The Bucket List

by Skyla Carter

  And for good measure, he made sure that damn duke box never played another song again.

  Then when he was done, he calmly walked over to the bar and sorted through the broken glass, uncaring when he cut himself, for an undamaged bottle of whiskey.

  It was here that John found him, followed closely by Irving, Mandy and Sara. They were all in their bed clothes.

  For a full minute, no one said anything as they slowly walked further into the room, pushing broken glass and furniture away with their slipper clad feet, surveying the damage, both the room and the man.

  "Corey?" John questioned finally.

  Blood was gushing from his hand onto his clothes but he didn't give a shit. He couldn't.

  "Hey John," he smiled, as if this was the most normal thing in the world.

  "What you doing?"

  "Oh... I just thought the place was missing something," he shrugged.

  He said no more to explain himself, instead taking another straight swig of the drink.

  "I thought you were going to the hospital?" Irving asked.

  "Yeah... um... about that," he said as he got up. "I might not make it to the hospital tomorrow... today. Geez, time flies when you're having fun, doesn't it?"

  "Corey, what happened?" Irving asked with a worried frown.

  "I've made a decision," Corey smiled.

  "What?" Mandy asked with trepidation.

  "I'm moving away. I'm moving far, far away."

  Corey's absence was painfully obvious when they all came in to wish her well the next morning. She let out a sigh. He'd been pretending all along, she got that, but how could he not be there for her, this day of all days?

  "He had too much to drink. I couldn't wake him up at all," John said without looking into her eyes.

  Bullshit! She could smell that a mile away and John knew it.

  She gripped Nate's hand tighter to stop herself from crying.

  "Haven't you done enough already, Nate?" John said through grit teeth when he noticed it.

  "Not nearly," Nate answered easily, not even flinching when John's cold gaze narrowed on him angrily.

  "John," Irving warned, forcing John to break his gaze.

  She pointedly gripped Nate's hand tighter, daring John to say something else about it. After her surgery, it would be a while till she saw Nate again, so the only way she was letting anyone take him from her side now that Corey wasn't coming was if they physically prized his hand away from her cold, lifeless fingers.

  Corey should have been there. He should have put his feelings aside and just been there for her like he promised. The fact still remained that she was having brain surgery. It was less invasive, sure, but there were still so many things that could go wrong. Like the fact that she could be a vegetable when they finally wheeled her out of that operating theatre. He should have been there. He should have just pretended.

  "So Alyssa," she said, trying to deflect her thoughts from Corey. "You finished designing that dress for me? I'm going to need to look hot when I go out for the first time after this, you know, to maintain my rep and all."

  Mandy smiled as she took her hand. It was the first friendly gesture the girl had made to her since she'd slept with her man.

  "Yes, it's all done. And I've designed a few more for you, I'll show them to you after your surgery," Mandy answered.

  "The girl is very talented," Sara put in. "I've made her design something for me as well."

  "Yeah, she's a very clever girl," she agreed with a smile.

  "Thanks," Mandy said with a faint blush.

  "Are you all right?" she asked her.

  She knew Mandy would know what she was really asking. Was she all right with John now? Was she all right with her?

  "Yeah," the girl answered, her smile widening.

  "John, why don't you try Corey's phone again. They'll be prepping her soon," Irving suggested softly.

  She didn't miss the look that passed between the two men before John let himself out of the room. Something was happening that they didn't want her to know. But she already knew what it was. Corey wasn't hangover. He wasn't coming at all.

  "So when are the kids coming down to keep me company?" she asked Sara, desperate to keep the depressing thoughts at bay.

  "In a few days, after you've rested," Sara answered.

  "I've been resting all week," she grumbled.

  "If you give us any lip again, I'll make it a whole month before I let you out of bed," Irving teased as he walked to stand next to Mandy.

  "I bet you'll do that anyway," she smiled.

  His hand covered both hers and Mandy where they were still entwined and his smile disappeared to be replaced by his serious face.

