The Girlfriend (Single Wide Female in Love, Book 2)

by Lillianna Blake

“Wait, it’s not what you think.”

  “Stephanie, I adore you, but I don’t see how reliving your intimate moments with Max is going to help me feel better.”

  “Trust me, just hear me out. It’ll be worth it.”

  Chapter 10

  I nearly choked on my swallow of wine. My mind spun with the buzz of alcohol and hot jealousy. I didn’t want to know anything about Stephanie and Max’s bedroom habits. Before I could protest she continued.

  “I kept coming on to him—and Max—he would flirt a bit, be a little playful—”

  “Oh, seriously, Stephanie—” I clasped my hand over my mouth to keep my wine down.

  “But he never let it get very far. I was getting really irritated. Other men I’d been with would get all hot and bothered when we argued, like somehow the fight would get their engines revved.”

  “Still not enjoying this.” I cringed.

  “Anyway, I decided to poke the bear. I tried to get him into an argument. I really turned up the nag factor. I demanded his attention, pushing his buttons until I expected that he’d explode. Just when I thought I had him at his boiling point, he just looked at me, and this—oh my god—this is what he said…” She paused and took a deep breath. She raised her shoulders up and deepened her voice. “Stephanie, I respect you and I want you to respect me. So I’m just going to leave. We both need to calm down. Then we can talk about this.”

  “Wow.” I blinked, as that was not what I was expecting. “Did he really leave?”

  “Yes. He walked out, cool as a cucumber. Then the next day he showed up, sat me down, and told me flat out that what he offered was all he could offer. He wanted to take things slow.”

  I stared at her for a long moment. “Wait, are you saying that you and he never—”

  “Not even close.” Stephanie laughed. “To be honest, I got tired of waiting.”

  “But Max is so sensual.” I shook my head.

  “Maybe he is with you, Samantha—maybe he is when he’s with the person that he’s meant to be with. Maybe that was the problem. It’s not like he just fell in love with you, you know.”

  I sat back at her words. It was the first time I really wondered how long Max had known that he was in love with me. I had been pining for him for years, but had he been in love with me too?

  “I can’t believe it. I never would have thought he was holding back.”

  “It wasn’t just with me either. I know a few of the girls he dated after me, and they all had the same complaint. One even tried to sneak him a Viagra.” Stephanie broke down giggling.

  I had to join in. I wasn’t just laughing at one woman’s desperation, but with joy for the fact that Max had felt for me the same way I’d felt for him for so long. But now that I had pushed him past the edge, now that I had questioned his loyalty, would he still feel the same way?

  “Stephanie, have I ruined everything?”

  “I doubt it. Just talk to him. Okay?” She took the wine glass from my hand. “After you sober up.”

  “How can you be so sure?” I looked into her eyes.

  She took my hand in hers and looked directly back into my eyes.

  “Samantha, you are one of the most loving and accepting people I know, but you are going to have to take a risk and trust someone eventually. Trust me, I know that Max is dying to hear from you. He is probably wracking his brain right now trying to figure out where the conversation went wrong. This should not be a surprise to you, but Max loves you as much and as deeply as you love him.” Stephanie shook her head. “Don’t let insecurity rob you of the best time in your life.”

  I stood up. “You’re right! I’m going to go talk to him right now.” A wave of dizziness washed over me, a reminder of how much wine I’d guzzled. “Maybe after a nap.”

  “Definitely after a nap.” Stephanie laughed. “I’ll leave you to it. Just promise me—no calls, no texting, until your mind is clear.”

  “Okay, I promise.”

  After Stephanie left I headed straight to bed. The room spun no matter how still I was. I knew it wasn’t just from the wine. It was from my spiraling emotions. One second I felt secure—of course Max loved me—the next, I felt as if I was being foolish to think that he did. By the time I fell asleep, I felt as if an entire war had been fought within my mind.

