The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant

by John Warren

  Swedish vibrators are sensual and versatile tools. Their drawbacks are that the softness of the hand mutes the impact of the vibration a bit, the constant vibration can make your hand go numb fairly quickly, and the straps that hold the vibrator on your hand can catch pubic and body hair.

  Vibrators are also classified by their power source. In the early days, I shunned vibrators powered by replaceable batteries. They were generally shaped like dildos, but produced the worst of two possible worlds as they were ineffective dildos and underpowered as vibrators. Generally, if I wanted to use vibration inside a vagina or anus, I didn’t use a plastic vibrator, but instead, inserted a dildo or butt plug and then held an AC-powered vibrator against it.

  Because of these drawbacks, the only setting where I found the battery-powered plastic dildos useful were in wet scenes in baths, showers and hot tubs. Because they were battery powered, there was no chance of a dangerous shock, and their size let me waterproof them by slipping them in a condom and knotting the end. However, improved design and more powerful batteries have changed my mind. Many battery-powered vibrators are wonderfully effective these days.

  Many battery-powered vibrators have the speed- controller/battery-pack connected to the vibrating unit by a cord. These offer an opportunity for the dominant because these can be worn under the clothing, they allow you to take your submissive for a walk or to a restaurant while covertly stimulating him or her. The speed control/battery box can be draped over the waist band, and you can discreetly play with the controls throughout the public session. If you use an vibrator in the anus, you should put it in an unrolled condom first. This will allow you to withdraw it safely if the cord breaks.

  Even better for this are the radio-controlled vibrators. Sadly, at the time I’m writing this, the RC vibrators I’ve used have a range measured in tens of feet, but I have high hopes for the future. Even with the limited range, these offer interesting opportunities for the control and simulation of your submissive.

  Several years ago, Libby broke her arm in a fall. At that time, she had Rio, a personal slave. It was her idea to insert an RC vibrator in Rio’s pussy so Libby could summon Rio with just a touch of a button. Normally attentive, Rio became a paragon of vigilance while she awaited Libby’s summons.

  As cell phones have decreased in size, their kinky potential has expanded. No great sewing skill is required to create a small pocket near the crotch of a pair of panties where a cell phone can be secreted. I leave the potential applications to your imagination.

  For those with a bit of skill with a soldering iron, it is possible to build a do-it-yourself version of an RC vibrator. Sartan of Treve, a kinky entrepreneur, has the plans of this on his website (www.saroftreve.com/workshop/vibe.shtml).

  Thanks to micro-chips, vibrators are no longer limited to slow-fast. For example, The Pulsetron by Lady Calston has the conventional slow-medium-fast range, but it also has pulses of vibration interspersed with pauses and a buffet of patterns as the vibration becomes stronger and stronger and then softer and softer.

  The Lady Calston people have carried this idea over into a wonderful device for those who are trying to make a longdistance BDSM relationship work. The Televibe is a pulsetron that connects to either a telephone or a computer. The unit is plugged in, and the recipient inserts the vibrating probe into the appropriate bodily aperture. Then, even thousands of miles away, the dominant can take control of his or her pleasure while listening and talking on the telephone or in a chat room screen.

  AC-powered vibrators are more powerful and have a greater range than those powered by replaceable batteries. Their only major drawback is the need for an electrical outlet. However, when you are playing in an unfamiliar area, that can be a major inconvenience. For example, in many public dungeons, major play areas are in the center of the rooms. Using a vibrator, generally means running an extension cord through the shifting, milling crowd. This is hardly a satisfactory state of affairs.

  Rechargeable vibrators are usually built along the same lines as a wand vibrator, and their batteries are generally good for 15 to forty minutes of stimulation. This may not seem like a lot, but you should remember that AC-powered vibrators overheat. Most manufacturers recommend sessions of no longer than thirty minutes without a cool-down period. Therefore, you may not get significantly longer sessions with AC- than with replaceable-battery-powered vibrators.

