.

  As he sat, he looked from her to Corey t
hen back again and she saw the wheels turning in his head. He more than anyone had seen her distress; she knew that was the reason he had given in the night before.

  "Last night," she started as she sat next to him, his hand still in hers, "I tried to tell you something but I chickened out, and in doing so cost you your relationship with that incredible girl."

  She nodded her head in the direction of the door, where Alyssa had entered unannounced.

  "Don't go," she begged the brunette when she noticed she was about to leave again. "Please."

  "Please," Corey repeated in a hoarse whisper.

  Alyssa turned back round at the sound of her friend's voice, a frown on her face as she finally noticed his pain.

  "I never meant to hurt you, Alyssa," she said sincerely. "I was just so desperate that nothing else mattered except hiding the truth. I would have done anything not to have to tell any of you what I'm about to say now."

  "What?" John asked, gripping her hand as if he'd already figured it out but was afraid to say it.

  She lifted his hand to her lips, holding his eyes as tears started streaming down her face again.

  "I'm dying, John."

  Nate stood outside Vince's office, his hands in his pockets as he leaned against the wall next to the door. He'd been summoned. He didn't know what it was about but he guessed someone had told Vince what had happened at the party and everyone probably thought he had something to do with it. Maybe someone was trying to get him kicked out and thought this was as good a time as any to have him tested. Stupid pricks. He'd been clean for a while now; they wouldn't get rid of him that easily.

  Or maybe it was because he'd been completely shit in his match that night. His head hadn't been in it at all. How was it that everyone expected one hundred percent all the time, even when his heart was breaking? He wasn't a freaking machine! The entire match, Rae's words had replayed in his head.