sommer marsden learning to drown-CALIBRE

by Sommer Marsden

  "Jesus, Ember," he groaned. Lucas surge up under me a bit, forcing his cock home. Forcing into my cunt a millimeter at a time so that I fell forward, my lips to his lips, my breasts to his chest. Our hands tangled and I began to move, sliding him all the way in so that I was full of him. By body full of his hardness, my mouth full of his tongue, my soul full of whatever it was he was showing me. Impossible to completely decipher yet, but so important. So wildly needed.

  "I love you," I whispered, and when he opened his mouth to answer me, I kissed it shut. "Don't answer me," I said. "It makes no sense."

  He didn't. Instead he moved up, up, up into me over and over again. His forceful fingers pressed into my hips, pulling me down. Anchoring me to him. Cunt to cock, pelvis to pelvis. I gripped his hands to hold on. To not fly away. I moved in a slow sinuous dance until that was wrong and then I threw my body forward again over his and moved faster. Lucas locked his hands behind my back and moved harder into me. I was so close and he said, "Ember, about what you said, I--"

  I cried for a second then and blurted a flurry of words "Please. If you care at all how I feel, let it go. Just let me come. Don’t remember that I said that. It’s all too fast, I know."

  Lucas moved faster, kissing me softly, dark eyes locked to mine in the barely there glow of the antique lamp. "Come on, then," he said. "Come for me."

  I did. A damp heavenly release that had me muttering under my breath. Words I couldn't hear myself or even feel on my tongue. Some secret language of that perfect moment in time where I felt understood. Completely.

  Chapter 19

  It was barely dawn, I felt Lucas roll out of the bed. Watched him pad to the door and I heard Daisy grunt. Most likely not too happy with the fact that the female in his bed wasn't her. "Good girl," he said.

  I flushed as if he were talking to me. My body, now wired to react to his tone and his voice itself, warmed for him. How swiftly I had gone from frustrated, orchestrating, bossy girlfriend of Damien to easy, pliable submissive. Lucas's woman. Easy and pliable for him. I shook my head. I knew Dawn would give me the wedding job if I got back to her soon. I would play this out and see where it went. I had time. I’d make time.

  My secret fear was it was short termed. I would be his toy for a week, he'd share me with his brother and toss me aside. Logically that made sense and it sent a spark of shame and anxiety burning in my stomach. But my heart said that wasn't the case. My instinct and that small quiet place in the center of me said that he felt more for me. The same way I inexplicably felt more for him.

  I sat up, hearing voices downstairs. It was barely six and the light was a surreal cornflower blue making the air look more like water than anything else. Daisy grunted again and I smiled. Bitch. She still didn't like me and that was fine. I wasn't too keen on her, either.

  I could hear the deep mutterings of men talking and I sat there, the white, smooth sheets draped around me. It was an odd feeling not knowing what to do. Rising in the morning with no purpose other than to find out what was in store for you today. Not waking up with an alarm, a schedule, an agenda. I waited, listening to Daisy breathe, listening to Lucas talking to someone. Listening and waiting.

  Finally, I heard footsteps on the steps. I expected the door to open, but it didn't. The shower in the hall, not the master suite, kicked on and I heard Lucas whistling. A sound I had only heard before when he was cooking.

  Downstairs the cabinet slammed. The one that had no stopper on it, so heavy wood smacked heavy wood with a bang. Someone else was here. Were they going out on a job? Was I going with them for that matter?

  I lay back on Lucas's bed, stretched, waited. He'd tell me what was what eventually. For now I'd wait. I studied the window blinds as the sun climbed into the sky.

  The sun was fully up and the white walls were golden with sunlight when the door opened. Lucas sat and the bed bowed under his weight. "I know you're faking it, September," he whispered and I could hear the smile in his voice.

  I grinned, trying to keep my face turned so he couldn't see. Part of me did not want to know what the day would bring. Part of me wanted to stay right here in limbo. Maybe with him curled up next to me, his body warm and hard against my back. "I am not," I whispered back and he laughed.

  "Rise and shine. There's food downstairs and coffee and more clothes for you. We have a job to do and we want you to come."

