For Love or Country

by Jesse Jordan

  It's the truth. As I said, I did not just 'fuck' Christina last night. There was an emotional content to it, a feeling of connection there as we lay in bed. I have been trained in numerous lovemaking techniques, usually with the intent of driving my targets so lust-crazy that they are willing to let me do humiliating things to them, the things that I document in order to let the Russian government blackmail them later.

  But there was none of that last night. Sure, I used my techniques, I knew just where to kiss or touch Christina in order to set her body on fire... but it was just for that, nothing more. I brought pleasure to Christina because I wanted her to feel pleasure. Time after time I passed up opportunities to push her boundaries, to take her to places that perhaps she has read about or snuck peeks at over the Internet with her friend Karli, who I understand is quite the 'freak.'

  I never did, though. I shared myself with Christina, and took joy in the sharing she showed me. I opened up myself in a way that I have never done with another woman, and I made myself for the first time vulnerable, letting go of some of my control in order to be closer with her. I have never cuddled with a woman after sex, and certainly never slept with her only to wake up and please her again. It is something I want to do with Christina very much.

  We enjoy brunch and then an afternoon together, going shopping of all things. I let Christina buy me some baubles, a chain for my neck and some sunglasses, both of us laughing at how 'gangsta' I look afterwards, and Christina letting me buy her a few things. Not much, I cannot reveal that I have money beyond what a mere Yearling cadet makes. But when I slip the clip into her hair, fastening it so that it sparkles brightly against the rich, lustrous brown tresses, she looks at me with an emotion in her eyes that I am feeling inside, but am too afraid to put words to.

  It is too soon that we have to return to West Point, an hour before we have to sign in. It feels nice to walk with her in civilian clothes though, unconcerned with at least holding hands as we take the long way back from the car rental shop near Michie Stadium down around Arvin Gym and then past the Superintendent's House, letting go just as we cross the posts in the road that designate 'cadet areas.'

  “Ivan... there are so many things I want to say, but I'm not sure I can without sounding like an idiot right now,” Christina says as we stroll. “What happened... I would like to do it again.”

  “Me too,” I tell her, knowing that I have a major problem on my hands but not caring. The way I feel about Christina right now, there is no way I can do my mission. I have enough ticking time bombs around the Corps as it is. Being known as a man-slut is one thing. Being known as a man who plays around on his girlfriend I am unable to tolerate. “Christina... may I ask you something?”

  “Sure. What is it?” she says, looking up at me. “Is this about how we're going to act once we sign in?”

  “No. I think of you as my girlfriend. I hope you think of me in a similar fashion,” I tell her, shaking my head. “It is just... you do not know much of my past activities here at West Point.”

  “You're right, I don't. But I do know that you have been fair, you've been kind and supportive, and you've earned a measure of trust from me. Enough that I said yes last night,” Christina says, blushing. “And you've earned enough since then that I'm saying yes again, provisionally. So if something comes up, I trust you enough to be a man and discuss it with me. You've respected my mind and my opinion, I respect you enough to be honest with me on this.”

  There's really nothing more to say, and we finish walking back to Pershing Barracks, signing in with just a few minutes to spare. As I do, I feel my cell phone buzz in my pocket, and I wince inwardly, escorting her back to her room before I go to mine. Thankfully, we've both already agreed that we should focus on our homework for the rest of the night, academics does not slow down for love.

  Did I just say that? I suppose I did, and it is how I think of this weekend. I get to my room and change quickly, putting on PT clothes and retreating to the bathroom, locking the door to the toilet behind me and pulling up my secret email.

 

  Well, at least my lie is still holding strong with them, they bought it when I said that Daria is engaged to another cadet.

  The phone goes silent for another moment, and someone knocks on the door of the toilet. “Hey, you good?”

  “Taking a shit!” I yell back. “Be done in a minute!”

  “Sorry sir,” the person outside, obviously a Plebe, says. “I can wait.”

