Knotted Roots

by Kight, Ruthi

  We parked beside another truck that sat only a few feet from the barn. I followed her lead; jumping out of the truck with what I hoped was an air of confidence. I took a deep breath and instantly regretted doing that. The smell surrounding us was awful. It smelled of wild animals and manure, (go figure) a mix of scents that made the contents of my stomach churn, threatening to revolt. A slight gagging noise escaped and Grandma looked over at me, laughter filling the air around us.

  “Lovely smell isn’t it?” she asked with a wide grin. She didn’t bother to wait for my response, instead headed in the direction of the open barn. She disappeared within its walls as I stood there, staring blankly at where she once was, trying to breathe through my mouth. What had I signed up for? This was nothing like I thought it would be. Sure, I knew there were animals on a farm, but did they have to smell so bad? I thought that there was someone whose job it was to keep the area clean, keeping the smell of animal to a minimum? Maybe I had been wrong about that as well.

  I followed Grandma’s lead, walking through the wide mouth of the barn, where the smell became stronger as I made my way into the dirty barn. I was brought up short by what I saw. The entire barn was filled with stalls, each housing a different horse. Off to the right was a small office, enclosed in glass, which looked completely out of place within the wooden structure. I spotted Grandma sitting behind her desk, chatting with someone off to the side. I couldn’t make out who it was from this angle, so I stayed where I was, taking in the sights and smells around me. The smell wasn’t pleasant, at all, but the longer I stood there, the easier it became to bear.

  My curiosity finally got the best of me and I decided to do some looking around. I strolled down the center of the building, glancing in each stall as I passed. There were horses of every shade and size, all of them staring at me as if I was an alien to them. I guess I was, to be honest. I had never seen a horse in person before, well, unless you counted the mounted police that trolled Central Park back home. They would never let anyone close to them though; obviously worried that even the slightest touch from a civilian would cause the horse to go into panic mode.

  I made it to the last stall on the right and stopped, unable to look away. The horse was beautiful; its body was a silky black color, its hair braided with the most beautiful red ribbon I had ever seen. Its eyes stared back at me, almost as if they were searching my soul for the answer as to who I was. I would have kept on staring if it hadn’t been for the sound of someone clearing their throat behind me. I whirled around and found who had intruded on our intimate moment.

  Startling blue eyes peered down at me, combined with a beautiful set of straight, white teeth, smiling wide. He was even more gorgeous than I remembered. I could feel my brain shut down as I scanned him from head to toe, taking in his dirty tank top and even filthier jeans. As I considered the state of his clothes, I couldn’t believe that I still felt an immense attraction to him.

  “Her name’s Lulu. She’s a real beauty, isn’t she?” he asked as he continued to smile down at me. I continued to gaze at him, unable to form words. I nodded instead. “You’re not much of a talker, are ya?”

  “Y-y-yes,” I stammered. “I mean...what?”

  “Betty told me that you volunteered to help muck out the stalls today. Are ya ready to get to work?” he asked.

  “What?” I had no idea what he was talking about, but from the glint in his eye and the little smile on his face, I knew it couldn’t be good. “I have no idea what that is.”

  “It means clean out the stalls that the horses are housed in,” he replied, his smile growing wider as he stared at me. “You’re new to all this, aren’t ya?”

  “What gave you a clue?” I couldn’t hide the sarcastic tone in my voice. Great, the first time I was finally able to form a coherent thought and I acted like a total witch. Great impression I’ve made on him so far.

  “It’s not that bad, I promise. Kate used to handle this, but with her early admission to USC...well, we’re glad to have your help,” he said as he handed me a large, dirty pitch fork. I held it away from me, unable to hide the disgust that I felt.

  “I don’t think so. I didn’t sign up to be the resident pooper scooper,” I replied, putting my hand on my hip, dropping the disgusting tool on the ground as I looked up at him.

