“You’ve said your goodbye.” I glared at Clint, annoyed that he was refusing to let Samuel approach me.
“He is my friend Clint,” and I pushed past Clint and opened my arms, giving Samuel a soft hug. “Thank you for coming last night. It was great to see you. Have a safe trip home, OK,” and I broke our embrace and stepped back.
Samuel had a pleased look on his face, “I’ll be seeing you.” He eyed me seductively and then he glanced over at Clint whose fists were wound up like balls.
“I don’t think so,” Clint murmured.
“Yeah sure, right Clint,” Samuel noted, and walked off, returning the way he came.
As he did, he passed Josh on his way over to us. He eyed Samuel in recognition and came over to stand next to me. “Hey, isn’t that the guy from last night?” Josh looked at me and then looked at Clint, whose arm was firmly around my waist.
“You know Samuel?” Clint asked, directing the question to Josh.
Josh’s head turned back around to where he saw Samuel and something clicked in his head, his eyes bulging, “That was your fiancé?”
“Ex-fiancé,” I corrected.
Josh’s eyes glared. “I can’t believe I didn’t recognize him last night from the pictures you had shown me.” Clint cleared his throat.
Josh turned back to me and paused before he spoke, remembering Clint was standing right next to me, “He should not be here Norah, you know that,” and my eyes widened.
“It’s not like I asked him to come, he just showed up. He’s leaving now, so there is nothing to worry about.” My statement had a different meaning to both Clint and Josh and yet they knew exactly what it meant. The mood shifted from tense to awkward, so I grabbed my book bag, ready to take off. “I have to get to class so I will see you both later.”
Clint approached me, looked at Josh, hesitated, but spoke, “Look, I was hoping to make it up to you for not coming to your show, can I come over tonight?” It felt weird making plans with Clint in front of Josh.
“Um, around nine alright, I have a few things to do beforehand.” He looked at me in wonder but didn’t press any further.
“I can’t wait,” he said and kissed me on the cheek. Josh’s eyes looked away as Clint’s kiss slowly reached my mouth.
I was grateful to get away from that whole scene and was looking forward to catching up with Tess in my next class for web design. When I walked in, I saw Tess with her head down reading her cell phone. She had on very vintage-looking yellow and cream shirt dress with a tan belt that cinched the dress at the waist. Her head shot up as students started filing in and when she saw me, she closed her phone quickly and stuffed it into her brown leather messenger bag and turned her attention back to her laptop. When I sat down next to her, she immediately began to talk, “Hey sorry again for my quick exit at your show. My roommate has one of those dramatic kind of relationships where every little argument is a crisis.”
I smiled warmly at Tess. “Absolutely no problem at all, I’m just happy you were there.” I reached into my oversized bag and pulled out a number of note pads and my laptop.
“So did Clint make an appearance after I left? I know you told me that things have been a bit up in the air with him.” The memory of Clint turning up in the rain, professing his love and our hot and heavy love making session on the couch sprang to my mind. My heart fluttered.
“Yes, he eventually turned up, and we resolved our lingering issues about our dating status.”
Tess turned back to her laptop as the art professor made an appearance. “So you two are in a serious relationship then?”
And I tilted my head at the question, “Yes, yes we are,” and as the professor spoke, Tess quickly jotted something down in her notebook and then turned it so I could see her writing. It said, ‘and Josh?’
I wrote back, ‘Maybe someday. Who knows.’
It was close to 8.30pm when I finally got home that evening. I had been in the library till after 6pm and then I went to the gun range. When I walked into my apartment, I halted immediately from the shock of what I had walked in on. I gasped because I was so taken aback I couldn’t put words together. It was just one surprise after another.
Positioned throughout all the rooms in my apartment, were at least two dozen large flower arrangements, all modern in design, all with blue and purple Singapore orchids.
Fuck Samuel, fuck, fuck, and fuck. What is he doing?
