The Girlfriend (Single Wide Female in Love, Book 2)

by Lillianna Blake

  “Samantha, this is just a book. It was probably written by some old lady surrounded by cats.”

  “Oh, that’s who I’m going to be, isn’t it?” I sank back down in the chair across from Stephanie. “Because when Max doesn’t propose, I’ll never be able to love again. I’ll hole myself up in my apartment and write. I’ll need cats to stem my loneliness. Or maybe gerbils. Maybe I’ll be an old gerbil lady.”

  “Wow.” Stephanie set the book down on the table between us. “Samantha, I think you need to get out and have some fun.”

  “No, what I need is for you to see how serious this is, Stephanie. This is my future we’re talking about. If I don’t nip this in the bud now, Max and I will never travel the world, we’ll never have babies, we’ll never get matching canes—”

  I looked over at Stephanie to see that she was trying not to laugh. I started to get angry, but then I saw my own reflection in the plastic panel of a book display. I looked wild, with wide eyes, red cheeks, and mussed hair. Maybe Stephanie was right. Had I gotten too carried away?

  “What kind of fun?”

  “We could go out dancing.” Stephanie smiled. “Just you and me.”

  “Okay, that sounds good.” I began to relax. “I haven’t danced in a long time. Maybe that’s the problem. I’ve been slacking when it comes to exercise.”

  “I think a little fun will remind you that things are not as serious as they seem. Sometimes you just have to be patient.” She squeezed my hand. “And no more reading these books.”

  I nodded. “Do you want to go to dinner first?”

  “I can’t. I can meet you around eight, but there’s somewhere I have to be around six. Okay? We can meet up at Evermore. They’re having nineties night.”

  “Okay, that should be fun.” I already started to feel more relaxed.

  I said goodbye to Stephanie and was about to leave myself when the wall of books caught my attention once more.

  How Do You Know He Loves You?

  What Can You Do to Avoid Dating Disaster?

  Are You Good Enough? Ten Ways to Improve Your Worth.

  Each title I read made me feel more insecure. If relationships were so difficult that this many books had to be written about the topic, it was hard for me to believe that I wouldn’t make a mess of things with Max.

  I grabbed a few books off the shelf and took them to the counter. The woman who rang me up had a nose ring and bright pink hair. I admired how brave she was with her style choices.

  “Anything else for you?” She skimmed her eyes over the titles of the books as she bagged them.

  “Anything you would recommend?”

  “We have a great new series about gerbils.” She smiled brightly.

  I was mesmerized by tiny pictures that seemed to be etched onto her teeth. Were there teeth tattoos now? Had I missed that? Was I getting so old that I didn’t have a clue what was hip anymore?

  “What?”

  “Gerbils. You know—the perfect pet.” She laughed.

  “No, nothing about gerbils, please.” I shuddered at the idea.

  “If you give them a chance you might like them. Much better company than anything you’ll find in these books.”

  I frowned. This was why I bought most of my books online—judgmental bookstore clerks.

  “It’s for research. I’m a writer.”

  “Oh?” She smiled. “Let me guess, romance?”

  “Not exactly.”

  “I get so tired of selling all of these romance novels to people. They act like it’s such a great story, but it’s not. It’s one big lie.”

  “Well, not for everyone.”

  “Yes, for everyone. It’s not as if love actually works like that. It’s not all fluff and passion. There’s plenty of darkness in love, and the problem is that the romance novelists gloss over that and make it seem like every relationship is perfect. Then, even though you might be in a perfectly good relationship, just because it doesn’t match the romance novel idea of love, you think it’s wrong. I mean, how many times can Reginald really toss a woman down with passion without throwing his back out?”

  “Huh. I never really thought about that.” I laughed a little at the idea of a poor handsome hero from a romance novel tripping and falling from his lady’s discarded petticoats. It would really ruin the mood.

  “I like love just like the next person—but real love. I mean, I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years. Sometimes it’s great and sometimes it’s annoying. Sometimes we fight so loud the neighbors bang on the wall. But that doesn’t mean our love isn’t real.”

  “Thanks.” I smiled at her.

  “You’re welcome. But like I said, I highly recommend gerbils.”

  Chapter 14

  As I walked out of the bookshop her words soothed my nerves. She was right. I had been ready to throw the idea of love out just because Max and I had one little argument, which wasn’t even really an argument. Instead of trying to think about ways it could bring us closer together, I thought of ways that I could transform our relationship back into the romance that I thought it should look like.

  Even as friends, Max and I had disagreed on more than one occasion. In fact, that was one reason I trusted Max as much as I did—because he didn’t hide how he felt from me, which was exactly what I was doing to him.

  I hid how I felt about my disappointment over the lack of a proposal. I hid how I felt about what I imagined between him and Stephanie. All because I didn’t think I was worthy of his love. It was the same reason that I’d been so blind for so long that he did love me.

  It still seemed impossible to me that he could actually love me.

