Saving Me (Finding You #3)

by Amanda Mackey

  “I’m here for you, Dakota. One hundred percent. I know it may seem like you’re alone right now, but you’re not. I love you. Daniel loves you. My parents love you. We’ll do whatever we can for you.”

  Those were words that had been promised before but in the end they had been just that. Words. Promises didn’t mean anything. No one could keep those promises. There were too many obstacles in life that hindered such oaths. I had learnt that the hard way.

  Except for maybe one promise that had been kept. “You killed him.”

  Kyle looked away from me for the first time and squeezed his eyes shut before grinding out, “I had to. It was me or him.”

  “Why didn’t the police arrest him?”

  “They went there with every intention of arresting him but he resisted. He killed the sheriff and shot another officer.”

  For the first time in days, I felt something stir within. I could feel my mouth hanging open. “He…he killed the sheriff?”

  “Yes, and if the other officer hadn’t been wearing a bullet-proof vest, he probably would have died also.”

  I let Kyle’s words settle so I could attempt to comprehend the enormity of what had happened, remembering that while I had been tied up in another room, the shots I’d heard had been the sounds of death.

  I couldn’t think or talk about it. I turned and looked out the window, letting Kyle know the conversation was over.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered before an awkward silence settled over us.

  We’d always had loads to talk about. We didn’t normally have to try to fill long periods of stillness.

  After a few minutes of trying to think of something to say, I asked, “How’s your leg?”

  “My knee? It’s fine. Well, it will be once the breaks heal. The doctor said I’ll be allowed home tomorrow.”

  I nodded, still not making eye contact. “That’s good. Daniel needs you.”

  “Hey,” Kyle urged, moving himself and the chair around the bed to face me. “Look at me.”

  He moved in as close as he could, overshadowing my view outside so he was all I could see. “Angel, it’s okay to be scared. I’ve been scared. We’ve all been scared. You don’t have to hide anything from me. You don’t have to be anything.” His head was moving so my eyes would connect with his.

  When they finally did, they locked on. “I don’t…I can’t…” I didn’t know what to say or do.

  “Shhh. It’s all right.” His hand moved to the bed, resting on my leg on top of the covers. I let him keep it there, having that safe barrier between us. “Don’t say anything. Just hear me out.”

  I could do that. Regardless whether I could take in all he was going to say, I could remain silent.

  “I promise you with everything I have that we’re going to get through this. You don’t have to fear John from this point on. He can’t hurt you. It’s over. The nightmare has ended for good.” His hand started rubbing up and down the covers, as if comforting my leg through the fabric. “It’s all about you now. Whatever you want or need, it’s yours. Daniel and I are going to take care of you and show you that you don’t need to be afraid anymore.”

  He paused for some sign from me that I comprehended what he was saying. I could feel my head moving in a gesture of acknowledgement but still felt detached.

  “Go to our special place and picture us there. Feel, see, and smell everything about it and let it give you some sort of peace. Do whatever you have to in order to come back to us, angel.”

  Before I could say or do anything, Sky walked into the room, followed by a young woman in plain clothes but wearing a name badge.

  “Hey Dakota. This is Ebony. She’s our clinical psychologist. She’d like to have a chat with you, if that’s okay.”

  Sky looked at Kyle in a ‘you’ll need to leave manner,’ so he took the hint. As he started wheeling himself out, he turned to me and said, “Remember what I said. Our special place. I love you. I’ll see you soon.” He smiled at me, and without waiting for me to respond, he was gone with Sky.

  Chapter

  Thirty-Five

  Kyle

  I’d never seen her look so lost or destroyed. The spark had gone. Even that first meeting on Sapphire Island had revealed critical life behind those gorgeous eyes. It broke me to see nothing but vacancy staring back at me now. Had she totally disconnected herself from me mentally?

  I wasn’t going to let that asshole John win, even after his death. He didn’t get to do that. I wouldn’t let him. I would fight for the love I knew Dakota had for Daniel and I and for life in general.

  Back in my room and on my bed, Dad appeared. “How did your visit with Dakota go, son?”

  I shook my head. “She’s not good. It didn’t feel like she was there at all. Physically it was her but her essence has been destroyed. It’s killing me. I don’t know what I can do for her.”

  “It’s still early days. You need to give her time. It’s overwhelming to her.” Dad pulled over a chair and sat beside the bed with a shattered look on his face.

  “What is it? You look like you know something that I don’t! Tell me!”

  I knew that look on my father’s face. When he chewed the inside of his cheek and flicked his eyes nervously from me to nothing in particular. He blew out a breath.

  “Son, I found out some more of what Dakota went through from the police. I spoke with them while you were visiting Dakota.” He was shaking his head now and then ran a hand briskly over his stubbly face.

  Part of me didn’t want to hear it but the other half needed to know some of what had transpired.

  I took a long swig of water before nodding at my father to continue, bracing myself for what was to come.

  “She made a break for it through the sliding glass doors and ran, cut and bleeding with broken ribs, through the forest to the general store.”

  Just the image of that made me fist the sheets with barely contained emotions. I could feel physical pain in my chest, thinking of how terrified she must have been…running for miles in a state that should have seen her in the hospital long before she was found and admitted.

