Lorna’s music gets loud again and me and Paige look over to the door and Lorna’s popping her head around the door and she says, ‘Five minutes, girls, then I want you to wash your hands, please.’
Paige says, ‘Can we have a telly-tea tonight, Mummy?’ She squeezes her hands together and says, ‘Please, please, please, pleeaaaassse!’
Lorna laughs and says, ‘Oh, I suppose so, but only if you go and wash your hands now!’ She walks over and picks up the telly remote and presses a button and everything Postman Pat is doing stops and he stands very still on the screen, just like we do when Tamanna calls out at preschool, ‘Macaroni cheese, everybody freeze!’
I say, ‘How did you do that?’ But Lorna has whizzed back out of the room and Paige is dragging me by my hand and saying, ‘Come on, we have to wash our hands quickly!’
I’ve never watched telly at the same time as eating my tea afore! Lorna tucks kitchen paper into our tops and it’s tickly and we each have a tray for our food and it’s got a squashy bottom so that it’s not hard on our legs and Lorna gives us both juice in a carton with a straw to suck cos she says we can’t spill them easily and we keep watching Postman Pat while we eat our tea that’s pasta and cheese sauce and it’s yummy.
Lorna’s not eating pasta and cheese. She’s whizzing in and out of the room so fast, like she’s in a big hurry, picking things up and putting things down, and one time she says quiet as quiet, ‘Car keys, car keys, car keys.’
Then she comes in and she’s wearing a blue apron over her clothes and Paige says, ‘Why are you wearing that, Mummy?’ and when I look at Paige, her face is all screwed up and cross. Lorna stops rushing about and puts her hands on her hips and blows out a breath and says, ‘You know why I’m wearing it, Paige.’
I say, ‘I don’t know why you’re wearing it.’
Lorna comes over and sits on the edge of the small table and presses the button on the remote and Postman Pat freezes again right in the middle of driving up a big, big hill and she says, ‘Do you remember me saying, Jesika, that I have to work sometimes and when I’m working Uncle Ryan will come and look after you both?’
Clatter! Crash!
Lorna leaps to her feet and shouts, ‘Paige!’ and I jump so much my juice carton falls over on my tray. Paige’s tray is on the floor and her pasta and cheese sauce is spilled all over the carpet. Lorna runs out of the door and comes back straight away with a cloth and starts wiping up the cheesy mess and she looks at Paige and says, ‘Pick up your things right now, Paige.’
Paige doesn’t move cept for her arms that she crosses right around herself and her face that she makes even more crosser.
Lorna says, ‘Paige, your friend is here to stay. Let’s not do this now,’ and her voice is soft and kind but her eyes look a bit scary, like she might turn into a monster, and I don’t like it.
Paige gets off the sofa and picks up her tray and her bowl and her juice carton and then Lorna goes out of the room with the messy cloth and Paige says, ‘I don’t want you to go to work.’
Lorna stops at the door and leans her head against it like she’s tired and she says, ‘I have to go to work, Paige, otherwise how would I pay for this house you live in and the food you eat and the toys you play with?’
Paige stands up and stamps over to Lorna at the door and her arms are still crossed and her face is still all screwed up but now her lip is curled over like Toby’s does when he’s about to cry and she says, ‘I don’t want Uncle Ryan to put me to bed. I want you to put me to bed!’
Lorna says, ‘Please, Paige, not today. Please don’t upset Jesika. You know I can’t. And anyway, you like Uncle Ryan doing bedtime.’
Paige stamps her foot again and her lip curls over even more. ‘I don’t!’
Lorna makes her lip curl over too and then she laughs and says, ‘Of course you do,’ and then she wiggles her hand through Paige’s hair and says, ‘And you know I’ll be back before you wake up in the morning.’
She walks out of the door and goes into the kitchen and I can hear the splashing of water and I think she must be squeezing out the messy cloth in the sink. If Lorna worked in an office upstairs like Jane and Duncan, she wouldn’t have to go to work and Paige wouldn’t get cross. Maybe I should tell her cos maybe she doesn’t know you can work in an office upstairs.
The splashy noise stops and she comes back with a pan and a spoon and she says, ‘If I give you more pasta, Paige, will you eat it this time instead of decorating the floor with it?’ and she’s smiling like it’s a joke but I don’t think Paige thinks it’s funny cos she still looks so so cross and she says, ‘Don’t want it!’ in a rude voice.