My eyes darted all over the room, taking in the spectacular and overwhelming display. A lone card rested on my kitchen bench. I picked it up, read it and sighed, ‘Something to look forward to, again.’ I swallowed hard as his memory played around in my heart. I knew exactly what Samuel was doing right now, what he was making me remember. How could I possibly forget? It was one of the happiest and one of the saddest memories of my life. These flowers, the room; it was just like the night Samuel had proposed to me.
Suddenly I was transported back to that cool night in late February. Samuel had text me on my cell to sneak away and over to his place. It was late at night when I found myself creeping into his Manhattan apartment, using the door code he had given me months beforehand.
As I crept into his apartment, sensor lights illuminated the whole room and I found myself surrounded in wall to wall blue and purple Singapore orchids, my favorite flower. I gasped. It was breathtaking. The lights then suddenly dimmed, which then brought to life the tea light candles that were scattered all around the floor, trailing from room to room. It was incredibly beautiful. “What is all this?” I said, as I felt Samuel come up behind me and squeeze me in a huge bear hug.
“It’s a romantic gesture, can’t you tell?”
I blushed. He was standing behind me, his arms moved and connected at my stomach and he drew me into his body so his face was near my ear.
“I have something to ask you,” he whispered.
I breathed heavily. I wanted so badly to take off his clothes and make love to him. We had been stranded on third base for a year. I had waited such a long time to take that next step with Samuel, but he was convinced the only way we would win my dad over was if he respected me enough to wait until it was the proper moment, which, at the time seemed ridiculous since we didn’t live in the 1800s. Samuel however, was sure that we were being watched, and he knew our sneaking around to see each other wasn’t a secret. The last thing he wanted to do was disrespect my father by not making an honest woman out of me. Both families had turned a blind eye because they thought our infatuation with one another would burn out, but time only made it burn brighter.
“You are without a doubt the most beautiful creature I have ever known, inside and out. Your very presence makes me dizzy and weak.” I smiled hearing his sweet words and closed my eyes as he continued to serenade my ears. “You have no idea how special you are. When you walk into a room, it lights up. You are fragile but strong, smart and funny, sweet and very, very sexy. It is impossible not to love you. I’ve loved you since the moment you crashed into me outside the stairs of NYU.”
I pulled out his embrace so I could turn and face him. “I am happy you think so highly of me. I’d start to wonder if you didn’t. I feel the same way about you too, you know that.”
Samuel brushed the strands of hair away from my face, but he did it slowly, taking his time, studying my neck and the wisps of hair as he placed them back with the others. His hands were warm and gentle. “Seriously Samuel, why so romantic tonight? I’m not complaining, but this is pretty out of the ordinary, even for you. Can’t we do something else instead?” I began to lift his shirt that was tucked into his black slacks.
He pushed my hands away. “We have the rest of our lives to make love.”
I raised my eyebrows. “My, you sound sure of yourself. I think you over estimate how much time we might have to keep this relationship going; I mean if we get caught…”
Samuel put his finger to my lips to stop me talking. “I think we will have all the time in the world,” and then he dropped to one
knee.
The candle light flickered off his face as my head came to terms with what was happening. My heart exploded and I started crying. Samuel looked up at me on bended knee, one arm resting on his knee, the other in his pocket. He smiled up at me with gentle loving eyes and spoke, “I know you are not one for words. You prefer what people do to what people say. I know you look for the real meaning through actions, but I need to say this because my words are my actions, and I know, that you know, I’ve proved every single one.”
I held my hands to my heart as I stared at him. He pulled out a small black box from the pocket of his pants and presented it to me. “You know I love you, you know I’ll take care of you, you know that I will always let you be what you want to be. I have never lied to you and I will never hold you back. I want to be by your side for the journey of life, our journey. Marry me. Marry me not just because you love me, but because you know in your heart that everything I’ve done since I’ve known you, I’ve done for you.”