  They step away, and I make a few grunting sounds, pretending I am actually using the toilet while I wait for the information to come in. It is the standard, a picture and a name, an Asian girl with what looks like Korean-American features.

  I send back after a minute.

  Honestly, I have no idea. I've never seen Kathy Lin, she could be a Firstie or a Plebe, I have no idea.

 

  I know that there isn't a female version of me on post, not unless she is so deep cover that she is able to pretend to be American and pass the American background checks. Still, there is always that chance.

  My guess is proven true when I get a message back quickly.

  I wait for the messages to disappear, then pull some toilet paper off the roll and flush, putting my phone in my pocket before leaving the cubicle. The Plebe, Conroy, is practically hopping side to side, his eyes watering. “Why not use the other wing?”

  “Too many Firsties, sir. And the other toilet's broken,” Conroy says as he dashes into the toilet and shuts the door behind him. “Thank you, sir!”

  Unlike the boxing Open, the Brigade Swimming Open has more Ironside in attendance as we gather in the racing pool inside Arvin Gym. Probably because Christina is not the only person racing today. There are two males from the company trying as well, Cioffi and Dugan, and most are here for them.

  Not that I am sitting with the rest of the Ironside. Instead, I sit with Karli, who I have taken the time get to know better in the weeks since Christina and I decided to become an official couple. Not that there is a signboard to put notices on, but I have noticed that certain people, former conquests of mine, giving me a different look when I have crossed paths with them around cadet area.

  “Yo, Ivan, you pulling a fucking cosmonaut on me?” Karli asks, punching me in the shoulder. “I said Chris is coming out next.”

  “Hmm?” I reply, shaking my head. “Sorry, Karli. My mind must be on my earth science exam next week.”

  “Dirt?” Karli asks, using the cadet slang term for the mandatory course. “That's easy, homey. Besides, it's Saturday, I know your grades aren't great sometimes, but shit, focus on water, not dirt.”

  “I will try,” I reply, and Karli laughs. “What?”

  “Does Chris really like your whole no contractions, stilted talk thing?” she asks, smirking. “Come on Ivan, try a contraction with me. Trust me, I'm not going to fuck with you if you screw it up.”

  “I will... I'll try,” I reply, the sounds rolling strangely in my mouth. “Perhaps I should practice with you. It might make my writing better.”

  “That you can do. So... oh, there's Chris! GO LOGAN!” Karli hollers in her typical leather lunged fashion. For a small girl, she has a voice that can cut through a crowd easily, and I wonder if perhaps she has some sort of super-vocal cords. She can bellow louder than most of the male cadets I know.

  Christina looks up and we both wave, Christina waving back and smiling. “Jesus Ivan, you got her in phenomenal shape,” Karli says, looking at Christina starts swinging her arms to warm up. “Her back and shoulders are ripped.”

&nb
sp; “Not quite, but yes, she is... she's in good shape. I wish the DPE would recognize that instead of just focusing on her damn APFT scores,” I fume. With the training for the Brigade Open taking up most of her time, Christina struggled again, even with the increased levels of fitness she has. As I feared, her form went to hell, and that more than took away any strength gains she's made training for swimming. “Not everyone is built for that test.”

  “Well, all you gotta do is become American, stay in the US Army long enough to become a Colonel, and then maybe some day you can become Master of the Sword and change all that,” Karli teases. “It'll probably be the same day they make me the fucking Commandant, but hey, you can still hope.”

  “And how will you become promoted so much faster than me?” I ask, smirking. I like this girl, she does not judge me for being supposedly Ukrainian, and she thinks what I did to Mike Hernandez was fitting justice.

  “You gotta waste a few years before you can become an American citizen, that's gotta hold up your fucking career path some,” Karli points out, then points. “She's getting ready.”

  “The next race is the finals of the women's hundred meter backstroke,” the announcer says, and I sit forward, leaning my forearms on the metal railing surrounding the seating area. “In Lane 1....”