Lorna lifts her shoulders up and down and says, ‘Suit yourself. I’ll tell Uncle Ryan where it is in case you change your mind.’ Then she turns to me and says, ‘Would you like any more, Jesika?’ and I do cos it’s really yummy and I’m almost finished and I nod my head lots of times and Lorna walks over and her spoon goes SPLAT in my bowl and my bowl is all full up again with cheesy pasta. Yum!
I scoop a bit up on my fork but my bowl suddenly flies into the air and Paige has grabbed it and she shouts, ‘I want more pasta!’ and I reach for my bowl and shout, ‘Hey! That’s mine! Give it back!’ and lots of things all happen so so fast. My tray and my juice carton fall on the floor and the pasta falls off my fork and onto the floor and my foot squishes it and Lorna bangs the pasta pan down on the little table and she pulls my bowl of pasta out of Paige’s hands but she pulls too hard and it flies out of her hand and lands upside down on the carpet and then Lorna is pulling Paige’s arm and she shouts, ‘That was naughty, Paige!’ and Paige shouts, ‘I don’t want you! I want Daddy!’ and Lorna shouts, ‘I can’t give you Daddy! Don’t you think I would if I could!’ and Paige leans her head down to Lorna’s arm and Lorna lets go of her and shouts, ‘Ow!’ and she reaches forwards and hits Paige on the back of her legs and shouts, ‘You DO NOT bite, Paige! I won’t have that!’ and Paige is crying and holding her leg and saying, ‘Ow! Ow! Ow!’ and Lorna pushes her hands against her mouth and she crouches down and she says, ‘I’m sorry, Paige, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it.’
Paige bited Lorna and Lorna hitted Paige!
You’re not allowed to bite or hit people and Lorna told Paige that but Paige also has to tell Lorna. Maybe I should whisper it in Paige’s ear cos I think sometimes Paige doesn’t know about telling people cos she didn’t tell Amber and Lucia today about the puzzle and I had to do it for her. But if I go and whisper in Paige’s ear, Lorna might see the pasta that’s squished on the floor under my foot and then she’ll get so cross with me too for making a mess and I might bite her and she might hit me too. I don’t whisper in Paige’s ear. I stand so still and I press my foot hard down on the pasta so nobody can see it at all.
There’s a noise outside the living room, like a little crash and a bang, and then a voice calls, ‘Hello! Anyone home?’ and Lorna’s cuddling Paige and I don’t think they’ve heard. Then there’s a zipping sound and a rustling sound and someone comes through the door and it’s Ryan and he stops right in the doorway and jumps backwards like he’s very surprised, but I know he’s joking really, and he says, ‘What’s been happening in here?’
Now Lorna does notice him and turns her head round and says, ‘Not now, Ryan,’ and Ryan stops smiling and walks into the kitchen and when he comes back he’s got a cloth and he picks up the bowl and clears up all the mess on the floor and I’m too scared to move cos my foot is still hiding the squished pasta. Ryan looks at me and he says, ‘Are you OK, Jesika?’ And he looks at me and looks at me and then takes my hand and pulls me gently and I don’t want to move but I can’t stop my foot moving off the squished pasta.
I look at Ryan and he looks at me and he looks down at the pasta and he looks at me again and he doesn’t look cross at all and he puts his finger to his lips and quickly clears the pasta up off the floor and he whispers, ‘See, all gone. Nothing to worry about.’ And then he smiles and winks
at me and says, ‘Our secret.’ And I smile my biggest smile back cos I’m so pleased that Ryan cleaned up the squished pasta afore Lorna saw it.
Lorna stops cuddling Paige and she stands up and she says, ‘Right, I have to go now or I really am going to be late. Ryan, do bathtime, yeah? I didn’t get a chance last night.’
Lorna walks to the door and Paige flings herself at Lorna’s leg and holds on tight as tight and she’s crying, ‘Don’t go, Mummy! Don’t go! Don’t go!’
Lorna bends down and pushes Paige off her leg and kisses her and says, ‘I have to go. I’ll be back in the morning. I love you, darling,’ and her voice is like Mummy’s ‘Listen to me’ voice, not Mummy’s ‘I love you’ voice.