  "You'll be all right, you know, baby," he said. "In a couple of weeks, I'm officially on vacation, we can go wherever you want for a little vacation."

  "I know I'll be all right," she lied with a smile.

  "You will be," Nate said firmly next to her.

  Obviously, he saw through her completely, he saw her fears. Corey would have been able to see them too. Corey would have read her mind, known exactly how she was feeling without her having to say anything.

  The door opened; Dr. Harvey and the other doctor who'd broke the news to her walked in. John still hadn't returned with word on Corey, but she pushed the thought out of her mind. She had to let Corey go, let him be free. It was time.

  "Get your ass here, now," John hissed through the phone. "If you bail on her now, you'll only have yourself to blame if she never forgives you."

  "I said I'm not coming, John. She has you guys, she'll be fine."

  "They're taking her in, in the next half hour. Don't do this. You know what the risks are as well as I do. When she wakes up, she might not be the same Rae we know."

  "Is Nate still there? Coz I can't guarantee his safety if he is."

  "Nate is only here because you're being a dick! If you stop what you're doing and get here before she goes in, you can tell her how you really feel and stop this madness."

  A chuckle sounded over the phone amid a lot of cluttering while Corey packed some of his stuff away.

  "So, I'm only taking the things I need," Corey said as if he hadn't spoken. "I'll get the rest another time. My family there yet?"

  "No," John sighed. "You're making the biggest mistake of your life, Corey. Don't throw your relationship away without the full story."

  "She had her fucking tongue down Nate's throat! I think I got the gist of the story, thanks."

  Sighing again, he saw the doctors walk into Rae's room.

  "Half hour Corey. Be here. Please."

  Then he hung up. There was nothing else he could do.

  She was clutching Nate's hand in one hand and Irving's in another as they wheeled her down the long corridors that led to the OR. And she was trying her best not to cry. He was supposed to be there.

  "I hope you all know that as soon as I get out of there, I expect a fucking good meal at my table. They haven't let me eat anything since yesterday," she said, trying to lighten the mood.

  In the past half hour or so, there seemed to be a million other people that had turned up to wish her well. Matt had come to stand by his brother, Dave had come with him. The Steeles, minus Corey, Tammy. Glen had even come to offer his good friend his support. It kinda put to rest her theory that there would have been only three people at her funeral, had she carried out her silly plan.

  "Tammy, you signed all the necessary papers, right? Will you be okay?"

  "Don't worry about any of that now," Tammy answered. "We'll talk when you come out."

  But she needed to say it all. Who was to say if she'd wake up again after the surgery?

  "Dad, Mr. Chuckles is still in my room. Keep him safe," she said, just in case they were the last instructions she got to give.

  "He'll be in good hands," Irving smiled, looking down at her. "He'll be the first thing you see when you wake up, baby."

  "Right, only staff allowed through these
doors," one of the men pushing her said when they were finally in front of it.

  "Wait!" she called out in a panic. "John?"

  He was by her side in an instant.

  "Why isn't he here?" she whispered. "Why isn't he here like he promised he would?"

  She needed to know. Had she meant that little to him, even as a friend?

  John was about to answer, to lie, but he paused when he caught something at the end of the hall.

  "He is," he answered.

  And sure enough, a few moments later, a very dishevelled but sober Corey appeared right next to her. Everyone else moved back a little to allow him as much privacy as they could give in the crowded hallway.

  "I'm sorry," he whispered.

  "No, I am," she said quickly.

  After all, if she had never given into her heart, they wouldn't be in the situation they were in now. There would have been none of the lies, the heartache.

  "You're going to make it through this," he whispered.

  "I'm sorry sir, but we really have to get her to the OR, now," someone interrupted.

  He let out a frustrated sigh, like he had so much more he wanted to tell her, but they started wheeling her in again.