  Like dildos, many vibrators can be covered with condoms for safety and ease of cleaning. You will be surprised how big you can stretch those suckers, and it is unnecessary to cover the body of the vibrator. For example, only the foot of a coil vibrator actually touches the skin, and this is relatively easy to cover. However, a few of the wand vibrators are just too big. Use a rubber glove to cover their heads.

  Once, what I had expected to be a single-submissive scene became a two-submissive scene, and I didn’t have any condoms or gloves. However, I had two riding crops. Rather than stop using what I find is a very effective tool, I mentally designated one crop for each submissive and, holding the shaft of the crop against the head of the vibrator, used the tip of the crop to touch the submissive. Since each crop only touched one submissive, there was no chance of cross infection. An added bonus was that the submissives found the intense, localized stimulation of the vibrating crop so arousing that I made the technique a standard part of my repertoire.

  Finding toys in the vanilla world

  One thing that consistently amuses me is the recurrent drives by single-minded do-gooders to, as one of them puts it, “close down the places where people buy devices of pain and agony.” I won’t quibble about the “pain and agony” part, but what is so amusing is that there is more kinky stuff in the average K-Mart than in any leather store.

  This last section isn’t about specific toys or how they are used. I want it to be more of a consciousness-raising exercise. Let’s take a walk through our local discount store and see how many things we can do kinky things with. I’m not going to try for a complete list. I’m just trying to give you some inspiration for your future shopping trips.

  You’ve already read about the wonderful things that can be done with clips and clothespins. The “Secret Dungeon” chapter has other cute ideas, but let’s start our stroll and see what we can find.

  Gardenware shop. Not even inside the door yet, and there is this lovely display of canes. I suppose they expect us to use them to train tomato vines. Any other ideas as to what to train?

  Kitchenwares. We may have discovered the mother lode, with wooden and plastic spoons, mixers and spatulas. What wonderful spanking devices. Cheese boards come with the convenient hand grip. Wouldn’t it make a nice splat on some rear end? Hanging on the wall, we have clips and clamps galore. How about an egg opener? It looks like a pair of scissors with a loop on one end. Notice how the loop is just big enough for a man’s cock.

  Toys. What interesting stuff. The makers call it Slime™, and it really looks sickening. Might it have potential for a humiliation scene? This Nerf paddle may not do any harm, but it certainly stings. What about jacks? Wouldn’t it be interesting to see how someone would walk while she was holding them between her legs? My goodness, a treasure trove of little girls’ play makeup. Wouldn’t this be handy for a reluctant TV? It has an added bonus in that it comes off easily.

  I think I’ll take a pass on these toy handcuffs though. The plastic has hard edges and they could hurt someone who struggles.

  Hardware. What a treasure trove with all the hooks, pulleys, rope and clamps. Anyone who can’t imagine uses for vise-grips should be sent back to BDSM 101. The trick is to close the handle before putting it on and use the little screw to adjust the tension. In a given aisle there are five locks that open with the same key. That is a handy safety precaution.

  Automotive. Ratcheting tie-downs are designed for pickup trucks, but they would be handy for firmly attaching a submissive to a frame. Key rings come with a nice feature. It has two rings attached by a mechanism that needs
to be pushed together to separate them. Wouldn’t it make a handy emergency release for light bondage?

  Sporting goods. Sir Spencer was once going to a birthday party for some scene people. He knew the crowd would include a sprinkling of vanilla people, who knew nothing of the birthday girl’s interests. His lovely and brilliant wife recommended that he buy a game that featured a pair of charming Lucite paddles. As she pointed out, the vanilla guests would take the gift at face value, and the scene people would realize that the real value of the gift was somewhat lower than the face and on the other side.

  Weightlifter’s kidney belts can be useful. The same kind of belt, to protect a submissive’s kidneys during a whipping, cost five times as much in a leather shop. Sinkers are heavy, and I bet they would be a lot of fun hanging from nipple clamps.

