The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant

by John Warren

  Some people even disassemble the clothespins and readjust the spring tension. This is done by heating the spring with a blow torch, altering its alignment with a pair of pliers while it is still red hot, and then quenching it in a container of oil.

  Before using clothespins on submissives, you should cut or sand off the tips so the pins end in a flat surface. This will allow them to get a firmer grip on the skin and prevent unintentional pain.

  Initially, you should place a substantial fold of skin between the tips. The larger the amount of skin which is gripped, the weaker is the stimulation felt by the submissive. As you become familiar with both the strength of the pins and the tolerance of the submissive, you learn just how large the fold should be to produce a given amount of stimulation. Avoid putting the clip where pieces of bone or cartilage would be caught inside. These bruise more easily than soft tissue.

  Alligator clips are not generally used in stimulation because their serrated teeth can easily break the skin. However, you can cover the teeth by taking a piece of shrinkwrap tubing, putting it over the jaw of the clip and then heating the tubing. It may take several layers of tubing before you have a thick enough covering on the teeth.

  Mouse and rat traps are fun to play with. They look infinitely more painful than they are because the spring’s clamping action is distributed along a relatively wide striking wire. However, before you use them, I recommend that you take off the release arm and the trigger. Not only are these unaesthetic, but the gripper for the cheese can tear the submissive’s skin.

  To use them to maximum effect, hold the trap about a foot in front of the submissive’s shocked eyes and let the striking wire snap on to the wood then take it and insert the breast or cock and lower the striking wire on to the skin.

  There are many different types of adjustable clips and clamps. The simplest one is the basic bodkin that was created to pull elastics through waistbands and consists of two narrow fingers with rubberized ends and a ring that can be slid back and forth to open or close the fingers. Because there is quite a bit of friction when sliding the ring while the fingers are held apart by a bit of flesh, I recommend holding the ends of the fingers in one hand, squeezing them until you’ve got the pressure you want and then, with the other hand, sliding the ring into place.

  One of the most expensive and precise clamps I’ve encountered is The Rolls Royce Clamp. While I haven’t mucked about myself in the engine compartment of a Rolls, I am told it’s the battery clip from that venerable marque. It consists of a pair of hinged grippers between which base is a cone with a screw through it. The grippers are opened and closed by turning the cone either up between the bases (tightening the gripping end) or down, allowing the bases to come together and loosen the grippers. Because of the gradual movement very precise adjustments can be made.

  Simpler adjustable clamps are padded alligator clamps with a screw through the upper jaw. Turning the screw either pushes the jaws apart or allows them to come together.

  Tit or ball presses are larger items with two boards or bars that are attached by threaded connections at each end. The appropriate “organ” is inserted between the two elements and the threaded sections are turned to bring them together.

  The degree of stimulation from a clip can be increased by several orders of magnitude by attaching weights to the clip. To hang things from clothespins, run a cord through the spring coil. Alligator clips come with a handy screw that is convenient for attaching cords or small chains. Some versions of adjustable clips in leather stores are designed to clamp harder when weights are suspended from them. Always add weight slowly.

  Another approach is to pull on the string or, an even more erotic approach, put the string in your submissive’s mouth and have him or her pull on it for you. This can also be done when you have two clips attached by a string or chain, a common technique when clamping nipples.

  A variation of these dangling weights can be obtained by attaching the weights to heavy elastics or light springs. Any movement will set the weights bobbling, and it will take a while even when the submissive is standing stock still for the weights to stop bobbing.

  Japanese or Clover Clamps were originally created to stretch silk without tearing it. They have a lever arrangement built in so as the pull at the base increases the jaws clamp tighter. This means, as you add weights, not only does the clamp pull down harder, the squeeze increases.

  One particularly evil trick is “the zipper.” To make one, you can tie several clips (clothespins are most often used in this) to a single line so they look like beads along a cord. You may attach them to the submissive at various points and, when the time is right, pull hard on the line so they pop off one at a time like shots from a machine gun. For an even more intense variation of “the zipper,” drape the submissive with a light fishing net and attach the clothespins so they grip both the skin and the cord of the net. This allows them also to be pulled off with a single tug. Think of it as a twodimensional zipper.

  If a clamp causes a minor cut, you should treat it with antiseptic. However, torn skin requires a doctor’s care to prevent permanent disfigurement.

  Suggested Reading

  Toybag Guide to Clips and Clamps, Jack Rinella, Greenery Press

  Collars

  A symbol of submission is the collar. It can be as simple as a dog collar or as complex as the kind of collar worn by 0 in The Story of 0, which was made of many layers of thin leather with an attached ring. Rings provide convenient attachment points for leashes or wrist cuffs.

  The most common error in buying a collar is to buy one that is too wide. Unless it is only for short-term wear, one inch is the best width. Anything wider will have a tendency to abrade the neck over a period of hours.

  Neither collars nor other around-the-neck devices should be used to attach a standing submissive to anything solid. Think what might happen if he or she stumbled or fell. If a person is attached in this manner, use cotton thread. This will provide the feeling of capture, but in the event of an accident, it will break without causing further harm.