  On an impulse, he leaned over and kissed her. Hard. It felt almost like a branding, and for once since the whole nightmare started a week ago, she had real hope that she hadn't imagined things.

  "Goodbye, baby," he called out sadly.

  The second the doors closed and his baby was wheeled away to duel with her fate, Corey turned his eyes on the group of people behind him until he met the eyes of the man he'd been looking for.

  He had no right to feel this angry over what Nate had done, after all, Rae had been Nate's girl before she'd been his. But he still wanted to murder the guy. He'd had it all, he'd had her... but that freak had snatched it out of his hands.

  He continued to stare down the man, imagining all sorts of methods he could use to torture him. In his mind, he'd already killed him a million different ways. This man had what he wanted, what he needed. This man had what he could never have.

  "Corey, calm down," he heard John warn as he came to stand next to him.

  Calm down? He was calm. He wasn't going to touch him, no matter how much he wanted to. Nate was the man Rae had chosen. She would hate him if he did anything to hurt Nate, and he really didn't want that.

  But that wouldn't stop him from seeing all the blood on his hands from cutting Nate up into a million pieces in his head.

  "Nate, maybe you should go for a little bit," Matt suggested to his brother.

  "Rae needs me," the freak answered.

  At Nate's words, he started imaging using The Beast's sledgehammer to bash his little head in until his skull cracked then smashed into a million pieces. That brought a little smile to his lips. God, the things he wanted to do to this man...

  "I'm going to have to ask all of you to move to the waiting area," someone said from the side, but his eyes never moved from Nate's.

  "Let's get your hand looked at, Corey. You cut it pretty bad last night," John said.

  Had he? He couldn't remember. He felt no pain from it, the only pain he felt was the growing hole in his chest.

  He roughly shrugged John's hand from his shoulder. He was partly to blame for the way he was feeling; him and Irving with their stupid talk about how anyone could see how much Rae loved him. Well, they needed their eyes checked! Stupid bastards.

  "Lets go sit down, Corey. When Rae gets out, you can sort all of this out," Mandy suggested, moving forward to take his good hand.

  When Rae got out, he didn't plan to be here. Why should he be? To watch Nate at her side telling her how he'd never leave her? To watch Nate promise her a future that should have been his and hers? He couldn't do it.

  He stepped closer to Nate, his head cocking to the side as he wondered what the hell Rae had seen in the prick in the first place.

  Nate didn't flinch, even when he brought his face only inches from his.

  "Corey," Irving growled in warning as he pushed him away.

  God, why were they all on the freak's side? He'd stolen from him. He'd messed with his entire existence.

  "Mum?" he said, even though his eyes were still on Nate's.

  "Yes, dear. I'm here."

  He heard his mother's soothing voice from his side and it was enough to pull him away momentarily from the torture going on in his head.

  "Will you make me some of you cookies?" he asked.

  Those always did the trick. She would bake for him, cook for him and take care of him. She would make the pain go away. It was her job

  He missed the confused looks that passed across everyone's faces at this, but it didn't matter. They would never understand his pain.

  "Sure, sweetheart," his mum smiled.

  He smiled back. Why couldn't every woman be more like his mother? That woman was an angel.

  "You'll make sure she's okay, too, won't you?" he asked seriously as she started to lead him away.

  "She'll be fine, sweetheart."

  He was glad she didn't suggest that he could visit her as soon as she came out.

  "Corey? You'll be fine, too," Mandy said softly.

  He smiled at Mandy and prayed she was right. Because he could see absolutely no way out of the hell he had created for himself.

  "I'll be at my mum's," he said to her. "You can send my stuff there."

  "You're still moving?" John questioned.

  "Of course," he said with a frown.

  He'd come here and done what he needed to do. He'd apologised for holding her back, for keeping her away from the man she loved. Now it was time to move on.

  Chapter Sixteen

  "Ethan, could you go post this for me today? It's kinda urgent," Corey said as he dropped an envelope on his brother's lap then walked out of the den to the kitchen.

