Her First Vacation

by Leigh, Jennie

  Garret’s face was tight with tension as he held her gaze. And there was a look in his eyes that made Claire feel vaguely uneasy. As quickly as it had appeared, though, it was gone as he nodded slowly.

  “I know who and what you are, Claire. Believe me, I understand.” He reached out and caught her hand once more. “But what you don’t seem to understand is that I’m not looking for an affair with you.” He sighed. “I thought I’d made that much clear to you the other day. Obviously I wasn’t as clear as I thought. So let me just come right out and say it.” His grip on her hand tightened marginally. “I’m in love with you. I think I have been from the moment you stared me in the eye and told me in no uncertain terms that you wouldn’t be just another woman I lured into my bed.” He smiled ruefully. “I’ll admit that in the beginning I saw you as a challenge to overcome. I thought I could wear you down. But I was the one who got seduced. By all you are. Your heart and soul and everything that makes you so incredibly special and unique. For the first time in my life, I want more than a woman’s body. I want the whole woman. I want you.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Claire could feel tears gathering in her eyes. He was baring his soul to her, and the things he said touched her deeply. He was offering her everything she’d ever wanted. Acceptance for who and what she was. Understanding. Love. She ought to feel elated. She should be especially pleased that she wasn’t really even afraid of having him meet Diane. If the things he said were true, then he wouldn’t care how beautiful Diane was. Some part of her was almost tempted to accept what he was offering her. But she couldn’t lie to him like that. Nor could she lie to herself. The truth was, she wanted all the things he was offering her with a desperation that was too intense for words. But she didn’t want it with Garret. She wanted it with Colin. She wanted him to look her in the eye and tell her he loved her as much as she loved him. If she accepted what Garret was offering, it would be worse than a lie. It would be cruel. To him, even to her. She blinked back the tears in her eyes and forced herself to hold Garret’s gaze.

  “You can’t imagine how much what you’ve said means to me, Garret. I don’t believe anyone has ever loved me before. Not really. Not unconditionally. And I’ll admit that part of me, a large part, wants to grab hold of it and never let go. But it wouldn’t be fair to you if I did that. Because I can’t say I return your feelings. I care about you, certainly. But I’m not in love with you.”

  As she’d spoken she’d seen the emotion slowly leech out of Garret’s face. By the time she finished, the expression in his eyes was as hard as flint. His grip on her hand was tight enough to be nearly painful. And out of the blue, she remembered Colin’s final words to her. Garret wasn’t what he seemed. The warning had been so unexpected, so…out of place. She’d told herself it was just Colin trying to keep her from going from him to Garret. Like some kind of game in which she was the prize, Colin wanted to be the only winner. But now the warning seemed all too sincere. Because there was something in Garret’s gaze that made her want to get away from him. A coldness that sent a shiver along her spine. His grip on her hand tightened again, causing her to grimace in discomfort.

  “Garret, you’re hurting me.”

  He didn’t let her go. He showed no sign at all that he’d heard her. Just when she thought he might actually do damage to her hand, though, he jerked away as if her touch burned him.

  “You’re a tease, Claire. A miserable, heartless bitch of a tease.”

  The words hit her with almost as much force as a physical slap. She drew back with the same swiftness as if the blow had been physical. “Garret-“

  He cut her off. “I don’t know what the hell I was thinking, when I said I loved you. No one can love you. You won’t let them.” He shook his head as he threw his napkin down onto his plate. “And why would I want you, anyway? You’re so damned cold that I’d probably freeze to death the moment I got inside you.”

  She felt herself pale. The last was accompanied by a sneer of pure disgust. He pushed away from the table. “I’ve wasted enough time chasing after you. I’m going to find a real woman. And you can go on being a frigid little virgin for the rest of your pathetic life!”

