Shara's Happy New-foundland Year

by Tamie Dearen

  “So you’re up all night, un-spoiling that puppy.” He snorted with laughter.

  James shot him a dirty look. “What’s so funny?’

  “A few weeks ago when we told you about the baby, you were ribbing me about how I wasn’t going to get any sleep for months, and you’d probably have to do all my work for me.”

  “Yeah, I guess I’m eating my own words.”

  David shook his head. “I remember when Abby was a pup. I’m hoping the baby will be a lot easier. I’ve heard that’s often the case.”

  “All I know is I’m glad I’m giving Fez back to Shara tomorrow. I’m about ready to let her keep him for good.”

  He shrugged. “Not everyone is cut out to be a pet owner. It takes a lot of commitment.”

  James covered his face with his hands. “There’s that stupid word again. Commitment. If I don’t stick with it and try to win this contest for Fez, Shara will think I can’t commit. And if I can’t commit, she won’t date me.”

  “Did she actually say that?”

  “That’s what she told Noelle. And she told her dad the same thing.”

  David let out a long whistle with a falling tone. “Sounds like you don’t have any choice, then. Unless you’re ready to give up on Shara.”

  “Nope. Not giving up.”

  David slipped inside the office door, shutting it behind him. With an intense stare, he moved to sit facing James across the desk. James stiffened, like he’d been called into the principal’s office.

  “James, can I give you some advice?”

  He hated it when his stepbrother acted fatherly, as if he weren’t a mere two years older. “If it’s about the dog, yes.”

  “It’s about Shara.”

  “Nope. Don’t want it. Just because you got married this year doesn’t make you an expert on romance.”

  David held up his hands in surrender. “Not claiming to be an expert. But if you love Shara and want to be with her for the rest of your life, you should start off on the right foot, with God at the center of the relationship.”

  As always, the idea of committing to one girl for “the rest of your life” made alarms go off in James’ head and set his heart beating double-time. All he knew was he didn’t want to be without Shara right now. But could he predict how he would feel five years from now? Or ten? Or twenty? Their father had two failed marriages. Committing ‘til death do ye part seemed like a futile exercise.

  “Shara and I don’t even have a relationship right now, so it’s a moot point.”

  “Fine, I won’t press you on it. But I have to ask you, when you told me you decided to follow Christ, was that for real? Or did you say that because Shara was doing it?”

  Out of sight behind his desk, James balled his hands into tight fists. “Two weeks ago, you told me you weren’t going to judge me.”

  David grimaced. “I didn’t mean to be judgmental, but I guess it sounded like I was talking down to you.” He paused, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. “For months, we’ve been able to talk about our faith together. I thought you enjoyed it as much as I did.”

  He looked so sad, with his head drooping low, James couldn’t hold onto his anger. “You’re right. I liked that we had that in common.”

  “Really?”

  The hope in his eyes was almost as hard to bear as his contrition.

  “After Shara broke up with me, I didn’t have the heart to keep going to Bible study. I didn’t want to answer questions and have people feel sorry for me.”

  David drummed his fingers on his knees, nodding his understanding. “I get that. I’d probably do the same thing.”

  “Since I messed up, I figured God didn’t want me around.” James laughed, trying to hide how much that bothered him.

  “James, I hope you don’t believe that. If we had to be perfect, God wouldn’t want any of us around. He’s always willing to take us back, no matter how many times we mess up.”

  Sounded too good to be true, but James kept the thought to himself. “Right now, my brain is way too tired to process this deep stuff.”

  “Ha! Fair enough.” David tapped his hand on the desk and rose to leave. “We’ll talk later, though. That’s a promise.”

  “Or a threat,” James mumbled.

  SHARA CAUGHT HER BOSS, Leesa Madison in her private office before lunch on Thursday. “Dr. Madison, can I get your medical opinion on something?”

  She glanced up from her computer, looking over a pair of flowered reading glasses perched on her nose. “You want my medical opinion? Or my dental opinion?” A crooked smile graced her face, her dark skin flawless at fifty-five years of age. Her deep brown eyes danced with humor, and Shara knew she was teasing.