  He laughed. The sound was like music to my ears. I never knew that the sound of laughter could make me feel so full of light. When he laughed it was as if the angels sang directly in my head. I was stunned into silence; all bravado disappeared in the presence of his happiness. I knew that my mouth had gone slack again, but this time I couldn’t stop myself. I’m sure he believed I was a complete idiot after yet another disastrous meeting.

  “Roxanne! Where are ya girl?” I heard Grandma as she called me from the other end of the barn. I looked behind Chase to see her walk over to us, a stern look on her face as she quickly made her way to where we stood. As she came to stand before me I shook off my stupor and smiled at her.

  “Hi Grandma. Everything okay?” I asked, an innocent look plastered on my face.

  “I’ve got to head into town for a while. Chase here will give you a list of duties for today and explain how to handle them. I want you to listen to everything he says ‘cause he’s in charge until I get back,” she said as she turned to face the blue-eyed angel standing between us. “Make sure she doesn’t break anything, will ya?”

  “Yes ma’am. I’ll keep the doctor on speed dial,” he smiled at her, his pearly white teeth flashed once again.

  Grandma let out a loud guffaw, startling me. “I meant my farm. But yeah, keep an eye on her as well. Never know what will happen when the city folk come around.”

  “Hey! I’m thinking I should be seriously offended right now,” I huffed, my indignation clear to both of them.

  They both laughed at me before Grandma walked away, my attention focused on her retreating backside. Once she was out of the building I returned my attention to Chase to find him staring down at me with no hint of humor left in his eyes. All I found was a glimmer of pity. I didn’t need or want his pity, or anyone else’s for that matter. I could handle this, no problem.

  “What’s first on that list, oh great one?” I asked.

  He handed me the pitchfork as he bent at the waist, bowing to me in what I could only guess was supposed to be a humorous way. I gripped the wooden handle and raised my eyebrows at the foreign object in my hands. He laughed heartily as he walked away, leaving me to my job as the summer pooper scooper. I wondered if getting close to him was worth all of this.

  * * * *

  By the time Grandma returned three hours later I was exhausted. I cleaned horse poo out of the stalls all day and my arms were screaming at me. I was drenched in sweat and the smell that clung to my body was even more repulsive than that of the animals. She laughed when she saw me, not bothering to ask how I was doing, she simply walked back into her office and closed the door.

  I glanced at the clock on the wall above her office and noticed that it was only 10 o’clock. I had already been up for six hours, working for most of that time, and I was already worn out. I had no idea how Chase and his brother were able to handle this kind of work. In fact, I hadn’t seen Brian all day, which made me wonder if he had come to work with Chase today or not.

  I finished up the last stall, removing the soiled straw from the ground and replacing it with a fresh, clean covering. As I put my tools up I noticed Chase standing at Grandma’s office door, his hand raised to knock. He glanced at me, smiled, and returned his attention to his task. He rapped lightly on the door and waited for her to open it. Instead, she called out for him to enter and he disappeared inside, closing the door behind him.

  I walked by, briefly glancing into the office, before heading outside. The fresh air was incredible. It was as if I could finally breathe again. The air was fresh and inviting, urging me to leave the confines of the barn to explore the world around me. I was dirty, sweaty, and smelled like I had
spent the day wallowing in horse manure, but I felt something else as well. Satisfaction.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  I crawled into bed that night after a long hot bath, barely able to keep my eyes open. Grandma let me off the hook for the rest of the day; thank goodness, because I seriously doubted that I would have been able to make it up the stairs if she hadn’t. She was right though. I had never worked that hard in my life. My days had always consisted of shopping with Amber, going to movies, and partying in the Hamptons. We even had a maid, so I never had to do any housework either. I could officially say that I had been a pampered princess, and up until now, I had thought there was no better way to live.

  I had never felt this level of satisfaction after a long day of shopping. Sure, I would come home with my arms loaded down with shopping bags, goodies overflowing their tops, but I had never truly known what it felt like to earn anything. Today I earned my sore muscles, and tomorrow I would do it again. Well, that was, if my body allowed me to.