  I sucked in a breath and let it out a few times, growling out, “She was running for her life and I wasn’t there to do anything. I was sitting at home waiting for the police to do their job.”

  What had been going through her mind? Fuck! She must have felt so helpless and alone. That alone was like driving a dagger through my heart.

  I felt Dad’s hand on my arm. “She made it to safety, but somehow John found her and convinced Jervis, the store manager, to release Dakota back into his care. Told some concocted story about his wife being mentally unstable and she needed to get back to the cabin to take her medication. Jervis bought the story and sent them on their way but later called police on a hunch that something didn’t feel quite right.”

  “Jesus, Dad! He let her go with that prick? Couldn’t he see the state she was in? I don’t understand!”

  “I know. Apparently Jervis feels really bad now and says he should have trusted his gut instinct but I guess we can all be thankful he did eventually call police, otherwise we’d still be none the wiser.”

  “No wonder she’s so screwed up at the moment. I’m so glad that piece of trash can’t hurt her anymore.” Suddenly killing John seemed justified. The guilt over taking a life was insignificant compared to the relief that the bastard had been stopped.

  “We’ll all just have to tread carefully for a while. Make sure we watch what we say. The police are going to want to get her statement but hospital staff are allowing her some time before that happens.”

  “A therapist is with her now, which may help. I hope so because she won’t be able to deal with it until she talks about it.”

  “I’ll arrange to have the very best ongoing treatment for her when she leaves the hospital.”

  “Thanks, Dad. Did you set my plan in motion?”

  “Yes. I think it’s going to help her immensely.”

  “
I hope so. I just want to see her smile again. I want that twinkle in her eye that she had only days ago.”

  She was all I could think about. I wanted to be able to do more than I was. To show her how much I loved her.

  “Dad, can you arrange to have some flowers sent to her room? Not roses! Anything but roses. Oh and if you can grab me a pen and paper from somewhere, I’ll write down what I want the card to say.”

  “Sure. I should have thought of that earlier. I’ll send a big bunch from Cheryl, Daniel, and myself too.”

  I went to lean over to get my credit card out of my wallet but Dad stopped me. “I’ve got this, son. Don’t worry about it. It’s the least I can do.”

  I lay back down on my bed, happy that even though the flowers were only a tiny gesture in the whole scheme of things, at least I was doing something to hopefully brighten her day. Hopefully when she discovered what I’d been organizing for her return home, it would help to lift her spirits and set the motion of healing in progress.

  Chapter

  Thirty-Six

  Dakota

  “Hi. My name is Donna Chadwick. How are you feeling today? Dakota Livingston, isn’t it?”

  She knew my name and was merely going through formalities. I knew why she was here. To ‘help’ me cope. The meds were doing an okay job of that so far. I didn’t need some stranger waltzing in to try and get me to bare my soul like I was just another clinical case to add to her repertoire. Already my defenses were up.

  “I’m surviving.” Just. I ate and slept. Slept and ate. In no particular order.

  “Would you mind if I kept you company for a bit? If you’re up to it.” She smiled, resting her briefcase on the floor while perched on the edge of the bed, maybe in order to make this as casual as possible.

  “I guess.” It’s not like I had anything pressing to do, although fatigue was beginning to wrap around me.

  “Dakota. That’s a pretty name.”

  Please don’t ask. Please don’t ask. I didn’t think I could handle explaining the origins of my name one more time. Especially not today. She didn’t ask though, for which I was grateful.

  “What do you do, Dakota with the pretty name? When you’re not lying in a hospital bed listening to some stoic stranger asking you a ton of questions and trying to make small talk?”

  “I write.”

  “Wow! That’s so cool. What do you write? Novels?”

  I wondered if she was genuinely interested or if this was merely a routine question for all her patients.

  “Sort of. My first book was about domestic violence.” Even saying the two words was like swallowing acid.

  She didn’t seem fazed by my choice of writing genre as she rolled into her next question. “Was it a personal journey? The book, I mean? Was it about your own experience with domestic abuse?”

  I could feel discomfort rising as she subtly probed so I just nodded and looked at the adjacent wall, not wanting to get into it.

  She must have seen the hesitation on my face because she swung the conversation in another direction.

  “Okay, I heard you grew up in Australia. What was that like? I’ve always wanted to travel there. Is it as nice as everybody says?”

  My mind wandered to the nice beaches, warm weather, and easy way of life. “My childhood was great. Sunshine. Friends and my dog.” I couldn’t help the small smile that escaped as an image of taking my dog down to the local beach on hot days played out in front of me. She’d adored running into the ocean after a stick I’d thrown, fetching it, and then bringing it back before shaking water all over me. I still missed her like crazy. We’d been inseparable.”

  Snapping to, I caught Donna starting at me as if trying to read me. I let the smile drain from my face and waited on the rest of her inquisition. It didn’t happen.

  She rose from the bed, lifted her briefcase, and stood before me. “Well, I think that’s enough for today. It was nice meeting you, Dakota. I’ll be back tomorrow at the same time.”

  “Okay.”

