sommer marsden learning to drown-CALIBRE

by Sommer Marsden

  Nine and ten took an eternity as Lucas cooed in my ear, words I couldn't quite make out at that point in my pain. It was hot and red and held me tight until it stopped. A vacuum of relief and then the substantial agony of the force of my pulse under my skin. I hung my head, rested my forehead against the bonds on my wrist.

  "I think she's learned her lesson. Come on back, Matthew."

  He had given Matthew reprieve--a break--I realized. Now he would have more stamina. There was less chance he would come without permission. Even in my pain I could see the protective nature of Lucas when it came to his brother. But then I could see it in relation to me, as well. In an odd way, granted. But it was there.

  Matthew shoved his hands in my hair and raised my head. He pushed his still-hard dick to my lips, tracing the split of my mouth before inching into me. His dark eyes were drunken and intense. His hip muscles flexed and I watched the play of light on them as I felt Lucas thrust into me again. His fingers slid over the tender welts and I moaned. My eyes rolled back and my body tightened around him. I wanted to come but I would wait.

  Lucas pushed his finger into my wetness. I could feel him swirling the tip around and around on the slippery sex painted skin. Whorls and lines and symbols. He painted me and it was magic. Then his finger, pushed, pinched, inched into my back door. My body protested with a bite of pain but I arched my back, pushing against him. Cock and finger. The pain made the goodness that much better. And after a moment the pain evaporated, leaving him stroking into my cunt with his cock and my ass with his finger. The friction of finger against dick through that very thin membrane was crazy. I wept more.

  "Luke?" Matthew didn't say anything else. That was it. But I could tell by the way he held my face, his thumbs sweeping arcs along my jaw, and the way his eyes were squinched tight that he was there again. That line in the sand, that precipice, that point of being almost done.

  Lucas stopped inside of me, rolling his hips so that his cock pushed all the perfect pleasure points in my cunt. I sobbed again, licking frantically at Matthew in hopes it would distract me. Lucas was cruel, he fucked in and out and in and out with is finger so that my G-spot was nudged and battered from both sides.

  I sucked harder and Matthew groaned.

  "Okay, everyone. You may come," Lucas said softly and pounded into me, hard and frantic. No more control, he surrendered to his orgasm.

  Matthew came in a slick rush of salty come and I swallowed eagerly, wanting him to feel good. Wanting him to feel pleasure, though a large part of me did not like him. I did want him, and there was a difference.

  Lucas's fingers brushed the bruised and in some places broken skin of my bottom and I was done. My orgasm swelled to fill my pussy, my womb, my whole pelvis. One excruciating and wonderful spasm after another.

  And then all I could hear was us breathing.

  Chapter 17

  They left me that way. I heard them talking even as my body cooled and my heart beats became slower, more serene. I was exhausted¾emotionally, physically and mentally. I realized I didn't much like Matthew but wanted him, really liked and trusted Lucas way too much and was willing to listen to them both. I had helped repo a car which to me felt like stealing and had gotten off with a vibrator that sounded like a small engine. And just now, for the first time in my life, I'd been fucked simultaneously by two men who, to make matters even more twisted, were brothers. Paging Jerry Springer.

  I giggled. Which was a bad sign. It meant I was so tired I was getting punchy. I strained to hear the men who seemed to be arguing.

  "...her here!" that was Matthew. His voice high and angry. Matthew showed his emotions too much. He was easy to read because if he was livid, he looked livid. If he was horny, he looked horny. And so on.

  "No way. That was that. I have to think." The lower, even keeled tone of one Lucas Crow. His voice inflection stayed fairly regular even when he was upset. A man who did not like to let people see when he's flustered or pissed or worried. I envied him his control and yet, I could never be that person. I could never mask over all that I had going on on the inside. So maybe that was what made me feel like a moth to Lucas's flame.

  His control.

  "...her...she can...here!"

  I shook my head. If they were arguing about me, then I supposed I should have a say. But I knew deep down in the parts of me that just seemed to be waking up, that despite my true wants, I'd defer to Lucas's request of me. That scared me and thrilled me all in the same breath.

  "...final." Lucas.

  The door sprang open and even though I was literally stuck there by them, I felt guilty for overhearing. "I..."

