No End to Love

by Roberta Capizzi

  After today’s lunch, Adam chatted with his dad about Kyle’s future in the baseball world, while Sophie played with Kean, helping him feed the two horses in his parents’ stables. In his last call, his younger brother had informed them that their Major League affiliate had been sniffing around their farm team, looking for players to contract for next season. Even though he missed his little brother, Adam hoped Kyle would make it into the MLB and live the dream for a little longer, a dream he’d had ever since Adam could remember.

  A shriek coming from the barn interrupted their chat and had Adam running within a fraction of a second. In the fifteen seconds it took him to reach the wooden building, his mind conjured all kinds of scenarios where, in each and every one, Sophie was hurt. He yanked the barn door open, and Sophie turned her head toward him. The biggest smile he’d ever seen lit up her pretty face and her eyes were sparkling.

  “Daddy, look: puppies!” Her voice was high-pitched with excitement, and just like that all the bad thoughts he’d had faded away. One smile from his little angel, and the world seemed a better place.

  Kean stared at him with a remorseful frown. Adam had heard that their mother’s beloved Golden Retriever had puppies a couple of months ago, and everyone in the Cavanagh household knew they should never mention them, not until they’d found a house for all of them—or, if his mother decided to keep them, until they had grown up enough not to attract Sophie.

  “Sorry, bro. She heard the yapping, and I wasn’t fast enough to stop her from storming in.”

  Adam smiled. He knew only too well how deftly Sophie could sneak up on you when you were least expecting it. Sometimes he thought she could easily be a secret agent or a ninja when she grew up.

  “Daddy, can we take one?”

  There. Exactly what he’d feared. He had his hands full already, and a puppy, or even a goldfish, at this time would be added responsibility he wasn’t willing to take on. Breaking his little girl’s heart was something he’d never want to do. And that was why he’d made sure nobody ever mentioned those puppies: because he knew that Sophie would want one, as soon as she saw them.

  He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second before crouching down to be at her level.

  “We can’t take them away from their mommy,” he said, keeping his tone soft as if he regretted not being able to bring them home with him. As expected, Sophie’s face puckered, and his heart gave a painful squeeze. Aw, damn.

  “But Daddy, I want one. I want a puppy.” Her bottom lip trembled a little, and he braced himself for the tears that he was sure were about to start streaming. “They’re so soft, more softer than Buzz.”

  Adam looked up at Kean from his crouched position and narrowed his eyes in a glower that said, ‘Yeah, this is all your fault, brother’. At least his brother had the decency to look apologetic.

  “Hey, how about you come visit them every day instead?” Kean said, crouching down next to his niece. “You can play with them after school.”

  Sophie shook her head stubbornly, making her curls bounce. She looked exactly like Hannah did whenever she didn’t want to give in. There was no doubt Sophie had inherited her stubbornness from her mother. God save him.

  “I want to bwing one home.” Her bottom lip trembled even more, and a soft sob escaped her lips. Adam reached out and put both hands on her tiny shoulders.

  “We can’t bring a puppy home. Who’s gonna take care of it when we’re not there? It’ll feel lonely and will be sad.” He rubbed his hands up and down her arms. “We don’t want the puppy to be sad, do we?”

  Sophie shook her head. “But I want…”

  Sniff.

  “A puppy…”

  Sniff.

  “Daddy.”

  Sniff. Sniff.

  Adam squeezed his eyes shut. After another sob escaped her lips, Sophie walked straight into his arms.

  “Please, Daddy. Please,” she said, through hiccups. “I’ll be a good girl, I pwomise.”

  Damn. He couldn’t bear to see his baby girl crying so desperately, knowing he’d been the cause of her tears. How was he ever going to be able to say no to her? If he gave in so easily now, what was going to happen when she was a teenager? He shook the thought away. It was still a faraway future, and hopefully by then he’d have learned how to not be moved by his daughter’s tears.

  To make matters worse, one of the puppies, the chubbiest, darkest one, approached them and nudged Adam’s hand with its muzzle. When he looked down, the little mutt was staring up at him with big round eyes, as if pleading to be taken home.