  As I closed my eyes I heard my phone vibrate on my nightstand. The noise shattered my peaceful moment of reflection and jarred me out of my sleepy stupor. I reached for the phone and was shocked to find Amber’s picture displayed on the screen. I couldn’t imagine what she had to say after the last time we talked, but a part of me was still missing her, so I answered it.

  “What?” I snapped.

  “Well hello to you too,” she sounded nervous. Good, she should be after the way she treated me. “How are you doing Rox?”

  “Peachy. What do you want Amber?” I sat up in bed, my grip tightening around my phone as I tried to keep my voice from crumbling.

  “Look, I’m sorry about the other day. I am a rotten human being, and I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m hoping that you can find it in your heart to forgive me,” she rushed the words out, barely breathing between each syllable.

  I felt conflicted. I couldn’t tell if she was being sincere, or if she was simply trying to appease me. With Amber, you could never tell one way or the other. I had always known that she was a superficial girl, but I believed that she actually cared about me as a friend. I mean, how can you know someone for your entire life and not care about them?

  “I don’t know...” I started but as soon as I heard her sigh I knew that she wasn’t sincere. “Scratch that. I don’t forgive you. You ditched me for a bunch of people that you barely know, and hardly tolerate. I have never treated you like that...”

  I heard the click of the call disconnecting and knew that she had hung up on me. I stared at the phone in my hands, unsure of what just happened. Why would she call me just to act like a brat again? Did she really think that I could just forget everything, acting like it was alright and just accept her apology? She had treated me like I didn’t matter enough to blow off a stupid party. I couldn’t be expected to just ignore that, could I?

  Tomorrow was approaching at a rapid pace, and I knew I should get to sleep, but my mind refused to switch off and allow me to relax, not after that phone call. I tossed and turned the entire night. My body ached, my muscles screaming for relief, but it seemed that once again my head won out. I had lost so much since leaving New York, and yet I had gained so much more in the process. I just hoped that it would be enough.

  * * * *

  I was up early again the next morning, my body screaming even more than it had the night before. I had never felt this kind of pain before. I gave serious consideration to staying home today, but I knew that if I did then Grandma would have something to hold over my head for the rest of summer. No, I had to prove to her, and to myself, that I could handle the job. Hell, I had a feeling that Chase thought the same thing as well, and no way could I let him think I’m pampered on top of being a ridiculous nit wit.

  I slowly climbed out of bed, gingerly placing my feet on the hardwood floor, and rubbed my hands up and down my arms. I got dressed as quickly as my sore body would allow me to and grabbed a pair of socks from my dresser before heading out of my room. The house was eerily quiet, which was unexpected since Grandma should have been up and moving by now. I walked down the hall to her door and knocked gently. There was no answer so I quietly turned the knob and pushed the door open.

  Her room was as pristine as the rest of the house. Her bed was already made, the throw pillows expertly arranged at the top of her bed. Her bedside table was clear and dust free, no sign of clutter to be found. I remembered seeing my mom’s back home and all of the little trinkets she kept beside her bed. She was a true clutter bug, but her room was the only place that Dad would allow her free reign. I glanced at the bathroom door that connected her room to the master bath, but it was open, the lights off.

  I shook my head and backed out of her room again. I closed the door and moved down the hall to the stairs once again. When I made it downstairs I was once again shocked to find all of the lights off, no sound reverberated through the house. I walked to the front door and peered outside; I looked for her truck, but it was gone. The old bat had left me here! I couldn’t believe that she left me here, especially after I told her last night that I would definitely be going back with her today. A few sore muscles weren’t going to stop me from proving myself.

