Always Close to Home

by Jerry S. Eicher

  Lydia managed to laugh. “I’m sure we were a burden.”

  “You were the sweetest things,” Nancy said, “but come. You should have a special place at the first table today, I’m thinking. We only take the baptismal vows once in our lives.”

  “Oh, no!” Lydia recoiled in horror. “I’ll wait to eat at the unmarried girls’ table on the second round. I was getting ready to serve the men’s table as I always do.”

  Nancy hesitated but gave in. “Always the humble servant you are, but that’s how it should be. The ways of the community are the best, I’m thinking.”

  Lydia’s head spun. Nancy was saying some strange things today. And where had the idea of her taking a special place at the tables come from? Maybe Deacon William did have cause for concern with all the new ideas Nancy came up with for her students. And maybe Nancy had slipped even further? Otherwise, why would Milton have made up a story about his sister?

  “Are you okay?” Nancy’s questions came again. “Are you ill?”

  Lydia forced herself to look up and meet Nancy’s gaze. “Is it true what Milton told me? You had an Englisha man in your house for a meal alone?”

  Nancy’s mouth opened as if to speak, but no words came out.

  Lydia trembled. Then it must be true. Milton had not invented the story. But how could you? she wanted to scream. You are so many things, but not this.

  Nancy turned pale and motioned for them to move off to the side.

  “I’m very sorry that you know this,” Nancy said when they had seated themselves. “I would try to explain, but I guess there is no explanation.”

  “Do you plan to wed him?” Lydia dared to whisper. “Do you plan to jump the fence after all these years of faithful service to the community?”

  “I don’t plan to,” Nancy protested. “But of course I hadn’t planned any of this.”

  Lydia clutched Nancy’s arm. “Then why? What happened?”

  “We cannot speak of this here,” Nancy said, a bit sadly. “It’s not proper. I will make things right with Deacon William once you tell him, but I cannot go myself.”

  “You were my teacher,” Lydia whispered. “I’m telling no one.”

  Relief crept into Nancy’s face. “You won’t?”

  “Nee, but you must—” Lydia stopped. Who was she to lecture Nancy? This was all too much to comprehend. She would not reprimand her elders, regardless of what they had done.

  “You must pray for me, Lydia. And for Milton.” Nancy glanced at her. “Please.”

  “Yah, I will,” Lydia managed. “We can always pray.”

  Nancy slowly turned and moved off without a backward glance. Lydia braced herself against the living room wall. No wonder Milton had thoughts about jumping the fence, considering the confusion in his family. She would have to pray—often and with her whole heart.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Early Monday morning, Laura drove her buggy toward the Yoders’ home on Cooper Road again. Maud lifted her head high in the brisk air and blew her nostrils wide with each stride. White streams of breath hung briefly in the air before they vanished.

  Laura reached up to wipe away a tear. She was not going to cry today in front of the Yoders. She would be brave—no matter what. She had prayed fervently for John to recover ever since the accident, but the Lord had not answered yet. At the same time, Mamm and Hilda had tried to prepare her for John’s possible passing, but she had refused to pay any attention. This was not in stubbornness or in defiance of the Lord’s will. She knew that the Lord did what He wanted, but she also knew the Lord heard the cries of the heart. Surely He would hear hers.

  No doubt Deacon William would counsel her to be submissive to the Lord’s will. And she was submitted. Had she not been baptized yesterday? Of course, Deacon William would mean something else by his words, namely that she stop her prayers for John’s recovery. But she couldn’t do that while there was breath left in him. She simply couldn’t.

  And what had Wendell Kaufman meant yesterday after the baptism when he had said, “We must pray for the Lord’s will”? She no longer trusted him after that evening at Bishop Ezra’s corn-husking. The man spoke out of both sides of his mouth, and his words yesterday doubtless contained a hidden message. Of course Wendell would pray for the Lord’s will. They all did, but His will had not been made known yet. She would not assume what the answer was until the way was made clear, and neither should Wendell or anyone else.

  Mamm must have known her thoughts because before Laura had left this morning, Mamm had warned, “Your heart is clouding your vision, daughter. Let the man go. You must face the truth.”