  "We?" My stomach rolled with a nervous energy. I couldn't figure if it was excitement or fear.

  "Matthew came back. We worked a few things out. We have to pick up a Jeep over in Beltsville and then we have some stuff to work out with my brother."

  I shivered and he hadn't even touched me. "So, you've decided, then." I felt a thrill in my chest and a dip of sadness in my heart. My emotions were at war over Lucas's decision.

  "Decided what?" he asked. It was nearly cruel, making me say it aloud, but I did.

  "To share me?" I turned. His face was smooth and freshly shaved. A small dot of blood stood out on his chin and I pushed my finger to it. Then I stuck my finger in my mouth without thinking, the way I do when I have cut myself.

  He grinned. "To an extent. My rules. My boundaries." I nodded. He leaned in, kissing my lips where my finger had just been, licking like he was seeking out his own coppery flavor. "Why did you do that?"

  I shrugged but I was lying. The moment he asked, I knew.

  "Liar, liar, pants on fire." His hand anchored my hips to the mattress and he kissed my neck until I shimmied under him. Then my breasts received his attention through the cotton tee I slept in. He nipped me on my left breast but didn't pull up the shirt. His breath left hot wet rings on the cotton. "Why did you do that, Ember? Why did you lick your finger?"

  His hands skimmed over my skin but he didn't touch me between my legs, though deep inside I was making deals with the devil so he would. I did the only thing I could do. I told the truth. "Since we met, since you found me--sometimes when we’re together, I'm not sure where I leave off and you begin."

  He stilled, his dark eyes watching me like a hawk watches prey. "And?"

  "I did it as second nature. The same way I would have done if I had cut myself. Only it wasn't me who was cut. It was you."

  "Get on downstairs and eat. Then we'll toss you in the shower and hit the road. We have a bright yellow Jeep to repo today." He grinned and my insides turned to warm syrup.

  "And then?"

  "And then you get to boss Matthew around. This should be fun."

  I didn't know about fun, but my pussy felt tight and ready at the thought. Full and swollen and thoroughly excited. I didn't know if it would be fun, but it should be interesting to say the least.

  * * * *

  Matthew drove me to the job. He didn't say a word. I clenched my hands in my lap feeling as if I had somehow done wrong when I had done nothing at all. I had simply been sent in to flirt with the owner of the Jeep while the boys loaded her up and handled the paperwork. Which was what I was doing. My cell phone rang and the ring was Damien's I hit the button to silence it and continued to flirt and have Derrick James, the Jeep’s owner, explain to me how to get to a farmer's market I already knew how to get to.

  Matthew had brought me more clothes. A faded pair of boyfriend jeans with small holes at the hip and knee, a white, snug thermal top and a pair of kick ass brown ankle boots with snaps. I wanted to kiss him for the boots. Especially if they let me keep them. I felt like a bit of a bad ass and I think that had been the point.

  "So you want to take a right up here at the light. Follow that down until you pass the farm. Then you want to..." My phone beeped at me. That was Lucas's ring. They were done.

  "I think I have it, hon. Thanks a lot." I touched his arm and he blushed. Off I bolted into the wind and the cold to find the boys. My boys. The thought registered before I could blink. My boys.

  "Over here, Ember!" Matthew yelled and I ran toward him. I saw Lucas taking off with the tow truck and I jumped in Matthew's car. I was barely in and he a
ccelerated. Derrick James came running out about two seconds later, waving his fist and yelling words that the wind greedily snatched up and stole

  "Wow. That was close," I said. A giggle escaped. Nerves. I always got the giggles when I was anxious.

  "Closer than most. He was probably following your sweet ass to get up the nerve to ask for your number." He turned to me, big eyes flashing in the sunlight as we drove below an arched canopy of very old trees.

  "I doubt it," I said, blushing. I looked down.

  "You're one of those then," Matthew said, turning back to watch the road.

  "One of what?"

  "One of those women who has zero realization about the effect they have on men. Shit, you've damn near turned my brother inside out. Got me and him in each other's faces, something that never happens. You even have the man saying no to me. Me. And I'm supposed to be the most important person in his life." He smiled. In that smile I saw happiness and anger. An oxymoron of an expression.