  Lucas shook his head, face pinched, jaw set. He went to the foot of the bed, untying me. "I want you to get up, freshen up and get dressed. Meet me downstairs in a five minutes. Understand?"

  He was angry. Truly angry. I nodded my head and he helped me sit up. He knelt and startled me by kissing my the knuckles of my bound hands as he set me free. "How do you feel?"

  His dark eyes found mine and I dropped my gaze, shifted on the bed, leaving more of myself on the sheets I was sure.

  Lucas grabbed my chin, forced me to look at him. "I asked you a question. Answer me, Ember."

  How did I feel? Used, abused, loved, cherished, tainted. All of the above. "Fine. I feel fine. I feel..."

  "Yes?"

  I told him the truth. "I feel good. Boneless and tired and sore but good. Very good."

  He kissed me on the lips. Gentle. Like a knight in shining armor. "Good girl. Go on then." He set me on my feet and pointed. "Straight down the hall. You have five minutes."

  I grabbed my clothes and hurried down the long dark hallway. I passed another doorway and just inside stood Matthew, arms crossed, glowering in the darkening room like an angry specter. I jumped, clutching at my heart.

  He didn't say a word. So I hurried past and shut the bathroom door behind me. I felt like something. Some invisible time monster was chomping at my heels. Panic knotted my stomach and I shoved my legs into my jeans, zipped my boots. I washed my hands, twisted my hair up into a knot and stared at my face in the mirror. Same face as always and yet, not. "What are you doing?" I asked the girl. She didn't answer. But her cheeks had color and her eyes had spark and she didn't look as limp and tired as the girl who normally stared back at me.

  I heard my cell phone chirp and then Lucas's voice. I opened the door to see him shutting my phone and both men staring at me. I waited.

  "Go on down, Ember. I'll be right there."

  I wanted to ask who was on the phone, I wanted to ask why they were fighting. Was it me? Had I done something wrong? Instead, I went past them, the sore places on my buttocks singing with the pain of the denim brushing the skin. At the foot of the steps, I heard muttering and arguing but in more muted tones.

  Lucas came down, his boots smacking the hardwood steps. His jeans came into view first and my body responded automatically to the sight of his hips and pelvis. Then his beautiful but imposing face. He smiled briefly like he had a secret. Matthew was right on his heels.

  "You are being a dick!" Matthew said, his voice rising. Right on Lucas's heels, his face was flushed with anger.

  "Matthew, settle down."

  "Don't you tell me to settle down. Fuck you! You always let me have them! It's my turn."

  I blinked. He was talking about me.

  "Not this time." Lucas's voice was soft. Almost a whisper. He nodded at the door. I opened it. Cool air rushed in, the temperature was dropping.

  "Lucas!" Matthew's voice was one of a man who had just figured out he would not get his way.

  "I said no," Lucas said. He took my arm, piloting me out the door.

  It was then that Matthew threw the punch and it was then that Lucas moved just fast enough to avoid the blow. Grabbing Matthew's arm, he pivoted, getting his brother in a hold. "You need to knock it off little brother or else."

  "Or else what?" Matthew hissed.

  Lucas let him go, stepped
back. His demeanor cool and calm, while my heartbeat pounded like a drum and my head swirled with fear induced vertigo.

  "You know."

  Matthew, Matthew, what was he thinking? Matthew swung again and Lucas stopped it right there. One good punch and his brother sagged a bit, stunned. Lucas caught him. "Come on then. You're coming home with us. You have a lesson to learn." Lucas nodded to the door again and I pulled it wide for him. He helped his stunned brother out and I said, "Lucas?"

  "Lock the door behind you. Come on. Let's get him home. He has to learn some manner and you're going to help teach him."

  I didn't know what that meant but part of me was thrilled and part of me wanted to run.

  * * * *

  At the house I took a shower to let the boys talk. I lingered in the hot Bergamot scented suds. My head was also full of the sights and smells and memories of being caught between the brothers. Pushed and pulled and used and yes, even adored. I had felt that. A surreal feeling almost like worship.

  "September?"

  Lucas. I stuck my head out, wiping my eyes. "Yes?" Just seeing him made me want to fling the curtain wide. Ask him to come in and take me. Right up against the wet white tile the way I had imagined the night before. It felt like so long ago and it was only a day. "Yes?"