  Laura turned her face into the wind. “I love him,” she mouthed. “And I will marry him. I will not have that stolen from me.” A sob escaped her. “Unless the Lord wills,” she whispered. She would have to accept the worst if that happened, but not before.

  Laura struggled to calm herself with her hands firmly on the reins. There had been something in Wendell’s eyes when he spoke with her yesterday. There had been an interest that Wendell had tried to hide, but she had recognized that look from the past. Wendell once again had designs on her. Not only that, he meant to get his foot in the door while her heart lay wounded. What else could explain his continued attentions and his mixed signals about John’s healing?

  Laura took a deep breath. Here she went again in her emotional state. She must not imagine things or hold anything against Wendell. He might simply be sympathetic toward her and nothing more. At least she could give the man the benefit of the doubt. Wendell knew she loved John. He had to know that. Nothing had changed there.

  Laura pulled back on Maud’s reins as the buggy approached the Yoder driveway. Maud lifted her feet high and almost pranced up to the barn. “Stop it,” Laura spoke to the horse. “It’s inappropriate.” But of course Maud paid her no attention.

  John’s daett, Herman, came out of the barn before she could climb down.

  “Goot morning,” he greeted her, his voice subdued. “Brisk, isn’t it?”

  “Yah, Maud’s all into it.” Laura tried to smile. She took the buggy step with care and began to unfasten the tugs from the buggy shaft.

  “John’s still the same,” Herman said, but he didn’t look up. “It’s nice of you to come over though, and so early.”

  “I had to,” Laura said. “I…”

  “It’s okay.” Herman’s smile was kind. “I’m thankful for the love you’ve shown my son. Few women would have stood by his side the way you have—through all of this, and with what might still lie ahead. May the Lord bless you for your efforts.”

  Laura dropped her gaze. Now she was going to cry, and she wasn’t even in the house yet. Had she finally found a kindred soul in John’s daett?

  “The Lord will do what is right,” Herman continued, his hand resting lightly on Maud’s bridle. “I guess you’ll be staying most of the day.” He offered his kind smile again. “I’ll see that Maud’s well taken care of.” He didn’t wait for an answer, but led Maud toward the barn.

  Laura collected her bag and made her way up to the front door, where Hilda was already standing. “Goot morning,” she said. “I’ve been expecting you.”

  “Goot morning,” Laura responded. Her gaze had already moved to the hospital bed set up in the living room.

  “There’s not been much change. Not like we had hoped for those first few days after the accident,” Hilda said. But Laura hardly heard. She hurried to John’s bedside and reached for his pale hand.

  “John,” she whispered, but there was no response.

  “I’ll be in the kitchen if you want me,” Hilda said, her steps fading away.

  Laura was alone with John. It wasn’t like the other times they’d been together, but still, her heart beat faster. John was here, even if he couldn’t respond. Surely he must be able to hear her. She had to believe that. What John needed was sunshine. Laura glanced toward the living room window. Bright streaks of light were streaming past the drapes to fal
l across the hardwood floor. The hospital bed was on wheels. Did she dare?

  Laura hesitated. She had best ask Hilda for help. Laura tiptoed over to the kitchen doorway, and Hilda glanced up with a smile on her face.

  “Could you help me?” Laura asked. “John needs…” She stopped. Nothing sounded right. She couldn’t order Hilda around in her own house. “The sunshine,” she managed. “I think John would enjoy it. Can we wheel him over? He must…” Laura bit off the words and waited.

  Hilda’s smile had disappeared, but she proceeded to dry her hands on her apron. “I guess the sunshine would do him goot. But you know that there is little hope, Laura. John’s in a body cast with his back broken in three places, and the swelling in his head still hasn’t gone down. And he is unconscious most of the time.”

  “I know.” Laura looked away. But the Lord can hear our cries, she wanted to say, but she must be respectful. Hilda loved her son, so her reaction was understandable.

  “Come.” Hilda’s face had softened. “You have a kind heart, and we must not quench your spirit, even when things look hopeless.”