  Aw, double damn.

  Even the mutt wanted to make him feel guilty now. He stared up at Kean, who was standing to his left, with his hands tucked in the back pockets of his worn jeans. His brother mouthed, “Sorry,” and shrugged as if he didn’t know how to help him.

  Yeah, thanks man.

  First he caused all the trouble, and then he left him to deal with it. If Adam stood his ground now, his daughter would think he was heartless, but if he gave in, he knew he’d end up overwhelmed. He barely managed to be a single parent, he wasn’t sure he could be a single dog owner, too. But how could he say no to his crying daughter and to the treacherous puppy who was now staring at him as if promising to be the most loyal friend he’d ever had?

  “It wants to go home wif us.” Sophie said between the sobbing and sniffling, when she noticed the puppy wagging its tail at Adam’s side.

  As if to confirm her words, the puppy let out a high-pitched bark, and Adam could swear the furball was smiling at him, a sort of wicked I-win-you-lose grin, with its pink tongue lolling out of its mouth. Adam let out a sigh of defeat and stood up, with Sophie wrapped around him like a little monkey.

  “Fine. We can bring the puppy home for a few days and see how it settles in,” Adam said, wiping the tears from her cheeks with his thumb and already regretting his decision. “But if it wants to be back here with its siblings and mommy, we’ll bring it back to Grammy, okay?”

  “I will feed it, and clean it, and play wif it,” Sophie said, bubbling with excitement, totally oblivious to his last sentence. Adam smiled in spite of himself. He doubted his little girl would be able to make good on her promise, but at least she’d offered. “And it can sleep in my woom so it won’t feel alone at night.”

  “Ah, I don’t think so.” Adam said, shaking his head. “The dog’s staying outside.”

  I don’t have time to clean dog poop and muddy paw-prints around the house, on top of everything else.

  Sophie pouted. “Nooo, Daddy. It can’t sleep outside. It’s too small and it will be scared of the dark!”

  Kean let out a chuckle but turned it into a cough when Adam cut him a murderous glance. The puppy let out a whine and looked up at Adam with eyes that seemed to say, “Take me home with you, human. I’ll be your best friend forever.”

  Sophie wriggled out of his arms and picked up the fur ball as soon as her feet touched the ground. The puppy licked her cheek, and she giggled. He would never tire of hearing his girl’s giggle. It was a sound that managed to warm his heart every single time.

  “Can we take this one, Uncle Kean?”

  “Sure. She’s the cutest, isn’t she?”

  Great. She had to pick a female, of course.

  Visions from the 101 Dalmatians movie flashed in Adam’s mind, with flocks of little Golden Retriever puppies running up and down the stairs, gnawing at couch cushions, table legs, and whatever they could put their sharp teeth to. The dog was going to his father’s office as soon as she was old enough to breed, that was for sure.

  “So, watcha gonna name her?” Kean asked, crouching down again in front of her.

  “Meatball.”

  Kean’s frown matched Adam’s.

  “Wouldn’t you want to call her something a little more normal, like, I don’t know, Mollie or Fluffy, or… something?” Adam asked, keeping his tone as serious as possible. “Maybe Elsa?”

  “No. Her name is Meatball,”
she said, with a stubborn pout. “It’s her name and she likes it.”

  Kean chuckled. “The girl’s got an attitude, bro. I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes in ten years.”

  Adam stood up and glared at his brother. “If the mutt keeps me up all night whining and barking, yours is the first number I’ll dial.” He crossed his arms over his chest and his glower intensified. “If I don’t sleep, neither will you. Got it?”

  Kean grinned. Adam rolled his eyes and let out an exaggerated sigh when Sophie ran out of the barn, giggling as the puppy followed her, yapping like crazy. Sleepless nights were looming in his future, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret his decision when his little girl’s giggles reached his ears.

  He didn’t want to be in his shoes in ten years, either.