  Hobby supplies. This place is full of perfect materials for making cuffs and bondage toys, maybe even paddles and floggers.

  Jewelry. Nylon replacement watch-straps with Velcro fasteners can be backed up with a felt pad (to keep them from cutting into the skin) from the hobby department to make a fine cuff. One warning: jewelry for pierced ears shouldn’t be used in body piercings. It can cut and cause damage.

  Pet supplies. The pet store is just full of leashes, collars and humiliating squeaky toys that you can run a cord through and make into a great gag. Giant corkscrews, that screw into the ground, might be intended to hold Fido’s chain, but when used in pairs or fours, they are wonderful for spreadeagle outdoor bondage. Nylon leashes can be tied to bed legs and then clipped to cuffs.

  Miscellaneous. A mysterious scissor-shaped wooden clamp is, in the vanilla world, a glove stretcher. We have other uses for it. A baby’s pacifier makes a nice symbolic gag.

  Tack shop. The places where the “horsy set” goes to shop is packed solid with riding crops and whips as well as all kinds of leather straps and such. Even better, they are less than half the price you’d pay in a leather shop. What could an imaginative person do with a bridle? Stirrups are useful for supported suspension. One gentleman at The Vault modified a standard saddle and delighted in giving ladies rides about the place.

  Look around. If you keep a kinky thought in your head, the world becomes a kinky place. You may never look at a cucumber the same way again.

  Fun and Games

  Spanking

  It is so classic. The stern schoolmistress, strict nun or angry father orders the miscreant to bend over, and the pleasure begins. Hey, Wait. Isn’t that “punishment?”

  Well, to each his or her own. To some people, being in one role or the other of this little scenario would be but one step away from heaven. Spanking is perhaps the most common BDSM activity. Drop by your vanilla video store’s classics collection, and you can spend hours watching mainstream stars warming each other’s celebrity fanny.

  It also has served for the entry point to BDSM by more than one couple. Spanking seems like so much fun. It seems so wholesome, so American. Besides, could anything that John Wayne did be so awful? In a very practical sense, it is probably one of the safest of the BDSM activities. The buttocks, while abundantly supplied with nerve endings, are well padded, and the physics of the event guarantee that the hand partakes of much of what it gives.

  Only when straps, paddles and strapples make their appearance is it necessary to consider a modicum of safety, and that is only to avoid the portion of the upper buttocks where the bone is close to the skin. There are nerve junctions in that area which do not take kindly to being pounded. However, the rest of that delightful protrusion is fair game. The area between the top of the leg and the point where the arse begins to turn in again should be a particular target; as one masochistic lady put it, “It is the sweet spot with a direct line to the pussy.”

  Comments from two submissive gentlemen indicate that the same effect is present in their anatomy with a slightly different destination.

  Suggested Reading

  The Compleat Spanker, Lady Green, Greenery Press

  Bondage

  Who can look at the bound and helpless submissive and not feel a stirring of excitement and pride? In a very substantial way, this is the scene made real. While not all submissives long for rope, leather and chain, all long for the spiritual essence of these things, confinement, restriction, being controlled and held.

  A man in a French maid’s costume kneeling quietly at his mistress’s feet can be more tightly restrained than one in a cocoon of rope and leather. Freedom through constraint is the quintessential nature of BDSM.

  Sadly, however, few things are done more poorly than bondage. Like Olympic-level gymnastics, to do it well is to make it look easy. It is far more than simply grabbing a length of old clothesline, wrapping it around your partner and tying a granny knot at the end.

  Before we go any further, remember bondage, unlike diamonds, is not forever. You should always have the means to quickly and efficiently release your submissive. No one should ever do any bondage without a set of EMT scissors, also called paramedic scissors. They have extremely sharp, serrated blades that can cut rope or even heavy leather. Also the bottom blade has a spoon-shaped end so that they can be used next to a struggling person’s skin without doing any damage. Of course, they won’t cut heavy chain. If you are doing chain bondage, keep a bolt cutter handy.