  When I woke up the next morning, I had a headache. I sat up and reached for the stash of aspirin I kept in my bedside drawer. I took a couple, then closed my eyes. I felt as if I had the weight of the world upon me. I owed Max a big apology, but I wasn’t sure he would even want to see me.

  I was about to curl up for another hour of sleep when I heard a knock at the door. I’d fallen asleep in the clothes I had tossed on the day before. At least I wasn’t in my pajamas. I hoped that maybe if I ignored the knock, whoever it was would go away.

  I heard another heavy knock.

  “Sammy, please let me in.”

  Chapter 11

  As soon as I recognized Max’s voice I bolted out of bed. I rushed to the door and opened it wide for him.

  “Max, I didn’t know it was you. I’m so sorry.”

  “You’re not answering any of my calls or texts.” He frowned. “Are you still mad about yesterday?”

  “You called?” I noticed my phone beside a half-empty glass of wine on the counter. I picked it up. “Oh, Stephanie must have turned it off.”

  As I was powering the phone back on, Max stepped inside.

  “Stephanie?”

  “She came over last night.”

  “Oh, Sammy, please tell me you didn’t—”

  “No, Max, no. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. It wasn’t right for me to accuse you.”

  Max smiled with relief. “I really thought you were still mad.”

  “Aren’t you?” I met his eyes.

  “No. I’m not mad at all. I’m just glad that we got all of this straightened out. Now we can put it behind us.”

  “I’m glad too. And I’m going to make it up to you.” I kissed him.

  Max pulled away from the kiss after a moment.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, I’m really sorry and I’m going to make it up to you.”

  “I don’t want you to make anything up to me. There’s nothing to make up. I love you. We had a little spat. It’s no big deal, right? It was a misunderstanding.”

  “But it shouldn’t have been. Don’t you see? I can’t believe I let you think that I didn’t trust you. How can you just forgive me for that?”

  “Easily. I know you, Sammy. I know trust doesn’t come easily for you. That’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not.” I wrapped my arms around his waist. “It would drive me crazy if I thought you didn’t trust me.”

  “Okay, but I’m not you.”

  “What does that mean?”

  Max laughed. “Exactly that. You think everything has some secret meaning. I don’t. If you say you trust me, I believe you.”

  I couldn’t even begin to comprehend being able to be that casual about the idea of trust.

  “Don’t you think we should work on strengthening that trust between us, though? I mean, for our future?”

  “Sammy, what’s going on with you? Just a couple days ago we were fine. You didn’t have any of these questions.”

  “I just think if we value our relationship we should be concerned about it.”

  “So now I don’t value it?” He shook his head. “Sammy, where is this coming from?”

  I could tell that he was starting to get frustrated. I knew what I wanted to say to him, but getting the words right, so that he could understand me, was proving to be very difficult.

  “Never mind.” I shook my head. “I’m sorry I even brought it up.”

  “Wait, don’t be sorry.” He kissed my forehead. “I just want you to relax. We love each other, isn’t that all that really matters?”

  I swallowed back the reasons on the tip of my tongue for why that was not all there was to
it. The truth was, Max wasn’t the problem. I was the problem. Max, with his easy smile and the love in his eyes, was happy in our relationship. I was the one that needed to work on how I felt.

  “Yes.” I kissed him. “I love you, Max.”

  “So, then you’ll join me for breakfast?”

  “Actually, I have a little bit of a headache.”

  “I can see why.” He nodded toward the wine glass.

  My heart sped up. Oh, no. Did Max think I drank too much? Did he think I might be an alcoholic? All at once I could see how wild my mind was going. Why was I so anxious about every little thing?

  “Right.” I laughed. “I guess Stephanie and I were just making up for lost time.”

  “Well, she’s had it rough. With her ex and all.”

  “She told you about that?”

  “Sure. A little. It’s a shame that she had to go through that.”

  I nodded. I was a little surprised that Stephanie had confided in Max. When had they even had time to talk in depth? Just that quickly, suspicions started creeping back into my mind. I tried to brush away the thoughts.