  "When you're done, come down. I've made food. Then we'll talk. Some woman named Dawn Dunloe called about a wedding. I told her you were on vacation this week."

  I nodded, a little shocked. Would I lose the job? I worked freelance as an event planner. A wedding was a big deal, and yet, with all that was going on right now...I needed time. I needed to process and regroup. I would be a failure at a wedding. Too muzzy headed and loopy.

  "I talked it over with her. Told her it was an impromptu much deserved thing and that she was the top of your list when you returned. She's good. It's fine."

  I let out the breath I hadn't even realized I'd been holding. Why was I not surprised that Lucas commanded trust and respect.

  "Thank you."

  "Sure thing. I aim to please." He winked in an almost ornery way that made me smile. "So come on down and get fed and we'll discuss Matthew's lesson."

  I couldn't help but wonder if Matthew's lesson to learn was anything like my lesson to learn. Part of me, the dirty desperate secret part of me, sure as hell hoped so.

  Chapter 18

  "I'm not doing this, Lucas. You may be my brother and older, but it's only half and the half of you telling me to do this is the half I disown." Matthew poured coffee, his lean jaw tight with anger.

  Why hadn't he just left, I wondered. He has a submissive streak too, but only to his brother. Lucas had seemingly given up the better part of his youth to care for his brother. Shared everything- including the occasional woman it seemed, so there was loyalty there. And the need to please. I dipped my head, sipping my own coffee. Waiting.

  "Then leave. No big deal. I choose not to share Ember with you and now you can go."

  Matthew stammered, obviously unaccustomed to being told no at all. "But why? Why her? What's the big deal about her? Is it because you rescued her? So what? Once upon a time you rescued me and..." He trailed off. Maybe realizing he was being a brat, maybe realizing that there was a correlation.

  I did wonder why I was special, but I cherished it too. Bottom line, my insides, my gut, told me to do what Lucas asked of me. If that meant I was shared, so be it. If I meant that was his, so be it. And I wouldn't even turn it over and over and over in my head the way I normally did. I would embrace it for what it was. I would not analyze. For me that was huge.

  "Learn your lesson. Get a taste of what she feels, and you can stay." Lucas put his clean mug in the dishwasher. His voice was soft, his eyes kind, his demeanor easy. This was a yes or no deal, no questions asked. Matthew would capitulate or he wouldn't. Case closed.

  "No." Matthew said, dumping his coffee into the sink. He put the mug away, despite his anger and I found that amusing. He gave Lucas a half assed salute, grabbed his car keys and turned. "Hope she's worth it, bro." He grinned and went out the kitchen door.

  "I'm sorry if I had something to do with this...upset." I said, sipping my coffee. Sugary and darkly sweet, it was heaven.

  "It's been a long time coming. I think little brother needs to not have every little thing handed to him and life shouldn't be so easy. He needs it. He needs to see what others go through for him to be happy sometimes."

  "Have you ever--" I cut myself off. Maybe I should let it go.

  Lucas sat, rested his chin on his hand and watched me. His eyes tracked me like I was prey. I bet he was a phenomenal hunter. I felt both threatened and protected in the same breath and the irony wasn't lost on me despite being partially drunk on sex at the moment. "Have I ever what, Ember? Go on. Don't stop now."

  "Have you ever been on the other side of the coin. Have you ever been the um..weak one?"

  "The submissive?"

  I nodded, looking quickly down at his hands. They didn't twist or fret. They sat on the table, large and strong, marked by scars and the passage of time and hard work.

  "I have. But only to my father. And that was a long, long time ago. And he was not a kind man. So my submission was against my will and had nothing to do with sex. I was his son. I was his possession. So I would bend to his will no matter what. At least that was how he saw it."

  My gaze went to the scar in his brow and something in me went cold and sad for him. "I'm sorry. But you weren't that way with Matthew. You changed that."

  "Yes. And no, I guess. I think me being so protective of him has given him that little taste of the cruel streak our father had. And now I don't want..."

  He stood and I started at his sudden movement and the shriek of the wood chair legs on the kitchen floor. "What?"