  "I'm going to leave your dinner in the fridge tonight, sweetheart," his mother said as he got a beer from the fridge. "Irving and Sara invited us out for a few drinks and a meal to get Rae out of the house... "

  Her voice trailed off when she realised what she'd just said. Besides knowing if she was really okay after the surgery, he hadn't even wanted Rae's name spoken in the house.

  His jaw clenched a little but he let out a little smile for his mother's benefit.

  "It's okay, mum," he lied. "I'm sure I can survive without you for one night."

  It wasn't as if every meal she had placed in front of him so far hadn't been wasted, anyway.

  He didn't let his mother say anything else as he turned and made his way out back to the swing chair.

  A month. A whole month of torture.

  Rae had been home a whole month and he'd had to force himself not to walk from his parent's gate to hers. It was killing him. He couldn't do it anymore. Just another week and he'd be free from all this. It would be a hell of a way easier to fight temptation when he was half way around the world. He'd found a little place somewhere in the middle of nowhere, his agent was in the process of finalizing the deal. As soon as the old owners moved, it would be ready for him to move into straight away. He was just counting the hours now.

  He lit a smoke and drew heavily on it as he thought again how shitty his life had gone the past few weeks. From the terrifying thought of losing Rae to cancer to actually living the nightmare of losing her to another man. He was torn inside, broken. And there was no way to put himself together again. He wasn't stupid, he knew that once he moved he would still feel the way he was feeling; but he needed to get as far away from Rae as possible.

  He would die a miserable shit, but it didn't matter because she was happy with Nate.

  "What's this?" Ethan asked as he walked out to join him.

  "A letter," he answered, pointing out the obvious.

  "Don't be a smart-ass, I can see it's a letter. But it's addressed to Vince," Ethan said as he sat down next to him.

  "It's my resignation."

  "What?! Why?"


  "I can't work for him anymore," he answered, pulling on his smoke again.

  "Because of Rae? God, Corey! This shit has gone on long enough. All you've been doing is walking around here like a fucking zombie, drinking yourself to sleep every night and being a fucking pain every time someone mentions Rae's name," Ethan snapped. "Just go over there and talk to her already."

  "I can't."

  "Because she chose Nate over you, yada yada," Ethan mocked. "Yes, you've told us this a million times. But I've been to see Rae, and___"

  "I don't want to know," he cut in.

  "___ and she's miserable, too," Ethan continued, ignoring him.

  "Of course she's miserable. I've ended a friendship older than dirt, that's bound to affect her. But she'll get over it."

  Ethan sighed as he sat back in the chair, obviously frustrated with trying to knock the same thing into him over and over again. It probably didn't help that he'd been drinking from the minute he'd got up.

  "You could end all this by just talking to her," Ethan tried again.

  At this, he turned to look at his brother and sighed.

  "You don't get it, do you?" he started. "I love her. I love her that much that every minute I'm up, and even when I'm asleep, I'm thinking of her, dreaming of her. Every minute I'm sitting here and not down the road with her, my insides are twisting up; my breath is coming slow and painful, and my heart feels like it stopped beating. I'm craving her. Every ounce of me is aching; screaming at me, begging me to just go over there and hold her, kiss her, touch her one last time. I see her everywhere, I feel her everywhere and on those rare occasions when I get to sleep, I dream of her and can even taste her. I can't breathe without her, I can't eat without her, I can't do anything. I'm hurting."

  "So talk to her."

  "She threw me away. She chose Nate," he sighed. "I told her how I feel and she went with it because she thought she was dying. But now she knows she's not, she's not going to waste her time with me."

  Ethan sighed again before he muttered something about smashing his head in with a shovel under his breath as got up.

  "Okay, so move out already. Stop making everyone else miserable with your bullshit. Rae is just there, just down the road. If you think Nate stole her, then fight for her, you dickhead. If you don't, if you just sit there and feel sorry for yourself, you don't deserve her at all."