  I had to be honest with myself. My head was a mess. My emotions were in chaos. Despite the fact that everything should have been fine, I was not fine. I couldn’t even figure out exactly why I wasn’t fine.

  I decided to take a walk along the harbor. There was only one thing that could make the walk along the water more beautiful. That was Max.

  I texted him to see if he would join me. Maybe my issues were coming up because I’d been missing out on time with him. He was busy and I was always trying to prioritize my book. Sure, we saw each other every chance we could, but maybe there was too much on our minds.

  Be there in ten.

  I smiled at the text I received almost instantly after sending the invitation, then I tucked my phone into my back pocket.

  I stared out across the water and let the tranquility of it wash over me. I did a few deep yoga breaths and willed my mind to settle into a peaceful state. I was ready to seize the moment and live only in the present.

  It was a balmy afternoon, and as usual, the pedestrian traffic along the water was pretty intense. The sea of faces had once made me feel a little lonely; now it just made me feel lucky, because I knew that Max was one of those faces. I was no longer alone in the crowd, and there was only one face that I looked for. Once my great love had been a mystery to me, but now I had the luxury of heading straight for him.

  A few boats were making their way into the harbor. Joggers whizzed past me along with a handful of cyclists. I leaned against the railing and took another deep breath. It always amazed me how the tall buildings became hulking monsters in the water’s surface. Their reflections were distorted to the point of appearing supernatural, and yet all I had to do to know the truth was look up.

  “Hi, beautiful.” Max stepped up beside me.

  I turned to hug him and nearly knocked over a skateboarder. Luckily he caught himself before he could get hurt.

  “Watch it, lady!” He scowled.

  “Pedestrian traffic, kid. Nowhere does it say you can use your skateboard!” Max bristled.

  I loved it when he stood up for me.

  “Shove it, old man!”

  Max started to turn as if he might go after the kid, but I grabbed his elbow and steered him back to me.

  “Don’t go. Stay right here with me.” We shared a lingering kiss.

  When he pull
ed away he still looked flustered.

  “Old man?” He quirked an eyebrow. “When did we become the old people?”

  “We’re not old. We’re just refined.”

  “Refined?” He let out a loud laugh. “I don’t think we can pass for that.”

  I wrapped my arms around him. I loved being held by him. Usually it made me feel as if I was the only person that existed. Tonight it made me feel wonderful, but that pesky concern was still there.

  “So what’s your thing tonight?”

  “Thing?”

  “You said you couldn’t do dinner because you had a thing.”

  “Oh, right. Yeah, I do.”

  “So what is it?” I grinned at him.

  “I’m just meeting with someone.”

  I stared at him. What kind of answer was that? I didn’t think it could be more evasive or vague.

  Live in the moment, Sammy. Focus on the positive, Sammy. Deep breath in and deep breath out.

  “Max why won’t you tell me who you’re meeting?”

  Max’s expression tightened. “Sammy, not this again.”

  “Well, it just seems odd to me.”

  “It’s personal.”

  Those words actually hurt. What could be so personal that he would need to keep from me? It wasn’t like he had to make a visit to the gyno for a check-up. Getting a Pap smear—now that was personal; but meeting with someone shouldn’t be. I wanted to ask him a million questions. Then I remembered my conversation with Stephanie. She had warned me that I was reading too much into things.

  “Okay.” I turned back toward the water.

  “Sammy.” He slipped his arms around my waist from behind. “There are some things I have to do alone, you know.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like urinating. I prefer to do that alone. And also eating chicken wings. I really like my privacy when I do that. You know, so I can get as messy as I want.”

  I laughed and shook my head. “Now you’re teasing me. You know that’s something I like to do alone.”

  “Oh, is it? Then I guess we need to do it together some time.”

  “Sounds good.” I leaned my head back against his chest.

  In that moment, with the subtle sounds of the harbor around us and his scent drifting over me, I felt foolish. I didn’t want to be that girlfriend that gave her boyfriend no freedom. A good attempt at showing Max I trusted him would be to just drop it.

  “Don’t forget dessert tonight.” He smiled and kissed my cheek. “I better get going.”

  I glanced at my watch. It was getting close to six.

  “Alright. Oh, I almost forgot. Stephanie and I made plans to go out dancing.”

  “That should be fun.” There was that easy smile. He didn’t question me at all. “If you’re too tired for dessert, just let me know.”

  “I’m never too tired for dessert.”

  I lingered by the water for a few minutes after he left.

  Chapter 15

  I went back to my apartment to change for dancing. I was sure Stephanie was right. I hadn’t been my usual humorous self lately. I needed to do something to brighten my mood.

  As I dressed my mind wandered. Who might Max be meeting at six o’clock in the evening? Six. I narrowed my eyes. Stephanie had said she had something at six. Why, why, why did they have to be at the same time? I tried to keep my brain from churning over the possibilities, but the more I tried to resist, the more fixated I became.

  I had over an hour before I was supposed to meet with Stephanie. I thought the best thing to do was to keep my mind off the possibility of Max and Stephanie being together. I decided I would head down the street to do some window-shopping. There was one store in particular that I liked to peek into.