My heart swelled. I believed every word he said because I had seen with my own two eyes his love, respect and appreciation for who I was. There was no doubt in my head, “YES! Yes of course I’ll marry you!”
Samuel clicked the little box open to reveal a breathtaking, simple round cut, five carat diamond, set in a stunning platinum band with intricate vintage-style engravings on the sides. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid my eyes on.
I pulled him up off his knees and started to kiss him frantically. So much in fact, that my body had simply taken over my mind and I began ripping off his clothes.
“Stop, we can’t, let’s wait until our wedding night, alright?”
But I continued to remove his clothing. “I refuse to wait a minute longer, and we are practically married now. No one is watching us. I want this to happen. Please make this the most perfect night of my life.”
I didn’t have to ask him twice. When I expressed my feelings out loud, he knew the importance of my words. I needed him. I wanted him. Now.
“You’ve made me the happiest man in the world you know.” He pushed the ring onto my finger.
“Make me happier Samuel. I want you more than the air in my lungs. Do this for me, please.”
And then he went to work. Our clothes flew off each other until we stood naked, our hands moving up and down our limbs, caressing each other’s body in slow sensual strokes. We had been naked together before, but always with the knowledge that we were not crossing that line, and now, we were going to follow though. Samuel swooped me up in his arms, “Let’s go the bedroom wifey!”
I giggled as he threw me over his shoulder. “I just love how you say that. I can’t wait till it’s real.”
Suddenly, the front door of Samuel’s apartment flung open. Samuel dropped me to my feet and I jumped behind him, using his body to shield my nakedness from the intruder.
I glanced from behind Samuel and my heart crumbled. “Dad?” My father walked into the apartment with two men. He looked at a naked Samuel, who was using his hands to cover himself, and then to my eyes that hid behind him.
“Put on your clothes, NOW!” I knelt down, still hiding my bare body as I fumbled around grabbing my jeans and top. I stayed behind Samuel until I managed to get my clothes on. When I was clothed, I grabbed Samuel’s pants and shirt and handed them to him so he could do the same. My father’s eyes did not leave mine.
“How did you know I was here?”
His eyes wandered over to my cell phone sitting on Samuel’s coffee table.
Fuck cell phones! Never again!
“This ends tonight.” His voice was deep and commanding.
“No dad, Samuel asked me to marry him and we are getting married. You can’t stop me.” I tried not to yell but I was getting emotional and my voice lifted defiantly.
“Over his dead body.” He looked at Samuel so he was certain to convey his words accurately. I grabbed Samuel’s hand, which was sweaty.
“But I love him dad,” I was pleading desperately but my father’s men moved towards me.
“This isn’t about love girly. This is about loyalty.”
I watched as the men moved even closer to me. “Do something Samuel. Say something!”
He turned his head to me so I could see his face; the face I had spent the last year staring adoringly at. His eyes screamed, ‘Don’t fight this’ but it was all I wanted to do. As the men moved in to grab my arms, Samuel leaned towards me and kissed my cheek, taking a moment to inhale my scent. His final words to me were, “Wait for me,” which he whispered into my ear as my father’s men led me away and out of his life, sobbing uncontrollably as I went.
But I didn’t wait for him. I accepted the idea that I would never see him again and that by staying away from him, I was protecting his life. That was the agreement made. I was under house arrest except for my classes at NYU, before my father arranged my transfer to McLaren.
I looked at the room, suddenly feeling confused. I was having a moment of doubt about being with Clint. It was probably because Samuel and I had unfinished business. Our closure was our separation. We never got a chance to say goodbye. Those feeling were forced shut, and not by us, but I had grown since then, my anger towards my father at taking me away from Samuel had changed me. I became a little more closed off and more protective of my own feelings in fear of that kind of loss again. I wasn’t so open with my emotions anymore.