  His voice had risen toward the end, so that Claire knew at least a few of the other people around them had heard the last of what Garret had said. She felt herself blush, felt nausea rise up in her throat as he turned and stalked away. Dear God, how could he be so cruel? She felt the tears come to her eyes, felt them slipping down her face. And still she sat there, too shocked and ashamed to move while people were whispering around her. The trembling started in her hands and spread to the rest of her body with alarming swiftness. Garret’s words kept ringing in her ears. Frigid. She’d been called that before. And cold and pathetic. All words she’d heard before. All part of who and what she’d been accused of being so many times in the past. By her mother and her sister and even the one man she’d allowed to take her to bed. She’d heard it all so much that she had begun to repeat it herself, believing she was what she’d been labeled. Two weeks ago, even two days ago, she’d believed it. She’d assumed she must be cold and frigid because she hadn’t felt anything at all when she gave her body to a man. But then Colin had come to her room. He’d come to her bed, and suddenly she knew that all the things she’d been before the night they’d shared didn’t mean a thing. He’d taught her that her past was nothing more than a lie she’d allowed herself to believe. He’d taught her that she was every bit as much a woman as her mother or her sister or any other woman. She was not frigid. She never had been.

  Colin was ready to get up and go to her. Against every logical thought in his head, he was ready to take her in his arms and protect her from the words he and half the other people in the dining room had heard Garret say. There was no doubt that Colin hated Garret Palmer. He wanted nothing in the world more than to put him down hard for every one of the crimes he’d committed in his sorry life. But at that moment, Colin wasn’t thinking about Garret’s crimes. Not even about Charlie’s murder. Right then Colin was just thinking that he wanted to hurt Garret because he’d hurt Claire. It was as simple as that. Colin was going to bring Garret down because of what he’d just done to Claire.

  Colin clenched his hands into fists. Garret had called her frigid, and Colin knew it had hurt her badly. She’d been called that before, and she’d believed it. Hearing it said again would just reinforce her doubts about herself. She’d run away and hide again now, probably for the rest of the trip. And then she’d go home and right back to her boring little life. She’d probably withdraw into a shell so thick no one would ever touch her again. All thanks to Garret Palmer. Maybe even thanks to himself. Because he’d started it, hadn’t he? He’d gotten close enough to her to get to know her. He’d been the one to force her to see that she was so much more than what she appeared to be on the outside. He’d been the one to encourage her to take risks. And he’d been the one to take her to bed, then walk out on her. He’d told her she wasn’t frigid. He’d showed her in a thousand little ways that she turned him on like no other woman ever had. But Claire wasn’t experienced enough to recognize those silent signals. She just knew that in the end, he hadn’t wanted to stay with her. And she’d spend the rest of her life blaming herself for it.

  Colin pushed his chair away from his table. Claire’s eyes were filled with tears. It would destroy everything he’d tried to do if he went to her. It would tear down every bit of work he’d done to get himself close to Garret if the man ever realized he and Claire had been lovers. But Colin couldn’t make himself care. He couldn’t make himself sit there and watch her fall apart like this. He was just about to get to his feet when he saw her take a deep breath and lift her hand to wipe the tears from her eyes. A moment later, she rose from her chair and turned to walk from the room with her head held high and her back and shoulders straight. And just like that, Claire proved to him one more time that she was stronger than he gave her credit for. He watched her go, feeling a
sense of pride he had no right to experience. She wasn’t his. She never would be. But damn if he didn’t wish she were.

