No End to Love

by Roberta Capizzi

  He carried his little girl to the living room and plopped her on the couch, eliciting a giggle. He put on the DVD and sat on the couch next to her. She climbed onto his lap and snuggled into his chest, with her furry friend in one hand and her thumb in her mouth. His mother had told him he should help Sophie shed that habit, but she looked so cute and innocent when she did it, he couldn’t find the heart to tell her to stop. She’d outgrow it soon enough, he was sure. He’d sucked his thumb until he was four, so it was probably genetic.

  He pressed play, and the first few notes of the romantic song Hannah had picked as soundtrack for the video tugged at his heartstrings. Her smiling face filled the screen, while she was getting her make-up done. She batted her eyelashes, showing off the careful job her sister had done. He’d always liked Hannah best when she had no make-up on, but that day she’d looked stunning. Lauren had managed to bring out the blue hue of her eyes even more, and they’d seemed bigger and brighter than ever. He remembered thinking he could drown in those depths, and he’d go a happy man.

  As the scenes unfolded, Adam realized the pain wasn’t as strong as it used to be. The stabbing was there, and it stung, but not as much as it used to. When once he would’ve watched the video and cried his eyes out, especially shortly after she’d died, now he could smile and remember how happy he’d been, how his heart had swelled with pride and love the moment she’d walked down the aisle, holding onto her brother’s arm, beaming like only a bride could. Somewhere along the way, the pain had been replaced by fond memories, little moments in their life together that warmed his heart instead of piercing it like they used to.

  When had this change occurred? Why hadn’t he noticed it before? But most importantly: why did it feel so wrong to not feel pain at the memory of his beloved wife?

  “Mommy was beautiful. She weally looked like a pwincess.” The awed tone in his daughter’s voice made him smile.

  “Yes, she did. And you’re just as beautiful as she was.” Adam ruffled her hair, and she looked up at him. “Good thing you don’t look like me.”

  Sophie put a chubby hand to his cheek and grinned, the dimple appearing in her right cheek—the only thing she’d inherited from him. “I fink you’re beautiful, Daddy. And I fink Miss Ellie finks it, too.”

  Ellie. Yeah, right now he doubted she found him remotely attractive. He’d be lucky if she’d ever speak to him again, and he wouldn’t blame her. Not that he wanted to find an excuse for his behavior, but seeing that mug shatter, only minutes after he’d been kissing the hell out of another woman in his kitchen, had felt like an ominous sign. He’d started building a new life with another woman while one of the last remnants from his past with his wife was in pieces.

  But that was something he’d have to figure out in the morning. He was too tired and too broken to add another layer of guilt to the already sky-high pile.

  “Maybe you should mawwy Miss Ellie, so she could live wif us, and she could be my mommy.” The innocent way his daughter spoke had his heart clog his throat. “I like her and she makes you happy. You always smile when she’s wif us.”

  Adam swallowed the lump in his throat. Even his daughter had noticed the effect Ellie had on him, and how she’d brought back the man he used to be before his heart was ripped to pieces. And here he’d gone and ruined it all.

  Sophie sat up straight and wrapped her arms around his neck, placing a loud kiss on his cheek. “I like you when you smile, Daddy.”

  His heart swelled, and the doubts and fears that had gripped him in a vise slowly let go. He covered Sophie’s face with kisses, making her giggle and squirm, and when he looked up at the TV and saw Hannah laughing as she tossed the bouquet, he knew it was time to let go. It was time to keep the promise he’d made to his wife.

  It was time to love again.

  * * *

  “Hey, baby, hope you like these,” Adam said, as he crouched down next to his wife’s grave on Sunday and put the boughs of holly and pine in front of the stone. “Jocelyn insisted this would be the perfect choice. Everything else is going to die by tomorrow.”

  He straightened and put his gloved hand on the stone. The cold seeped through the thick wool and reached down into his soul. After the epiphany he’d had last night, he knew talking to Hannah would be the last step he needed to take before he could truly open his heart to Ellie. In a way, he needed his wife’s blessing—or just to let it all out and get it off his chest.