  "I'm sorry." Part of me meant it, a good portion of me did not.

  "It's good for us, I think. Maybe it's time. But damn. I'm not crazy about it. We'll see, though," he said, and he put his big hand on my thigh and pushed it height. My pussy responded immediately and I bit my tongue to keep from squirming. I couldn't give in, couldn't show him that his touch did something for me too.

  "Me coming between you..." He laughed and I blushed. "I mean, disrupting the normal flow of your relationship is good? How is it good?"

  "I said maybe it's good." Lucas turned on the beltway toward the impound, Matthew continued on straight, taking the exit that would lead us to home. My cell phone chirped.

  "How so?" I eyed the display. It was Damien. I depressed the button to turn it off and slid down in my seat a bit, exhausted and saddened by just seeing his name.

  "Maybe it's time Luke and I backed out of each other's lives a bit. We are growing up. I think," he laughed. "Is that him? The douche bag."

  I couldn't help but smile. "Indeed, it was Damien the douche bag. How old are you, Matthew?"

  "Twenty-six."

  I nodded. Two years my junior. But I didn't have the heart to tell him I had yet to feel more mature. More grown up. I still felt as if I stumbled and bumbled through the majority of my life.

  "Come on then," he turned onto the beltway. "I've got to get you home and ready. Lucas will be pissed if you're not."

  "Get me ready? I thought I was off limits." I watched his sleek profile and the barren trees as they whizzed past our window on the side of the high way.

  "You are. No touching. But I do have to do what he's asked. That's the way it works with us."

  "I don't pretend to understand you two," I said. But God, I did get caught up in the middle when they were together. Like being in a charged environment. The middle of a storm or a room right after a huge fight. You could feel the energy when the brothers were together. And when I was there, I hazard a guess that it was more intense than usual. Judging by the way they reacted to each other in my presence.

  "Me, either, doll. Me either."

  Chapter 20

  "Here you go." Matthew handed me a small black bag with no markings on it. "From Luke’s favorite place. Lingerie." He waggled his eyebrows in a comical way that nearly made me laugh.

  "For me?"

  "For you. Now go slip into that and let's see what we have to deal with." He leaned in before I could react and kissed me. It was harsh and hot and fast like his other kiss, but finished with a soft touch that was nearly tender. His full lips brushing mine so that I felt the skin along my spine tingle.

  "What was that for?" I asked, breathless.

  "I wanted to get that in before I wasn't allowed. Before the warden gets here."

  Trying to picture Lucas as a warden was hard, but then again, I wasn't his younger brother. "Oh," was my brilliant reply.

  Matthew turned me and smacked my ass, the sharp sound filled the small room. "Now scoot or he'll find a way to blame it on me."

  I hurried into the small bathroom, looking at myself in the chrome trimmed mirror. Shiny eyes and rosy cheeks. Even my hair was behaving. I opened the small bag and stared. Plum colored silk. The most beautiful bra and panty set I had ever seen. Stunning in its simplicity. A balconette bra with minimal tucking of the luxurious silk. The panties were hip hugger cut and with a small inset of black lace at each hip. Beyond that, they were the epitome of minimalism at its best. I shucked my work clothes, only balking a bit at having to give up the boots for now. Also in the bag were thigh high fence nets that seemed chic when once upon a time I would have labeled them sluttish. It's what hookers wore on the docks at night, I would have said. But when I pulled them on and turned to face myself, I was floored. Had Matthew picked this out for me or had Lucas instructed him on what to buy?

  I heard the front door slam. God knew how long it would be before I got to ask that question. Knuckles rapped the door and I heard Matthew whisper. "Lucy...Ricky's home. You ready, darling? I know I'm sure as shit not. From what I hear, you're the boss today. At least of me." His laugh was soft and intrusive

  My nipples peaked behind the plum colored silk.

  * * * *

  My heart banged so hard I felt dizzy and I turned the brass knob to exit. The door swung open to Matthew's smiling face, his grin more animal than man. "Nice," he said, dragging the word out. "I did good, yeah?"

  "You picked this?"

