The limo pulled to a stop by the entrance to the club, and we all climbed out laughing and carrying on. There was nothing like a little tequila to loosen us up. We all walked in through the doors, the pounding dance music assaulting my ears. It was an upscale strip club with a large stage on one side of the room and a bar on the opposite side. The decor was dark and opulent with lots of small tables with leather chairs in the center of the room. We headed for one of the large U-shaped leather couches near the stage that Jensen had reserved for us.
A scantily-clad waitress came over and introduced herself as Candy, and took our drink orders. She was curvaceous and attractive with dark hair and eyes, and had enough cleavage for a couple of women. She didn't do anything for me though. My idea of the perfect woman now was tall and slender with a narrow waist and full breasts that filled my hands perfectly. I felt a pang of longing for Natalie. I hadn't seen her since Tuesday night, and the withdrawal was killing me. Suddenly, I didn't want to be here at all, but I sucked it up and put on a happy face for Andy.
We drank and watched the strippers on stage for a while. When some of the girls came over and started giving lap dances to Andy, Ben, and a couple of his co-workers, Jensen and I politely declined. The girls quickly left us alone when they realized neither of us were interested in them nor in giving them any of our money.
After an hour or so, I was feeling pretty buzzed and decided to head outside to get some air. I stepped out of the front door, reveling in the crisp autumn air. Out here I didn't have to pretend that I was enjoying myself. I didn't have to pretend that I wasn't in turmoil over my feelings for Natalie and my inability to voice them. I was feeling pathetic again, and even though I knew the alcohol probably had a lot to do with how melancholy I was; I still stood there wallowing in it. I stood there for a long time, lost in dark thoughts and rubbing absently at my beard.
"Are you alright, dude?" a familiar voice spoke to my right. I looked over to see Andy standing there with a cigar in his hand.
"No, not really," I admitted with a sigh. I watched him light the cigar carefully and take several puffs of the acrid smoke. I couldn't hide my look of disgust.
"What?" he asked with a wry smile. "It's a special occasion."
"You celebrate special occasions by sucking on a smoking turd?" I asked sarcastically. Wow, I was kind of drunk. I was starting to sound like Jensen.
"Yes, I do," he answered with a wink as he tipped the cigar toward me. "What's going on with you, brother? You look miserable tonight. I thought you of all people would be eating this shit up."
"I met somebody," I told him with a small smile. "Those strippers don't do anything for me."
He looked at me suspiciously as he took another puff on his cigar. "There's something else going on isn't there?" Damn, even a drunk Andy was entirely too observant.
"Is it that obvious?" I asked in irritation.
"If you know what to look for," he answered in a more serious tone. "Come on, dude, spill it. Maybe it will make you feel better. Maybe I can help you." His tone turned wry. "I am a problem solver, you know."
I sighed as I considered his offer. Andy and I were friends, but we had never discussed anything this deep before. He was a pretty smart guy, and maybe his advice was just what I needed. "I was engaged over a year and half ago," I began as Andy's eyes widened in surprise. The only David he knew was the self-deluded guy who had been sleeping around with any willing woman he could find. "She dumped me about a month before the wedding. I haven't been the same since."
"Is that why you ran away to the Ukraine?" he asked with a knowing glance.
I snorted as his perceptiveness. "Yeah," I agreed. "I was pretty messed up and had to get away from here for a while. That's when I started sleeping around. I was trying to drown my sorrows in meaningless casual sex."
"How did that work out for you?" Another plume of white smoke drifted up above Andy's head in the dim outdoor lighting.
"I thought it was working just fine, until I met Natalie a few weeks ago."
"Ah," he said. "This Natalie was a game changer, wasn't she?"
I nodded as I looked away and stared off into the darkened parking lot. "I...I care about her a lot, and I want to tell her that, but I can't bring myself to say it. I'm terrified to put myself out there again."
"This other girl really fucked you up, didn't she?"