  He sat cross-legged on the grass, not caring that it was damp and cold from the frost. He deserved nothing less than to freeze to death for the way he acted last night, both with Sophie and with Ellie.

  “There’s something I want to tell you, something I need you to know so I can start healing and keep the promise I made to you that day.” The promise he’d never intended to keep before Ellie had entered his life. “Not a day has gone by that I haven’t loved you, baby, and I’ve missed you ever since you left me. I told you I could never love another woman the way I loved you, but you were right when you used to tell me my heart is so big it could welcome at least ten people and still have room for more. I didn’t want to forget you, I didn’t want the memories of us to fade but after I met Ellie, I realized I didn’t have to get over you in order to let someone else into my heart. You’re still in here, Hannah.” He brought a hand to his heart as tears blurred his vision. “You will always be in my heart and on my mind, but now I can finally think of the good days and the happy moments without breaking down. Ellie did this to me, baby. She gave me the peace of mind I needed. She hasn’t asked me to forget you ever existed; she knows you’ll always be a part of my life, a part of Sophie’s life, and she doesn’t mind. That’s one of the things that made me fall for her.”

  Yes, he’d fallen for her. Hard. Unlike his relationship with Hannah, which had grown day after day and morphed from a childhood friendship into love, things with Ellie had gone from neighbors to something more at lightning speed. But his feelings were just as strong. Ellie had gotten past his defenses in a way no one else had been able to since Hannah died, and without even trying too hard—unlike a couple of women who’d offered to help him get over his grief not too long ago.

  “She’s the one, Hannah. I know she’s the woman you had in mind when you asked me to love again. She makes me happy, she brings out the best in me, the old Adam who loved life and had dreams for the future. She’s great with Sophie, and our little girl adores her. I think I’m ready to love again.”

  He scrubbed his gloved hand over his face and let out a sigh. Saying it out loud made it real, and he was still torn about his need to remain faithful to his wife and deny himself any kind of happiness because of what he’d done, or rather hadn’t done three years ago, and this strong desire of being loved that had recently started growing inside his heart. At times he thought the contrast between these two emotions would end up blowing his mind, but the power of this new feeling was so overwhelming he knew it would win over the grief and guilt.

  “I’ll never stop loving you, I’ll never forget you, but I want to see where this thing with Ellie might lead.” He looked up at the sky, closed his eyes and brought his right hand to his heart. “I need to put the demons to rest, baby. I’m sorry I couldn’t get my hands on the man who got away. I’m sorry I couldn’t see justice done, so you could rest in peace. But I can’t let this obsession destroy me the way it nearly did back then.”

  Last night, after he’d tucked Sophie in and sat on her bed for a while, taking comfort from staring at her peaceful face, he’d realized it was time to stop obsessing over the guy with the knife. It was time to let the past stay where it belonged, to accept he’d never be able to find the man and make him pay for what he’d done. It was time to concentrate all of his energies on Sophie and Ellie, and in order to do so, he needed to cut that last tie with his past.

  “I need your blessing, Hannah. I know this is insane but I can’t move on with my life unless I know you’re okay with it, that you won’t be mad at me
. If there’s any way you can give me a sign, just a little hint, anything that could let me know—”

  Something brushed against his hands, and he opened his eyes to find a heart-shaped balloon had fallen into his lap. He picked it up, stared at it and looked up when a six or seven-year-old girl with blond curls approached him.

  “Thank you for saving my balloon, sir. It flew away and my mommy couldn’t catch it.”

  She smiled and reached for it. Adam blinked, slightly dumbfounded and handed it to her. He’d hoped Hannah would send him a sign, but apparently he’d been reading too many fairy tales lately and had forgotten he was too old to believe.

  “Hannah! Hannah, where are you?”

  His heart leapt into his throat when a woman’s voice carried on the wind. The girl raised the hand holding the thread of the red balloon.

  “I’m here, mommy! This man rescued my balloon before it flew away into the sky.” She spun around and gave Adam a dazzling smile, thanked him again and ran toward a woman with a red coat and long blond hair blowing in the chilly December wind. When the little girl reached her, the woman looked at him, raised her hand and waved, followed by the girl, who gave him another brilliant smile.