  “You know a lot more about medical things than I do. Figured I could ask you and save myself a trip to the doctor.”

  A line appeared between her brows. “Why don’t you shut that door, so we can have some privacy?”

  Shara closed the door and took a seat across from Leesa. She felt the heat rising in her face. “It’s kind of embarrassing...”

  “Is this about your bulimia? Is it back again?”

  Her voice was gentle and reassuring, but Shara felt her palms sweating. It was so hard to open up.

  “Yes, and no. Felt some nausea and had a lot of food avoidance. Mostly, it’s under control. Maintained all but five pounds of the weight I gained in the last six months.”

  “Shara, I’m glad to be a friend and confidant for you, but counseling for a problem like this is out of my league.”

  “I know that. I’m planning to go back to the counselor when the new insurance year rolls around. I maxed out my counseling allowance.” A nervous laugh escaped. “I guess I’m more screwed up than average.”

  “Well, I’m going to complain about this. It’s idiotic to have a maximum allowance for counseling. This is a life-threatening problem.” Leesa’s jaws flexed and her dark eyes turned black. She always looked scary when she was angry, one of many reasons Shara worked hard to stay on her good side.

  “Don’t be upset. I’ve got it under control. My life’s not in any danger. Besides, it’s good I’m not taking time out of work to go to counseling appointments. I still appreciate you giving me time off to do that.”

  Leesa took off her glasses and folded them, sighing in a we’ve-been-through-this-before way. “Shara, we’ll always find a way to handle things at the office. You have to take care of your health.”

  “But things are bad when you’re short handed. That’s why I wanted to get your opinion on this other thing and avoid a trip to the doctor for nothing.”

  “What other thing?”

  “It’s... well...” Her throat felt dry and raw. “My last period seems like it didn’t ever stop. For weeks, I’ve been spotting a little every day. Is that bad?”

  She tilted her head, chewing on her bottom lip. “It doesn’t sound too serious, but I don’t think it’s normal. I think you should go to your OBGyn. You see Dr. Garcia, don’t you? She’s a friend of mine. We’ll get you in right away.”

  “I don’t want to do that if I don’t have to. I want you to tell me it’s not a cyst or cancer or something like that. I don’t know what normal is, because I never had many periods. You know, my hormones are all messed up because of the bulimia.”

  “And my answer is you should make an appointment to see your doctor.”

  “I don’t want to take time off from work. You’re a doctor. Can’t you give me your opinion, based on what you know? You told me you studied the whole body in school.”

  “There’s one thing I could check.” Leesa stood up and walked around her desk to stand beside Shara’s chair. “Lean your head back, open really wide, and say ‘Ah.’”

  Shara obeyed, cranking her neck so Dr. Madison could see inside. “Ahhhh.”

  “Oh! Oh my!”

  “What?” Shara’s heart raced. “What do you see?”

  “It’s not what I see, it’s what I don’t see.” Leesa’s
eyebrows arched up to her hairline.

  “What is it? What don’t you see?”

  “For some reason...” She shook her head, her lips downturned, as if she didn’t want to deliver the bad news. “For some reason, I can’t seem to look inside your mouth and see all the way to your other orifice.” She threw her head back and laughed. “Now, make an appointment, and go to the OBGyn.”

  Relieved, Shara joined in Lessa’s laughter, but continued her argument. “You don’t understand how it is. I feel so judged when I go to the doctor’s office. The nurses look at my history and my weight, and I hear them talking behind my back. And I don’t want the doctor to see how bony my hips are.”

  A few months back, Shara had abandoned wearing her double padded push-up bras, which had, in her opinion, served to hide the extent of her weight loss and make her appear feminine. James had convinced her she didn’t need them. In fact, his consistent positive appraisals of her appearance were one of the aspects she missed most since ending their relationship. Still, loose clothing camouflaged her thinness, and most medical personnel couldn’t hide their shock when they saw her undressed.