  When they reach lane 5, Karli and I both cheer loudly as Christina's name is announced, perhaps the weakest cheer for the eight person field, but I do not care. That is my girlfriend down there, and I will cheer enough for the entire fucking Corps if I have to.

  Christina and the others hop in the pool, and my mouth goes dry as we wait. My hands are squeezing the railing so hard that Karli puts her hand on my shoulder in concern. “Ivan, chill, it's no good to....”

  The gun goes off, and both of us are on our feet, cheering for Christina as she leaps off the wall, her body arced perfectly as she gets the most out of her start. She knifes in with little splash, dolphin kicking hard before surfacing, her arms windmilling hard as she pulls herself through the water. When they reach the turn at fifty meters she is in a tight group with two other girls, but her turn and kick back gives her half an arm length lead.

  “Pull, pull, pull!” I scream, hopping up and down in excitement. To hell with trying to look cool, I am caught in the moment, and I want Christina to win. “PULL!”

  I do not know if Christina hears my cheers, but she extends her lead, her opponents fading in the last ten meters to let her touch with about half a body length advantage. She waits as the results are shown on the display board, her fist pumping in the air when she is announced the winner, and Karli hugs me in excitement as the two of us cheer. “She did it!”

  “That’s my girl!” I yell, pointing, a huge grin on my face. “Bring it, Christina!”

  We calm slightly as Christina climbs out of the pool, shaking hands and exchanging congratulations with some of the other competitors before she turns to us and gives us a thumbs up. “One more!”

  “What's she mean?” Karli asks as we sit down, looking over at me curiously. “Last year she just did the hundred back.”

  “She entered herself in the two hundred IM,” I tell Karli, who looks on in surprise. “What? She did it in intramurals, you know. And she is a tremendous swimmer who has worked very hard since November to get ready for this. I have watched her literally train her ass off for this.”

  Karli looks at me for a moment, then smirks. “Her ass, huh? And what do you know about her ass?”

  I stare at her in surprise for a moment, then laugh, sitting down. “A wonderful amount, but nothing I will share with you. I will say she is down nine pounds from when we met, simply from the hard training. Even the Quackenbush bitch has stopped making comments about her.”

  “I've heard. Okay, I'll keep my seat for a bit longer. Besides, here come the guys in their banana hammocks... speaking of bananas, why aren't you swimming?” Karli asks, smirking. “I may not be your girlfriend, but I can still admire my best friend's ride.”

  “Your friend's ride?” I repeat, then laugh. “I don't think I have ever been so objectified before. As for your question, it is because I cannot punch the other swimmers. I am still on the lookout every time I go by Ike Barracks, just in case Hernandez and his friends wish to be stupid.”

  Karli and I chit-chat as the other races continue, Karli doing exactly what she said and ogling the more athletic male cadets as they race, but my eyes are fixed totally on Christina as she sits in a chair, headphones in and her eyes closed, trying to focus and calm her nerves. I honestly think that is her biggest weakness on some of her physical tests, she is too nervous about failing. When the announcement is made for the women's 200 IM, Christina puts her headphones away and swings her arms again, but I can see it in her eyes, she is still freaked out.

  “Christina!” I call, hanging over the railing and waving. “Christina!”

  “Hey, get back!” a DPE officer calls, but I ignore him, continuing to wave. Christina sees me and comes over, waving off the DPE officer as I slide back and stick my head under the railing, reaching out to her.

  “You can do this, Christina. I believe in you. Moose and Squirrel swimming.”

  Christina smiles, a competitor's smile, and walks away while Karli gives me a look. “What? It worked for me.”

  Karli growls, and punches me in the shoulder again. “She isn't supposed to put any of them in the hospital.”