  I grabbed my hoodie off of the coat rack by the door, slipped Grandma’s work boots on my feet, and stomped out the front door. I slammed the door behind me, unable to control my anger. I had a general idea of where I was headed, but since I had only been there one time, I would have to be careful to follow the dirt road the way we drove the day before. Sure, it would be taking the longer route to where I was going, but I had no idea how to make it to the barn any other way.

  The walk took me twenty minutes, and by the time I arrived I was drained. Yesterday’s workout still lingered in my body, causing my strength to crumble quite easily. Once the barn came into view I immediately perked up. All of the anger and indignation had brewed during my walk over and I was ready to explode. I angrily stomped into the barn and glanced into the glass office, but Grandma was not there this time. I looked through the rest of the barn but she was not there either.

  As I walked out of the barn I finally found the object of my rage. There she was, walking towards the two trucks parked out front, while Chase and Brian walked on either side of her. I stomped towards them, meeting them halfway. The smiles on their faces gradually dissolved when they saw the fire burning in my eyes.

  “What the hell? Why did you leave me at home Grandma?” I yelled at her. I couldn’t control the spew of venom, and at this point, there wasn’t any point trying to. “I told you last night that I would come with you today!”

  “Whoa, calm down Roxie. There’s no-” Chase began but I immediately cut him off.

  “Stay out of this. This is family business, and you’re not family,” I growled at him. I turned my attention away from him, but not before I saw the hurt flash in his eyes.

  “You listen here, young lady! Chase and Brian are both part of my family, so if you wish to be included in that category, I would watch that haughty tone of yours now.” I could practically see the anger as it boiled off of her, becoming nearly tangible in the early morning light of the day.

  “So that’s how it is? You are quick to stick up for them, to protect them, but to hell with me? I’m your flesh and blood! Your one and only grandchild, but I guess that doesn’t mean much when you have these two,” I pointed my fingers between Chase and Brian, “here instead. Fine, I don’t want any part of this.”

  I quickly whirled around and started to run away from them, refusing to let them see the tears that began to fall from my eyes. I angrily wiped them away as I jogged back to the dirt road that would lead me back to the house. I hadn’t made it very far when I heard footsteps approaching from behind. I spun back around, my eyes full of tears and malice, and came face to face with Chase. I was far too angry to be in awe of his appearance this time.

  “Don’t. You. Dare.” I pointed my finger at him, vigorously shaking my head back and forth.
“You have no right to follow me. Just leave me alone.”

  “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Betty can get a lil bit over protective of us sometimes,” he said as he carefully approached me, his hands raised in front of him as if to calm down a raging animal. I guess I did resemble one at that moment. “She loves you. I mean, really loves you. The whole week before you arrived she could do nothing else but talk about you and how wonderful it would be to have you here.”

  “Could have fooled me, that’s for sure,” I said. I knew I was acting like a child, possibly even trying to pull some complimentary information from him, but at that moment I couldn’t have cared less.

  He shook his head as he lowered his hands, shoving them deep into the pockets of his faded blue jeans. “You have no idea how lucky you are Roxie. Betty is incredible. I would give anything to truly be a part of her family, not just an honorary member.”

  I stared at him, unsure what to say. Sure, everyone knew how great Grandma was, especially me, but did he have to remind me? In comparison to her, I was nothing. There was no way that I could ever live up to her legacy, or her expectations. Taking my silence as the end of the conversation, he turned to walk away. I had a moment’s panic as I realized he was about to leave. A part of me wanted him to stay, to have him attempt to calm me more, but another part wanted to throttle him for being so damn sweet and caring. I had never met anyone like him before. Maybe that’s why Grandma had tried to warn me away from him.

  “Wait,” I started to reach for him, but when he turned and faced me I let my hand drop. “I don’t exactly know how to ask this...but why does Grandma treat you like you’re breakable?”

  A brief flicker of sadness crossed his face so fast that I wasn’t sure I just imagined it. He ran a calloused hand through his hair as he raised his eyes to meet mine. “I’m not sure what you mean. She treats me like she does everyone else.”