  "I'm not sure I want to share you. And if I do, it's on my terms. Completely. Not factoring him into the equation, but operating completely and thoroughly selfishly. Fuck it. Once in a while we are worthy of something just for ourselves."

  He bent and kissed me on the lips. I kissed him back. It was an entirely different kind of kiss. Soft and fragile, tasting sweet on my lips. Like affection.

  "Come to bed when you're done that coffee. Come lay with me."

  It didn't sound like a command. It sounded like a request. It sounded like a plea. I nodded. "I will." I drank my coffee slowly.

  * * * *

  I crawled into bed sure he was asleep. It felt somehow odd to be lying down in his bed of my own accord. I wasn't being carried or told or topped. I was just a woman crawling into the warm bed of a handsome man in the dark of night. Nothing more.

  "I wasn't sure you were coming. I thought maybe you came to your senses and left," he said. His arm snaked out, unseen but strong and pulled me into the warm curve of his body. I kissed his bicep, snugly fitted with an affectionate, possessive ease around my neck.

  "Just finishing my coffee and absorbing. Marveling at the fact that I'm here."

  "And considering the madness that is me and my brother?" he laughed. When he turned to me, I felt serene. It was a welcome feeling. Bizarre in context but one I embraced.

  "No. Not so much. Marveling more that it took me so long fit this oddly shaped puzzle piece about myself to fall into place."

  "But you knew." He parted my thighs, running his fingers along my skin so that I shivered. There was sweetness here. Not a power move, but a intimacy that made my heart ache a bit.

  It was one thing to be dominated and topped. It was another to be vulnerable. We were equal here. And that was wonderful and unnerving. I opened my legs a bit more and he settled between my thighs, pressing the length of his cock to the split of my nether lips. I opened my mouth for his kiss, shook a little when he shoved his hands into my hair and held my head still so he could kiss me deeper.

  "I didn't know it all," I said. "It was just a fucked up fantasy. Like being turned on by those nasty kinky ads at the back of magazines," I confessed.

  Lucas rocked against
me, the friction from his cock readying my body for him yet again. I didn't know it was possible to take a man over and over and not tire, to always be open to him. Want him. With Lucas, I wanted him always. Every time he looked at me. Every time I heard his voice. Something in the most secret part of me responded to him like a sinner to a confessor.

  "Oh, dirty girl," he teased. He moved a little faster, big hands moving from my messy mane of hair to hold my wrists flush to the mattress. He pressed hard and I gasped, the air forced out of my lungs even as his tongue forced past my lips. His hips banged relentlessly to mine. My clit responding first with a sweet soreness, then with a thumping pulse of arousal. That fast I was ready.

  Lucas rolled to his back pulling me with him. I sat atop him, my pussy flush to his belly, his cock brushing and nudging the crack of my ass. "This time you're on top, love. I want you. I want you to want me. And I want you in control."

  "I can't top you," I laughed, my face flushing with heat that I was grateful he couldn't see.

  "I didn't say top me, Ember. I just said, you're on top. I want to watch you."

  "But you can't see me."

  I felt him reach out and a small orange glow lit by the bedside. A tiny lamp, antique and golden, giving off a meager light through an antique frame. It didn't even illuminate his whole face, it only gave it shadowy edges and plains lit by amber. "You look golden now," he said.

  I felt all golden. I pulled the tee he had given me to sleep in over my head and dropped it off the edge of the bed. His hands came up to find my breasts, cupping me. He rolled my nipples between his strong fingers so that a tiny echoing tug of excitement sounded in my throat. I rocked my wet hole to his cock and waited. I wanted to see his hands on me before I was lost in the fucking. I wanted to hear the whisper of his hands moving over my skin.

  He stroked down my ribcage so that goose bumps jumped up on my skin. His hand traveled the flat of my middle to the small swell of my belly to my bare mound. He found me with his thumb, pressing my clit so that my body warmed and trembled and began to move on its own. I raised up, putting the head of his cock to me, sinking so slowly that even I felt a bit mad and restless, but I wanted to be slow. I wanted to sink into all of it. Not lost in the ties and the orders and the sharing of brothers, but locked right here in this shallow golden light with him. Just him and I. Me on top, him eager and hard and ready.