  Claire didn’t go to dinner that night. She wasn’t entirely certain she could deal with facing both Colin and Garret at the same time. She wasn’t really hiding from them though. She’d simply chosen to avoid places she thought either of them might be. So she’d watched as people boarded the launch to go ashore, and when she didn’t see either of them in line, she decided to get off the ship. She spent most of the day wandering through the markets of the small island and ate a late lunch that meant she wasn’t hungry when dinner came around anyway. She picked up a few more souvenirs for her mother and sister and even a few trinkets to put in her classroom next year that she knew would fascinate young eyes and minds. Brilliantly colored woven rugs and intricately carved masks. The children would love them. It was getting dark when she finally took the last launch returning to the ship. She was pleasantly tired and pleased with her purchases. And most of all, she was content that she’d finally accepted the full truth of who and what she was. Along with that self-acceptance had come others. Like the fact that she loved teaching so much she knew she would never be able to give it up. But she didn’t love living in her hometown. She didn’t love living with her mother and sister and the way they both constantly made her feel as if she would never be good enough. It was time for some real changes in her life, time to finally break completely free of the past. When she went home, she would get an apartment of her own. She would teach next year, but the next she would find somewhere else to teach. Somewhere that wouldn’t hold so many uncomfortable memories of the misery of her past. She would start her life over. Alone, yes, but at least on her own terms. And who knew, maybe someday she’d meet a man that could make her forget Colin. Maybe.

  Colin had hoped to see Claire at dinner. He didn’t want to think about her hiding in her room. But she didn’t put in an appearance and he had no time to go hunting for her. After the scene in the dining room that morning, Garret had gone on something of a tear. He’d spent most of the day in the casino, gambling and drinking. Colin made a point of asking about Claire and Garret gave a very graphic explanation of what he thought she needed. By the time he wound down, Colin was using every last bit of self-control he possessed to refrain from closing his hands around the sick bastard’s throat and choking the life out of him. Garret wasn’t accustomed to not getting his way, especially where women were concerned. He was royally ticked off that Claire hadn’t succumbed to his seduction. So ticked off that Colin worried that he might wind up having to take Garret into custody before he was ready, just to make sure the prick didn’t go after Claire.

  After dinner, Garret snagged Cathy and headed for his room. He’d been toying with her since the cruise had begun and clearly he’d decided it was time to stop playing. Colin made sure they were going to be staying in Garret’s room. He listened to them long enough to be sure that Cathy wasn’t getting herself into something she couldn’t handle, then flipped off the sound on the surveillance equipment and went to bed before he did something insane like heading for Claire’s room to make sure she was okay. As if that’s all he wanted to do. He stretched out on the bed, ignoring the heavy thumping of his heart as he remembered the feel of her, the smell of her, the taste. He had it bad, there was no doubt about it. He was crazy about her. Not just the way their bodies joined, but every last detail of who she was. She made him want things he’d never even considered before. He knew it couldn’t happen, though. He wasn’t built for the kind of life Claire deserved. He was too hard, too cynical, too scarred by his own mistakes. Claire was clean and pure and innocent. He wouldn’t dare destroy more of that than he already had.

  Colin spotted Claire in the dining room the next morning. Many of the same people who’d witnessed Garret’s outburst the morning before were there as well, but Claire ignored them as she ate alone. Colin ignored his own food as he watched her. Garret was sleeping late this morning. Apparently Cathy had proved athletic enough to satisfy his needs. Or maybe he was just sleeping off the effects of all the drinking. Either way, he was still snoring loudly when Colin left his room this morning. Obviously he was going back to his habit of sleeping in since he was no longer trying to impress Claire. Sooner or later he’d come out of his room, though, and when he did, there would be no doubt about where he would go. He’d go ashore. This morning or this afternoon or tonight. Eventually he’d leave the ship and Colin would be right behind him. The time had finally come. Garret had even mentioned it last night. He said he was going ashore today, that he had a friend to meet. So Colin knew it would happen and he’d reported as much to his handler. By tonight, Garret’s contact would be tagged and Garret’s life, as he knew it, would be over. The ship would leave on its final leg of the journey and there would be just one more day before Garret would find himself on the wrong end of a pair of handcuffs. Colin could hardly contain his eagerness to get to that moment. He was going to thoroughly enjoy seeing the expression on Palmer’s face when he told him he was busted. It was going to be sweet.