  What should not be used for bondage. Let’s look at the actual tools for bondage. First, what should not be used? If a submissive is going to lie quietly, without any movement, almost any long, flexible material, including barbed wire, could be used. However, short of posing for a cover shot for Hogtied Quarterly, submissives do not lie there quietly. Many enjoy struggling for the confirmation of constraint it gives them. Others are stimulated to movement by the dominant’s activities.

  Therefore, it is best to assume a certain degree of struggle. This eliminates many of the favorites of the bondage artist or photographer. Handcuffs, for example, are notorious for causing abrasions and can even cause nerve damage and broken bones. While this quality may be considered a plus by policemen seeking a docile prisoner, it is definitely not a plus in the scene. This is particularly true when we recognize that “struggle” is not always intentional, not only do people trip and fall, but orgasms can bring on a more spectacular “struggle” than most whippings.

  If you insist on using them for anything more than an attractive ornament on your belt, you should be aware of two schools of thought concerning handcuffs for bondage. The first recommends you buy good-quality handcuffs. These are available to the general public in many states through police supply stores. This school of thought mandates that you avoid the cheap handcuffs sold in novelty and leather shops. The differences are twofold. First, the quality of the professional handcuffs is much better, and there is less likelihood of burrs or rough edges which can tear the skin.

  The second reason is even more important. Professional handcuffs have a lock that prevents them from continuing to tighten after they have been applied. This lock is either missing or ineffective in the cheaper models.

  The other school holds that in spending a substantial sum of money for the handcuffs will tempt the buyers to use them more often than they would have otherwise. This group, with whom I’m finding myself in more and more agreement, holds that since handcuffs should be limited to psychological or light play scenes where there is no possibility of struggle, cheap handcuffs are preferred so there will be no temptation to use them for inappropriate scenes. Regardless of the quality of the handcuffs, they should never be used for suspension or, even for holding the hands above the head for a substantial period.

  There are also some precautions which can reduce the risk of injury. Since nerve injury most often happens when the submissive tries to pull his or her hands out of the cuffs, either intentionally or unintentionally, causing pressure against the base of the thumb. This can be minimized by tying the elbows so the submissive cannot spread them. They need not be tied so they are touching. Indeed, this position can injure some p
eople’s shoulders. Just a few loops of rope should be enough to keep from getting too far apart and putting pressure on the cuffs.

  I occasionally take someone for a walk in cuffs, with the handcuffs hidden under a long jacket. Since if she were to fall, she might injure herself, one of the links of the handcuffs is replaced with thread. The feeling of being “handcuffed” is perfect, but if needs to she can get her hands free. I needn’t even tell her of the substitution since the brace-me movement is instinctive should she find herself falling.

  Police have begun to use long plastic strips with selflocking tabs as disposable handcuffs or plasticuffs. Because they were developed by electronics companies for bundling cables, these are available through places like Radio Shack. While they should not be used when the submissive may struggle, they are nice props for psychological scenes. Once the tab has been inserted through the lock, the plasticuffs are sealed permanently and must be cut off.

  Another bondage item that should not be used in connection with any potential struggle is the hose clamp. These are long strips of metal with a screw-locking mechanism designed to tighten over hoses until they are sealed to a nipple. They come in sizes big enough to hold a pair of legs. However, they have several important drawbacks. They are metal and can do damage if they are overtightened or if the submissive struggles. They take a while to take off because the tab must be slowly unscrewed. Because paramedic scissors may not be able to cut them, if you are going to use these, you should have a pair of bolt cutters handy in case something goes wrong.

  Articles of clothing, like scarves and pantyhose, figure commonly in bondage fantasy. However, in the real scene, they should be used with care. Both can clump until they are very narrow and cut deeply into the skin. A silk scarf is soft, but if you pull it tightly between your hands, it forms sharply defined folds. Imagine those folds cutting into your submissive’s wrists, and you can see what I am warning about.