  Maybe he really had read too many fairy tales, but deep down in his heart, Adam wanted to believe this had been Hannah’s way to set him free, her blessing for him to start a new life with Ellie, and give Sophie the happy family she deserved.

  You’ll always have my heart Adam; now it’s time to let someone else into yours. He stared up at the sky when he thought he heard Hannah’s voice carrying on the wind.

  He smiled and brought a hand to his heart. “Yes, it’s time I did, baby.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “Where’s my daughter? Where’s my daughter?”

  Adam jumped out of the squad car before his colleague Clay had even stopped outside the brick building that housed Spring Bunnies. His heart had been beating at triple speed ever since the call about a man holding a teacher and a kid hostage had come in. All the way to the school he’d prayed his daughter was safe, that she wasn’t the one inside the building. He scanned the small crowd of kids, looking for Sophie’s blond curls, but when Dee came toward him with outstretched arms and a sad frown, the solid ground turned into quicksand.

  “No.” The word came out as a plea. He looked around, refusing to acknowledge the truth, still hoping to see his little girl run toward him. Still hoping to see Ellie. Neither of his two girls were there, though.

  “The man showed up out of the blue, saying he wanted to see his son, that he knew he was there.” Dee’s words barely pierced through the haze. “We understood he was talking about Sammy and told him he wasn’t at school today. Ellie asked him to leave his number, so we could get Mrs. Saunders to get in touch with him. We thought it’d be enough to get him to leave.” Dee let out a sob, and Adam’s heart took a plunge.

  Please, let my girls be okay, he prayed as he took a step around Dee, heading for the entrance. She stopped him.

  “He has a gun, Adam. He threatened to start shooting if we didn’t tell him where his kid lives. Ellie told him if he let all the kids go, she’d give him Sammy’s address, but Sophie wouldn’t leave Ellie, not even when I pulled her away.” Another sob escaped her lips, and she wrapped her trembling arms around Adam. “I’m sorry, Adam. I tried, but she wouldn’t let go of Ellie’s leg, and I had to make sure all the other children were safe.”

  His heart clogged his throat with its wild beating, and his head spun. He gently pushed Dee away, as Clay reached his side and told him what their plan of action was. Adam shook his head. He wasn’t going to stand here and wait until this man killed his daughter and the woman he loved. He’d hesitated once and lost his wife. He wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. He hadn’t been able to apologize to Ellie about his stupid behavior, seeing as she hadn’t been home yesterday, and now more than ever he felt the need to let her know how much she meant to him. He needed to tell her he loved her.

  Just as he took a step toward the building, the white door opened, and Sophie dashed out, crying hysterically. He opened his arms and caught her just as she flung herself at him. His heartbeat slowed down just a little as he cuddled his baby girl in his arms, stroking her hair and reassuring her everything was okay.

  “The mean man wants to hurt Miss Ellie,” she said through the sobs, gripping the collar of his shirt with her tiny hands. “You have to save her, Daddy. You can’t let dat mean man hurt her.”

  Adam kissed the top of her head and held her close to his chest. “I won’t let that man hurt Miss Ellie. Don’t worry, baby girl.”

  He put her down, crouched and took her face in his hands. “You stay here with Mrs. Dee now, and I’ll go save Miss Ellie, okay?”

  Sophie nodded. He kissed her brow, then turned to find Dee was already by his side and nodded when she took Sophie’s hand. He looked at Clay and asked him to wait there, make sure everyone was okay. Clay’s warning to stop flew right over his head as he rushed to the entrance and walked through the door with his Glock drawn, held up in front of him.

  He peeped through the glass opening on the door that led to the playroom, where they knew Ellie and the man were. They stood on the far side of the room, near the door that led to the kitchen, and when he looked more closely, the scene that met his eyes made his blood freeze and his heart stutter. The man had an automatic handgun aimed at Ellie, his hand shaking as she was talking to him, her palms raised in front of her, her head tilted to the side. The sweet expression on her face, even though he knew she must be scared to death, made Adam’s throat constrict.