  “She really thought she was in love.” I looked into his eyes.

  “Sammy, I love you. You know that, don’t you?” He brushed his fingertips along my cheek. “I’m always going to love you.”

  I wanted his words to erase every doubt in my mind. They should have. I had no reason to question him. But I couldn’t bring myself to answer him. Instead I leaned up and kissed him with passion. Max wrapped his arms around me and held me firmly in his grasp. He continued the kiss as if he hoped it wouldn’t end. I lost myself in the heady pleasure that washed over me. When we finally had to come up for air, Max’s cheeks were flushed.

  “I guess you do.” He laughed a little. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

  “Dinner?” I did my best to hide the fact that I still hadn’t answered him.

  “I can’t tonight. I have something. Maybe dessert?” He winked at me.

  “Don’t tease me about dessert, Max, because you know just the way I like it.”

  “Oh I know.” He stole one more kiss. “Hot, dripping, and covered in chocolate sauce.”

  “Mm, yes, and don’t forget the cherry this time.”

  “I won’t, I promise. Mint chocolate chip?”

  “Yes, please.”

  He grinned as he turned to leave.

  I watched him go. I expected to feel thrilled; instead I had to wonder what he might have to do that would prevent him from having dinner with me. Did he have a better offer?

  “Stop it, Sammy!” I growled at myself. But the more I tried to ignore my worries, the bigger they became.

  To distract myself, I called Stephanie. I wanted to see if she could help me straighten out the mess in my head.

  “Morning. Do you have a headache too?” Stephanie said, picking up after the second ring.

  “I think it’s finally gone. I was wondering if you’d like to go to this new bookstore with me. It’s just a little shop and I want to see if they’d let me do a reading.”

  “Oh, that’s a great idea. Of course I will. When?”

  “After lunch? I need to try to get some work done this morning. I’ll text you the address and we can meet there.”

  “Sounds great. See you then. No wine!”

  “No wine!” I laughed.

  With the way I’d woken up that morning, I had a feeling it would be a while before I enjoyed any more wine.

  Chapter 12

  Even though I really wanted to make some progress on my book that day, I spent most of my time reading it over. It was strange how some passages felt foreign to me, as if I couldn’t have been the one to write them. Others felt as familiar as the tattoo on my wrist. What I was looking for was some insight into why I had so much trouble trusting Max. He had never given me a reason not to trust him. Even the idea of his being Blue and keeping it a secret for so long hadn’t really bothered me that much.

  What bothered me was the fact that I seemed to have such a hard time believing that he really loved me. Maybe it was because I had seen him with so many beautiful women, women who without question were much more beautiful than me.

  I’d been working for so long to build my confidence, but all at once it seemed to have disappeared.

  I decided to take some extra time to appreciate my body and how I looked before heading out to meet Stephanie. I took a long shower, used my favorite lotion, fixed my hair just the way I liked it, and applied my make-up. Then I chose a fun flowing dress to wear. I always felt more confident when I could swish. I swirled the skirt around my legs in front of the mirror. Yes, I had worked hard, and it showed, but still, my reflection didn’t come close to mirroring the women that I’d seen Max with.

  Before I could dwell on it any longer, I headed out the door.

  Stephanie was already at the shop when I arrived. She had her nose poked into a novel I recognized. It was a mystery. Stephanie seemed to have a mind for figuring things out. I hoped she’d be able to help me get to the bottom of things.

  “Hi.” I stepped up behind her.

  “Ah!” She threw the book at me. It hit me square in the chin.

  “Ouch!” I grabbed my chin and glared at her.

  “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Samantha.” Stephanie tried to apologize but she was laughing too hard. She picked up the book from the floor. “Are you okay?”

  “I think so. What’s with the literary assault?”

  “I’m sorry.” She was trying to speak through her laughter. “I started reading this book and I was right at the part where the guy was sneaking up behind her—”

  “Oh!” I laughed too. “I remember that part. I slept with my light on for two nights straight.”