  * * *

  “Miss Ellie, look! I have a puppy!”

  Ellie had just walked out onto the back porch when Sophie’s squeals of delight reached her. She smiled as the little girl crossed the garden holding a squirming, reddish-blond furball in her arms.

  “Aw, it’s adorable!” Ellie crouched just in time to catch the puppy escaping Sophie’s grip. She lifted it to her face, and the puppy licked her nose, grinning at her. Yes, she could swear the puppy was grinning.

  “Daddy says she can stay wif us for a few days, but I want her forever.”

  “We’ll see about that.” Adam walked out from the French doors of his kitchen, his shoulders slumped in a defeated posture. She was sure the puppy was the last thing he’d wanted, but as usual, he hadn’t been able to say no to his child. Not that she could blame him, though: when Sophie looked at you with pleading round eyes and that angelic face, it was next to impossible to deny her whatever she wanted. The man was going to be in trouble when she grew up.

  “I’m pretty sure she’s going to miss her mommy, so we’ll take her back to the barn if she starts crying.” He raised his eyebrows and put on a please-help-me-out expression that made Ellie smile. No, he definitely hadn’t meant for the puppy to come home with him.

  “She won’t cry. I’ll be her mommy.”

  “Yeah, and you’ll clean her poop too, right?”

  Sophie looked up at her father, who was now standing next to her in Ellie’s back garden, and raised her eyebrows as if to say, “Are you serious?”

  “Well, your mommy and I changed your diapers when you were little, so if you want to be her mommy, you’ll have to feed her, bathe her, and clean her poop.”

  Sophie turned to look at Ellie, who nodded. “That’s what mommies do.”

  Ellie looked up, and Adam’s grateful smile made her legs slightly shaky. Good thing she was seated on the grass or she’d face-plant into the ground.

  “Maybe I can feed her and bafe her, and you can clean her poop?” Sophie’s hopeful tone as she looked at her father made Ellie chuckle. Adam shook his head, and Sophie rolled her eyes in such a dramatic way, she could’ve won an Oscar. “I can’t do everyfing: I’m only three!”

  Ellie couldn’t hold back the laughter that burst out of her. A second later, Adam joined her, and so did the puppy, who barked excitedly, circling around Sophie’s legs.

  “So, have you picked a name yet?” Ellie asked, when she managed to return serious. Sophie beamed.

  “Meatball.”

  “That’s…” Ellie frowned and looked up at Adam, who shrugged. “Unusual.” Sophie pouted, and Ellie couldn’t help backtracking. The last thing she wanted was to hurt the little girl’s feelings. “But it’s nice. I like it. It’s very original.”

  Sophie smiled, and the dimple in her right cheek appeared. She picked up the puppy, lifted her a little higher when she tried to escape and turned toward her house.

  “I have to go now. I have to make her bed for tonight, and then we have to eat dinner. Bye, Miss Ellie!”

  She trotted back into the house, and Adam let out a long sigh. “I’m doomed, aren’t I?”

  Ellie gave a non-committal shrug, followed by a tentative smile. Yes, he was. But she wasn’t going to pour salt into his wound by admitting it.

  “I’d better go keep an eye on her. I think it’s going to be a looong night.” He brought a hand over his eyes, and his shoulders slumped. Ellie chuckled; he was even more adorable than his daughter at times.

  “Good luck,” she said, just before he walked back into his house.

  A distant, “Yeah, yeah,” came out from his kitchen, and a second later something that sounded like, “Get that mutt out of the fridge!”, followed by puppy yaps, and something crashing to the floor. The poor man had no idea what he’d gotten himself into, but the fact he’d once again caved just to make his little girl happy warmed her heart. Adam was a wonderful man and an even more amazing dad.

  Girlie giggles and Adam’s deep, stern voice flew out of the open windows. Ellie’s chest throbbed with pain and longing, as she wished she too could be part of that happy family moment.