"Oh yeah," I said as I nodded slightly. "I keep trying, but I can't get the words out, and I'm afraid she's going to get sick of waiting for me to grow a pair, and she'll leave me."
"Have you said it out loud to anybody else?" he asked quietly.
"No."
"Tell me."
"What?" I asked in confusion.
"Try telling me," he said as he pointed at himself. "Maybe it will help."
"I...um...okay," I babbled out. He had a point, and I guess it was worth a try. What did I have to lose at this point? He looked at me expectantly. "I..." I closed my eyes and let out a deep sigh. "I..."
"Come on man, spit it out," he prompted me. "It's just three words. It's not fucking rocket science. You're just telling me, so who gives a shit?"
"I...I love..." I paused and gathered my courage. "I l...love her."
"Say it again."
"I love her." I managed it without a stutter this time.
"Use her name this time," he suggested. "Who do you love?"
"I...I love Natalie." I threw a smile his way. It was a small victory, but it meant a lot.
"See?" He pointed at me with that damn smoking turd again. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"
"I guess not," I admitted. "But I wish it was that easy telling her."
"What are you afraid will happen if you tell her?"
"I'm afraid that I'll be in so deep that she'll be able to destroy me like Paige did," I confessed in a miserable voice. "I don't think I can survive being ripped apart like that again."
"If you love her, aren't you already in that deep?" he asked with narrowed eyes. "How is telling her going to make you any less vulnerable then you already are? It seems to me that all you're accomplishing by not telling her, is making yourself miserable. Maybe a subconscious part of you wants to push her away by not telling her the truth. Then you won't have to risk your heart again, but it's too late now isn't it? Your heart is already on the line. You might as well go all in now and see what happens. Isn't it worth the risk, if you find happiness?"
"Where were you a week ago?" I asked in amazed exasperation.
"Lost in a wedding planning nightmare," he said with a laugh. "Lydia has been a stressed-out mess. It was all I could do to keep her from freaking out. Thank God, it will be over tomorrow. I never cared about all the wedding shit. I just wanted her to be my wife."
"Thanks, Andrew." I told him sincerely. "I needed a little clarity."
"If you leave now, I bet the limo will be back before we head to the next club."
"What?" I asked, confused again.
"Don't you have someplace to be?" he asked pointedly.
"You want me to tell her tonight?" Tendrils of fear climbed up and wrapped themselves around my stomach.
"Rip the fucking band-aid off, brother." He nodded. "Don't waste another minute without her knowing the truth. She needs to know."
I nodded. He was right. I needed to tell her and why not do it now? Maybe the alcohol would loosen me up enough to do it tonight. "I'll do it," I said firmly, trying to squash the icy terror surging through my veins.
"What are you waiting for, dude?" he motioned toward the limo with his cigar. "Go!"
"Alright, alright." I started toward the vehicle then paused. "Tell Jensen I'm sorry about ditching him."
"Don't worry about him. I'll take care of it," he waved me off.
"Thanks, brother." I smiled at him. He nodded and I took off to find my happiness, without looking back.
**********
I sat in the back of the massive limo feeling so tense and restless that I ended up downing a couple of shots o
f tequila to try to calm my frayed nerves. By the time I got to Natalie's apartment, my buzz was back, but I still felt pretty coherent. Maybe it would be enough to get me through this. I climbed out of the limo, and gave the driver a big tip before watching him drive away. I turned toward the building and realized that I didn't even know if Natalie was home right now. I looked down at my watch to see that it was only a little after ten o'clock. If she had gone out tonight, I'd probably be sitting outside her door for hours, but there was nothing to do about that now.
I entered the building and took the elevator to her floor, then paused when I finally reached her door. I can do this. It's only three words. Other people say them every day. My pep talk didn't really have any effect at all, but standing here like an imbecile wasn't going to accomplish anything. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
A moment later, the door swung open and Natalie stood there in an oversize purple hoodie and black leggings. Even dressed down like this, she was gorgeous. Her face lit up into a wide smile when she saw me. I'm sure my answering smile looked idiotic.