  Another common error is to attach the collar too tightly. If you cannot slip two fingers under the collar, it is too tight.

  In recent years, there has been a lot of talk about “official collars.” People have held forth about “training collars,” “consideration collars,” “ownership collars” and god knows what else. If it resonates with your needs and fantasies go with it, but don’t feel there is any way you must do it or any symbol or collar you must adopt. Your scene is yours.

  Gags

  I don’t use gags much. They cut down on the complex verbal interaction between the submissive and the dominant, i. e. I like screaming and begging. They also can be risky.

  However, in a semi-public environment, like an apartment with thin walls or motel rooms, gags can avoid premature termination of the scene through external influence, such as someone calling the cops. Some submissives also enjoy gags. The mild ache from the stretched jaw muscles is a reminder of their status. The ball gives them something to bite down on while you are stimulating them, and for those who enjoy humiliation, the uncontrollable drooling provides the dominant endless opportunities for comment.

  Before you use a gag, establish a safe signal that will work when the gag is in place. Like a safeword, it should be something that would not take place as part of a scene. This eliminates random grunting, but using a rhythm is acceptable. Don’t get too complex. It may be easy for your submissive to hum The Stars and Stripes Forever when the only thing you are doing is watching. It is entirely a different matter to do it when you are playing connect the dots on his or her skin with a needle.

  Simple physical signals are effective too. Some submissives use opening and closing both hands to signal unacceptable discomfort when gagged. Others use slow and purposeful eye blinks.

  Before playing with any submissive, you should ask about breathing problems, asthma and allergies. If you are going to use a gag, ask again and list
en carefully. A blocked up nose can kill someone who has a gag in his or her mouth.

  There are a multitude of commercially available gags and an even greater variety that you can improvise. At one point during a session in an expensive hotel, the phone rang. I just grabbed my companion’s panties and put them in her mouth. She later told me that the mere casualness of this action made it extremely arousing.

  Most important, the gag must be comfortable. If it isn’t, that is a signal that it doesn’t fit and can cause harm. With an inflatable gag, have the submissive inflate it. Dominants invariably overestimate how big it has to be. I have seen some face masks that cover both the face and the nose. I neither like them nor do I trust them. If either the nose or the mouth is blocked, the other should be completely free.

  Ball gags that do not go completely into the mouth are particularly good if a person has a bit of trouble breathing. If the ball is attached with a single elastic, it can be easily pushed out of the mouth in an emergency by the submissive’s tongue.

  A submissive friend lists three benefits that go with gags. It is fun to bite down on a gag during intense stimulation. It gives the submissive a feeling of being controlled, and finally, it causes drooling which, in turn, gives the dominant an opportunity for a bit of verbal humiliation if both enjoy this type of activity.

  Dildos

  For whatever reason you are using a dildo, it is always a good idea to cover it with a condom before use. At the very least, it makes cleanup quick and easy and assures that you and/or your submissive will have a sterile surface in contact with all that sensitive flesh. If you will be doing a scene where the dildo will be moving back and forth between people (yourself and the submissive or between two submissives) or will be used in both the anus and vagina, one or more condoms are mandatory.

  If I am planning a complex scene, I may put four or five condoms on a single dildo. As soon as I am ready to shift from one area to another, I just take off the top condom and the next is already on. A neat trick I borrowed from my motorcycle racing days when I would wear five or six face shields, one under the other. When one got muddy, I’d just pull it off. This also has the added advantage that, if one condom tears, the others are intact.

  In my opinion, the best dildos are made of silicone rubber. They have a more lifelike texture, are exceptionally smooth and retain body heat or cold, see the section on guided fantasies in the making the scene sing chapter, best. However, they are expensive.

  Latex dildos are less aesthetic but are also less expensive. Dildos made of harder material must be used with care, but they are often useful in the scene to make a psychological point. One mistress has a custom-machined, eight-inch, stainless-steel dildo with brass balls which is enough to drain the color from the cheeks (both sets) of the hardiest submissive.

  Obviously, when using a dildo in the anus, copious lubrication and care are the order of the day. You must always keep a good grip on the dildo and allow no more than two-thirds of it to enter the anus if there is nothing at the base to prevent it from going all the way in. For safe anal play, butt plugs are more sensible, or you should use a dildo with a flange or set of balls at the base.

  Some dildos are made with a clitoral stimulator at the base. While some find this fun, my opinion is that it limits the range for movement of the dildo if you want to use the stimulator at the same time. A well-lubricated thumb is infinitely more versatile.

  Squirting dildos which simulate ejaculation should be cleaned very carefully. The artificial urethra provides an ideal environment for bacterial growth. However, squirting a bit of bleach-water mixture or alcohol through it should be enough to clean it out.

  Male chastity belts

  Male chastity belts are popular items in leather stores. Some are made of leather, some of metal, and I’ve seen a few that were made of clear plastic.

  Evidently, these toys predate the current interest in BDSM. In doing research for this book, I encountered the McCormick Male Chastity Belt, patent number 587,994, patented in 1896 – yes, 1896. According to the application, the purpose was to protect a man from himself. However, it seems ideal for any lady seeking to make sure her submissive remains pure and sweet when he is not under her supervision.