  “Girl, you’ve got to toughen up.” Leesa put her hands on her hips, and wagged her head from side to side to emphasize her words. “I don’t like my OBGyn seeing how fat my hips are, but I still go. And if anybody knows about being judged, it’s me. I became a dentist when hardly any women were in dental school, much less black women.”

  “I hadn’t thought of that. But still, you’re smart and beautiful, and you proved yourself. I’m nothing—just me.”

  “Shara, you are both smart and beautiful. You’re God’s creation, and you should never put yourself down. It’s an insult to Him.”

  “Ha! You sound like Noelle.”

  “Noelle had a great mentor—her father is an amazing man of God.”

  “How do you know Mr. Holiday?” Shara was glad to shift the subject matter to someone else.

  “He, uhmm... did some tax work for me.” Leesa tugged on the collar of her lab coat, as her skin turned plum red beside her ears. “You know... business stuff...”

  Why was she acting weird about Mr. Holiday?

  Shara stood up, ready to escape. “Thanks for the advice, Doc.”

  “Oh, no you don’t. You’re not leaving this office until you promise to make an appointment. I want you at Dr. Garcia’s office ASAP. Tomorrow would be good.”

  “I was thinking I might wait and see if it goes away.”

  Leesa leaned back on one leg and crossed her arms. Without saying a word, she revealed the beginnings of her angry face transformation. Shara’s chest went tight.

  “On the other hand, I think I’ll make an appointment right now.”

  “DINNER WAS GREAT, NOELLE.” James stacked the dirty plates on the table. “A lot better than the Take a Wok dinner I had planned.”

  “You don’t have to do that,” said David, grabbing the water glasses. “It’s my night to do dishes.”

  “You mean you have to do housework? You told me you got married so you’d have a wife to wait on you, hand and foot.” James winked at Noelle, who dropped her mouth open in exaggerated surprise.

  “That better not be true, David,” she said, propping her legs on the footstool.

  “Do not listen to him. I never said any such thing.” David jabbed a sock-covered foot at James’ shin as they carried the dishes into the kitchen.

  “Ouch! Control your temper, Bro. Violence is never the answer.”

  “You’d better not be saying things to make my wife angry. Marriage is hard enough without outside interference.”

  “Yeah. The way I figure it, why bother? Our dad divorced twice. My mom divorced twice.” James scraped the plates into the disposal, rinsing and stacking them on the counter.

  “One marriage and one divorce for my mom, too. That doesn’t mean we’re destined to repeat their mistakes.” David loaded the glasses in the dishwasher.

  “Isn’t it pretty much inevitable these days? Don’t statistics say most marriages end in divorce?”

  “I read those marriage-doom-and-gloom statistics were faulty. The new stats paint a different picture. Plenty of marriages still last a lifetime. You have to be committed, though. Marriage is hard work, and I believe it’s almost impossible to make it without God’s help.”

  “I guess that let’s me out, then,” James joked. “Already failed that test.”

  “Will you stop it, already?” David loaded the plates in the dishwasher and rifled through the plastic Tupperware drawer for a suitable leftovers container. “God hasn’t condemned you. I haven’t condemned you. Christians haven’t condemned you, either. You seem to be the only one who thinks you’ve committed some unforgiveable sin.”

  James’ stomach churned, and he wished he’d only had one serving of pot roast instead of stuffing himself to the brim.

  “It wasn’t the sex, you know. That’s not why I feel so guilty. It’s how Shara changed afterward. She was going to Bible study and church, making new friends, coming out of her shell. Even her health was improving. But after we were together, it’s like a switch flipped and sent her back to square one. I did that to her.”

  “Don’t you think she’s also at fault for what happened?”

  “She never shared a lot about her past, but I’m betting she would never have the confidence to say ‘no’ to a guy. I pushed her beyond the boundaries we’d set, and she didn’t object. Now she’s not only rejecting me, but also God. That pretty much makes me scum-of-the-earth.”

  “Yeah, pretty much.” David wore a crooked grin when James flashed a glare his direction. He held up protective arms, as if James might punch him. “Hey, all I did was agree with you.”

  James chuckled. “I guess I was hoping you’d defend me against my own accusation.”