  He couldn’t let that crazy man kill the one woman who’d made him believe in love again, even after life had crushed his heart and soul, destroying all his dreams of a happy future. He couldn’t save Hannah, and he hadn’t been able to find the other man involved in the robbery, but he could save Ellie. He had the chance to do what he hadn’t been able to do three years ago. He could finally redeem himself for not saving his wife.

  Flashbacks from his past mixed with the present as his vision blurred: Ellie’s straight, light brown hair morphed into blond curls, while the blond-haired man’s face disappeared and in his place stood the man who’d killed Hannah. The man he’d failed to kill three years before.

  Adam shook his head, his breath coming out in labored puffs as he tried to clear his mind, to focus on the here and now.

  You can do it, Adam. You can save her.

  He thought he heard Hannah’s voice behind him, just like yesterday at the cemetery and he whipped his head around, expecting to see her. Instead, his eyes met Clay’s, who’d walked in quietly and was now standing behind him. Adam felt like a fool. Great, he was hearing voices now.

  “Don’t do anything rash,” Clay whispered, placing a hand on his shoulder and pulling him away from the door. “Dee said the man seemed high on something. Look at the way his hand’s shaking. The last thing we want is for him to pull the trigger because we scared him.”

  “The last time I didn’t do anything rash, my wife died,” Adam said through gritted teeth, shaking Clay’s hand off. “I’m not going to let history repeat itself. Stay here and cover me.”

  He opened the door, hoping it wouldn’t creak and alert the man to his presence. Right now, Sammy’s father had his back to the door, and Ellie faced him. Her eyes locked with his; he brought a finger to his mouth, and she looked away.

  “What?” the man yelled, the gun shaking in his hand. He turned and jumped backward when he saw Adam with his gun aimed at him. “Who the hell are you? Back off or I’ll shoot her.”

  “You want to know where your son lives? I can take you there, but let her go first.”

  “Ha. You think you’re so smart, huh?” The man sneered, waving his gun in the air. “The moment I let her go, you’ll either shoot me or arrest me. I’m not that stupid, dude.”

  “You think your son would want to know you hurt his teacher?” Adam tried a diff
erent approach, while Ellie inconspicuously took a step back, away from the man. The guy noticed the movement and grabbed her by the arm.

  Adam’s heart jumped into his throat. “Let her go. I don’t want to shoot you, man, but I’ll have to if you try to hurt her.”

  “I have a right to see my son. He should be with me, not with that old hag.” His hand squeezed harder around Ellie’s bicep. She winced.

  “Let. Her. Go.” Adam took a tentative step, his hands steady on his Glock aimed at the man. As sorry as he would feel for Sammy afterward, he knew this time he wouldn’t hesitate: if the man showed any intention of hurting the woman he loved, Adam would shoot him. The little guy wouldn’t miss this kind of father figure anyway. As far as Ellie had told him, Sammy had never known his father. He’d refused to acknowledge his son when Sammy’s mother had told him she was pregnant, and he’d never shown up before. Adam had no idea why he’d decided to show up now, and in such a melodramatic way, on top of it all. Maybe he just needed money for his next fix and thought kidnapping the kid and asking Mrs. Saunders for a ransom would provide the money.

  “Get my son here, and I’ll let her go.” He pulled Ellie hard by the arm, making her wince again.

  “Come on, you know I can’t let a kid around a man with a gun; you said you’re not stupid, didn’t you? Let her go, and we’ll speak to social services. See if they can come up with visiting arrangements.”

  “Social services will never let me see my son. I have a damn right to see him!” He raised his voice, shaking his gun in exasperation. A trickle of perspiration rolled down Adam’s spine. This was getting out of control; he should’ve shot the man the moment he’d stepped into the room, instead of trying to reason with him. The guy was high on God knows what drug, and he wasn’t going to surrender until he got what he’d come here for. Adam would never let this man anywhere near that sweet little kid, though, so he’d have to leave there either in cuffs or in a body bag.