  “I’m really sorry.” Stephanie inspected my chin. “Do you need ice?”

  “I’m okay. At least, my chin is.”

  “Well, you look fantastic.” She took a step back. “I love the dress.”

  “Thanks. I was trying to give myself a little bit of a confidence boost.”

  “Did it work?”

  “I don’t know.” I shook my head and walked over to a small sitting area. I sat down in an overstuffed chair and tried to think of how to explain myself.

  “Samantha, it’s not Max again, is it? Please tell me you did not drunk-text him.”

  “I didn’t. I swear. In fact he showed up at my apartment this morning.”

  “How was he?”

  “Not mad at all. He was worried that I was mad.”

  “See! He adores you. You were worried about nothing.”

  “Is it nothing, though?” I squeezed my hands together. “It feels like something.”

  “Even though he’s not upset. I don’t understand. What does it feel like?”

  “Just the fact that I was so quick to doubt him. I feel like he’s going to remember that and think that I don’t trust him.”

  “Remember, men sometimes think a little differently.” Stephanie frowned. “I get why you’re upset about it, but what can you do?”

  “I have to find ways to prove to him that I trust him.”

  “I don’t know. Don’t you think that sounds a little strange?” Stephanie shook her head. “I’m sure that Max knows that you trust him.”

  “How? How could he know?” I sighed. “After accusing him of such an absurd thing I feel like I have a lot to make up to him.”

  “What about Max? How does he feel about it?”

  “He just wants to move on from it. He said it was no big deal. But what if he thinks it’s a reason not to propose? I can’t let him go on thinking that I don’t trust him, when really it was my own insecurities that made me accuse him.”

  “Alright. Alright, if that’s what you think is best, what’s your first step?”

  “Well, I think it’s important that we be in situations where he sees that I trust him.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like tandem skydiving.”

  “Wow,
that’s definitely showing trust.” Stephanie laughed. “Are there any steps before that?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe surfing?”

  “Oh, that’s a great idea! It will get you out in the water and give you and Max a chance to work together.”

  “And he might be able to save me from a shark.” I grinned.

  “Okay, well, let’s not hope for a shark. Anything else?”

  “Well, maybe parasailing?”

  “Hm. I’m seeing a theme.”

  “Yes, a theme where I’m in situations where my life depends on Max. What better way to show him how much I trust him?”

  “Okay, I get what you’re saying, but I think you’re missing the point.”

  “The point?”

  “Trusting Max with your life has never been the problem. Trusting Max with your heart is the issue.”

  Chapter 13

  Stephanie’s words hit me hard. I realized right away that she was right. I would trust Max to drag me out of alligator-infested waters. I just didn’t trust that he could really love me—not as much as I loved him.

  “I want to so badly.”

  “Okay, well, you have time to figure out what’s holding you back. I mean, Max is fine with what happened, and he adores you. So just take a breath and realize this isn’t a crisis. It’s just a tiny roadblock.”

  “I don’t know.” I shook my head. “Max is going to realize that this isn’t right eventually.”

  “Samantha.” Stephanie pursed her lips thoughtfully, then she took my hand. “I’m only telling you this because we’re friends and I would want someone to tell me if it were me.”

  I nodded, giving her permission to continue.

  “I think that you’re reading way too much into this. Max loves you and he’s always accepted you for who you are.”

  “Sure he loves me, but obviously he doesn’t want to marry me.” I stood up and walked over to the shelf of books that lined the side wall of the shop. “See this? An entire wall of relationship books. An entire wall and I’ve never read a single one of them! How did I ever think I was going to manage without any of this information?” I picked one of the books from the shelf, skimmed a page quickly, and handed it to Stephanie. “This one says that early signs of mistrust are the leading reason why marriages end in divorce. If one partner acts as if they don’t trust the other, then there won’t be any stability in the relationship.”