  It had been easier than I thought. We’d merely chatted for a short time and it was nothing too awful. Not what I’d expected at all. I’d been waiting on the digging and probing into things that I couldn’t discuss but she’d gone very easy on me. Maybe she was just testing the waters. Maybe tomorrow would play to a different tune.

  ***

  Later that day after I’d had a nap and managed to eat a sandwich there arrived two deliveries in the form of flowers.

  The first bunch was so huge I could barely see the nurse that carried them in. They were a stunning array of purple/blue lupines that smelled divine. The scent wafted over to me as soon as they passed through the door. The other arrangement was orange calla lilies ranging in hue from pale to fiery. Both sat in square bases covered in colored paper and ribbons.

  “It looks like you’ve got a couple of admirers,” enthused the nurse. I didn’t recognize her. She placed an arrangement on either side of the bed on top of each set of metal drawers.

  “Would you like the cards that came with them?” she asked.

  “Yes, please.” I knew that one lot would be from Kyle but wasn’t sure about the other bunch.

  Handing me two envelopes, the nurse left me to read alone.

  One envelope carried the strong aroma of the lupines so I decided to open it first. I breathed in the scent, fully letting it soak into my system, relaxing somewhat at its effect.

  I tried to dismiss the image of the last envelope I’d opened as my hands began to quake.

  Don’t do it. This is not the same. John’s dead. He’s dead.

  Ripping the paper away from the card, I recognized the writing and began to read.

  Hey Beautiful girl,

  I know how much you love lupines, so I had to get them. I hope they brighten your day a little. I love you to the stars and back and I can’t wait to put all this behind us and live the lives we were meant to.

  You possess my heart and soul forever. Only you. I miss your smile, your sense of humor and your touch. Most of all, I just miss you. Come back to me, Dakota.

  Eternally yours,

  Kyle

  XXX

  I read it three times, trying hard to feel all that I wanted to feel. All that I should have at the heartfelt note. There was a flicker of something but maybe that was guilt about not gushing like I normally would have.

  I don’t know which was worse. Feeling everything or feeling nothing. I’d gone from one extreme to the other, and while it was nice to be indifferent to the pain and anxiety that had temporarily been numbed, I wanted to have a better response to the flowers and card.

  Kyle wanted me back. He missed me. I missed what we’d had before all this. I wanted to fill the chasm that had cracked and widened so much that I now stood on one side watching him reach for me but not knowing how I was going to make my way over the crevasse.

  Placing the card back in its envelope and sitting it beside the beautiful lupines, I opened the second card. It was from Joseph, Cheryl, and Daniel. Short words but sincere.

  Dakota,

  Wishing you a speedy recovery. Can’t wait to have you back home again.

  With much love,

  Joseph, Cheryl and Daniel

  xoxo

  They were all nicer than I deserved. Surely they could see that. I’d dragged them into my pitiful world and had them worry like crazy. I hated that I’d caused them that distress. It wasn’t fair.

  Maybe I’d just be better off returning to Australia and leaving the Rutherfords and Daniel in peace. Erase everything and start afresh. They’d understand, surely.

  I must have dozed because activity in my room jarred me awake. Lunch was being delivered.

  Was I hungry? I wasn’t sure but I’d eat something anyway just because it was expected of me and I wanted the drip out tonight, so I’d have to put in the effort to get nutrients.

  Today’s menu consisted of soup, bread roll, chicken salad, and juice. Light food that I could handle
.

  I thanked the woman who didn’t look like a nurse but more like an orderly and lifted my bed higher using the remote button so I could sit up.

  The soup was actually quite tasty. It was pumpkin with a dash of cream on top. It was easy to swallow and soon I found myself breaking apart the bread roll and mopping up the bowl, which helped fill the void in my stomach. I picked at the salad, leaving most of the chicken before washing everything down with the juice. It was the most I’d eaten in days and I was surprisingly pleased with myself.

  Hearing the door open, thinking it was someone coming to collect the tray, I was surprised to find it was Kyle. He looked like he’d showered and changed into fresh clothes. He was still sitting in a wheelchair, being pushed by a nurse.

  His face was alight with happiness upon seeing me having finished lunch.

  “Hey. It’s good to see you eating again.” His eyes then flicked to the bedside drawers. “I see the flowers arrived.”

  “Yes. Thank you. They’re beautiful.” I had to look away when I said that for some reason. As if the word ‘beautiful’ coming out of my mouth was blasphemy. Or maybe saying it to Kyle while looking into his eyes would stir something in us both that I wasn’t ready to deal with.

  “I’m glad you like them.” He was silent after that but I could still feel him looking at me.

  “So what’s up?” I was twisting my fingers together, changing the subject, which was something I was expert at.

  “Aren’t I allowed to come visit just because I wanted to see you?” I could hear a fragment of disappointment in his voice but when I looked around I could tell he was feigning it because his bottom lip jutted out in a pout and his face did a poor job at pretending to be hurt.

  “Of course. I should be grateful you came.”

  “But you’re not?”

  “I…I don’t feel anything at the moment. I’m sorry. It’s like everything I’m supposed to feel has been stripped.”