  “Thank you,” Laura whispered. She followed Hilda back to the hospital bed where Hilda unlocked the wheels. With a quick nod from Hilda they began moving the bed slowly toward the living room window. The iron frame creaked and John groaned softly. Hilda gave him only a brief glance and continued on.

  “He’s okay,” Hilda said, as if she read Laura’s worried thoughts. “He makes worse sounds than that in his sleep.”

  They wheeled the bed into the full strength of the morning sunlight. Once the motion stopped, Hilda stepped over to adjust the drapes so that John’s face was shadowed. Laura said nothing, but took John’s hand again.

  “There. That’s better,” Hilda said. “Call me if you need anything.” She then headed back to the kitchen.

  Laura squeezed John’s hand as the sunlight streamed across his body. Sunlight was goot for the soul and for the heart. It must be. Was not the Lord Himself described as the light of the world? He was, and right now they could use plenty of light.

  Laura glanced toward the kitchen, where the soft sounds of Hilda’s cooking rose and fell. She should offer to help Hilda, and she would soon, but John came first this morning. There would be plenty of time for household duties afterward.

  Laura knelt by the bed. The cold in John’s hand crept all the way through her, but she pressed on and began to pray. “Dear Lord, I know that I have wronged John and You by my carelessness and intemperate ways. I should never have distracted John that day of the barn-raising, no matter what reasons I thought I had. I said I loved John, and I wanted him to hold me in my arms, and yah, I wanted his kisses. Now I have nothing. I have no right to ask for all of that back again. I should have waited for Your proper time and place and for Your will. You know my heart needs cleansing, but please don’t take Your anger out on John. Forgive me. Give me another chance. Give me another opportunity to live with John as I ought. I promise to love him always. Please let John walk again. If that’s not in Your will, bring John back and I’ll still love him. Just let him come back to me. I know that’s awful selfish to ask, but please think about my plea. I love him. I really do.”

  Laura paused as a sob choked her. Soft steps came up behind her, and Laura tried to stand. A hand on her shoulder kept her down. “Don’t get up,” Hilda’s voice said. “Let me pray with you.”

  Laura buried her face in the quilt as Hilda slid to her knees beside her. The hard cast on John’s chest pressed into her face, and the tears came. Hilda was going to pray with her when she had expected a rebuke instead.

  Laura reached for Hilda’s hand, and she didn’t pull away. “Have mercy on my son,” Hilda spoke distinctly. “Have mercy. Have mercy, dear Lord. Don’t allow my son to linger in this state of suffering. Heal him or take him. Look upon our sorrow and don’t give us more than we can bear. John was once so full of life and happiness. We…” Hilda stopped and slowly stood to her feet. “Come, dear. We have said enough. The Lord does not appreciate many words spoken into His ear.”

  Laura smiled and whispered, “Thank you for praying with me. It means so much.”

  “You are welcome.” Hilda looked away. “Herman prayed for him this morning at the family devotions. Still, we must be prepared to accept what the Lord does.”

  “I know,” Laura agreed.

  Hilda wasn’t as coldhearted as she seemed at times. She wouldn’t have prayed with Laura otherwise. “I’ll come help you in the kitchen now,” Laura offered.

  Hilda’s smile was tender. “No, you stay here and spend more time with John. I think you do him goot.”

  As Hilda left for the kitchen, Laura took John’s hand again. This time, the warmth startled her.

  “John!” she exclaimed. She touched his face. “John!” she repeated. “Can you hear me?”

  “Is something wrong?” Hilda asked from the kitchen doorway.

  “Nee.” Laura looked up. “He just seems a little better.”

  Compassion filled Hilda’s face. She stepped closer to slip her arm around Laura’s shoulder. “My dear, that’s the danger in praying for what we want. We think it’s going to happen, when the Lord may have other plans.”

  “But his hand is warmer,” Laura insisted. “And so is his face.”

  “He’s in the sunshine,” Hilda spoke softly. “That’s goot for him, but we must not allow our faith to falter even when things don’t get any better. John’s temperature changes all the time.”