  As I walked toward the shop, I noticed Max’s car parked on the street. It seemed odd to me that he would be so close to my apartment. Then there was also the question of what he could possibly be doing that was personal. My mind spun. Then to make matters worse, I heard a familiar laugh.

  “Stephanie?” The name popped out of my mouth. I knew it was Stephanie. I knew her laugh.

  Max’s car was parked in the street; Stephanie’s laugh was coming from one of the shops. I wasn’t just being paranoid, they were together!

  The reality of the situation hit me so hard that I couldn’t even react. A part of me wanted to run right back to my apartment and hide away from it all. Another part wanted to hunt them both down and confront them. My best friend and the love of my life? Why would they do this to me? Not only that, but they had been lying to me about it. Why?

  Tears flooded my eyes. I was about to melt down into a shivering mass of horror, when I heard the soothing sound of Max’s voice.

  “Do you think she’ll like it?”

  “I know she will.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I am.”

  I blinked back my tears and listened more closely.

  “It’s so hard to make her wait.”

  “It’ll be worth it.

  My heart began to beat again. Air filled my lungs. They were talking about me. Max had a romantic night planned for me? Suddenly I understood that Max and Stephanie weren’t sneaking around behind my back because of a secret love affair, but because they were working together on a surprise for me. I’d been so fixated on my insecurity that I hadn’t even considered that. Even worse, if they caught me listening in, the surprise would be ruined.

  I ducked around the side of a building as their voices drew closer.

  “So I hear you two are going dancing.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on her.” Stephanie laughed.

  “Oh, I’m not worried. I know Sammy loves me. She would never do anything to hurt me. I just hope she figures out that I feel the same.”

  “Just give her time, Max.”

  “I will.”

  As their voices faded away I sniffled back the last of my tears. I felt guilty for thinking such horrible things about the two most important people in my life. It was clear that they only had good things planned for me.

  If Max was planning a romantic evening, I guessed it might be the proposal that I had been waiting for. I felt soothed by what I’d overheard, but at the same time it bugged me that I had even worried about it in the first place.

  I was going out to a dance club and Max wasn’t the least bit jealous because he trusted me. I felt bad for not feeling the same way. I wished there was a way to reach deep down inside me and fix whatever was broken.

  My phone buzzed to let me know I had a text.

  Samantha, where are you? I’m waiting at your apartment.

  Be there in a minute, Steph.

  I started to step out from behind the building when my phone buzzed again.

  Have fun tonight. Looking forward to our dessert.

  I smiled at Max’s text. Then my heart raced. Could he be planning to propose over ice cream? It would be the perfect time. That would explain why he’d said no to dinner. He probably had to plan the evening. I was giddy with excitement as I hurried back to my apartment. Stephanie was waiting for me outside.

  “Where were you?”

  “I just went to grab a few things from the corner store.”

  “Oh?” She looked at my empty hands.

  “I forgot my wallet.” I grimaced. I wondered if she could tell that I was lying to her. If she could, she didn’t call me on it.

  “Well, you look fantastic. Are you ready to go dance the night away?”

  “Yes, I am!” I smiled.

  I couldn’t wait to get out on the dance floor and then get back to my apartment. I had a strong feeling that this was going to be my last night without an engagement ring.

  The club was packed. As soon as I walked in, I was reminded of why I didn’t go to them very often. The music blasted my ears. The heavy scents of perfume and cologne made me a little sick to my stomach. The flashing lights reminded me that my headache from that morning wasn’t completely gone. />
  “It’s great, huh?” Stephanie grinned.

  I nodded and managed to smile. I was more determined than ever to have a great time. I wanted to be in a wonderful mood when I met with Max later. I was already rehearsing in my head the way I would accept his proposal.

  The dance floor was flooded with handsome men, but I barely noticed them. It was strange that the only face I wanted to see belonged to Max.

  “Dance with me.”

  Somebody grabbed me from behind and whirled me around.

  Chapter 16

  I looked into deep brown eyes that seemed to ooze sensuality. He searched my gaze as he slid his arm around my waist. “Just one dance, bella.”

  I was prepared to shove him away and decline the offer but it occurred to me that this might be the very last time that I danced with another man. He was devastatingly attractive with a smooth accent to add to the yum factor. Yet I felt no desire for him. It wouldn’t have mattered if a model stepped off the front of a magazine, the desire wouldn’t be there. It seemed safe to dance with him.

  “Alright, one dance.”

  I did enjoy having that intimate connection with another human being when we danced together. It was a push and pull of bodies, emotions, and trust. As he swirled me around the dance floor, I could hear the sounds of others around me. Some were laughing, some were whispering, some were singing along to the music that played. Everyone was caught up in a ritual of trying to connect with one another.

  Out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of Stephanie dancing with a good-looking man. She seemed so happy and relaxed despite her declaration that she had sworn off dating. I knew that I needed to find a way to be that light and free.