Ryan rubs Lorna’s shoulder and says, ‘Go on, she’ll be fine in a minute,’ then he pulls Paige away from Lorna and holds her tight and he’s whispering something in her ear and Lorna says, ‘Thank you, Ryan,’ and runs away fast like she’s being chased and there’s noises outside the room and then a banging sound and everything is quiet cept for Paige sniffing.
After a few more sniffs, Paige pushes Ryan away and picks up the telly remote and points it at the telly and suddenly Postman Pat’s van that’s been frozen on the road for ages is whizzing up and down the hills again. Paige flops down on the floor next to her Postman Pat toys but she doesn’t play with them, she just stares at the telly and keeps flicking the door of Postman Pat’s helicopter open and shut and open and shut and open and shut.
Ryan looks at me and blows out a big breath and says, ‘Well!’ Then he says, ‘You can sit down, Jesika!’ and he laughs and I sit back down on the sofa and he’s looking at me and I’m looking at him and he comes and sits next to me and taps his curled-up hand soft on my head like he’s knocking on a door and says, ‘What are you thinking about in there, Jesika?’ and I’m thinking about Paige biting and Lorna hitting and I think maybe they don’t like each other very much cept afterwards they cuddled for ages and Paige wanted Lorna to stay so I don’t think that’s quite right and it’s all jumbled up in my head and I don’t know which bit to say to Ryan first.
Ryan says, ‘I know something to cheer you up,’ and then he has his phone in his hand and even though there’s lots of noise coming from Postman Pat on the telly I know exactly what the sound is coming from Ryan’s phone, and my heart does a huge big jump in the air and I lean over his arm and I can see Toby on his hopsipal bed holding a blue toy and saying, ‘MummaMummaMumma,’ and he says it again and then the video stops and I say, ‘Again! Again!’ just like Toby does and Ryan starts it again and I cuddle closer to Ryan so I can see better and when the video ends I say, ‘Again! Again!’ and I keep saying this every time the video finishes so I get to watch it lots and lots of times til Ryan says it’s time to stop so I can get ready for bathtime. But it’s OK cos Ryan says I can watch it any time I want. I just have to ask.
18
MY BOTTOM SLIPS and slides backwards and forwards in the bath til little waves tickle right over my belly button and up towards my boobies. Mummy says that one day my tiny boobies will be big like hers but Toby’s will always be tiny cos he’s a boy and boys don’t have big boobies. Mummy will be very surprised if she sees the water tickling right up to my boobies. That’s cos Paige’s bath doesn’t have a crack in it like ours does so Ryan made the water much more deeper.
I slide my bottom backwards and forwards again but a bit too fast and the water splashes right up on the side.
Ryan calls out, ‘Are you OK in there, Jesika?’
I shout back, ‘Yes! Where are you and Paige?’
Ryan says, ‘We’ll be right there. Paige is sooo slow taking her clothes off!’
I swish round in the water and I shout, ‘Come on, Paige!’ cos it’s a bit boring being in the bath all by myself, but Paige doesn’t say anything back. She must be really busy taking the rest of her clothes off.
The door bumps against the bath and Ryan’s there and he lifts Paige into the bath and I say, ‘Yeah! Paige!’ and I hand her one of the boats floating in the water and I say, ‘Let’s pretend these are pirate ships and we’re looking for a treasure island!’
Paige stares at me but she doesn’t take the boat and she’s not smiling and she’s not even moving.
Ryan says, ‘That sounds like a good game, Paige.’
I push the sponge into the middle of the bath and I say, ‘Hey, pretend this sponge is the treasure island and …’
Paige picks up her boat –
‘… we’re racing to see who gets to the treasure …’
– and she lifts it up in the air –
‘… first.’
SPLASH!
Paige sunk the island! Ryan laughs and I laugh but Paige’s face is mean and my laugh stops working and I don’t think Paige sunk the island to make us laugh, I think she did it to be mean. That’s not nice.
Ryan picks the sponge out of the bath and squeezes it and rubs soap all over it and then he washes Paige’s front and back and over her shoulders and Paige is so still, like she’s a statue, not like Toby when he wriggles about every time Mummy tries to clean him.
When Ryan says, ‘Stand up, Paige,’ she stands up and she doesn’t try to jump or splash, she just stands so so still til she’s covered in frothy soap, and Ryan even washes all the bits Mummy says you’re apposed to wash yourself and Paige doesn’t even grab the sponge off Ryan to do it herself.