What do I do about Samuel? If given another chance, would I go there again? Could I summon up that love I spent so much time getting over, even after suppressing it into the dark quiet corners of my heart? Samuel was my first real love. No one forgets that in their lifetime, but was he ‘the one’?
My heart spoke softly to my head, “No, he is not.”
I knew that answer already, but I just had to remind myself in this moment. Old feelings could easily cloud my current emotions and that was exactly what Samuel was trying to do.
My heart flew back to Clint.
Oh shit, the flowers!
He was arriving any minute and I knew I had to get rid of them before he saw all this. I could hide them in my paint room and get dispose of them tomorrow. Yes, a solid plan.
As I was about to reach for one of the arrangements, there was a knock on my door. I slumped; Clint was early. I shook my head, unsure how this was going to play out.
I opened to door to Clint beaming, he looked gorgeous in khakis and a cream sweater. He was holding 12 long-stemmed white roses, his arms outstretched as he presented them to me. When he saw the look of uncertainty on my face, his eyes dashed behind me to the blinding profusion of blue and purple that shone from within.
“I just got home. They were here when I arrived. I don’t know how they got into my apartment.” I mumbled, hanging my head, feeling guilty.
He was still cradling the white roses as he walked in and took in the floral vision. He noticed the card on the bench. I tried to get to it first, but he reached it before I could take it out of his fingers. He read it and tensed. His eyes looked around again and then to me. “Are these flowers your favorite Norah?”
I didn’t want to lie. “Yes, Singapore orchids, but your roses, they are,” and he shot me a look as if I was taking pity on him.
“Don’t Norah. He clearly knows you better than me.” And then he looked at the card again, “And he still loves you and wants you again.” He walked over to me, “Do you love him?”
I continued not to lie. “I did, six months ago, but things have changed, I’m with you now.”
Clint wasn’t satisfied. “Last night I told you I love you, and you haven’t yet told me how you feel.” He needed reassurance. The room was too much.
“Clint, I’m more an ‘actions speak louder than words’ type of person. I’m sure you know that about me by now,” which was all truth. I was not good verbalizing my emotions and acted what I felt rather than voicing it.
“I want to hear you say it to me Norah, I need to hear it. I don’t want to lose y
ou.” He was almost begging.
“Clint, I need more time before I can say those types of things. I mean, we are still establishing our relationship, getting to know each other.”
Clint’s head spun around. “Clearly. I don’t even know your favorite flower. But I want to know you; all of you. And I want you to know me, inside and out.”
I knew that was a high expectation. “Don’t you think that’s going to be hard, given you are in a secret society and can’t talk about anything that you do with them?” I was trying to divert the talk away from me.
“I would tell you. I would break that rule for you.”
My hands shot up. “Let’s not do anything that might get you in trouble or worse, OK, but I appreciate your willingness to trust me so intently.”
The guilt inside me began to rear its ugly head. Clint wanted to be open and honest, and I had yet to tell him the most important thing he needed to know about me. It was the reason I still not had uttered those words he wanted to hear. I couldn’t anticipate his reaction, knowing there was a possibility he might run away again, so until I was sure, I couldn’t bring myself to open up completely.
He laid the white roses onto my dining table and again looked around the room. “I was, err, going to try and cook for you tonight, but if you don’t mind, I would prefer to take you out if that’s OK.” I was pleased he said that, being in the apartment felt suffocating and would just continue to remind me of Samuel.
“That sounds great, and thank you for the flowers, they are beautiful.” I went up to kiss him on the cheek but his head turned, catching my lips with his mouth. He kissed me deeply, fueled by jealousy and love.
“C’mon let’s go,” and I started pulling him out of the room.
Clint paused before we closed the door, “You haven’t forgotten about the literary ball this weekend have you?” and I put both my arms around his waist, swaying him side to side, helping to maneuver him out of the apartment.
“We are going to have an enchanting night,” and I lifted my face up to give him a sweet peck on the lips, as he finally allowed me to usher him out the door.
Pieces of Lies Page 13