  She stood up, brushed the grass off her jeans and gave the house next door one last, longing glance, before walking back into her kitchen, where Bobcat was meowing loudly, demanding to be fed. So that was all her life came down to: an empty house and a fat, ungrateful cat. Wasn’t she lucky?

  Chapter Eighteen

  Adam hated coming home late. He hated missing dinner with his baby girl, especially since she was sick and needed him more than ever. When he’d taken up the job Glen had offered, he’d told him he would need early shifts, at least until Sophie was a little older, until she was a little more independent. Glen had said it wouldn’t be a problem, that he understood Adam’s struggles, considering Glen himself had a stay-at-home wife but still struggled to keep up with one kid of his own. But when something big happened and all the men were needed, Adam couldn’t just up and leave because his kid was at home waiting for him.

  He was lucky Lauren had been available to babysit and he hadn’t had to impose on his neighbor. Ellie had been so nice when he’d been late last time, and he knew she wouldn’t say no if he asked. But there was only so much one could call neighborly assistance before it turned into plain nuisance.

  He parked his car, got out and automatically threw a glance next door. Ellie’s house was dark, and he wondered whether she was already in bed, or maybe she’d gone out with someone. Even though she’d told him she wasn’t looking for a relationship, the night he’d made that stupid comment about not planning to replace Hannah, she was a young, good-looking, single woman who could go out and have fun with all the men she wanted, without worrying too much about getting involved in a relationship. Wasn’t that what people did these days? Got as much out of life as possible, with the least amount of commitment?

  He cringed at the thought. He’d never been able to do that, not even when he was younger. He’d always had one goal in life: have a family he could come home to every night, a loving wife, a bunch of kids and a dog. He’d nearly had it all. Now that he was unattached and still young enough to hit the town and fool around, he felt so old he bet his grandfather was more active than he was. Adam had seen the old man at the community center, since it was next door to the Sheriff’s office, and there was no denying Eamon Cavanagh still managed to charm the ladies.

  He smiled as he unlocked his front door, and when he stepped in and looked into the living room, he froze with his hand on the door handle.

  Sophie was asleep on the couch, just like he’d expected she would be, but the woman who was cuddling her in her arms wasn’t his sister-in-law.

  It was his neighbor.

  His sweet-looking neighbor, who tonight wore that cute polka-dot headband she’d had on the first day of preschool. Sophie’s head rested against Ellie’s chest and was perfectly tucked underneath the woman’s chin. They were both asleep, Ellie’s arms wrapped around Sophie’s tiny body in such a protective and cuddly way his chest tightened.

  The image made his heart thud wildly in his chest and up his throat, stopping all air. How many times had he wished to come home to his loving wife and t
heir kids snuggled up on the couch, waiting for him to wake them up with a kiss? How many times since Hannah died had he dreamed he could still have the perfect fairy tale for his daughter and himself? Sophie had all the love she needed and then some, but there was no denying he wished he could give her the perfect family like the one he’d had: a loving mom, a supportive dad, and two or three siblings to be mischievous with while growing up.

  That perfect family was only two steps away, gently snoring on his couch. He could deny it all he wanted, but Ellie had made him feel things he never thought he’d feel again. She’d brought back his will to live, to laugh, to experience all the good things life offered. His heart had been numb and broken before she walked into his life, but with each passing day spent living next door to this amazing woman, the little shards had gone back into place, and his heart had started beating again. He felt alive. He felt happy. He felt… ready to love again.

  His jaw dropped as the thought formed in his head. He’d known the moment Hannah took her last breath that his ability to love had ended right then and there, that he’d buried that loving man in the grave with his wife. And now… he wasn’t only ready to love again. He wanted to. He wanted to take a leap of faith into the unknown depths of love and see where it would take him. He wanted to see what loving someone who wasn’t Hannah would be like. He wanted to know what loving Ellie would be like.

  She doesn’t want you, man.

  He shook his head. Maybe he was just a little tired and overthinking things. Seeing fairy-tale happy endings just to remove the crude images of the bodies the firemen had pulled out of that building today. Maybe he should just take a shower.

  Would be nice if she joined in.