Ryan says, ‘Sit down, Paige,’ and she sits down and he rinses all the soap off again and then he says, ‘Scoot over, Jesika, and I’ll wash you too,’ but I already washed myself when I was waiting for Paige and I smile big and say, ‘I’ve already done it! I did it afore Paige got in the bath!’
Ryan says, ‘Are you sure you washed everywhere?’
I point to all the places I washed and I say, ‘Here and here and here and here and here and here!’
Ryan says, ‘Aha! You missed your back!’ and I laugh and say, ‘That’s cos I can’t reach my back, silly!’
So Ryan puts more soap on the sponge and he reaches over to my back and—
‘NO!’
Paige hits the sponge out of Ryan’s hand into the water and she shouts, ‘NO!’ again and then she hits the water with both her hands making lots and lots of splashes and she shouts, ‘NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!’ and water is exploding everywhere and I’m wiping and wiping it out of my eyes and, oh! Ryan’s lifted Paige out of the bath and she’s all wrapped up in a towel and Ryan is cuddling her on his knee and whispering something in her ear and then he stands her on her feet and he says, ‘Time to get out, Jesika,’ and he lifts me out onto the mat too and he wraps me in another towel and he says, ‘Just wait there a second, Jesika, while I get Paige’s pyjamas on and then I’ll come back and get you dried,’ and he picks Paige up and carries her out of the bathroom.
Water slides down my legs and little drips plop from my arms onto my toes. Paige and Ryan are taking for ages. I can hear Ryan’s voice but I don’t know what he’s saying. I can’t hear Paige at all.
It’s shivery-cold waiting. I want to get back into the warm bath, cept I might not be allowed. I could dry myself and get dressed instead. I know how to get dried and I can put my pyjamas on cos they’re in my bag that’s on the floor just outside the bathroom.
When Ryan comes out of Paige’s bedroom, I’m pulling my pyjama bottoms on and I jump up and down to pull them up and I say, ‘I’m ready!’
Ryan says, ‘Oh!’ and he looks so surprised and I giggle and giggle and then he says, ‘Teeth-brushing next,’ and he goes back to the bedroom to get Paige and then we all do teeth-brushing at the sink and I show Paige and Ryan my special new crocodile toothbrush with the clever head and Ryan says, ‘Wow! That’s really cool,’ but Paige doesn’t even look at it. I think she’s cross but I don’t know why.
Paige’s bed is clever. Underneath it there’s another bed that slides out onto the floor and that’s what I’m sleeping on but not right now cos right now Ryan’s sat on it leaning against Paig
e’s bed and he’s reading a story about lots of different animals in the jungle. Paige is hiding under her covers and I think she might be going to sleep cos when I make all the animal noises for Ryan’s story she doesn’t say anything and I know she likes making animal noises, especially a tiger ROAR!
At the end of the story, Ryan says, ‘Time to go to sleep now.’
I say, ‘Can I see Toby’s video again?’
Ryan laughs and says, ‘Again?’ but he gets out his phone and he presses the buttons that make the video play and I get to watch it three more times afore Ryan puts it away and tells me it really is bedtime now. He reaches his hand over to Paige’s bed and he pats her covers with his hand and says, ‘Night-night, Paige,’ but she doesn’t speak or move so she must be asleep. Then Ryan tucks my covers all round me and strokes them flat over my legs and he leans over me and his lips tickle my forehead and he says, ‘Night-night, Jesika, it’s nice having you stay here with Paige.’
I say, ‘Is Mummy coming to get me tomorrow?’
Ryan stands up and walks to the door and says, ‘We’ll have to wait for tomorrow to find out.’
I always have to wait for tomorrow to find things out and then when tomorrow happens I have to wait for the next tomorrow. I hope tomorrow’s tomorrow is the one that tells me when Mummy’s coming home.
‘No! NO!’
Eyes open. Night-orange dark.
‘NO!’
Crying, loud. Someone’s hurt.
A line of light on the carpet.
A shape zooming across the room.
A monster?
Hide! Under the covers! Heart thump-thump-thump.
Bed bouncing down and up, down and up.
Monster feet!
Lie still. Don’t move.
Someone’s still crying.
‘Shhh, Paige, shhh, shhh, it’s OK. Shhh, you’ll wake Jesika. Just a bad dream, that’s all. A bad dream. Mummy’s got you now. Shhh.’
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