  The appliance had a plate, “having an aperture through which the proper member is passed.” The plate was attached to the body by a belt and had a series of what the inventor termed “pricking points.” (Could this be the source of the slang word for the member in question?) “When, from any cause, expansion in the organ begins, it will come in contact with the pricking points.” This, in turn, was considered enough to turn the wearer’s mind to purer thoughts.

  Although the inventor wrote that he intended this device to be worn voluntarily, he did note that arrangements could be made to be permanently attached to certain “irresponsible wearers.”

  While I’ve never encountered Mr. McCormick’s gadget in any store, a similar device can be made using leather through which the prongs of snaps have been forced. Normally, these prongs are bent over to hold the snaps in place. However, if they are left extended, they can provided a “pointed reminder” for the wearer. Another product is a nonskid run mat designed to protect carpets from rolling chairs. The bottom of these is covered with sharp plastic prongs. A small piece snipped off and placed in a jock strap provides most interesting sensations.

  Sportsheets™

  Sportsheets are an interesting little product that uses a Velcro loop sheet to provide points of attachment for a set of Velcro hook wrist and ankle cuffs. Because the sheet fits tightly over a conventional mattress, you can convert any bed into a versatile bondage surface. It takes a bit of practice to attach the cuffs so that a strong person cannot break the attachment to the sheets, but it can be done. An added bonus is that the sheets are comfortable enough to sleep on.

  Of course, with enough strength, enthusiasm and incentive, one can get loose from Sportsheets. Libby and I were introduced to Sportsheets early in the ’90s at a party given by Mistress Sia, a dear friend and a delightfully creative sadistic dominant. Both Sia and I were playing with Libby when we were amazed to see her rip apart the chain connecting one of the leg cuffs to a pad. Libby at that time was an enthusiastic swimmer and walker so she had really strong leg muscles, and what we were doing was just plain “mean,” but when I mentioned the incident to Tom Stewart, the president of Sportsheets, he let me in on a business decision they’d made in designing the product.

  “When we were developing the Sportsheet we experimented with a lot of different hardware that connected the cuff with the anchor pad. As a result of our customer feedback, we used a metal key ring and snap link for the connection. The reason for this choice of hardware was for a last ditch, fail safe means of getting free from the Sportsheet. The question many people asked us was, ’What if I can’t grip the anchor pad and I panic?’ or, ’What if the bed catches fire and I’m tied up, how do I get out?’ If we had used stronger hardware, say, a welded D-ring versus a key-chain key ring, and a stronger snap link, our answer to these types of ’what if’ questions would have been something like, ’Well, then I guess you’re screwed.’ The key ring was selected because it will fail under circumstances where a person pulls very hard and the key ring will open up and the person gets out. If we had made it escape proof that would have defeated the ’you can get out anytime’ feature of the Sportsheet. For some heavier players we have suggested adding an additional key ring and/or another snap link to make the connection stronger.”

  Spreader bars

  Spreader bars are simple wooden or metal bars with loops at the ends or at points along their length which attach to wrist and ankle cuffs. When properly in place, they prevent the submissive from bringing together the limbs to which they are attached. Some of the commercially produced models are adjustable, but many dominants simply make their own from lengths of one-inch dowel.

  While there is rarely a problem using a spreader bar between wrist cuffs, care should
be taken not to use one that is too long between either ankle or knee cuffs. If a submissive is forced to spread his or her legs too widely, the hips could be injured. This is particularly likely if weight is placed on the hip region while the legs are spread. As the appropriate angle varies among individuals, you should demand feedback from the submissive the first few times you use a leg spreader.

  For an interesting effect, a second bar can be attached at right angles to a leg spreader. This bar can hold either a vibrator or a dildo, which the submissive can move in his or her anus or cunt by straightening or bending knees.

  However, because submissives have been known to desire too much of a good thing when they become excited, I recommend attaching the two bars together with a rubber band rather than cord or tape. This way, if the submissive tries to agitate the device too violently or tries to drive it home too firmly, the elastic will stretch and moderate the action or break entirely, hopefully, before injury is done.

  Vibrators

  Just hearing the hum of a vibrator is enough to bring joy to most submissives’ hearts. I like to use a vibrator for teasing and contrast during the scene, pushing the submissive over the pleasure-pain-pleasure edge and during cool down after the scene ends.

  There are basically two ways to produce vibrations. The first type to appear was the coil-driven vibrator. These usually have a vibrating head. They usually have only two speeds, low (sixty beats per second) and high (thirty beats per second). (That isn’t a misprint. The body interprets the slower speed as faster than the faster speed, and the manufacturers went with perception rather than reality.)

  Motor-driven vibrators, on the other hand, use a rotating, off-center weight. This allows them a broad range of vibrating speeds. There are two types of these. The wand vibrators that look like an old-fashioned hand-held microphone, and Swedish vibrators which strap on the back of the hand and turn the entire hand into a living vibrator. Most wand vibrators are exceptionally large, but this spreads out the vibrations and makes it a more effective massage tool. I tend to like the heft of a large vibrator.