  The announcer goes through the competitors again, and this time there are a few more cheers for Christina from the Ironside in attendance. Even Major Franklin is here, and he cheers loudly. I wonder if it is because he actually is happy or if he is just content that one of his cadets is in the race again. I find him a fool, always focused on the surface issues about his cadets, their performance in easy to measure things, and not looking at the person underneath and their potential. If he were truly a developer of talent, he would have a much better company than he does. Ah well, I suppose that his lack of really getting to know his cadets makes my mission easier, even if I am doing enough myself at the moment to screw that up.

  The gun goes off, and Christina is off the blocks well, diving in for the butterfly leg of the race. “She's lagging!” Karli says, worried. “What's wrong?”

  “Nothing,” I reassure her. “The butterfly is Christina's weakest stroke. There is still a lot of race to go, Karli. Just wait.”

  Christina is in fourth at the first turn, switching to the backstroke where she powers quickly into a tie for first, and I sit back, confident. “She has it. Just watch, Karli. She will win by at least half a second.”

  “No way....” Karli says, but her words dry up as she watches. The breaststroke is next, and Christina surges into the lead. She had just over a body length lead as they turn for the last distance, the freestyle. Christina takes off with amazing speed, her arms and feet churning the water around her into a maelstrom as she rockets, her lead doubling as she closes the last fifty meters, touching the wall to a round of cheering and applause that lifts my heart. “She did it!”

  “She always could,” I tell Karli. “She always could.”

  After the awards are passed out, Karli and I wait for Christina to finish showering and changing, giving us time to talk. “Mind if I ask you a question, Ivan?”

  “You are the higher rank, you can ask either way,” I note, and Karli shakes her head, rolling her eyes. She is starting to see that some of the comments that other members of the Corps take as arrogance are just my attempts at jokes.

  “Anyway… why was it so important for you to see Christina win, while you were willing to get yourself DQd to teach Mike Hernandez a lesson?”

  I adjust the ski cap on my head, outside of Arvin it is cold for the Hudson River valley, and think for a second. “I think it is because of the difference between Christina and myself. I know who I am, Karli. For me, the important thing is the fight, not the medal. I need no external affirmation of who I am. Christina however can benefit from the recognition. Nobody can d
eny now that she is a champion, and able to stand among any of the Corps as exceptional in her own right.”

  Karli gives me an appraising look, then shakes her head. “You're not arrogant, Ivan. You're a fucking romantic.”

  “Thank you,” I answer, my face breaking out in a smile as Christina comes out of the women's locker room area, her face beaming. “Now, it is time to celebrate.”

  The three of us go to Grant Hall, where Karli and I produce ice cream and pizza for Christina, whose smile lights up the room nearly as much as the two gold medals around her neck. “You guys... thank you.”

  “You more than earned it, beautiful,” I tell her, pulling off a slice of pizza. “Here, to the victor goes the spoils.”

  We eat about half the pizza when I notice a girl approaching us. I look over, a quiver in my gut as I see who it is. Natasha Lapstrom was one of my first conquests in the Corps, another member of my class who I fucked about a month after Beast, as soon as I knew where some of the safer places to fuck a girl were. She was hot enough for a second go around, a little bit of BDSM romp that produced a video I am sure her uncle, a California assemblyman, would not want to see. Then again, maybe he would.

  But that was over a year and a half ago, what is she doing approaching me now? “Hi Ivan.”

  “Natasha. What can I do for you?”

  Natasha looks at me, then at Christina, then bites her lip. “Well... I heard from a friend that you helped her get ready for the swimming open. I was wondering if maybe you could train me some too? I want to put in for Airborne this summer, and I really want to make sure I pass.”

  “Sorry, but I do not think so,” I answer, trying not to be cruel. Still, I am upset, this is a dinner with my girlfriend and her best friend, not a time to be approached and hit on. “But good luck with Airborne.”

  “Please, Ivan?” Natasha asks, biting her lip. “We can even do like last time.”

  “I said no. Now, please leave. My patience is wearing thin,” I reply, my eyes hard. “I am on a date with my girlfriend.”