  Garret came out of his room just before lunch. He made a pig of himself, as usual, then announced that he was going ashore and suggested that Colin come with him. It would be a while before he had to meet his friend, and there was plenty to see and do in the meantime. The island was having a festival tonight. There would be plenty of food, drinks and women. To hear Garret talk, it was just this side of a public orgy. Then again, Garret did constantly think with his dick. He made it clear that when the time for his meeting came, it would be private, and Colin didn’t hesitate to say that was fine with him. Garret implied that he was meeting a woman, a woman who was married to the kind of man who wouldn’t appreciate finding out his wife was screwing another man. Colin figured it could be nothing more than a story Garret had coughed up on the spur of the moment or it might even be true. It would be very much in keeping with Garret’s personality if his offshore contact turned out to be some woman he’d seduced into helping him. Colin sincerely hoped that proved to be the case. If so, she’d undoubtedly prove easier to break than a hardened criminal.

  By the time night began to fall, the festival was in full swing. Colin had latched onto a local woman who’d appeared more than willing to keep him entertained. Garret had kept himself firmly unattached to any females. That alone was out of character enough to make Colin tense. Just about the time things got going really good, Garret ducked out. Colin gave him a couple of seconds’ head start, then excused himself from his female companion and went after his target. He linked up with his handler over the satellite connection they’d established earlier and whispered softly into the transceiver just beneath the collar of his shirt.

  “He’s making the move.”

  He heard a reply in his ear. “We’ve got you. Can you see him?”

  “Yeah, about a hundred yards ahead of me, turning to the right.”

  “We can’t pick him out of the crowd.”

  “I know. I’ll stay close until things begin to thin out a bit.”

  So Colin followed Garret through the crowded streets, almost losing him a couple of times in the sea of dancing, drinking revelers. It didn’t take long to realize that Garret was being very cautious. He doubled back on himself several times, made a number of unexpected turns and basically did everything in his power to shake anyone who might be following him. Maybe his efforts would have worked on anyone less determined than Colin. But Colin wasn’t about to let Palmer shake him. Not in a million years. Colin kept his gaze locked on Garret as he ducked through the crowd, always staying close enough to watch him but far enough away to easily keep Garret from spotting him. Just to make it a little more difficult, he snatched a straw hat off a drunk who’d passed out against a wall and jammed it on his head, then snagged an absurdly florid shirt off a clothes line and shrugged into it. He altered his gate, hunching his shoulders a bit to alter his silhouette. Finally, after more than half an hour of apparently aimless wa
ndering, Garret decided he wasn’t being followed and started moving in a straight line.

  Colin spoke softly to his handler. “He’s going.”

  “Yeah, we’ve got him now that he isn’t meandering around so much.” There was silence as Colin continued to stick with Garret. Colin knew how things were working. This was a big moment for the operation. Big enough that arrangements had been made to gain access to a satellite that was at this very moment tracking every move Colin and Garret were taking. It was high dollar technology that wasn’t typically used for things like this. It was generally reserved for the more secretive branches of government. It just went to remind Colin of how much was riding on this night. His superiors were pulling out all the stops to make this thing go smoothly, and it fell to him to make sure nothing went wrong.

  In the end, nothing did. Colin followed Garret through the increasing shadows, ditching the shirt and hat once they became more of a liability than an asset. He hugged the walls, staying in the deepest shadows as he trailed Garret silently. Eventually, Garret reached his destination. It was a small house, though hardly on par with the huts most of the locals lived in. When Garret knocked on the door, it was opened by a woman. Colin was close enough to hear her tell him how pleased she was to see him just before Garret jerked her into his arms and stuck his tongue down her throat. Seconds later, they were stumbling into the house, and Garret was kicking the door closed behind them. Colin got close enough to use an extremely sensitive listening device to monitor them through the walls. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that they weren’t talking business. They weren’t talking at all. Colin felt a momentary flash of concern that Garret might have been telling the truth earlier when he’d said he was going to meet a married lover. But then he realized that it wouldn’t make sense for Garret to be so cautious about potentially being followed if all he was doing was having an affair with a married woman. No, he was hiding much more than that.