"David?" she asked. "What are you doing here?"
"I missed you," I whispered, and it was all I could manage to get out before the smile faded from my lips, and an all-encompassing need came over me. I stepped into the apartment, kicking the door closed behind me and burying my hands in Natalie's hair. "I couldn't sit there watching those god-awful skanks when I knew I could be with you instead."
Her smile widened, and her green eyes lit up with delight. Her hands slid up my chest over my shirt, her nails rolling across my nipples. I gasped and crushed my lips against hers with a deep groan. She tasted so good, and I caught the scent of pears coming from her hair. Anything I was going to tell her was lost as my need for her took over. I delved my tongue into her mouth and tangled it with hers, pulling it into my mouth and sucking on it hard. She moaned and her body softened against mine, her hands clutching the fabric of my shirt.
I kissed her senseless, devouring her with my mouth until I was practically holding her upright as her knees weakened. I pulled my lips away from hers and lowered her down to her knees. "Shirt off, now," I growled at her. She hastened to obey as she looked up at me with hooded lust-filled eyes and threw her shirt aside. I let out a shuddering breath as I saw she didn't have a bra on. Her perfect rose-colored nipples were already hard points. She gave me an expectant look, waiting for my next command. The expression on her face was headier than any alcohol. "Undo my pants. I want my cock in your mouth."
"Yes, sir," she answered in a low sexy tone. Her hands rose, and she kept her eyes locked on mine as she slowly undid the button then eased the zipper down. My erection was already straining against my jeans as she dipped her fingers into my boxer briefs and pulled me free. She hummed in anticipation as her eyes dropped down to my dick, her tongue darting out to lick across her lips. I shuddered as I watched her lean forward, and I groaned when her tongue glided up the underside of my cock. She ran her warm wet tongue all over me, moving it across my skin with gentle care, and teasing me with her wicked eyes.
"Suck it now," I forced out between clenched teeth when I couldn't take it anymore. She opened her mouth and took me in, her lips stretching wide around me. My breath caught as she took me in as far as she could and started sucking on me hard, her head bobbing up and down my shaft. She looked so damn hot with my cock between her full lips. She wrapped her warm hand around the base, and her head moved faster, the suction unrelenting. Her teeth began to scrape across my tender flesh with each pass. "Fuck!" I blurted out, the pleasure almost more than I could handle. I let her take me all the way to the edge, waiting until the last second before I came apart to pull her mouth off of me with a sharp tug on her hair. "Enough." She whined in disappointment and fought against my grip. "I said that was enough," I growled at her. She stopped whining abruptly and stared up at me with a wild desperation in her eyes. "Good girl," I crooned quietly.
I pulled her to her feet then held her body against mine. I kissed her savagely, showing her the effect she had on me. I nipped at her tongue and lips, my teeth scraping across hers with my desperate need. I walked her across the room over to the long counter separating her kitchen from the rest of the room. I pushed one of the stools out of the way and turned Natalie to face the counter. "Bend over," I commanded. She leaned forward and pressed her chest down on the counter top, gasping as her nipples touched the cool surface. I jerked her leggings and panties off in one swift motion. I stepped back to admire the view as I kicked off my shoes and took my clothes off.
I leaned over her, pressing my naked body to the back of hers. She felt so soft and warm, and my painfully hard cock was cradled against her ass. I bit her shoulder, leaving a mark and eliciting a deep moan from her lips. "Do you want me to fuck you like this, sweetheart? Do you want to feel me deep inside you, filling you, taking you?"
"Yes, sir," she whimpered.
"Do you want me to fuck you hard until I come inside you?"
"Yes, sir. Please, sir."
"I'm going to fuck you so hard, you'll still feel it tomorrow."