  Hilda gave her another quick hug before returning to the kitchen. No matter what Hilda said, John had improved right before her eyes. The Lord had given her a sign she could hang on to. Just a little sign, but this was a sign. She would not believe otherwise.

  “I know you’re in there,” she whispered near John’s ear. “I love you, and you’re going to get better. The Lord can heal you if He sees fit. Pray with us, John, and ask. I’ll be here for you when you come back. I promise. I’ll stand with you. Regardless! I love you, and I’ll never stop loving you. Never!”

  Laura pulled away and studied John’s face. His lips were moving slowly. She bent closer and listened. There was no sound, but she was sure John was praying, just as she asked him. He must have heard her. The Lord would also hear, and He would answer. She would always believe that. She must believe that!

  Chapter Fourteen

  Later that week Laura was home washing the dishes, taking her time until Mamm glanced at her. “You can’t take all evening, Laura. Daett will be having prayer time soon.”

  “I know,” Laura said. She tried to hurry, but her mind wouldn’t stay on her work. This was how things had been all week. With Lydia gone, the house seemed empty and lonely, and on top of that, John hadn’t shown any improvement today when she visited him. She had been so sure the Lord had given her a sign on Monday.

  “How was John today?” Mamm asked, as if reading her thoughts.

  “He will be well soon,” Laura said, her head down.

  Mamm sighed. “Are you sure, Laura? Are you surrendered to the Lord’s will? I don’t think you are. In fact, you’re coming close to questioning the Lord. Think of what danger that places you in.”

  “The Lord doesn’t want John to lie there like a vegetable and never walk again!” The words exploded out of Laura’s mouth.

  Mamm stepped closer to slip her arm around Laura’s shoulder. “Come, daughter. Let’s go pray with Daett. We can finish the dishes later.”

  “But the water will be cold,” Laura protested.

  “It’s already cold,” Mamm said. “You can add hot water when we come back.”

  Laura nodded and dried her hands. Mamm was right. She did need prayer. Just like John did.

  “Come,” Mamm said, giving Laura’s arm a gentle pull. Laura gave in as Mamm led the way into the living room, pausing at the stair door to call up, “Nelson, Lester, prayer time.”

  Laura found a seat on the couch while her brothers’ footsteps thundered do
wn the stairs. At least someone in the house had energy left to spare.

  Lester flopped down in his chair with only a brief glance in Laura’s direction. Nelson sat beside her on the couch and smiled her way before announcing, “Oh, by the way, Wendell’s coming over tonight.”

  Laura gasped, and everyone ignored her, which meant they all knew of Wendell’s plan. Wendell wasn’t coming to see Nelson. Of that she was sure. Was this the real reason Mamm had hurried her out to the living room for prayer time?

  “Let’s pray, Daett,” Mamm said.

  Daett hesitated for a moment before he knelt by his rocker. With her throat constricted, Laura couldn’t speak, so she abandoned her protest and knelt. Daett’s voice rose and fell as he recited the familiar German words, but Laura’s mind raced with the startling announcement of Wendell’s arrival this evening. What did the man want with her? Whatever it was, she must maintain her dignity.

  When the prayer was completed, she would demand to know what excuse Wendell had used for his visit. Wendell had no right to intrude on her life. He had lost out to John, and now he should accept reality. John was going to walk again and get better. Her heart was not available. She had loved John from her school days, and Wendell had never stood a realistic chance with her even before she dated John. Wendell knew all of this, which could only mean he considered John’s case hopeless and perhaps even fatal.

  Laura suppressed a sob about the same time Daett pronounced the amen.

  Nelson was on his feet in a flash, but Laura still caught his elbow near the stair door. “What is going on with Wendell?”

  “Not here,” he whispered. “Up there.” He motioned with his head.

  Laura bit back her words and followed him up the stairs. Nelson opened the door of her bedroom and stepped inside to wait until Laura followed. She turned to confront him by the dresser. “What does Wendell want with me? The nerve of that man!”

  “Calm down,” Nelson ordered. “Wendell’s not coming with any ulterior motive. He wants to talk with me about hunting strategies this fall.”