  David grabbed a wet sponge and wiped the counter. “I agree you had more responsibility in this, because of her past. But you didn’t do it by yourself, and you can’t fix it by yourself.”

  “I know that, but I’m the only one willing to try.”

  “What did she say when you talked about it?”

  James grabbed a dirty casserole dish and rinsed it, taking out his frustrations with a soapy pad on a bit of baked-on cheese. “She won’t talk about it.”

  “Not at all?”

  “Nope.”

  “Maybe...” David threw the sponge in the sink and crossed his arms. “Maybe tomorrow you could do the puppy exchange here, at our house. I could kind of mediate while the two of you talk it out.”

  James stopped scrubbing to consider his proposal. “No. She’s mortified that I talked to you about it. There’s no way she’ll open up with you there.” He went back to his stubborn cheese. “The only thing she’ll discuss with me is Fezzik.”

  He jumped when David clapped him on the shoulder. “You’d better go home before you fall asleep on your feet. That yawn was big enough for a full-grown Fezzik to jump inside.”

  “Why bother? I’m not going to get any sleep. How can such a small dog make such loud yelping? I’m doing everything by the book. He’s in a crate, in my room. I exercise him to make him tired and cut off the water an hour before bedtime.”

  “I’m sure you’ve already tried marbles, right?”

  “Marbles?”

  “You haven’t heard of that one? Keep a can of marbles by your bed. If he’s crying for the sake of it and you know he doesn’t need to go out, you shake the can of marbles and say ‘hush.’ Worked great for Abby.”

  “I’m trying that tonight. Please, please let it work.”

  “If it works, you owe me big-time.”

  “If it works...” James ground his teeth. “I may kill you for waiting a week to tell me.”

  SHARA SHIVERED AS SHE shrugged off the examination gown, dropping it in the hamper and donning her clothes as quickly as she could.

  “Why do they always keep these rooms at sub-zero temperatures, knowing we have to strip down to nothing?”
she asked the gaunt reflection in the mirror, which observed her with disdain.

  At least Dr. Madison would be satisfied that she’d been poked and prodded the very next day, though Fridays were usually quite busy at the dental office. With Leesa’s insistence that she get an immediate appointment, Shara couldn’t help wondering if she knew more than she let on. Deep down, Shara had a nagging suspicion there was something gravely wrong. She knew her body pretty well, and something felt off.

  She didn’t expect to hear any results from the blood tests for a week or so, but the doctor had been unusually subdued during the exam. Chatting about everything from the weather to current popular television shows, Dr. Anna Garcia customarily kept Shara distracted from the awkwardness of lying on a table with her feet in stirrups. But today, the OBGyn had grown quiet, her eyebrows knitted together.

  “Is everything okay?” Shara had asked. “Do you see something unusual?”

  “Absolutely not!” Dr. Garcia had given a brilliant smile. “I don’t see anything out of the ordinary.”

  “But you’re worried about something, aren’t you?” Shara insisted.

  “Of course, with your history, I’m concerned about your health.” Dr. Garcia took off her gloves and threw them in the trash receptacle. “Why don’t you get dressed, and we’ll meet in my office and talk a bit? I think your nutrition is my main concern right now.”

  And so, resigned to another long and useless discussion about what she should eat to remain healthy—as if she had any control over that—Shara dressed and gathered her things. Grateful the mortifying examination was over, she was anxious to get back to the dental office. She had a lot of work to do and she wanted to get off in time to shower and shave and primp before her date with James. Not that it was an actual date. In fact, they were simply meeting at James’ house to exchange Fezzik. For no logical reason, she still wanted to look her best.

  A nurse in the hallway pointed the way to Dr. Garcia’s office, where Shara found her waiting.

  “Have a seat, Shara. Are you comfortable? Would you like a bottle of water?”

  “No, I’m fine. But I should save you some trouble and tell you I already know what I ought to be eating. I’m at a stage where even thinking about food makes me nauseated. I know it’s not very nutritious, but I’ve been living on crackers and sucking on lemon wedges.”