"Please, David." She wiggled her ass against me, taunting me, tempting me. I was so far gone to my lust that I let her get away with it. I reached down between us and found her wet and swollen and so ready for me. I gripped my cock in my fist and lined myself up with her entrance. I clamped my teeth down on the soft skin of her shoulder again as I thrust myself all the way into her. Natalie let loose a long wail as she came immediately, her insides gripping my cock like a vice. I froze and waited until her climax passed.
"You don't come again until I say," I snarled out as I fought for control. I was a hair's breath from coming and had to battle it down with an effort of will. A few moments later, I started to move inside her, thrusting harder and harder. I wrapped her hair around a fist and pulled her head back toward me then placed my other hand around her throat. "You're mine," I whispered harshly into her ear. "Mine to fuck however I please." I punctuated each syllable with a hard thrust of my hips as I jabbed myself into her. "Say it," I snapped at her in a low growl.
"I'm yours, David," she mumbled out breathlessly as her eyes rolled back in her head. A possessive heat flooded my body, almost sending me over the edge again. I bit her shoulder once more, and sucked on her skin, marking her, claiming her.
I straightened and grabbed both of her hips. I wasn't going to last much longer, and I wanted her to come first. I began thrusting into her with hard sharp jabs, angling my cock to hit the spot inside of her that always sent her flying into bliss. Her body stiffened, her back arching up as her climax approached. "Come, Natalie," I hissed out between panted breaths. "Come now." She screamed and wailed, her body shaking and shuddering underneath my hands. Her pussy clamped down harder than anything I ever felt before. I swore as my release suddenly plowed into me, sending electric shocks of pleasure tearing up out of my balls and screaming through my entire body. Hard tremors racked my body as I emptied myself into Natalie, and I bellowed right along with her ragged screams.
She was still incoherent when I came back to myself. I pulled my now sensitive cock out of her with a hiss of discomfort then gathered her up in my arms and carried her to her bedroom. I laid her on her back gently, crawling onto the bed next to her and pulling the blankets over both of us. I stayed on my side, propping my head up with my hand and staring down at her. I brushed the stray hairs off of her face as I watched her eyes finally focus on mine. "Did I do a good job, sweetheart?" I asked her as I smiled softly. "Did that feel good?"
"Yes," she whispered and smiled back up at me. "It was perfect."
"Good." I leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss against her lips. Then I tried to open my mouth and say it, to tell Natalie that I loved her finally, but nothing came out. I froze up again as terror burst to life inside me. What the fuck is wrong with me? Her expectant eyes turned distant and sad, and I knew it was because of me. I did that to her. My failure filled me with despair. Sydney to
ld me I had to have patience with myself, but I didn't know how much longer I could deal with this. Each time I failed, I felt less and less like I deserved Natalie at all. I didn't know what else to do, so I just gathered her into my arms and held her tight with her back against my chest, willing my love into her, hoping to God, she could feel since I couldn't tell her. I love you. I love you. I love you. I felt tears threaten to fall and fought them down. She sighed and relaxed into my embrace.
"My David," she whispered to me.
"My Natalie," I replied. Please don't leave me. I squeezed my eyes shut and buried my face into the back of her neck, breathing in her scent and feeling her warmth. "I'm sorry," I whispered, but she was already asleep and didn't reply.
**********
Natalie looked absolutely beautiful when she walked out into my living room to leave for Andy and Lydia's wedding. Her dress was a lovely shade of green that set off her eyes and hugged her hips. The hem hit just above her knees with three-quarter sleeves and dipped down low in the back exposing her gorgeous back. A large smile spread across my lips at the sight of her. Her eyes lit up when she noticed my reaction, then glanced down at my gray suit with an appreciative smile of her own.
"You look gorgeous, David." She walked toward me in her killer three-inch silver heels, swaying her hips as she moved. I contemplated bending her over the back of the couch and taking her right now.
"I know that look," she said suspiciously as she stopped in front of me and stuck her finger into my chest. "Don't even think about it."
You Are My Air: Breathless Book 1 Page 23