  "Of course I did. If you get to tell me when to come and all that, at least I can decide what your attire is. Seems fair, don't you agree?"

  "I just never would have guessed..."

  "Picture me more of a white latex and elbow length gloves kind of fetish guy?"

  "No. Not that." I heard Lucas's boots one the stairway and grabbed Matthew's arm for support. Nerves had gotten the better of me. I was learning to operate in a constant state of arousal slash anxiety lately.

  "Ah, slutty is what you mean. Less silk, more pleather."

  I laughed and it was high and jittery.

  "You okay?" He stroked my fingers with his for just a split second and then stopped.

  "Nervous, I think."

  "Don't' be. I can play nice when I decide to." He kissed my forehead above my eye in a nearly brotherly gesture. Surprising me yet again. Matthew Crow was full of surprises.

  "Well, what do we have here?" Lucas asked, his jaw clenched, voice low and menacing.

  "Wouldn't you like to know?" Matthew asked grinning. Provoking. Oh shit.

  "I brought lunch. Everyone go on downstairs. We'll eat first." Lucas looked me up and down but did not smile. I shifted from foot to foot, desperate for him to tell me something. Anything. That I looked good or bad or in between. He simply pointed to the steps and Matthew took the lead.

  "I'll just get dress and--"

  "You're fine like that," he said. And that was all.

  I went down the slick wooden steps, praying my feet wouldn't go out from under me and dump me down the steps. Lucas walked right behind me. So close I could feel his breath falling down onto my bare skin but not so close that he was underfoot. I stopped at the foot of the steps and turned to look at him. Maybe force him into commenting.

  His eyes took me in again. Up and down, hovering around my belly, and then my hips. But he didn't say anything.

  I sighed and walked into the kitchen, my ass swinging a little more than normal. I wanted him to look at me. To watch me. God, I wanted Lucas to want me.

  Matthew had put out a plate for me. A bed of spinach, crisp veggies, some grilled chicken, a sprinkle of parmesan cheese. He grinned. "You have him eating even healthier than before. He can be a real food Nazi, you know?"

  I tried to smile but fear was swirling around in my head, hijacking my nerve endings. Had I done something wrong? Lucas pulled my chair out and I hesitated for only an instance before sitting on the ladder back chair. I felt more naked in a bra and panties and thigh highs than I would have sitting in the kitchen buck ass naked. I tried to c
over my belly, my cleavage, my thighs with my forearms, but it made it impossible to eat and I could only cover so much of me at once.

  "Stop. Sit up straight and eat. We were both fucking you at the same time last night, what do you have to cover that we have not someone seen, touched or used by now?" Lucas’s tone was dark and his voice was clipped.

  "I..." I put my head down and ate a bite of salad. It tasted like lawn clippings and old meat. Horrible. I'm sure it was lovely, fresh and yummy, but my mouth was tied into my worry and that sucked every ounce of joy from my taste buds.

  "I mean, you've seen it all, haven't you Matty? Did you see it while I was gone, even though I told you not to?"

  Matthew's head shot up and he frowned. His eyes narrowed and he swallowed hard. Was he just not picking up the anger radiating off of his sibling in hot invisible waves? "I did what you said, Luke. I brought her home and I got her set up. That's all."

  "That true?" His dark brown gaze had turned to me and my heart started pounding again.

  "Yes, it is. I mean...yes." I blinked over and over as if that could clear away the tears coming to my eyes.

  "You mean what? He either handed you the bag and told you to get ready or not. What else is there?"

  My brain had gone to the kiss that was why I’d hesitated. I hadn’t meant to say it aloud. The night before I had been a human tug of war between them. One fucking my mouth, one fucking my cunt. What could a kiss possibly mean? I stared at Lucas, watching his mouth pinch into a tight, thin seam. His pulse jumped at his throat and I could tell he was angry. Very angry and I simply did not understand. "I--"

  "I kissed her. I kissed her. Me. It was me. And it was no big deal. I've been a shit to her and I thought I owed her that and I kissed her," Matthew spat. He looked enraged at even having to explain himself. "So what? Last night I was sinking my cock down her throat. So what? What the fuck is a kiss?"